Monday - September 27, 2004

Vilmar is MIA

I tried calling Vilmar a couple of times this morning before I left for the office but got no answer. My guess is he’s probably sprawled out on the back porch cursing the wind gods for the destruction of his flower beds and nursing a monster hangover .... or maybe not. Knowing Vilmar, he’s probably over at his parents making sure they’re OK and helping them with any damage. I’ll try again this afternoon and keep you all posted.

I had a dream last night that was actually a flashback from the movie “Forrest Gump”. Remember that scene when Forrest and Lt. Dan are on the shrimp boat and the storm comes up? Lt. Dan climbs to the top of the mast and curses at the heavens daring God to “give it your best shot”. That kinda sums up me and Vilmar. I’m Forrest, the good ol’ boy from Alabama who went out in the world and saw way too much, while Vilmar is Lt. Dan, the hard-bitten cynical lunatic with a mad-on at everyone. Yup, life sure is a box of chocolates, ain’t it?

In the meantime, Ric in Gainesville just checked in to send me the funny below from Carlos in Jacksonville. So that’s two cities in Jeanne’s path that managed to survive. Unfortunately, Vilmar is in Spring Hill (just north of Tampa) which was in the direct path of that windy bitch. Power is probably out down there. So far, it looks like the worst damage from Jeanne was when she came ashore between Vero Beach and Cape Canaveral. Vero Beach is total devastation and those folks down there have just started to get over Hurricane Francis. My heart goes out to them.

So enjoy this little funny to keep your sense of humor going and stay tuned ....

Top 13 Rejected Lines From Fairy Tales

1- Once upon a time, there was a handsome prince from the magical land of Nantucket who had a trusty broadsword so large that…

2- And then the Frog said to Princess Elspeth, “What, no tongue?”

3- So party of the first part and the party of the second part lived happily—and legally—ever after.

4- The wicked surrogate mother convinced the biological parents to leave the frozen embryos in the forest, where she planned to conduct stem- cell research on them.

5- Cinderella then demanded, “Dude, where’s my coach?”

6- In the lawsuit, Goldilocks accused the three bears of negligence, claiming that their having left the scalding-hot porridge where it could easily be stolen led directly to her third-degree tongue burns.

7- “Yes, Your Highness, it’s a very nice slipper—but do you have something with a higher heel?”

8- “Not by the hair of my crotchety-crotch-crotch!”

9- Sleeping Beauty awoke from her 100-year-slumber, sat up and told the prince, “Dude, that NyQuil sh*t is AWESOME.”

10- ...and that night, after the princess told him she was going to have his child, the prince put out to sea, vowing never to return.

11- And after the prince did slay the mighty dragon, knights from the far- away land called PETA did hound him the rest of his days.

12- “Hey, Mr. Building Inspector,” shouted the little pig, “if you got a problem with my straw architecture, you can just blow me.”

13- Then Mama Bear said, “SOMEBODY has been using my… umm… magical vibrating wand—and the batteries are all dead!”

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/27/2004 at 10:30 AM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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Senator Asshat Speaks

No, not Kerry. The other Senator Asshat. Teddy “The Hut” Kennedy. He says we’re gonna get nuked, we’re stuck in a quagmire and we need to get more money to the Iraqis to stop the insurgents.

‘’The war in Iraq has made the mushroom cloud more likely, not less likely,’’ he said in the remarks released late Sunday.

Expanding on earlier suggestions that Iraq is Bush’s Vietnam, Kennedy said U.S. soldiers are bogged down in a quagmire with no end in sight.

He said it was a good thing Bush was not in charge during the Cuban missile crisis, one of the darker periods of his late brother’s John Kennedy’s time as president.

Give me a freakin’ break, Teddy-boy! This gloom and doom shit is starting to wear thin. And your bloviating on the Senate floor is really starting to chap my ass, buddy. But comparing Bush to the cowboy antics of your late brother during the Cuban missile crisis is quite appropriate. JFK almost started a nuclear war over that one.

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/27/2004 at 06:04 AM   
Filed Under: • Democrats-Liberals-Moonbat Leftists •  
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Are You Ready For Some Football?

For those of you who turned off the football after that monster 76-point shootout between Brett Favre and Payton Manning yesterday afternoon, you missed a good one last night. The Oakland Raiders did a smackdown on the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Final Score: Oakland 30, Tampa Bay 20. The Buccaneers are now 0-3 for the season. I’m a life-long Raiders fan and all I can say is, “Revenge is a dish best served cold”.

In baseball news, the Cubs are a half game ahead of San Francisco in the wild-card race going into the final four games of the season again Cincinnati. Raarrgh! GO CUBS!

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/27/2004 at 02:59 AM   
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Quest For Fire, Part II

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/27/2004 at 02:45 AM   
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Daily Dose

Quote Of The Day

“Obviously crime pays, or there’d be no crime.”
-- G. Gordon Liddy

1939 - Poland Surrenders
On this day in 1939, 140,000 Polish troops are taken prisoner by the German invaders as Warsaw surrenders to the superior mechanized forces of Hitler’s army. The Poles fought bravely, but were able to hold on for only 26 days. On the heels of its victory, the Germans began a systematic program of terror, murder, and cruelty, executing members of Poland’s middle and upper classes: Doctors, teachers, priests, landowners, and businessmen were rounded up and killed. The Nazis had given this operation the benign-sounding name “Extraordinary Pacification Action.” The Roman Catholic Church, too, was targeted, because it was a possible source of dissent and counterinsurgency. In one west Poland church diocese alone, 214 priests were shot. And hundreds of thousands more Poles were driven from their homes and relocated east, as Germans settled in the vacated areas. This was all part of a Hitler master plan. Back in August, Hitler warned his own officers that he was preparing Poland for that “which would not be to the taste of German generals"-including the rounding up of Polish Jews into ghettos, a prelude to their liquidation. All roads were pointing to Auschwitz.

1540 - Jesuit order established.

1940 - The Tripartite Pact is signed by Germany, Italy, and Japan.

1959 - Typhoon Vera battered the Japanese island of Honshu, killing almost 5,000 people.

1964 - The Warren Commission report concluded that there was no conspiracy in the assassination of President John F. Kennedy; Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.

1998 - Mark McGwire of the St. Louis Cardinals hit his record-setting 69th and 70th home runs duing the last game of the season.

Samuel Adams, (1722–1803), Political leader in the American Revolution, founder of great beer company
Alfred Thayer Mahan, (1840–1914), U.S. naval officer and historian

_{Thanks to The Quotations Page - The History Channel - InfoPlease.}

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/27/2004 at 01:58 AM   
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   Sunday - September 26, 2004

Dead Horses

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that, “When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.”

However, in government, civic and charitable groups, education, unions and corporate America more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:

1. Buying a stronger whip.

2. Changing riders.

3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.

4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride horses.

5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.

6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.

7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.

8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.

9. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase dead horse’s performance.

10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse’s performance.

11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.

12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.

And of course a favorite . . . promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Another week, another hurricane.

(-- thanks to Ric)

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/26/2004 at 05:39 PM   
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More Memos From “Lucy Ramirez”

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/26/2004 at 04:11 PM   
Filed Under: • Media-Bias •  
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Tom Brokaw Sucks

I’ll let this Liberal bullshit artist speak for himself. Victim, my ass ....

NBC’s Tom Brokaw expressed the hope that the CBS News controversy “doesn’t spread the stain across to NBC News” and, on Thursday night’s Late Night with Conan O’Brien, Brokaw took a shot bloggers and talk radio hosts critical of Dan Rather: “This is not something I am persuaded that he’s out to do deliberately despite what some bloggers will say or radio talk show hosts will say.” Brokaw portrayed his fellow anchor as a victim: “I think he was really trying to get at a big story about the President’s National Guard service. And they got stung by some documents.”

Really, officer, the tree jumped in front of my car.

Immediately after Brokaw sat down on the September 23 Late Night show on NBC, Conan O’Brien asked him to comment on the Dan Rather situation. The MRC’s Geoff Dickens took down Brokaw’s reply: “It’s a difficult time for anyone who’s in the news business and you know we all like to be aggressive about what we’re doing and cover the next big story. And then occasionally you’ll get caught in something like this. And the whole world, especially in our business because we’re so public and we have such high visibility, is looking in on your life and it’s tough. It’s tough for everyone at CBS News. We’ve had a lot of conversations about it in our newsroom. And we hope that it doesn’t, you know, spread the stain across to NBC News but I think that probably for a lot of people out there, they’re wondering, ‘Well what about the standards at NBC? Would the same kind of thing happen there?’ What do you do about checking? We went through our own difficulty here a number of years ago with the Dateline episode where they didn’t disclose everything that they should have about the test they were doing on a truck. It was [the] single most difficult time that I can remember”.

“So I do feel bad for Dan. He’s had a long and distinguished career. This is not something I am persuaded that he’s out to do deliberately despite what some bloggers will say or radio talk show hosts will say. I think he was really trying to get at a big story about the President’s National Guard service. And they got stung by some documents and it’s too bad but they’ve now launched an internal investigation and it’s probably best if we all just sit back and see how that turns out.”

I think Brokaw needs a swift kick in the ass to straighten his butt out. This is just more of the Liberal “victim mentality” that lets criminals get away with murder with claims that they are victims of a dysfunctional family or whatever. BULLSHIT, Tommy-boy! Get a grip. Rather did it to himself with shoddy reporting and a definite bias. If he is a victim, it’s of his own STOOPIDITY! Just like you’re demonstrating right now! When are you people in the MSM going to start taking responsibility for your reporting and learn how to give us fair and impartial coverage of the day’s news? If you don’t hurry up and get your heads out of your collective asses, you may find out that bloggers have replaced you all. Ipse facto, bud!

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/26/2004 at 03:55 PM   
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News Bytes

If you’re Hannibal Gaddafi, son of mad dog Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi, you can get away with (1) leading Paris cops on a high-speed chase, (2) letting your bodyguards get into a brawl with the gendarmes and (3) seriously injuring one of the policemen .... without any penalty whatsoever. Why? Repeat after me, kids: DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY.

I’m kinda on the fence on this one. This man applies for a job, doesn’t get hired, company sends him paychecks anyway. Now the company wants the money back and the man is arrested for theft. I’d say the man should get to keep the money as a penalty for the company’s payroll department being so DAMNED STOOPID. But that’s just my opinion .... I could be wrong.

In an ongoing attempt to ward off further hurricanes, a Georgia company is now accepting the ashes of dead relatives to be poured in concrete and used to form barrier reefs. Obviously, they hope the dead will rise up in great numbers as each hurricane approaches and spook it so bad it’ll return to Africa. Indeed.

Art lovers visiting a new gallery exhibiting “nude” art are being encouraged to come in the nude in order to get closer to the art. Mheh-heh. No comment from the gallery owner, Bill Clinton.

I’m with Frank J. on this one. Monkeys are no damned good and they all need to be exterminated. Just do it!

CBS stations around the country have been receiving literally tens of thousands of e-mails and letters requesting Dan Rather be fired. Rather fired back, “those e-mails are forgeries generated by Karl Rove”. When questioned, Karl Rove had this to say, “Mwah-hah-hah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha ....”. I agree.

And finally, Neal Boortz has discovered the best candidate for ”Mother Of The Year”.

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/26/2004 at 03:25 PM   
Filed Under: • Media-Bias • Outrageous •  
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Hell On Earth

In case you were wondering what things are looking like in Forida right now, here is a small glimpse into hell ....
Click on each image for larger picture (opens in pop-up) ....
(all pictures courtesy AP, except last one from NOAA Satellite Imagery)

As the last image shows, the eye is squatting right over Vilmar’s head right now. Hang in there buddy! This is what my family in South Alabama had to endure last week and there’re all OK. Just don’t do anything stupid, OK?

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/26/2004 at 01:59 PM   
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Weather Report

Al Sleet, here .... your hippy-dippy weather man with the weekend weather news report for Florida:

Hurricane again ....

.... wait a f**king minute. That’s not news. News is “new”. This is “Olds”. Folks living in Florida are running North to escape another “sudden, surprise” hurricane. The only surprise here is why they’re surprised. Humans never learn, do they?

Let’s examine the facts ....

First, take a good hard look at the coast of the Gulf Of Mexico and the coast of Florida, South Carolina and most of North Carolina. Go ahead, find a map and examine it carefully. Notice anything peculiar? OK, numb-nuts, step back and look at the COASTLINES. See all those nicely rounded arcs and near perfect circular areas of beach? Take a look at the Texas coast. Anything creeping into your brain yet about the shape of the coast? Well, compare that coast to Norway which has NEVER seen a hurricane. Now, Norway has all those jiggly bits sticking out and in (they’re called “fyords") whereas Texas and the Florida coast is smoothly REAMED OUT into nice smooth curvy arcs. Are you starting to get a hint yet, humans? For millions of years the North African Bowling League of the Weather Gods have been playing ten-pins with this area. They stroll up to the line in Morocco and let loose their bowling balls straight across the alley of the mid-Atlantic right into the Caribbean where the pins are setup. The coast didn’t get that way because of bird migrations or global warming. NO! It took year after year of monster “bowling balls” crossing the Atlantic and reaming out the coast. This is nothing new! Surprise!

Second, the absolute flattest state in the USA is Florida. Haven’t you ever wondered why? Fact: the highest point in the state is way up north in the panhandle about 30 miles from Alabama. The rest of the freaking state hunkered down and sunk into the mud millions of years ago in order to get away from the annual Bowling Tournament Of The Gods. Hell, even Texas followed suit and started sinking down along the coast after being battered for year after year. Folks in Texas who live in Corpus Christi have to drive all day inland to find even a minor hill.

Third, take a look at the wildlife in Florida ..... go ahead, I’ll wait .......... what’s the most prevalent animal early explorers found in Florida? The ALLIGATOR! The state teems with these critters. Why? Well, I’ll tell you why .... if ever there was a large animal with LOW GROUND CLEARANCE this is it. These guys flatten themselves to the ground and creep along gobbling up other wildlife. If the winds get too tough, hell they just glide into the water, leaving only two eyeballs sticking out like goobered-up periscopes waiting for the winds to die down. If that’s not enough proof for you, what’s the tallest animal on earth? Huh? C’mon, you know .... the GIRAFFE! Now, ask yourselves this question .... how come giraffes aren’t native to Florida? Why have no giraffes ever been found living in Florida, except in zoos built by that asinine, stupid creature .... man. Now, man used to crawl around on all fours which put him pretty low to the ground and fairly safe from high winds and hurricanes but then one day he decided to start walking upright .... and it’s been all downhill since then.

So, let this be a lesson to you puny humans in Florida. Get back down on all fours and start hanging out with the alligators. After all, they’ve survived this shit for millions of years without receiving a single penny from FEMA. And besides, I have a sneeking suspicion that even the stupidest alligator can punch a ballot WITHOUT leaving a dangling chad.

This has been a public service message from the Barking Moonbat Early Warning System Weather Bureau.

-- I’m Dennis Cucinich and I approve this message.

-- I’m Dan Rather and I have no idea what the f**k is going on here but I know it’s Bush’s fault ....

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/26/2004 at 10:01 AM   
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A Picture Says A Thousand Words

If that’s the case I am about to unload a two thousand word essay on your asses.

(I wish I could remember who the reader was that sent me these.  If it was you, send me an email and I will credit you!  )

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 09/26/2004 at 06:00 AM   
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More on (MORON) Kerry

Can It Be?  ANOTHER Flip-Flop?

Yep, Lurch did it again.  This time he’s a-flippin’ and a-floppin’ on homosexual marriages.

Hey!  What about that Communist Chinese rifle Fuckface says he owns?

How did anyone find that out?  Well, when asked a question by Outdoor Life about his favorite gun, The Poodle answered:

“My favorite gun is the M-16 that saved my life and that of my crew in Vietnam. I don’t own one of those now, but one of my reminders of my service is a Communist Chinese assault rifle.”

Note how he stuck in the Vietnam reference?  What a useless, lame, no-life piece of shit foron!

So, Fuckface, where is this “ASSAULT” rifle?  And why is it you can have one and I can not?

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 09/26/2004 at 05:47 AM   
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Reuters:  The News Agency Favored By Terrorists Worldwide

Are you ready to be really pissed off?

Read this news article by Reuters which covers the suicide bombing by a FEMALE Palestinian terrorist (or insurgent as Reuters would say) who killed two Israelis and injured 17.

I’ll help you along with some pertinent quotes:

“(Her family) rushed ...to empty the family home in the Palestinian refugee camp of Askar near the West Bank city of Nablus, expecting Israeli bulldozers to soon come to demolish it.”

“hundreds of residents of the Askar camp rushed to help the bomber’s family remove furniture, clothes and appliances from a two-storey house built by the United Nations agency that serves Palestinian refugees.”

“Her father Ali, recovering from surgery to open clogged arteries, collapsed and ..........(m)inutes later, Abu Salem’s mother also passed out”

“Oppression is everywhere,” said her uncle Mustafa Shinawi, 55. “Every Palestinian finds his own suitable way to protest the Israeli oppression.”

Throughout the article one is made to feel pity for the family and the female terorist bitch.

I dare you to find anything in that piece that mentions that almost two dozen people were killed and injured by this she-bitch.  Or the grief THEIR families are feeling.  And their heartache at having lost INNOCENT loved ones.  But Reuters focuses, instead, on the plight of the actual terrorist’s family!!!

Yep.......................Reuters:  the tool of terrorists everywhere.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 09/26/2004 at 05:43 AM   
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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:

1. Keep a firm grasp of Right and Wrong
2. Stay involved with government on every level and don't let those bastards get away with a thing
3. Use every legal means to defend yourself in the event of real internal trouble, and, most importantly:
4. Keep talking to each other, whether here or elsewhere

It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.

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