BMEWS
 
Sarah Palin's enemies are automatically added to the Endangered Species List.

calendar   Wednesday - February 26, 2014

TThose crazy Russkis

Weirdest warship ever built?

image

A circular warship? You must be joking. Cue Billy Preston.

From 1872 to 1874, Russia built on the Black Sea one of the strangest-looking warships the world had ever seen. Andrei Alexandrovich Popov, the naval officer responsible for the design, wanted an ironclad monitor, which was a common naval design concept. But Popov built one had a circular hull. The Novgorod weighed 2,490 tons and had a diameter of 101 feet. It carried 2 12-inch guns that retracted into an armored turret. The guns sat on a turntable that could move 35 degrees in either direction. The ship had 6 engines, each of which powered 1 propeller. …

… Popov’s ships had a rare design premise—and for good reason. They often floundered even in calm water and rivers, let alone the open sea. Worse, when idling, Novogord and Popov tended to spin in circles. The Czar, however, was fond of the design and ordered the construction of the Livadia, a circular royal yacht. Historian Stanley Sandler jokes that this must have been because the Czar “presumably suffered more from seasickness than dizziness.”

H/T: Vilmar


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Posted by Christopher   United States  on 02/26/2014 at 09:25 PM   
Filed Under: • MilitaryOdd-Strangeplanes, trains, tanks, ships, machines, automobiles •  
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calendar   Monday - December 30, 2013

this fool thinks she’s eye candy. photo below the fold.

bat

‘My bottom is 7ft wide and I’m proud of it!’ Woman with backside so large she once broke a toilet and can’t fit through doors says she hopes to inspire larger ladies

Sarah Massey, 33, from Chicago, has a bottom that measures 7ft around
The mother-of-two weighs 32st and says she loves her unusual figure
But her record-breaking rear end has left her with limited mobility

By Daily Mail Reporter

She has to wear extra large trousers and once managed to crack a toilet bowl just by sitting on it but Sarah Massey, 33, says she is proud to have one of the world’s largest posteriors.

The Chicago mother-of-two’s derriere measures an impressive 7ft in diameter and sometimes proves too large to fit through doorways.

But despite being proud of her record-breaking rear end, 32-stone Ms Massey admits that living with a super-sized bottom isn’t always easy and receives £750 in disability benefit each month as a result of having limited mobility.

That translates into 438 lbs ppl. Yikes. And you should see this elephant in a bathing suit.

This is a gross and disgusting thing. NO way I am going to put some of the pix on our front page.  And they’re quite mild compared to the rest at the link.

Darn .... I should have sent this to Drew first to get even for what he sent me.  Maybe I can fool him. Oh Drrrrew. Come see the pretty lady. LOL.

So I’ll post what I grabbed from the article that could not be avoided, under the fold. AND .... if you visit the link you will see far worse.
Just have a barf bag handy.
Caution. 

Nightmares could follow.

Think I’m joking?

Take a quick look.

And if you’ve the stomach for more, this be the link to gross-out. uv been warned.

See More Below The Fold

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Posted by peiper   United Kingdom  on 12/30/2013 at 11:20 AM   
Filed Under: • Moonbat Award to:Odd-StrangeOutrageousStoopid-People •  
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calendar   Tuesday - September 10, 2013

not for young children or older folks with weak heart or frighten too easily. pix of liberal.

Every once in a great while I run across weird photos of the former PM’s ultra lib. lefty, feminist wifey.  Yuk.  How can Tony Blair find this thing attractive?

Anyway, I know it may not be nice and may not be fair, but showing lefties at their worst is part of the job. Especially showing Cherie Blair as her real self.

Those who frighten easily may want to turn away now.  These are not photo shopped or tricked pix.

imageimage

imageimage


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Posted by peiper   United Kingdom  on 09/10/2013 at 01:04 PM   
Filed Under: • Democrats-Liberals-Moonbat LeftistsOdd-Strange •  
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calendar   Tuesday - November 16, 2010

I suspect agri-jihad

Cry, My Beloved Bacon

925 Pigs Found Dead On PA Farm



Authorities are conducting autopsies to determine how 925 pigs were left to die in a barn in south-central Pennsylvania - and to decide whether to charge anyone with a crime.

The pigs’ carcasses were found in various states of decay last Monday, scattered inside a warehouse-style barn on a farm in Warfordsburg, near the Maryland border.

“We are trying to determine exactly what happened,” said State Police Lt. Gregory Bacher, adding that he has never seen an apparent act of animal cruelty of this magnitude in 26 years on the job.

“There are some factors we can’t release now.”

The farm’s owner, Daniel Clark, left the property in August, authorities said, and the pigs appeared to have been dead for several months.

Attempts to reach Clark for comment on Monday were unsuccessful.

His was one of 3,200 pig farms in the state, and specialized in “finishing” young pigs several months old before sending them to slaughter. The pigs, if readied for sale, would have been worth roughly $100,000, based on current market prices.

Clark and his wife, Kerron, had been involved in a contentious divorce, according to local news reports, and until recently their 218-acre farm had been listed for sale for $1.2 million.

News of last week’s discovery sent shock waves through the state’s large farming community.

“That 1,000 pigs died somehow is a sickening situation on [the] surface. Was it an animal-health issue or a criminal issue?” said Christian Herr, executive vice president of PennAg Industries, an agribusiness trade group. “There’s nothing logical about what happened there.”


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Posted by Drew458   United States  on 11/16/2010 at 09:57 PM   
Filed Under: • Odd-Strange •  
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calendar   Friday - October 01, 2010

Drugs between your buttocks? Not mine!

Honestly, the headline could have been written for Fark.com.

Deputies: Man denies drugs found in buttocks are his

Based on that headline, you do have to wonder whose buttocks the drugs were found in.

The quotes get even worse:

“The white stuff is not mine, but the weed is.”

Selective buttocks hiding? Who else has access to this guy’s buttocks?

No. Please, don’t answer that. I really don’t want to know.


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Posted by Christopher   United States  on 10/01/2010 at 06:04 PM   
Filed Under: • Health and SafetyHumorOdd-Strange •  
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calendar   Tuesday - August 31, 2010

YOUNG GIRL 6 FOOT 9 ,,, AND GROWING.  NOT A HAPPY STORY

Short video and some story.  Gotta feel sorry for the kid.  Life expectancy can’t be good.

The 14-year-old Brazilian girl who at 6ft 9in cannot fit on the bus

By Mail Foreign Service

It’s hard standing out from the crowd when you are a teenager but few schoolchildren can claim to be more visible than Elisany Silva.

The 14-year-old measures an unbelievable 6ft 9in tall, making her one of the biggest teenagers in the world.

The pretty youngster is believed to be suffering from a rare disease which has caused her extreme growth.
However, its exact nature has not been determined because her parents cannot afford to pay for doctors to investigate further.

Jeeze ... wouldn’t you think doctors or some clinic or group would be interested enough to dig into this without cost?  It isn’t like it happens every day.

MORE HERE AT THE SOURCE, THE DAILY MAIL


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Posted by peiper   United Kingdom  on 08/31/2010 at 05:16 PM   
Filed Under: • Health-MedicineOdd-Strange •  
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calendar   Saturday - July 24, 2010

Screwing the pooch is a government job function

Welcome Back Peiper!

Welcome Back Peiper? (Why is it I suddenly have visions of Arnold Horshack?)

Anyway, peiper, this one’s for you:

Lone Castle Transvestite in Black Dress

(Cornwall, England) This story has multiple elements of alternative human behavior in a castle of King Henry VIII.

A transvestite had sex with a dog in the moat of an English Heritage castle. The cross-dressing man was caught with the animal in the dry moat of King Henry VIII’s Pendennis Castle overlooking Falmouth Bay in Cornwall.

The 33-year-old mounted the pet after it chased him out of sight of its woman owner.

The owner had been walking around the ancient castle with a friend when the pair spotted the lone transvestite on the morning of Saturday July 10th at around a quarter to twelve.

He was wearing a black dress and walking around the steep-walled, empty moat.

As the two ladies spotted the cross dresser he ran away. Later one of the dogs chased after the man; by the time the women had caught up, the man was having sex with the pet.

The police were called, the transvestite was detained, and then escorted home where he was cautioned about outraging public decency. A police spokesman said the lone transvestite was handed over to liaison agencies, whatever they are.

[Add.] It’s not known whether or not sex with a dog that chases you is against the law in England. However, general everyday sex with a dog appears to be quite legal and widely practiced among the political elite.

After all, when one observes absolute moronic law-making and governance, one must conclude that screwing the pooch is a government job function.

Emphasis added.

H/T Interested Participant


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Posted by Christopher   United States  on 07/24/2010 at 10:34 PM   
Filed Under: • Battling Brits Odd-Strange •  
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calendar   Sunday - March 07, 2010

Florida challenges Britain for most ‘Idiotic’

There’s a reason that Fark.com has a ‘Florida’ tag for its submissions. Per capita there are more weird laws and stupid people in Florida than in Britain or California. This is based on my non-scientific, highly-biased, survey of the news. The only place that has a higher concentration of idiots is the U.S. House, the U.S. Senate, and the Obama White House. But that last fact is well-known.

So, today’s story from Florida:

As authorities nationwide warn motorists of the dangers of driving while texting, Florida Keys law enforcement officers add a new caution: Don’t try to shave your privates, either.

Florida Highway Patrol troopers say a two-vehicle crash Tuesday at Mile Marker 21 on Cudjoe Key was caused by a 37-year-old woman driver who was shaving her bikini area while her ex-husband took the wheel from the passenger seat.

“She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit,” Trooper Gary Dunick said. “If I wasn’t there, I wouldn’t have believed it. About 10 years ago I stopped a guy in the exact same spot ... who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, ‘Nothing will ever beat this.’ Well, this takes it.”

Let’s recap: a 37-yr-old woman is driving to meet her boyfriend. While doing so she is shaving her muff, thereby removing any muffness, while her ex-husband drives from the passenger seat.

I’ve got a problem here, how many ex-husbands would consent to drive the ex-wife to meet her new boyfriend? Or does he get off watching her shave?

But, it gets better…

If that weren’t enough, Megan Mariah Barnes was not supposed to be driving and her 1995 Ford Thunderbird was not supposed to be on the road.

The day before the wreck, Barnes was convicted in an Upper Keys court of DUI with a prior and driving with a suspended license, said Monroe County Assistant State Attorney Colleen Dunne. Barnes was ordered to impound her car, and her driver’s license was revoked for five years, after which time she must have a Breathalyzer ignition interlock device on any vehicle she drives, Dunne said. Barnes also was sentenced to nine months’ probation.

Barnes and Charles Judy were southbound in her Thunderbird at 11 a.m. when they slammed into the back of a 2006 Chevrolet pickup driven by David Schoff of Palm Bay. His passengers were a man and two women; the latter were treated for minor injuries at Lower Keys Medical Center, FHP spokesman Alex Annunziato said.

Schoff had slowed to about 5 mph to make a turn when the Thunderbird hit him, traveling about 45 mph, which was within the speed limit, Dunick said.

Barnes allegedly drove another half-mile, then switched seats with Judy, who allegedly claimed to be driving, Annunziato said.

I’m doing something stupid. I’m putting myself in the ex-husbands shoes. If I were going to drive my ex-wife to meet with her new boyfriend, I would have insisted on driving while sitting in the driver’s seat. Just steering from the passenger side does NOT give me control over accelerator and brakes. Ex-wife could sit in the passenger seat and shave…whatever.

I don’t know why, but I suspect alcohol was involved… again!


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Posted by Christopher   United States  on 03/07/2010 at 12:51 PM   
Filed Under: • Daily LifeOdd-Strangeweird stuff •  
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calendar   Monday - February 08, 2010

REALLY,REALLY STUPID,STUPID STUFF.

batbatbatbatbatbatbatbat

I spotted a couple of loony tune like things in the paper. Nothing lengthy but odd enough.

One is just a headline with an invatation to turn to page (?) because some good fellow has written something under the title as follows.

A HUGE CHANCE FOR HAITI TO BE GREAT AGAIN.

I never went to the page suggested and frankly am quite surprised to learn that haiti was ever “great” to begin with.  When? Gee. Maybe I made a mistake and should have read the article. Perhaps the great part was when they were still under French rule. But that couldn’t be true cos that was in the days of slavery.
If anyone out there can tell me when last Haiti was a great place, I’d sure like to know.

The other bit of Moonbat stuff was very small piece by a writer named Rebecca Lefort.
Since all I did was cut out the very small bit in the paper, I didn’t write down what paper it came from.  So did a Google search and came up blank.  You just have to take my word for this word for word article I am copying here.  Here’s the headline.


REWARDING LONG SERVICE?  HOW UNFAIR ...

A COUNCIL is considering scrapping a scheme that rewards staff when they have been in post for 25 years, on the grounds that “long service is seen as outdated and potentially discriminatory to younger workers.

Conway council, in north Wales, will discuss a report this week that recommends a system proposed by its “Total Rewards Officer Officer” to reward “loyalty” instead of longgevity.

Now then, here’s the absolute WINNER for dumb. You won’t believe it.

Employer told not to post advert for ‘reliable’ workers because it discriminates against ‘unreliable’ applicants

By Ryan Kisiel and Andrew Levy

When it comes to hiring staff, there are plenty of legal pitfalls employers need to watch out for these days.

So recruitment agency boss Nicole Mamo was especially careful to ensure her advert for hospital workers did not offend on grounds of race, age or sexual orientation.

However, she hadn’t reckoned on discriminating against a wholly different section of the community - the completely useless.

When she ran the ad past a job centre, she was told she couldn’t ask for ‘reliable’ and ‘hard-working’ applicants because it could be offensive to unreliable people.

‘In my 15 years in recruitment I haven’t heard anything so ridiculous,’ Mrs Mamo said yesterday.

SOURCE AND MORE


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Posted by peiper   United Kingdom  on 02/08/2010 at 06:40 PM   
Filed Under: • Daily LifeOdd-StrangeStoopid-PeopleUK •  
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calendar   Friday - January 29, 2010

MAN IN CAR BLOWS HIS NOSE.  MAN IN CAR GETS AN ON THE SPOT TRAFFIC TICKET. ONLY IN THE UK.

batbatbatbatbatbatbatbatbatbatbatbat

There are not enough bats at BMEWS to place with this article.  Maybe we should dump the moonbat here and replace it with an image of the officer involved.

It’s this kind of insanity that goes unchecked that drives folks nuts.
Just why is officer Moonbat still on the job?  How’d he ever qualify?  Who gets his kick back on payday?  How does he get away with this sort of stupid bahavior?  How come someone hasn’t pulled the plug on him by now?

Be sure and click the link below coz there is more. You might not think there is. But it’s so. You will not believe the very last line in this article at the link. I can’t believe it.  Be very interested to read your reactions to just that one line. You’ll see what I mean when you get there.  If it weren’t part of a news story on line, I’d say Drew with his sense of humor made it up. Or else the Daily Mail is holding something back.

Driver fined for blowing his nose… by same PC who ticketed man for dropping £10

By Paul Sims

When motorist Michael Mancini found himself stuck in a queue of traffic with a runny nose, he instinctively reached for his hankie.

However, the simple act of pulling out a tissue and blowing his nose earned him a £60 on-the-spot fine because he was ‘not in proper control of his vehicle’.

Policeman Stuart Gray, nicknamed PC Shiny Buttons for his zealous approach to the job, also handed out three points - even though Mr Mancini had his handbrake on.

Now Mr Mancini, a 39-year-old father-of-two, faces a potentially expensive legal battle to clear his name after vowing not to pay the fine.

He is the latest victim of PC Gray, who is no stranger to controversy.

A few months ago, the officer issued a £50 fixed penalty for littering to unemployed Stewart Smith, who accidentally dropped a £10 note in the street as he left a shop.

Last night Mr Mancini spoke of his disbelief at his experience.

SO MUCH MORE TO SEE HERE, DON’T PASS IT BY


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Posted by peiper   United Kingdom  on 01/29/2010 at 07:02 PM   
Filed Under: • CULTURE IN DECLINEDaily LifeJack Booted ThugsOdd-StrangeOutrageousStoopid-PeopleUKweird stuff •  
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calendar   Friday - January 01, 2010

Happy New Year!!!

I kid you not.

The headline is… wait for it…

Why Men Fake Orgasms

Now, I just got off the phone with my Mom. I told her about this article. We both agree:

What do you mean ‘Why’?

The question is HOW?!

grin

(smiley for Rich)

And, of course, since I remember weird stuff, Steve Martin covered the subject of faking it…

For those who’ve seen the movie, yeah, the ‘call me your poodle sl*t’ scene is on YouTube. 


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Posted by Christopher   United States  on 01/01/2010 at 06:43 AM   
Filed Under: • Fun-StuffLove-MarriageOdd-Strange •  
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calendar   Monday - August 31, 2009

Blunders and the law and reporting to the EU … USA doesn’t have to. Yet.

Just a short article cut out of the paper the other day.  There isn’t even a writers credit.
It’s just another one of those things that cause you to wonder ..  Is anyone using any common sense anymore? Dumb question of course coz the answer is ... don’t be stupid. Course not.

People selling violent films and pornography to children will escape prosecution after a govt. department discovered that a 1984 law had not been properly enacted.

The Crown Prosecution Service has been told to drop all cases relating to offences under the Video Recordings Act, which sought to prevent violent video games and porn being sold to children, and to ensure that the most explicit adult films could only be sold in licensed sex shops.

The error came about because the government of the day was unfamiliar with a newly passed EUROPEAN DIRECTIVE REQUIRING THEM TO NOTIFY THE EUROPEAN COMMISSION OF THE EXISTENCE OF THE LEGISLATION.

Those who breach the VRA for the next three months will be immune to prosecution, those previously convicted for offences under the act will not be able to appeal their case.

OK so, what does that mean.  Way I read it, the govt. here has to inform the eu about laws and rules passed here.  Is that right?  Or am I misreading this.  And there’s a free pass for the next three months for someone selling bad stuff to kids. ??

And then there is this bit under elf ‘n’ safety.

It has been decreed that if hounds are on show and allowed to be handled by children, there must be wet wipes present so the little ones can decontaminate themselves after touching the dogs.  Hey .. it’s in their rule book.
Any of you people grow up with dogs when you were little?  Hmmm. I see we’re all still here.
So there was this outdoor show ya see, and this being England some heavy rain surprised nobody. And being England, some folks were ready for it.
But Health and Safety officers were on the job doing their bit for, well, elf ‘n’ safety.
So anyway, it rained and officers went to the stall of a man selling outdoor cloths.  He’d put down some straw to soak up the puddles and give people something to stand on.  The officers told him he couldn’t do that. When asked why not, they said:
“It’s a hazard and may catch fire.” Not too surprisingly he lost his cool some and took out a box of matches and said:
“£1,000 to anybody who manages to set fire to that straw.” The officers left .

Can’t make that stuff up.
Just another day in a nanny state.


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Posted by peiper   United Kingdom  on 08/31/2009 at 01:17 PM   
Filed Under: • AnimalsDaily LifeNanny StateOdd-Strange •  
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calendar   Thursday - March 26, 2009

And this moonbat is a city official? How do I embed Twilight Zone theme with the story?

dada-da-da, dada,da-da

Drew has posted on some damn serious topics tonight and so I feel a bit self conscious with this lightweight offering from my very back yard.

Yeah, Moonbattery and I guess I could find something else without much effort the world being in the state it’s in.
Truth ta tell, I just can’t pass this up.  It’s too silly to wait.

I don’t know if this guy is elected or appointed er what.  But I think there’s something besides milk in his Corn Flakes.

He claims he has seen an alien on the High Street here in Winchester.  The high street is the main street and laid out (as was the town) by Romans so this is an awfully old place.  Shame the politicians are bent on ruining the place.  Hey wait, that’s off topic.

So then just imagine the theme from the Twilight Zone is running in the background.
I think I see Rod Serling up ahead.


Strange case of the councillor and the friendly alien wearing ballet shoes. . .

12:00pm Wednesday 25th March 2009

By Andrew Napier »
Hampshire Chronicle

THERE was no space ship or typical little green men.
Just a pretty blonde, dressed strikingly in a white ballet outfit, whose penguin-like walk made her stand out from the crowd.
Yet she is no average Hampshire girl – but the vision that has left one city councillor believing he met an alien.

Winchester councillor Adrian Hicks claims to have experienced a genuine close encounter with extra-terrestrial life during a stroll down the city’s busy High Street on a Saturday afternoon.
image

He said: “I was near The Works bookshop when I saw this strange woman, a humanoid walking with a penguin-like gait. She had very large prominent eyes and was twirling her hands in a circular motion.

“She seemed friendly and totally at ease with us. She wasn’t scared, she was smiling, and seemed to be enjoying herself among us. She walked very slowly up the High Street. I remember she was very interested in the clock over Lloyds Bank. She was taking it all in.
“She was human enough to get away with it. Everybody’s heads were turning.”

Cllr Hicks, an orthopaedic technician in the A&E department at the Royal Hampshire County Hospital for some 35 years, said he saw the creature at about 1.30pm on a Saturday in late January or early February 2004.

For five years he remained silent about his experience because he did not want it to jeopardise his chances of election to the city council.
Now, two years after securing a place for the Liberal Democrats covering the St John and All Saints ward of Highcliffe, St Giles Hill, Bar End and Winnall, he says he is willing to risk ridicule as he tells of the encounter for the first time.

Urging others who witnessed the spectacle to come forward, including a woman whom he is certain took pictures, he added: “This was definitely a close encounter of the first kind.

“I was very confused and shocked. I was going to say ‘excuse me, you’re not from around here?’ but I thought it best to leave her alone.
“I think we have established contact, because I have seen this ‘being’ in the High Street. Other people will have seen her. I would like them to come forward.”

Cllr Hicks, of Granville Place, Wharf Hill, said he thinks the sighting of the alien is linked to the appearances of lights in the sky over St Catherine’s Hill. He said several other residents in Winchester have regularly seen the lights, at about 10,000 feet.
In August 2004 he saw five vertical lines rising over Chilcomb military ranges before scattering away.

Mr Hicks has a theory that the extra-terrestrial is linked to covert US and British military at Chilcomb and the pyramid at Intech which may be some kind of signpost.

He said: “Clearly there are UFOs flying around and I’m keen to set up a UFO watch group for Winchester.”
Have you had an alien encounter, or did you see the ballet shoe-wearing woman in Winchester? Call our reporters on 01962 833 145 or e-mail newsdesk@dailyecho.co.uk

The drawing is an artists rendition of what Mr. Hicks thinks he saw.  I only mention that because I don’t want any of you to think it’s an actual photograph in case you’ve had a drinky or three.

Alas there was no way to embed the video here but catch this link for Mr.Hicks explaining what he saw.
MR. HICKS


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Posted by peiper   United Kingdom  on 03/26/2009 at 06:19 PM   
Filed Under: • HumorOdd-StrangeUK •  
Comments (1) Trackbacks(0)  Permalink •  

calendar   Tuesday - March 24, 2009

Overweight and claim thousands in benefits - can’t work. Who do they blame? Anyone but themselves

THERE ARE 14 POUNDS TO ONE STONE.  SO YOU GUYS CAN WORK IT OUT IN POUNDS FOR THESE HIPPOS.

Naturally their weight is the taxpayer problem. What else would we expect?
I wish em luck and hope somehow they’ll get themselves out of this MESS.  I hope for their sake they can finally get help.  But it doesn’t look good, does it?

This has to be my final post for today .... will try my best to catch up on emails tomorrow if I can.
Thanks.

They weigh 80 stone, claim thousands in benefits - and can’t work. Who do they blame? Anyone but themselves
By JENNY JOHNSTON
Last updated at 10:21 AM on 24th March 2009

DAILY MAIL

This family say they are unable to work because they are too fat. They blame their GP, the Government, even Simon Cowell - but not themselves

There’s something a little surreal about listening to a family with a combined weight of nearly 80 stone falling over themselves to explain how little they eat. ‘Some days I barely eat at all,’ declares Emma Chawner, daughter of the house and, at 17 stone, its lightest occupant.

‘I don’t have breakfast most days. Sometimes I don’t have lunch either, and might only have a salad roll for tea. I’m always eating lettuce and apples and stuff.’

Her dad Philip (’22 stone, but I used to be 26’) nods in agreement. ‘I’m the same. Cornflakes for breakfast, a roll for lunch and one of those microwave meals for my dinner.’

image

A Weightwatchers one, Dad!’ interjects elder daughter Samantha (circa 18 stone). For her part, Samantha says she ‘is always eating salads’.

Only Mum Audrey (20ish stone, but understandably reluctant to be specific) seems off message. She has been asleep on the sofa for most of our interview, but wakes up in time to raise the issue of Easter eggs.

She points out that her girls get one each every year. Both leap in with clarifications. ‘Only a little one, Mum,’ says Emma. ‘Tiny. Like those little mini eggs,’ says Samantha, holding her thumb and finger about two millimetres apart.’

She admits there might be crisps and chocolate in the kitchen cupboards, ‘but they aren’t for us. They are for our niece. You have to have those things in the house for children, don’t you?’

Now a cynic might say that there is some overegging of the pudding going on here, so to speak. And the little trio of bottles standing by the armchair of the Chawner family living room, is certainly suspect. There is Lucozade, tomato ketchup and, for good measure, the heartburn remedy Gaviscon, a veritable holy trinity of overconsumption, surely?

Normally, it would be of no consequence what the Chawners eat, or whether their ample girths reflect their diet. But the family’s eating habits - indeed entire living habits - became a matter of national debate recently when they granted an interview in a weekly gossip magazine about how their weight has been a barrier to any of them finding work.

‘Too fat to work’, screamed the headline, while the article called them real-life Tellytubbies and accused them pretty much of sponging off the State while slobbing round on the sofa all day, eating pies.

Now, of course, they are declaring misrepresentation in extremis. They don’t eat pies, apparently. In fact, the way they tell it, the family budgie would struggle to survive on what they do actually eat. And the raking in of public funds? Nonsense!

‘They said we got £22,000 a year in benefits, but Mum totted it up and it isn’t quite that much,’ says Emma.

How much do you get, then? ‘I can’t remember, but it isn’t that much. All the figures were wrong, anyway. They said Dad was 24 stone, but that was rubbish. You are 22 stone, aren’t you Dad?’

The facts that aren’t in contention are these. There are four adults living in this Blackburn terrace home. None of them work, so their rent and living expenses are covered by the State. They are all medically obese.

s their size relevant to their reliance on benefits? They say yes. Both adults claim they have weight-related health issues which have rendered them disabled.

Philip, 53, suffers from diabetes and heart problems. Audrey, 57, has asthma and epilepsy (which no doctor would link to obesity, but she seems convinced that there is a connection).

Their daughters have health issues of their own, despite being only 21 and 19. Emma is already on medication for problems with acid reflux. Samantha claims she is losing the sight in one eye. ‘I’ve got a mole behind my eye which is growing. It might lead to cancer.’

She points out, however, that she is not on any medication. ‘Yet!’ insists her father, with an astonishing glee in his voice.

The girls claim they are both fit and well, despite their size. Samantha insists that she goes to the gym. Both trained as hairdressers, but have never had a paid job. Why? Again, it’s a matter of size.

‘People don’t want to employ large hairdressers, simple as that,’ says Samantha. ‘They won’t say it to your face, but that’s how it is. I’ve been in salons and done good interviews, but look around and it’s all skinny minnies. We’re discriminated against.

‘We’re the victims in all of this. It’s not our fault we can’t work. We’ve been accused of sitting around watching telly all day, well, it’s just not true.

‘We’ve both applied for hundreds of jobs. It’s not our fault no one wants to employ fat people. Someone should be helping us, not accusing us.’

The issues thrown up here are about as controversial as they come, so it’s not surprising that people have been getting het up about the Chawners, and all they represent.

What is surprising, though, is the level of vitriol they have inspired.

When I arrive, I walk straight into evidence of it. The family laptop is open on the dining table and there is an air of hysteria in the room. Emma has fled upstairs, in tears, after discovering a message on her Facebook site saying, ‘I hope you die’.

Her sister Samantha is stomping about, arms flailing, shouting: ‘I’m not having this. It’s disgusting.’

It’s all too much for Mum. ‘If Emma has one of her panic attacks, we are done for,’ says Audrey, raising her arm but letting it flop back down. Philip’s attempts to intervene seem equally ineffective. ‘How do you send a message back?’ he asks, peering at the keyboard. ‘I’m not sure how this works.’

What’s immediately striking is how stationary Audrey and Philip are amid all the commotion. In fact, during the 90 minute interview that follows neither of them moves once from their respective chairs. Just before Audrey actually falls asleep there is a curious moment when she tries to pass one of her daughters a magazine, but cannot reach, so gives up.

‘We love TV,’ Philip had told the magazine. ‘It’s on from the moment we get up. Often I’m so tired from watching TV I have to have a nap.’

Still the girls provide enough animation for both of them. Both keep leaving the room, for fag breaks, and to have whispered discussions about future media deals. There is a documentary maker present during the interview.

See More Below The Fold

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Posted by peiper   United Kingdom  on 03/24/2009 at 04:12 PM   
Filed Under: • Health-MedicineOdd-StrangeUK •  
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