Sunday - March 07, 2010

Florida challenges Britain for most ‘Idiotic’

There’s a reason that Fark.com has a ‘Florida’ tag for its submissions. Per capita there are more weird laws and stupid people in Florida than in Britain or California. This is based on my non-scientific, highly-biased, survey of the news. The only place that has a higher concentration of idiots is the U.S. House, the U.S. Senate, and the Obama White House. But that last fact is well-known.

So, today’s story from Florida:

As authorities nationwide warn motorists of the dangers of driving while texting, Florida Keys law enforcement officers add a new caution: Don’t try to shave your privates, either.

Florida Highway Patrol troopers say a two-vehicle crash Tuesday at Mile Marker 21 on Cudjoe Key was caused by a 37-year-old woman driver who was shaving her bikini area while her ex-husband took the wheel from the passenger seat.

“She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit,” Trooper Gary Dunick said. “If I wasn’t there, I wouldn’t have believed it. About 10 years ago I stopped a guy in the exact same spot ... who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, ‘Nothing will ever beat this.’ Well, this takes it.”

Let’s recap: a 37-yr-old woman is driving to meet her boyfriend. While doing so she is shaving her muff, thereby removing any muffness, while her ex-husband drives from the passenger seat.

I’ve got a problem here, how many ex-husbands would consent to drive the ex-wife to meet her new boyfriend? Or does he get off watching her shave?

But, it gets better…

If that weren’t enough, Megan Mariah Barnes was not supposed to be driving and her 1995 Ford Thunderbird was not supposed to be on the road.

The day before the wreck, Barnes was convicted in an Upper Keys court of DUI with a prior and driving with a suspended license, said Monroe County Assistant State Attorney Colleen Dunne. Barnes was ordered to impound her car, and her driver’s license was revoked for five years, after which time she must have a Breathalyzer ignition interlock device on any vehicle she drives, Dunne said. Barnes also was sentenced to nine months’ probation.

Barnes and Charles Judy were southbound in her Thunderbird at 11 a.m. when they slammed into the back of a 2006 Chevrolet pickup driven by David Schoff of Palm Bay. His passengers were a man and two women; the latter were treated for minor injuries at Lower Keys Medical Center, FHP spokesman Alex Annunziato said.

Schoff had slowed to about 5 mph to make a turn when the Thunderbird hit him, traveling about 45 mph, which was within the speed limit, Dunick said.

Barnes allegedly drove another half-mile, then switched seats with Judy, who allegedly claimed to be driving, Annunziato said.

I’m doing something stupid. I’m putting myself in the ex-husbands shoes. If I were going to drive my ex-wife to meet with her new boyfriend, I would have insisted on driving while sitting in the driver’s seat. Just steering from the passenger side does NOT give me control over accelerator and brakes. Ex-wife could sit in the passenger seat and shave…whatever.

I don’t know why, but I suspect alcohol was involved… again!

Posted by Christopher     on 03/07/2010 at 07:51 AM   
Filed Under: • Daily Life • Odd-Strange • weird stuff •  
• Comments (5) • Trackbacks(0)  Permalink •  

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