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When Sarah Palin booked a flight to Europe, the French immediately surrendered.

calendar   Sunday - April 30, 2006

Rush On Immigration

Rush Limbaugh explains immigration ...


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Posted by The Skipper   United States  on 04/30/2006 at 10:11 PM   
Filed Under: • Illegal-Aliens and Immigration •  
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Fractured Fairy Tales

imageimageThe Princess And The Frog

Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

Suddenly a frog hopped into the princess’ lap and said: “ Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.”

“One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so. “

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself: I don’t freakin’ think so.

imageimageThe Parrot’s Prayer

This lady approaches a priest and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.” “They only know how to say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?’”

“That’s terrible!” the priest exclaimed, “but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship the Lord.”

“Thank you!” the woman responded. So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest’s house. The priest’s two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say, “Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?”

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, “Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!”


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Posted by The Skipper   United States  on 04/30/2006 at 06:17 PM   
Filed Under: • Fun-Stuff •  
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Real Sports

I’m know I’m going to piss a lot of you off out there with this one but I can’t resist. Today’s topic is football-type sports. Here’s my take: (1) American football is not a sport - it is played by oversized, overpaid mental midgets encased in body armor and juiced up on steroids; (2) Rugby is something a bunch of drunken Irishmen and Welshmen dreamed up one day to give them a chance to wrestle and beat the crap out of some Englishmen - disguised as a game; (3) Soccer is for little girls, prissy little boys and pansy-assed Europeans - lots of running around kicking, screaming and crying.

No, for my money there is only one true game of “football” in the entire world - and it is called (oddly enough) “Footy" or Australian Football. It is played by real men in shorts and tank tops and no pads, on an oval field, with the most bizaare rules ever invented by kangaroos and instead of a stretcher and nurse on the sidelines they have an entire trauma center prepared at the drop of a hat to sew severed limbs back on and send the players back in with no time wasted. The season just started down-under in April and you can catch it on ESPN2 occasionally. You gotta hand it to the Aussies - their game is Darwin incarnate: survival of the fittest (and toughest).

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Posted by The Skipper   United States  on 04/30/2006 at 05:44 PM   
Filed Under: • Sports •  
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The Cure

What’s really strange about this is that in those days for worse health problems your kindly doctor would be gladly prepared to slice open a vein and drain a few pints of blood out of your body to get rid of the “ill humors”. After thousands of years, doctors are still “practicing” ... and lawyers are still “arguing” ... and the rest of us are still “confused”. When does the next evolutionary step kick in? Homo Sapiens appears to have run into a brick wall. In the meantime, here’s something for that toothache ... courtesy of your friendly pharmaceutical industry ....

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Posted by The Skipper   United States  on 04/30/2006 at 04:55 PM   
Filed Under: • Odd-Strange •  
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Through Their Eyes

Sadly, we have come from Kruschev’s “We Will Bury You” to “America Is Crap”. What you see below is a small excerpt from an editorial in the current issue of Pravda. The really sad thing about this opinion piece is that I tend to agree with a lot of what it says. Does that make me an America-hating Commie? Hardly. What it makes me is a sadly disillusioned American who sees Ronald Reagan’s vision of America as a “shining city on a hill” something that seems to be fading out of view in the rear-view mirror more and more every day.

As for America being “rat infested history”, only time will tell. There are those of us here in “liberty’s last, best hope” who still believe in “one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all”. We just have to convince a few million homosexuals, sexual predators, Leftists, Liberals, Democrats, “pro-choice nuts” and anti-religious zealots to shut up and go away. Perhaps the Russians would be willing to take a few million of them off our hands ...? We’ll pay their air fare. One way, of course ....

End Time Values. The Demise of America

Russian Christians now admit that the concept of human rights and liberties as advocated by America and the West has no application in contemporary Russia . That country is drowning in vices directly linked to the West’s concept of inherent rights and liberties: abortion; homosexuality; dissolution of traditional marriage; pornography; slavery, prostitution, and exploitation of the oppressed, etc. The Russian Orthodox now understand that such American “values” are, in fact, vices which harm every human society as a collective. Such American “rights” have not brought happiness. They represent the deviance of the cult of the individual. From my Third World perspective, I am amazed that some Americans continue to argue that America’s virtue is that it protects such “rights” (=vices).

America is dying. I assure those Americans who still feel secure about a regular pay check, their job perks, vacations, company cars and cell phones, annual bonuses, benefits, government entitlements, U.S. dollar-based investments and accounts, etc etc., that their lifestyle is crumbling. There is no longer any right or logic in America’s prosperity. What gives Americans the right to consume the bulk of the world’s energy resources? By what right does an American drive a hummer while much of the rest of the world walks, rides bicycles, and commutes by public transportation? No longer can America’s traditional rights be excused. Those rights are mostly derived from a narrow, archaic Anglo-Saxon tradition: the “right” to carry (and use/abuse) firearms and the “right” to exploit land and natural resources for personal benefit. The American Middle Class has outlived its period of historical relevance and soon will be replaced, by Hispanics, India’s Indians, and Chinese. Those groups have no qualms about bearing and rearing children.

It is the twenty-first century. America is rat-infested history. America will fall, overrun by fatwah-inspired Muslims; wild, dispossessed, self-identified Apache or Aztec guerillas; looting, reparations-deluded African-Americans; indignant Eskimos; flaming cross-dressers and advocates of every sort of politically correct nonsense. History doesn’t last forever, and anyway, America had a couple of good centuries before it turned to crap.

- More on America’s demise at Pravda...

Thought For The Day: Is the Russian opinion above any different from the perception the Muslims overseas have of us? Is it possible the rest of the world is right and we are wrong? I would be interested to see how Liberals in America respond to these charges.


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Posted by The Skipper   United States  on 04/30/2006 at 04:22 PM   
Filed Under: • International •  
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Grannies Love Porn

Retired Teacher Surprised By $1,000 Cable Bill For Porn
8:48 pm EDT April 28, 2006

YONKERS, N.Y. (WNBC)—A 62-year-old retired schoolteacher is fighting with a cable company over a hefty bill for porn and gangsta rap programming she says she never ordered.

The charges of more than $1,000 appeared on Claudia Lee’s February bill—shortly after she bundled her cable TV, computer and phone services together with Cablevision.

“They are harassing me and trying to make me pay for something I didn’t do,” said Lee, who lives alone in a one-bedroom apartment.

Despite Cablevision’s assurances to the state attorney general’s office that her problem would be resolved, Lee has been forced to pay $779 to the company and was told to pay an additional $652 or face having her phone, Internet and television service cut off.

The cable company respnded with a comment that Ms. Lee may not have ordered the services but someone in her house had. The really odd part is that Ms. Lee lives alone and only has one regular visitor ....

Lee said the only regular visitor to her house is her 81-year-old mother, “and I don’t think she wants to watch porn.”

Whatever happened to common sense? This is almost as bad as TSA screeners doing a full body search of 80-year-old grannies in wheelchairs. Has everyone on this planet gone mad?

- More on this story at WNBC ...


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Posted by The Skipper   United States  on 04/30/2006 at 03:08 PM   
Filed Under: • Outrageous •  
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Sunday Funnies

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Posted by The Skipper   United States  on 04/30/2006 at 08:57 AM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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calendar   Saturday - April 29, 2006

Book Review

imageimage“Cell" -by- Stephen King

OK, editorial disclaimer right up front - I have been a Stephen King fan as long as he has been writing and currently own a copy of every book he’s written, only a few of which are below par. This newest one is way above par. In fact, I think it’s his best effort in years. After finally concluding “The Dark Tower” series, which took me nearly a decade to patiently wait him out for each book, King is back in full form with the usual tactic of scaring the bejeezus out of us.

This time he starts things off with a bang. The blood, gore and horror begin about the second paragraph of page one. From there it gets worse. Much worse. It’s evident right off the bat that King and I share a common aversion - to cell phones and the idiots who can’t spend a waking minute without having one of these evil devices plastered to their ear. I hate the bloody things with a passion. I rarely call anyone on my cell and if I’m driving, I will not answer a call. Call me cranky if you must. That’s just me.

King, however, takes the evil of cell phones one step further in an almost believable (and plausible) conspiracy that suddenly and without warning has a disastrous effect on cell phone users everywhere. I will not spoil it for you by giving away the plot other than to tell you that you may never make or take another call on your cell phone again - ever, without getting a bad case of the “heebie-jeebies”.

Here is a little teaser hint: What if there were some way to use cell phones to affect people’s brains, to create insanity in our population, with results leading to the brink of civilization’s collapse? Mheh-heh-heh-he-he ....

- Cell” is available at Amazon.com now for only $16.17 (hardcover).


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Posted by The Skipper   United States  on 04/29/2006 at 03:57 PM   
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •  
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The Homer Simpson Trophy

The Homer Simpson Trophy is presented on rare occasions to those individuals who have excelled at producing a “DUH! Moment”. The trophy today is being awarded to the US Airways pilot who tried to land with the emergency brakes set on his landing gear. I would give large amounts of money to hear the sounds from the cockpit voice recorder during this landing. I suspect it includes a lot of “OH S**T!” comments. Here’s to you, Captain _______ (name withheld pending notification of next of grin). DOH! Check the pics below for the hilarity. If you’re interested, there are even more juicy pics of this screeching landing at CheckRide.com.

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Posted by The Skipper   United States  on 04/29/2006 at 03:32 PM   
Filed Under: • Fun-StuffStoopid-People •  
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Take A Pill

In the “You Don’t Say?” department, we are now told that drug companies are inventing diseases in order to push pills. No s**t? This creeping conspiracy has been going on for decades, folks. Here’s the scoop: Your doctor tells you your cholesterol is too high, based on whose standards? Who determines what is too high and thereby decides you need a pill? Take three guesses. In addition, if you have high cholesterol your blood pressure is probably too high also. Who says? Guess again.

So you start taking medicine (side-effects: liver damage) to lower your cholesterol (instead of getting up off your lard-ass and exercising more and chowing down on fewer greasy triple cheeseburgers like any sensible person of the 19th century would have done). Suddenly you become more weight conscious because somebody tells you that fat people with high cholesterol die sooner. You try to lose weight by taking diet pills. You still can’t lose weight. You become depressed. You doctor gives you another pill called an anti-depressant to make you feel better. After a few years on Prozac you notice difficulty getting an erection, which it turns out is a side effect of anti-depressants (also a side effect of blood-pressure lowering medicine and/or having a fugly wife or girlfriend). Guess what your doctor does for you now? You got it. He gives you a prescription for Viagra or Cialis. You are instantly transformed back into “Macho Man” at the drop of a pill (and a one hour waiting period).

All of a sudden, you find your medicine cabinet at home full of little blue, green, pink, yellow, orange and red pills. None of which have anything whatsoever to do with seeing the Matrix as it actually is. In this case, the Matrix is a dream world invented by drug companies to cover up the fact that you can’t take proper care of your body and that you’re extremely gullible. Now in some cases a pill may be called for but overall I’d hazard a guesss that 90% of the pills pushed today are totally unnecesary.

In addition, the drug progression described in the paragraph above can become self-feeding since drugs like Viagra may raise blood pressure which might cause your doctor to increase your blood pressure medication strength which causes .... Never mind. You get the picture. Another day, another disease you need to take a pill for. Speaking of which, have you heard about Anger Concentration Internet Disease (ACID). Symptoms include intense anger and psychotic behavior at something you read or happens to you while browsing the internet (most often caused by blogs). If so, ask your doctor today about Blog-Lax™. Caution: side effects may include reduced spleen function and occasional diarrhea as the s**t is flushed from between your ears. Try one of our little brown pills today ....

imageimageDrugs Companies Inventing Diseases To Boost Their Profits
April 11, 2006

LONDON (TIMES-UK)—Pharmaceutical companies are systematically creating diseases in order to sell more of their products, turning healthy people into patients and placing many at risk of harm, a special edition of a leading medical journal claims today.

The practice of “diseasemongering” by the drug industry is promoting non-existent illnesses or exaggerating minor ones for the sake of profits, according to a set of essays published by the open-access journal Public Library of Science Medicine.

The special issue, edited by David Henry, of Newcastle University in Australia, and Ray Moynihan, an Australian journalist, reports that conditions such as female sexual dysfunction, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and “restless legs syndrome” have been promoted by companies hoping to sell more of their drugs.

Other minor problems that are a normal part of life, such as symptoms of the menopause, are also becoming increasingly “medicalised”, while risk factors such as high cholesterol levels or osteoporosis are being presented as diseases in their own right, according to the editors.

“Disease-mongering turns healthy people into patients, wastes precious resources and causes iatrogenic (medically induced) harm,” they say. “Like the marketing strategies that drive it, disease-mongering poses a global challenge to those interested in public health, demanding in turn a global response.”

Doctors, patients and support groups need to be more aware that pharmaceutical companies are taking this approach, and more research is needed into the changing ways in which conditions are presented, according to the writers.

Disease-awareness campaigns are often funded by drug companies, and “more often designed to sell drugs than to illuminate or inform or educate about the prevention of illness or the maintenance of health”, they say.

Particular conditions that are highlighted in the journal include sexual function in both men and women. The prevalence of female sexual dysfunction, one paper claims, has been highly exaggerated to provide a new market for drugs, while the makers of anti-impotence medicines, such as Viagra and Cialis, have been involved with their presentation as lifestyle drugs that can boost the sexual prowess of healthy men.

- More drug company silliness here ...


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Posted by The Skipper   United States  on 04/29/2006 at 02:46 PM   
Filed Under: • Medical •  
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Saturday Silliness

Post Friday Night Sobriety Test

Carefully stare at the picture below. Time yourself as to how long you can look at it without having to turn away, rub your eyes and shake your head. If you can’t make it more than five seconds - you’re still drunk. From five to fifteen seconds - you’re badly hungover. Fifteen seconds to thirty seconds - still not safe to drive anywhere. More than thirty seconds - you’re good to go after one more cup of coffee. Thank you for taking the test. Now try not to do it again on Saturday night, OK?

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Posted by The Skipper   United States  on 04/29/2006 at 02:27 PM   
Filed Under: • Fun-Stuff •  
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calendar   Friday - April 28, 2006

National Day Of Protest

If the criminals from Mexico can do it, we can too. Since they are hijacking next Monday (May Day - when all commies party down), I feel it only fair that WE, THE PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA should also have a day of protest against all the Mexicans who break our laws and spit in our face, demanding “amnesty”, free medical care, free education and free tacos. Thanks to a suggestion from one of our readers here, I am hereby declaring Next Friday, May 5 an Official Day Of Protest. It will be known as:

ALAMO FRIDAY
-or-
STINKO DE MAYO

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Here are some suggestions for what you can do:

Feel free to add more ways of protesting this national disgrace. Let’s all join in one week from today and shout from the rooftops:

¡Las cucarachas están todo sobre mi casa!



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Posted by The Skipper   United States  on 04/28/2006 at 05:46 PM   
Filed Under: • Fun-StuffIllegal-Aliens and Immigration •  
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South Of The (Drug) Border

I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I have a feeling it’s going to create more problems than it solves. Now the Mexicans streaming across our borders will be stoned as well as illegal. To praphrase Ross Perot, “that great sucking sound you hear will be all the blow going up someone’s nose as they wade the Rio Grande” ...

Mexico Proposes Decriminalizing Pot And Cocaine
Fri Apr 28, 2006 12:49pm ET17

MEXICO CITY (Reuters) - Owning marijuana, cocaine and even heroin will no longer be a crime in Mexico if the drugs are carried in small amounts for personal use, under legislation passed by the Congress. Police will not penalize people for possessing up to 5 grams of marijuana, 5 grams of opium, 25 milligrams of heroin or 500 milligrams of cocaine, under a bill passed by senators late on Thursday and earlier approved by the lower house.

People caught with larger quantities of drugs will be treated as narcotics dealers and face increased jail terms under the plan. The government says the measure allows police to focus on major drug dealers, and President Fox is expected to sign it into law. “This law provides more judicial tools for authorities to fight crime,” presidential spokesman Ruben Aguilar said on Friday.

Hundreds of people including several police officers have been killed in the past year as drug cartels battle authorities and compete with each other for control of lucrative cocaine, marijuana and heroin smuggling routes from Mexico into the United States. The violence has raged mostly in northern Mexico but in recent months has spread south to cities like vacation resort Acapulco.

Under current law, it is up to local judges and police to decide on a case-by-case basis whether people should be prosecuted for possessing small quantities of drugs, a source at the Senate’s health commission told Reuters. “The object of this law is to not put consumers in jail, but rather those who sell and poison,” said Sen. Jorge Zermeno of the ruling National Action Party. Fifty-three senators voted for the bill with 26 votes against it.


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Posted by The Skipper   United States  on 04/28/2006 at 05:21 PM   
Filed Under: • CrimeInsanity •  
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Technical Difficulties

Do not adjust your set. We have been experiencing technical difficulties at the old Hosting Matters server farm. Some hombre rode in about 9:45 EDT and started a DoS attack (Denial of Service) against one of HM’s customers. You will be pleased to know it wasn’t us this time. It’s been nearly a year since we were the target. Evidently some asshat out there is extremely pissed at one of the bloggers here. If you hear who it was, let me know. For now, HM has isolated that server from the network so the rest of us can get back to ... erh ... uh ... whatever it is we do.

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Posted by The Skipper   United States  on 04/28/2006 at 05:00 PM   
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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:
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It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.

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Oh, and here's some kind of visitor flag counter thingy. Hey, all the cool blogs have one, so I should too. The Visitors Online thingy up at the top doesn't count anything, but it looks neat. It had better, since I paid actual money for it.
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