Tuesday - December 07, 2004

Daily Dose

Quote Of The Day

‘’Basically, I’m for anything that gets you through the night - be it prayer, tranquilizers or a bottle of Jack Daniels.”
-- Frank Sinatra

In 1941, A bunch of deranged Jap bastards decided to bomb the United States and sink our fleet at Pearl Harbor. These pissants paid dearly for inviting us to their little party ‘cause we dropped a can of WHUPP-ASS on their heads and then just to make sure they understood the lesson we nuked their ass and made two of their cities glow in the dark four years later. Damn! Those were the gool ol’ days!

In 1787, Delaware became the first state of the new United States Of America by ratifying the new Constitution. Delaware has not been heard from since. If anyone is heading that way, please tell them it’s time to wake up.

In 1931, the last Model-A Ford rolled off the assembly line. Six months later, Ford introduced the first real car with a V-8 engine, thereby paving the way (no pun intended) for the ‘55 Chevy, the ‘57 Thunderbird, the ‘64 Corvette and the ‘67 Mustang. Gentlemen, start your engines!

Somebody alert Frank J., Monkeys are being cloned .... Rumsfeld will stay around, much to the Democrats chagrin .... Iranian dissidents are just asking to be shot .... Greek lawyers threatened to sue Oliver Stone over his dismal “Alexander” but after viewing the picture decided the picture was too bad to even be sued over.

There you have it. Vilmar will be along shortly with all this and more. Stay tuned.

Posted by The Skipper     on 12/07/2004 at 04:00 AM   
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   Monday - December 06, 2004

How To Increase Traffic To Your Blog Site: Lesson One

Show lots of pictures of nekkid women ....

(-- thanks to Alan & Lynn S.)

Church Ladies Go Topless In Pews

WorldNetDaily

In Battle Creek, Mich., 14 women of St. Thomas Episcopal Church – between ages 55 and 82 – actually bared their breasts to raise money for breast cancer research.

Calling themselves The Belles of St. Mary’s, the women bared nearly all in an in-pew photo op at St. Thomas church for a calendar they hope will raise money for research.

But a mother of four, Helen Cook, who attends the parish, was outraged. Cook said she wrote to her rector, the Rev. Joy Rogers, and the parish’s assistant, the Rev. Chris Yaw, saying they would not be returning to St. Thomas, and explaining why:

“I told them both that I found the calendar objectionable, inappropriate and that it ran counter to the morals I am attempting to instill into my children. ‘Mother Joy’, whose name takes on a whole new meaning to me now, never even bothered to answer me. No e-mail, no phone call, nothing. Father Chris answered very briefly, with the argument that there are two sides to everything and that if I reconsidered, to get in touch with him.”

The national Episcopal Church magazine, Episcopal Life, reports religion writer David Virtue features this Playboy-style parish under the headline BARING (ALMOST ALL) FOR THE FAITH.

GOTCHA!

GET ME OUT OF HERE ...

Posted by The Skipper     on 12/06/2004 at 07:02 PM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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BMEWS NEWS FLASH: FRANK J. EXPOSED!

EXTRA! EXTRA EXTRA!

Frank J. (IMAO) Is Really Ted Rall!

(CBS News) - December 6, 2004
-- by Dan Rather

This reporter has learned today of a shocking development in the so-called “blogosphere”. It appears that one man, a fiendishly evil young whipper-snapper sitting in front of his computer in his pajamas attacking real, honest newsmen like myself, is actually leading a double life. Yes, the so-called “Frank J.” at http://www.imao.us is actually playing both sides of the political coin. This astonishing news story came about after extensive research by our crack news team discovered similarities between the nonsense spoutings of both the Right-Wing nut case Frank J. and a Left-Wing nut case named Ted Rall.

We have received the evidence below from a reliable source (whom we cannot disclose). Compare the pictures and the drawings from these two “individuals”. We have made note of the similarities below. The evidence is clear: Frank J. and Ted Rall are ONE AND THE SAME PERSON.

At bottom, we have been provided with a letter dictated in 1979 from a noted psychiatrist who was treating Frank J. for bi-polar disorder. This is damning evidence that conclusively proves that we have a modern-day Jekyll and Hyde on our hands in the blogosphere. I have repeatedly made note of the fact that the blogosphere is populated with nut cases of every stripe and none of these flakes should be believed, much less have their words used to stain the reputations of sterling reporters and journalists. I won’t mention any names but recently these children ranting on the blogosphere have managed to smear the reputations of some very fine journalists, even to the point of driving them out of soft, cushy jobs and out into the wilderness of the red states. Argh, the humanity!

This news organization calls upon Frank J. to release all of his medical records and to explain why it is that we never see him and Ted Rall together at any event. That’s a little too much for coincidence, Mr. Frank J. Care to explain that, huh? Huh?

It looks like Frank’s shirt-tail is on fire and the bill collector is at the door, doesn’t it? Frank can run but he can’t hide. He has a lot of explaining to do, like how he can profess to lead the Alliance Of Free Bloggers ( a vast right-wing conspiracy group) while AT THE SAME TIME attacking all right-wing Hitler Youth in his Ted Rall identity. Yesiree, Mr. Frank J. has a lot of explaining to do.

It’s time to come clean, Mr. Frank/Ted. Confess your crimes!

Update: Of course the silly little man denied the charges. Even going so far as to impugn my integrity! Me, Dan Rather! The greatest journalist of all time! It’s not over, Frank J. I’m coming after you and you better come clean and fess up to being Ted Rall or I’ll .... I’ll .... send Hillary Clinton to talk to you! So There!

Posted by Dan Rather     on 12/06/2004 at 12:41 PM   
Filed Under: • Media-Bias •  
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Your Turn

So, should Congress enact legislation regarding the use of steroids in baseball?

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/06/2004 at 09:18 AM   
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Delays to the Breaking News Story

On Saturday Allan proposed to post a story revealing some shocking information about Frank J at IMAO

It pains me to announce that since that sneak peek posting, Allan has had to flee for his life and is now in hiding at a secret location.  So secret he’s afraid to tell even me.

Seems Frank got his knickers in a twist and sent out some goons for Allan with a threat to treat him as he does his puppies---dropped into an industrial sized blender.

Allan is delayed in revealing this amazing blockbuster of a story until around 12 Noon today simply because he must secure his surroundings and can not even think of trying to transmit anything from his laptop to the internet for fears that Frank and his Ninja warriors will detect the signal and backtrack to find him.

So stay tuned and all will be revealed (assuming Allan survives.)

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/06/2004 at 07:56 AM   
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Food Bank Munchies

I guess someone has found a way to dispose of all that excess food given away by people at this time of year (in an effort to assuage their guilty consciences for being shit heels the previous 11 months, I guess.)

Reward the workers by putting bales of marijuana at the FRONT of the truck!  That way you have to unload it all before, like a rat, you get your reward.

After which you fire up one hell of a blunt and go backwards eating your way through what you just unloaded.

Nice gig!

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/06/2004 at 07:49 AM   
Filed Under: • Outrageous •  
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Scrooge Lives!!! (A Story About the Salvation Army and Other Charities)

Well, Christmas really isn’t my favorite time of year.  I get more and more annoyed at it earlier and earlier in the season.  Hell, fucking stores here started with Christmas shit after LABOR DAY!!  The mass commercialization of it really annoys me.  All this false pretending, everyone “acting” nicely as if trying to show Santa or God that they are “good” people while during the rest of the year they are shit heels.  It’s a mockery but that’s a subject for another day.

I’ve been called Scrooge before because I refuse to put up a tree, will not decorate my home, do not send out Christmas cards nor buy gifts (my son and his family get checks.) Those last two bits?  You should try it.  What a relief to not have to stress over what to buy so-and-so or “will Uncle Bill like this?” or “will Mom like that?” or “should I send a card to the Smiths?  They didn’t last year?” Again, another topic for a different day.

Anyway by the time you finish reading this you just might agree I AM Scrooge.  Or at least a good student of his. 

Yesterday I posted a humorous piece about Salvation Army bell ringers.  In a way I feel the same way.  Sue the bastards.  They are irritating.

Surely you’ve also heard about how Target is now under fire for not allowing these noisy, annoying bell ringers at their front doors begging money.

Now we have one of the head weenies at a Salvation Army asking people to give even more to make up for the locations where the bell ringers are banned.

This year I had a run-in with the Salvation Army and my experience was less than satisfactory.  I always thought of them as an agency that collected clothes and other items for giving or selling to those in need.  That is not the case, apparently.

My parents wanted to buy a new sofa and the old one, a sofa bed, was in perfect shape with the exception of a little cat scratching on one corner.  A slip cover put over the sofa would fix it.  Mind you, this was not one of those $150 sleeper sofas you find brand new at some discount store.  This was GOOD furniture.  Solid.  Good mattress.

So we called Salvation Army to come get it.  Hell, surely there was SOME family somewhere that could use a sleeper-sofa, right?  Even if they had to give it away.

Their response?  Nope!  Can’t take it as it is scratched!!

Again, I could understand not wanting a sofa stained with body oils and God knows what else (like I see in these stores---yes, I went there in order to test my theory) or whose cushions are so shot you sink in the middle or who’s mechanical parts don’t work right or whose upholstery is crap.  But this one just had some scratches on ONE side measuring about 4 inches by 10 inches.  Hardly far from usable.  Hell, I’d have taken it from my parents myself if I didn’t already have one.

They were not the only ones who refused.  Three others also said they’d not take it.  I can see some of you now, thinking, “hell Vilmar, surely you are leaving something out.  There HAS to be another reason they’d not take it.” But I am not.  Maybe the charity folks where you live aren’t so persnickety but in Hernando County they suck.  Hell, I even wrote the paper about it when they had an article about how the local charities were finding that donations were down this year.

So for that reason, these charities can kiss my ass.

Speaking of charity, you notice how agencies that collect toys now want nothing but new toys?  Yesirree, Bob, used toys are a no-no!  We can’t be giving USED toys to poor kids.  My God!  How would that affect their self esteem?

I firmly believe we have way too many toys given out at this time of year, anyway.  Way too many in relation to the number of poor kids.  My God, you’d think half the country is destitute.  Makes you wonder what the criteria is for getting those toys.  Do you just walk up and grab an arm full?  Is there some sort of means test given?  There should be. 

I won’t say this for food items but if you have such little pride that you will accept TOYS then you should have no problem proving you collect ADC, food stamps, live in sub-standard housing and are jobless.

After all, they ARE toys.  It might be a good thing for kids to not get anything every once in a while.  It won’t kill them.  It might even encourage them to break the cycle of poverty in the hopes that one day they can provide for their own.  But to just hand out toys like they are sheets of paper is to undercut one’s ability to cut the bonds to dependency and foster nothing more than a victi-crat society constantly demanding handouts.

So there you have it.  Scrooge lives in Spring Hill, Florida.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/06/2004 at 07:16 AM   
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An Ebonics Christmas Tale

De Ebonics Crimmus Pome

Wuz de nite befo Crimmus
And all ower da hood
ereybody wuz’ sleepin’,
Dey wuz sleepin’ good.
We hunged up our stockings
An hoped like de’ heck
That old Santa Claus
Be bringin’ our check.
All o’de fambily
Wuz layin in de beds
While Ripple and Thunderbird
Danced through dey heads.
I passed out inna’ flo
Right nex to my Maw
When I heard sech a fuss
I thunk: “It mus be de law!!!”
I looked out thru de bars
What covered my doe
‘spectin’ de sheriff
Wif a warrant fo sho.
And what did I see
I said, “Lawd look at dat!!”
Ther’ wuz a huge watermellon
Pulled by giant warf rats!!
Now ober all de years
Santa Clause, he be white
But looks liken us bros
Gets a black Sanna dis nite.
Faster dan a Po’lees car
My home boy he came
He whupped on dem warf rats
An’ called dem by name!
On Leroy, on ‘Lonzo,
And on Willie Lee,
On Saphire, on Chenequa,
Dey wuz a site to see!!
As he landed dat watta’ mellon
Out der in da skreet
I knowed it was fo’ sho’
Da damndest site I ebber did see.
He didn’t go down no chimbley
He picked da’ lock on my doe
An’ I sez to myself
“Shit!! He done dis befoe!!!”
He had dis big bag
Full of prezents I ‘xpect
Wid Air Jordans and fake gold
To wear roun’ my neck.
But he left no good prezents
Jus started stealing my shit
Got my drugs, got my guns
Even got my burglar’s kit!!
Wit my stuff in de bag
Out da window he flewed
I woudda’ tried to catched him
But he stoled my ‘nife too!!
He jumped on dat wadda’ mellon
An’ whipped out a switch
He wuz gone in a seccon’
Dat son of a bitch!!
Next year I be hopin’
Anutha Sanna we git
Cuz’ diz here Sanna Claus
Jus’ ain’t werf a shit!!!

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/06/2004 at 07:11 AM   
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Rewarding Ineptitude at the United Nations

God!  How I hate this fucking organization!!  If there were ever a more worthless piece of shit accumulation of people and ideas I am not aware of it.

They fuck up by the numbers, attempt to thwart our efforts at every turn, pass useless resolutions, think that organizing and meeting to discuss a process are infinitely better than actually doing anything about a problem, engage in blatant theft, graft, pay-offs and bribery which, in effect, take food and medical care from those needing it most, engage in genocide and for all this think they should be rewarded at United States’ expense by....................(drum roll, please!) .......................tearing down a park and putting up a 35 story building for their little empire while their original building gets re-furbished. 

35 stories!?!?!?!?! 

And does anyone think the UN will give it back up once the old building is re-habbed?  FAT CHANCE!!!.  Of course, it will be tax free and generate no revenues to the city of New York. Nor will the assholes working there ever have to pay for all the parking violations they are sure to generate.

Where’s a good terrorist when you need one?

OBTW, I almost shit when I read that this was said by a Democrat, state Assemblyman Dov Hikind (D-Brooklyn):

“(this is)...a wonderful opportunity to stick it in the eye of these bastards.”

You gotta love it!

I don’t have time right now but can someone dig up the email addresses of the folks mentioned in the article who oppose this?  I’d like to send them an email thanking them for their views and wishing them luck in defeating this “power grab.”

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/06/2004 at 07:09 AM   
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Is There A Santa?

To answer this question, let’s turn to the preface of a P. J. O’Rouke book:

“I have only one firm belief about the American political system, and that is this: God is a Republican and Santa Claus is a Democrat.

God is an elderly or, at any rate, middle-aged male, a stern fellow, patriarchal rather than paternal and a great believer in rules and regulations. He holds men strictly accountable for their actions. He has little apparent concern for the material well-being of the disadvantaged. He is politically connected, socially powerful and holds the mortgage on literally everything in the world. God is difficult. God is unsentimental. It is very hard to get into God’s heavenly country club.

Santa Claus is another matter. He’s cute. He’s nonthreatening. He’s always cheerful. And he loves animals. He may know who’s been naughty and who’s been nice, but he never does anything about it. He gives everyone everything they want without thought of a quid pro quo. He works hard for charities, and he’s famously generous to the poor. Santa Claus is preferable to God in every way but one: There is no such thing as Santa Claus.”

The book?  “Parliament of Whores.” I’ve read it.  Twice.  Go get it.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/06/2004 at 06:49 AM   
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The Worthless French (and French Wannabes)

So much for asking the French to help uis in Iraq. The stupid fucks can’t keep track of explosives within their own police departments so how can we ever expect them to make Iraq safer?

Then again, had they been oil contract vouchers redeemable for American dollars those Cheese-Eating-Surrender-Monkeys would NEVER have misplaced them.

OBTW, keep a sharp lookout for some airplane landing at some airport at some place in the world at some time indeterminate that has 5 ounces of plastic explosives in one of its pieces of luggage.

Now, for the French Wannabes.

Our pals, the Canadians, have lost hundreds of airport uniforms. Nice!  How the hell do you lose hundreds of uniforms?

Oh, did I forget to mention they also “lost” airport badges.

Good thing I have no plans to go into Canuckistan any time soon.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/06/2004 at 06:48 AM   
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On Being A Real Man

Doug Giles writes an excellent piece reminiscent of Kim duToit’s “The Pussification of the Western Male.”

He describes men, as described via Hollywood and TV as:

“despicable, cruel, pusillanimous, selfish, ineffectual oafs, veritable bumbling idiots who need women or some gay guy with a Queer Eye … to help us through our primal fog towards metrosexual healing.”

He goes on to say that there are three traits for properly raised men to possess. These traits should allow expression of man’s biology and are:

· Competition
· Independence
· Responsibility

I couldn’t have said it better.  Give it a read.  I think you’ll agree.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/06/2004 at 06:39 AM   
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More UN Claptrap

Given all that’s going on in the UN today and its total ineptitude at getting anything done in the past, I am amazed that this sort of tripe is still published.

We now have a UN “expert” saying there is too much violence in Iraq for elections to take place.

How fucking stupid can these people be?  Can’t they understand that the motivation behind these asshole terrorists is to do JUST THAT----create terror and generate violence such that elections would NEVER take place?

Stupid fucking waste of human skin.  The fucktard goes on to say:

“The international community, hopefully together with the Americans, must help the Iraqis to clean up this mess. If you let it deteriorate, the situation will become even more dangerous.”

Yep, the Americans need to do more!  Whatever happened to Iraqis standing up for their own fucking country and shooting these terrorist bastards where they stand?  Thanks to the UN we keep creating nothing more than a bunch of victi-crat nations and peoples, forever with their hands out and demanding others do what THEY should be doing.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/06/2004 at 06:36 AM   
Filed Under: • United-Nations •  
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Blog Awards Update

Thanks, folks, for going out of your way to vote for us.  We’re back to 4th place.  I hope you remember to vote every day (yes, you can!)

We put a little reminder on the right hand side of the blog but in case you missed it, here’s the link.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/06/2004 at 06:32 AM   
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THE SERVICES AND MATERIALS ON THIS WEBSITE ARE PROVIDED "AS IS" AND THE HOSTS OF THIS SITE EXPRESSLY DISCLAIMS ANY AND ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, TO THE EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF SATISFACTORY QUALITY, MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, WITH RESPECT TO THE SERVICE OR ANY MATERIALS.

Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:

1. Keep a firm grasp of Right and Wrong
2. Stay involved with government on every level and don't let those bastards get away with a thing
3. Use every legal means to defend yourself in the event of real internal trouble, and, most importantly:
4. Keep talking to each other, whether here or elsewhere

It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.

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