Thursday - December 09, 2004

Come On, Baby, Give Me Some Truth!

If we are to believe this, then English women are not to be trusted.

So guys....don’t even ask.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/09/2004 at 07:16 AM   
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This Pisses Me Off

If it shames you so much that you need to hide you American citizenry when you travel, get the fuck out of the country and stay out!

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/09/2004 at 07:15 AM   
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Dog Bites Man

And it is righteous.

Son of a bitch will think twice before robbing again.  Or at least wear some protection!

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/09/2004 at 07:12 AM   
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   Wednesday - December 08, 2004

Traveler’s Advisory

When travelling overseas be very f**king careful what you ask for .... you might get it.

(-- thanks to Steve C.)

Posted by The Skipper     on 12/08/2004 at 03:57 PM   
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Florida E-Vote Study Debunked

From The Association For Computing Machinery (ACM) we get this little tidbit about some tricky shenanigans going on at UC Berkeley. It proves the old axiom that if you really try hard enough you can skew statistics to suit any argument you want to make. I agree 100% with Professor McCullogh. As a Computer Science professor myself, I would have handed the research results back to the students. I would also have applied my boot to their arrogant little rear ends. Asshat little pricks, indeed!

As for Professor Hout’s assertion that the research was “reviewed by seven professors”, I have a suspicion those professors were all in the English Literature and Medieval Arts departments. Hout needs his ass kicked too. As a sociology professor he more than likely wouldn’t know the difference between an outlier and an inner tube.

Numerous academics are refuting a published UC Berkeley study’s conclusion that President Bush received an abnormal number of votes in Florida counties that used touch-screen voting machines in the recent election with their contention that the researchers’ equation was flawed. Voting activists cite the study as evidence of election fraud or defective voting equipment, but Drexel University decisions science professor Bruce McCullogh says the Berkeley researchers analyzed the vote outcomes using one statistical model while discounting other models that would have produced dramatically different results. “They either overlooked or did not bother to find a much better-fitting [statistical] regression model that showed that e-voting didn’t account [for the voting anomalies],” he explains. Another point the dissenting academics raise is the lack of a thorough peer review of the analysis, although Berkeley sociology professor Michael Hout and his student team insisted that their findings were reviewed by seven professors. “If I were to get this article as [an academic] reviewer, I would turn it around and say they were fishing to find a result,” remarks MIT political science professor Charles Stewart, noting that only two out of 15 Florida counties employing e-voting systems had anomalous results. Hout vouches for the report while admitting that his team was not able to study other data that might have led to a different conclusion, such as analysis of votes cast by absentee paper ballots in the counties with touch-screen machines. The disputation of the study will probably not stop planned investigations into election issues by the Social Science Research Council, the Government Accountability Office, and others.

Click Here to View Full Article

Posted by The Skipper     on 12/08/2004 at 02:53 PM   
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Genghis Khan Strikes Again

This former Marine (pictured below) deserted and ran away to Canada. He had this to say to justify his actions ....

TORONTO (CP) - A former United States marine told a refugee hearing for an American war dodger Tuesday that trigger-happy U.S. soldiers in Iraq routinely killed unarmed woman and children, and murdered other Iraqis in violation of international law.

In chilling testimony intended to bolster the asylum claim of compatriot Jeremy Hinzman, former staff sergeant Jimmy Massey recounted how nervous soldiers trained to believe that all Iraqis were potential terrorists often opened fire indiscriminately.

On several occasions, his soldiers pumped hundreds of bullets into cars that failed to stop at U.S. military checkpoints, killing all occupants - who were later found to be unarmed, Massey said.

On another occasion, marines reacted to a stray bullet by killing a small group of unarmed protesters and bystanders, said Massey, who said he suffers from nightmares and post-traumatic stress disorder.

His name is Jeremy Hinzman. Remember that name because in 2036 he will be the Democratic Party nominee for President and this will be his story ....

“They told the stories at times they had personally raped, cut off ears, cut off heads, taped wires from portable telephones to human genitals and turned up the power, cut off limbs, blown up bodies, randomly shot at civilians, razed villages in fashion reminiscent of Genghis Khan, shot cattle and dogs for fun, poisoned food stocks, and generally ravaged the countryside of South Vietnam Iraq in addition to the normal ravage of war, and the normal and very particular ravaging which is done by the applied bombing power of this country.”

Hopefully, the “Fallujah Veterans For Truth” will be able to counter this man’s testimony. Some things never change, do they?

Posted by The Skipper     on 12/08/2004 at 12:35 PM   
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Our Friends in the UN

Graft, corruption, bribery, ineffective, useless, fucktards, forons, worthless.

All these words (and more) describe the United Nations.

Let’s add another:  Practitioners of genocide.

Think anything will ever get done?  Of course not.  But, hey, who’s surprised?  Just take a look at all the countries who defend the UN and Kofi Annan---China, North Korea, Syria, Sudan, Iran, Germany, etc.

Read what the International Herald Tribune has to say about our boy, Kofi, and the pedestal he’s standing on.

Here’s another of “friends” in the UN, the French.

You remember them, right?  They were yelling and screaming at us because we wanted to attack Iraq.  They did not.  They criticize us for killing innocent civilians when we attack terrorists within the cities.  They called us unilateralists but, of course, they had a vested interest in doing this given their implication in the oil-for-food scandal.  Don’t believe me?  Read this.

But our cheese-eating-surrender-monkey friends decided they needed to intervene in the Ivory Coast’s internal squabbles.  All by themselves.

No cries of unilateralism from anyone on the planet.

No recriminative appeals when they fire on civilian crowds.

Amazing, isn’t it?

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/08/2004 at 08:49 AM   
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A Redneck Christmas Tale

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas--Redneck Version

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the trailer
Not a creature was stirrin’ ‘cept a redneck named Taylor.
His first name was Bubba, Joe was his middle,
And a-runnin’ down his chin was a trickle of spittle.
His socks, they were hung by the chimney with care,
And therefore there was a foul stench in the air.

From out in the yard there came such a noise
That Bubba got scared and rousted the boys.
There was Rufus, 12; Jim Bob was 11;
Dud goin’ on 10; Otis was 7.
John, George and Chucky were 5,4, and 3:
The twins were both girls so they let them be.

They jumped in their overalls, no need for a shirt,
Threw a hat on each head, then turned with a jerk.
They ran to the gun rack that hung on the wall.
There were 17 shotguns; they grabbed them all.

Bubba said to the young’uns, “Now hesh up ya’ll!
The last thing we wanna do is wake up yer Maw.”
Maw was expecting and needed her sleep,
So out they crept out the door without making a peep.

They all looked around, and then they all spit.
The young’uns asked Bubba, “Paw, what is it?”
Bubba just stared; he could not say a word.
This was just like all of the stories he’d heard.

It was Santy Claus on the roof, darn tootin’
But the boys didn’t know; they was about to start shootin’!
They aimed their shotguns and nearly made a mistake
That would have resulted in venison steak.
Bubba hollered out, “Don’t shoot, boys!”
That’s Santy Claus and he’s brought us some toys.

The dogs were a-barkin’ and a-raisin’ cain,
And Bubba whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.
“Down, Spot! Shut up Bullet! Quiet, Pete and Roscoe!
Git, Turnip and Tater and Sam and Bosco!”

“Git down from that porch! Git down off that wall!
Quit shakin the trailer, or you’ll make Santy fall!”
The dogs kept a-barkin’ and wouldn’t shut up,
And they trampled poor Pete who was only a pup.

Santy opened his bag, and threw out some toys.
Bubba got most, but left a few for the boys.
From up on the roof Santa heaved a great sigh.
Since the guns had been dropped he just might not die.

He jumped in his sleigh, told his reindeer to hurry.
The trailer started to wobble Santa started to worry.
Just as the reindeer got into the air,
The trailer collapsed, but Bubba didn’t care.

He was busy lookin’ at all his new toys.
Then a thought hit him, and he said to the boys:
“Go check on yer Maw, make sure she’s all right.
That roof fallin’ on her could-a hurt just a might.”

But Maw was OK, and the girls were too.
They fixed up the trailer; it looked good as new.
And as for Bubba, he liked Old St. Nick,
But Santa thought Bubba was a pure-in-tee hick!

Bubba had a nice Christmas, and the boys did, too.
And the Taylors wish A Merry Christmas to you!

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/08/2004 at 08:46 AM   
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I Like The Way He Thinks

Terrorism is now a basic fact of our daily lives.  We never know when they will strike or where.

Most terrorists are practitioners of Islam.

Something like 1% of Muslims or Muslim organizations have denounced these fucktards for what they are---terrorists.

To me, that makes Muslims a bunch of shithead ragheads right up there at the top of my list for a “bullet to the head” when the shit hits the fan.  Like President Bush said, “you’re either with us or against us.” Not having spoken out and taken firm action to stop terrorists puts most Muslims in the “against us” camp as far as I am concerned.

This leads me to David Atkins’ article on how we can assure ourselves of almost instantaneous support from sheetheads and rabid-assed dictatorships that support terrorists: MAD, or at least, a modified version of it just for our terrorist friends and their supporters.

Give it a read.  It’s delicious.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/08/2004 at 08:45 AM   
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Weird News

Man rents motel room.  Decides he needs to “slick it up” a bit.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/08/2004 at 08:43 AM   
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‘Tis Christmas Party Season

The Christmas Season is upon us and many will have little (or big) Christmas parties to either plan or attend.

Courtesy of Dave Barry, here’s how to tell if your party is a success.

- Festivity Level One - Your guests are sitting around chatting, nibbling the party food, sipping their drinks. They are admiring your Christmas tree ornaments and standing around the piano singing carols.

- Festivity Level Two - Your guests are talking loudly, occasionally to one another. They are wolfing down the food, gulping their drinks, rearranging your Christmas-tree ornaments and sitting on the piano singing “I Gotta Be Me.”

- Festivity Level Three - Your guests are holding conversations with inanimate objects, gulping other peoples’ drinks, wolfing down Christmas-tree ornaments and dancing around the piano shouting the words to “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction.”

- Festivity Level Four - Your guests, food smeared across their naked bodies, are capering around the burning Christmas tree in some unholy ritual. The piano is missing.

Unless you rent your home, or own heavy firearms, you generally don’t want your parties operating above Level Three. The true test of party success, however, is whether or not the police arrive. If they do arrive, your job as host is to see that they don’t arrest anyone. If they are intent on arresting someone, your job is to see that it isn’t you. Following is an example of how to successfully handle this situation.

Police: “We’ve come in response to the complaints.”

You: “Complaints? It isn’t about the drugs, is it?”

Police: “No, sir, not drugs.”

You: “The guns, then? They’re complaining about the guns?”

Police: “No, sir. It’s about the noise.”

You: “Oh, that’s all right then. ‘Cause there sure aren’t any guns or drugs here, heh heh.”

[An explosion sounds somewhere behind you]

You: “Or fireworks either! The neighbors complained, did they?”

Police: “No, sir. The neighbors all fled inland hours ago. The recent complaints have come from Iowa.”

[At this point a Volkswagen Bug, painted in various arcane symbols, roars out of the living room, down the hall past you and the policemen, out into the front yard and into the nearest tree. Eight naked bodies tumble out, moaning.]

You: “There, you see? It’s winding down already.”

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/08/2004 at 08:01 AM   
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The Consequences of One’s Actions

Take a piss ON something.

Piss someobdy else off.

Get pissed of yourself for being such a dumb piss-head.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/08/2004 at 07:58 AM   
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Porno Fresco?

And NO I am not talknig about fresh porn!!

Here’s the scenario:

You’re a tourist in Italy, checking out the sites.  You walk around and spot a mural.  It has a beautiful looking tree painted on it.  You grab both your pre-teen children by the hands for a little lesson on art appreciation.

As you get closer you are shocked to see the tree is full of penises (and nut sacs) hanging as ornaments!

The kids love it, squealing with delight that you are extraordinarily embarassed.  Putting a brave face on it you explain to the kids that:

the phallus tree was a fertility symbol because it stands by a fountain—the town’s main source of water in medieval times.

However, truth be known, art experts say it is:

“actually a unique piece of political propaganda, commissioned by one Tuscan faction to sully the reputation of another.  “It’s a message from the Guelphs, telling people that if the Ghibellines are allowed power they will bring with them heresy, sexual perversion, civic strife and witchcraft."”

Here’s a better one:

One of the women appears to be reaching up and placing something in the lower branches of the tree with a stick.

“There was a well-known story in Tuscan folklore about witches removing men’s’ penises and placing them in bird nests in trees, where they would then multiply and take on a life of their own”

Hell, according to most men their penises do not have to be put up in trees to have a life of their own!!

And to think, they didn’t have a National Endowment for the Arts (NEA) back in the 1200s!!  God only knows what would have been on the mural had THEY funded it!

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/08/2004 at 07:53 AM   
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News Bits

We need to start doing more of this.  No mercy, no quarter.

Californians are at it again.  This time if your kid needs psychological treatment, an abortion, medical services, HIV tests, etc. parents are not required to be told.

Yet, in a court of law, parents will still be liable for the actions of their kids.

And our pals in Canuckistan aren’t acting that much better themselves.

Mike Adams is at it again and this time he wants to report a hate crime committed against him.

Hell, turnabout is fair play as far as I am concerned.

Manny-boy is back in prison after a stroke.

I’d like to give him a stroke----with a baseball bat to the head!

It’s not enough they came up with explosives but it looks like it’s the Chinese’s fault we imbibe today.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/08/2004 at 07:29 AM   
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