Sunday - May 28, 2006

Sunday Funnies

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/28/2006 at 02:34 PM   
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   Wednesday - May 24, 2006

Vlad’s Shack

Dirty, rotten Commies are finally returning what they stole after WWII. Although it’s anybody’s guess what they’ve been doing with the castle that belonged to The Original Moonbat. Perhaps they were using it as a blood bank? Regardless, you all better lock up your virgin daughters who sleep in filmy negligees with large open windows in their bedrooms. Especially if your next-door neighbor bears a striking resemblance to Christopher Lee and works for the IRS. Bloodsuckers, I tells ya ...

Romania Gives Dracula’s Castle Back To Owners
_{May 23, 2006, 5:31 PM EDT}

BUCHAREST, Romania (AP)—More than 60 years after it was seized by communists, the Romanian government is to hand back one of the country’s most popular tourist sites, the fabled Dracula Castle, to its former owner, the culture minister said Tuesday.

The castle, worth an estimated $25 million, was owned by the late Queen Marie and bequeathed to her daughter Princess Ileana in 1938. It was confiscated by communists in 1948 and fell into disrepair.

It will be transferred on Friday to Dominic van Hapsburg, a New York architect who inherited the castle from Princess Ileana decades after the communists seized it, minister Adrian Iorgulescu told a news conference.

Van Hapsburg is a descendant of the Hapsburg dynasty which ruled Romania for a period starting in the late 17th century. The hand-over ceremony will take place Friday at noon in the 14th century castle’s museum deep within the fortress in Transylvania, Iorgulescu said.

Restoration work began in the late 1980s and was partially completed in 1993. It is now one of Romania’s top tourist destinations. Under the agreement, the owner will not be allowed to make any changes to the castle for the next three years, Iorgulescu said.

While known and marketed as “Dracula’s Castle,” it never belonged to Prince Vlad the Impaler, who inspired Bram Stoker’s Count Dracula character. But the prince is thought to have visited the medieval fortress. The Gothic fortress, perched on a rock, has appeared in numerous Dracula movies.

At the gates of Bran Castle, peasants sell Dracula sweaters hand-knitted from the thick wool of local sheep, cheesecloth blouses, and Vampire wine. The castle is the most famous of 15 citadels and fortresses in the area, which were built by peasants to keep out marauding armies of Turks and Tartars and cruel local medieval lords.

Another former royal property, the Peles Castle, built in the late 19th century in the mountain town of Sinaia, will be returned to former King Michael. He owned it before it was confiscated by the communist regime in 1948.

Romania passed legislation earlier this year to return property to its former owners and establish a “property fund” to pay damages for assets that cannot be returned. The fund includes stock in state-owned companies that are being privatized.

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/24/2006 at 02:13 AM   
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   Sunday - May 21, 2006

Blog Sites For Fun!

Wanna have some fun with the Envirowhackos? Then go visit The EcoEnquirer. The site is run by a retired NASA scientist and weather researcher and the guy is having way too much fun with glowball warming. Fake “news articles” like the one below will make you laugh ... at least until Al Gore finds his site and destroys it to keep the truth from being told. Mheh-heh ...

Polar Bears “Dropping Like Flies”
From Heat Exhaustion

(Cold Bay, Alaska) Warming temperatures in polar regions are causing an increasing number of polar bears to collapse from heat exhaustion, local hunters report. 

Jeremiah Johnson, a local hunter who tracks and kills polar bears “because they are there” has seen three of the behemoths collapse before him in just the last month. “It just isn’t sporting to shoot one of these creatures when they are suffering like this”, Johnson said as he recounted his attempts to revive a bear he was ready to shoot.

Local TV meteorologist Sky McCloud explained, “Average annual temperatures in the area have risen from 20 degrees below zero to 15 below zero in the last 30 years, and these giant creatures simply can not withstand the excess heat.”

Bear researchers concur with McCloud. Dr. Phillip Slander, of the University of Alaska’s Wildlife Health and Comfort Department, said “People don’t realize how much heat stress these temperatures put on polar bears. The bears are increasingly being seen taking dips in the ocean in their attempts to cool off.”

Can’t figure out what to get your peeps for they’s birthday? Need a present for your local gang lord? Then look no further than Gray Matter Meganova for the latest and greatest gadgets for the wiseguy on your shopping list. It’s da shizzel and is sure to impress yo ho’s.

Spring Collection Of Gangsta Gadgets

Universal Firearm Remote: This 9mm semi-automatic-styled clicker slides beneath elastic waistbands for quickdraw access and features a detachable lithium-ion magazine, posi-lock channel changer and safety mode to prevent dropped pistols from accidentally going off (or switching to Fear Factor).

Point your piece at Joe Rogan and show that punk-bitch who’s boss.

Also featured: Laptop Lowrider (Roll into that Unreal Tournament LAN party with this screaming 3.2 bazillionhertz Pentium all-wheel-drive, with outsized rims and radials, neon accents and tinted Windows XP Professional Edition OS.

Boots up with “Mexican Hat Dance” and shuts down with “Vamos Alla Playa.” Frag some fool, then fire up the hydraulics and flaunt your shitz with some outrageous hops).

Stock up your crib today with all the latest fly toys for the gangsta guy. Word up!

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/21/2006 at 10:48 AM   
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Sunday Funnies

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/21/2006 at 02:03 AM   
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   Saturday - May 20, 2006

Even More Saturday Silliness

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/20/2006 at 02:49 AM   
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Saturday Silliness

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/20/2006 at 02:30 AM   
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   Wednesday - May 17, 2006

Hump-Day Productivity Enhancer

OK, it’s Wednesday - otherwise known as “Hump Day” because you’ve reached the mountaintop of the work week and it’s all downhill from here. So you’re sitting there in your office bored to tears after finally completing that Powerpoint presentation your insane boss demanded you finish by ... yesterday.

Look around. Do you see the boss anywhere in sight? If not, turn the sound down or put on your earphones and dial it up. You are now about to waste the rest of the day with a little morale booster.

Your mission is to protect your city’s nuclear power plant from invading ... uh ... Iranians. Yeah, that’s the ticket. Iranians. You have a souped-up “Bio-Cannon” and it’s up to you to stand your ground. Assume the defensive position and click the image below. It’ll be 5:00 before you know it. Unless the boss drops by before then ...

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/17/2006 at 11:16 AM   
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   Friday - May 12, 2006

Caption Contest

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/12/2006 at 02:00 PM   
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   Thursday - May 11, 2006

That’s Entertainment

Some people are entertained by television, others by Hollywood movies. Some even go to the internet and the blogs for entertainment. Sadly, in some third-world countries, people have to be content to be entertained by ....

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/11/2006 at 03:51 PM   
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Meanwhile … On Another Planet

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/11/2006 at 02:27 AM   
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   Wednesday - May 10, 2006

Now You Know

Not only is this “myth” true but I have seen humans (who shall remain nameless) who staggered around for years with no brain - and also had a lot more in common with chickens. You know who you are.

Myth or Science: “Chickens can live without a head?”—True, and not just for a few minutes. A chicken can stagger around without its noggin because the brain stem, often left partially intact after a beheading, controls most of its reflexes. One robust fellow lived a full eighteen months. Likely he was a real birdbrain, however.

-- Live Science: Most Popular Myths In Science

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/10/2006 at 01:57 AM   
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   Saturday - May 06, 2006

My God, It’s Full Of Stars

Like the last words from Cmdr. Dave Bowman in “2001: A Space Odyssey”, you can now have absolutely free of charge, on your computer, a sky full of stars in the bestest astronomy program I’ve seen in ages. It’s called Stellarium. It’s Open Source (free). Versions are available for Windows, MacOS X and Linux. I’ve just spent the last three hours fiddling with this thing and I’m amazed. Download your copy here now. Optional HAL-9000 plugin not available yet.

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/06/2006 at 02:35 PM   
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   Wednesday - May 03, 2006

Classified Ads: For Sale

For Sale: Titan 1 ICBM Missile Base
One-owner, rarely used, good condition.

Located about 1 1/2 hrs from Spokane, 4 hrs. from Seattle, 5 hrs. from Portland.

360 Degree Views. Private water system.  High Power lines on sight.

Hardened buildings built to withstand One megaton nuclear blast within three thousand feet!!

Wall thicknesses up to fourteen feet.

Three 155’ tall missile silos.

A dozen other large to huge buildings underground.

Thousands of feet of connecting tunnels.

Paved roads.  Security fencing.

Buyer must provide own nuclear missiles.

Inquire at eBay. Current bid price: $624,100.

Ask for Dr. Strangelove.

_{(--Hat tip to Drew Curtis at Fark for finding this bargain)}

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/03/2006 at 12:55 PM   
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   Sunday - April 30, 2006

Fractured Fairy Tales

The Princess And The Frog

Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

Suddenly a frog hopped into the princess’ lap and said: “ Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.”

“One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so. “

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself: I don’t freakin’ think so.

The Parrot’s Prayer

This lady approaches a priest and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.” “They only know how to say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?’”

“That’s terrible!” the priest exclaimed, “but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship the Lord.”

“Thank you!” the woman responded. So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest’s house. The priest’s two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say, “Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?”

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, “Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!”

Posted by The Skipper     on 04/30/2006 at 02:17 PM   
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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:

1. Keep a firm grasp of Right and Wrong
2. Stay involved with government on every level and don't let those bastards get away with a thing
3. Use every legal means to defend yourself in the event of real internal trouble, and, most importantly:
4. Keep talking to each other, whether here or elsewhere

It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.

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