Friday - October 28, 2005

Christmas Joy

Guys, can’t decide on that “perfect” gift for your wife or girlfriend this year? Here is a gift for both of you. Guys love remote controls and women love .... never mind. Get her one of these and you both can be happy. Satisfaction guaranteed.

Posted by The Skipper     on 10/28/2005 at 12:51 AM   
Filed Under: • Odd-Strange • Science-Technology •  
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   Tuesday - October 18, 2005

Best Headline Of The Day (so far)

OK, BMEWS members! Your challenge today is to read the news article below and leave a comment without any bad puns, stupid punch lines, underwear jokes or references to poot or doody. I realize it will be tough but that’s why we have challenges. You may begin in 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1 ...

STINKY PANTS IN THE PAST
(SKY NEWS)

Stinky underwear could soon be consigned to the dustbin of history. Thanks to the invention of what manufacturers claim are the first “pong-proof pants”, all student digs and walkers’ rucksacks will stay smelling fresh.

Tiny fragments of silver woven into the North Face briefs help stop bacteria multiplying. This means they can be worn again and again without getting smelly. Even the oldest trick in the book for those concerned about causing a stench - turning underwear inside outside out before wearing it for a second day - is rendered unnecessary.

The company says the way the material is woven helps resist malodorous microbes and mildew. Keith Byrne, marketing manager for North Face, told the Daily Mail: “The fact that they resist odour build-up is sure to appeal to blokes everywhere who may be slightly challenged in the washing machine department.”

The pants are designed to help those trekking on expeditions in the mountains or jungles.

Posted by The Skipper     on 10/18/2005 at 09:27 AM   
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   Monday - October 17, 2005

Suspicious Suicide?

Now that’s something you don’t see every day ... someone committing suicide by cutting their throat - sort of Seppuku, American style. At least that’s what the police think happened to Charles Rocket of Saturday Night Live fame ...

Ex-’SNL’ Comedian’s Death Ruled a Suicide
FARMINGTON, Conn (AP)

Actor and comedian Charles Rocket, who had roles in a variety of movies and TV series and briefly gained notoriety for uttering an obscenity on “Saturday Night Live,” committed suicide, the state medical examiner ruled. Rocket, 56, whose real name was Charles Claverie, was found dead in a field near his home in Canterbury on Oct 7. His throat had been cut, the medical examiner said.

“An investigation determined there was no criminal aspect to this case,” State Police Sgt. J. Paul Vance said Monday. Rocket was a cast member on NBC’s “Saturday Night Live” during the season. The profanity incident happened during a spoof of the “Who Shot J.R.?” plot line on “Dallas,” which created a nationwide sensation at the time.

“Dallas” star Charlene Tilton was the “SNL” guest host that week. Rocket, who came on stage in a wheelchair, uttered the profanity after he was asked what it was like to have been shot. The incident sparked complaints from viewers and prompted NBC to issue an apology. Rocket was later dismissed along with other cast members and writers on the show amid weak ratings at the time.

He went on to appear in numerous TV shows, including “Moonlighting” and “Max Headroom,” and provided voices for cartoon series. His movie credits included “Earth Girls are Easy,” “Dumb and Dumber” and “Dances With Wolves,” according to the Internet Movie Database.

Before his time on “Saturday Night Live,” Rocket was an anchorman at television stations in Colorado and Rhode Island and played an influential role in the Providence, R.I., arts scene decades ago, friends said. “I just think he was one of the nicest and funniest people I ever met,” said Chip Young, who co-wrote a column on Rocket in a Providence paper. “He had so many friends and influenced so many people.”

Posted by The Skipper     on 10/17/2005 at 12:30 PM   
Filed Under: • Hollywood • Odd-Strange •  
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   Saturday - October 15, 2005

Pooch Purse?

A million years ago, a wild dog wandered in close to the campfire built by those crazy hairless monkeys who surrounded the fire keeping warm. This poor little doggie was at first apprehensive about these ugly creatures that walked upright but they threw him some food, and so he decided to check them out further instead of biting them on the ass. He eventually concluded they were slightly crazy but basically alright and decided to stick around to see where they were going. That was its first mistake ....

The Original Puppy Purse
(Puppypurse.com)

We at PuppyPurse are, first and foremost, dog lovers. We would, if we could, have our pups at our sides all the time and everywhere. Some time ago we noticed that other people DID have their puppies at their sides. All the time. Everywhere it seemed!

But they were taking them along stuffed into deep, dark, sweltering-in-the-summer-heat handbags, as they would their wallets, car keys, or packets of tissues. At that point we looked our own little friends in their furry little faces and said, “There has to be a better way.”

PuppyPurse was designed to keep your diminutive doggie and you, their adoring human, inseparable. Your pup will ride at your side in open air comfort—no stuffy handbags! And they’ll do it in style, snuggly wrapped in a bodice of spongy waffle, luxurious faux fur, or one of our other hand selected materials. Finishing touches like fringes, beads, or feathers add a fashion flair that will make them the envy of their peers!

Whether you wear it like a shoulder bag, a fanny pack, or carry it like a purse, PuppyPurse lets you find the perfect fit for you and your dog. You will spend the day close and comfortable, and ready for anything. Anytime. Everywhere.

Posted by The Skipper     on 10/15/2005 at 12:21 PM   
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   Tuesday - October 11, 2005

Most Ridiculous Item Of The Day (so far)

Paging Jim West and Artemus Gordon. You have a call on line three ...

Police: Man Takes Train With Bow and Arrow
MONTCLAIR, CA (AP)

In a confrontation reminiscent of the Wild West, police shot and wounded a man who allegedly took over a freight train with a bow and arrow. Juventino Vallejo-Camerena boarded the Union Pacific train Sunday night as it was stopped for a signal and threatened the engineer and conductor, the only people on board, police Capt. Keith Jones said. The crew members escaped and called police.

The man was aboard the train in western San Bernardino County when officers arrived. The man cocked the bow and pointed the arrow at officers, who opened fire, Jones said. Vallejo-Camerena suffered gunshot wounds to the left wrist and forearm that were not life-threatening, Jones said.

He was treated at a hospital, then booked into jail for investigation of train robbery, assault and resisting arrest. It wasn’t known when he would make his first court appearance. Union Pacific representatives did not immediately return calls for comment Monday.

Posted by The Skipper     on 10/11/2005 at 12:59 AM   
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   Sunday - October 09, 2005

Quote Of The Day

In Douglas County, Oregon, the Cow Creek indian tribe is trying to have land in downtown Roseberg, which was planned for a convention center, placed into a tribal trust. Today’s monumental quote comes from one of the county commissioners who replied to the tribe’s request with this gem ...

“I have nothing against Indians but they are stealing our land.”
-- Commissioner Marilyn Kittelman

Posted by The Skipper     on 10/09/2005 at 08:03 AM   
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Most Outrageous Item Of The Day (so far)

Just when you thought the human race was starting to climb up out of the primordial muck and started acting like we have functioning brains, someone, somewhere just blows the whole theory of the advance of cvilization to shreds. If it isn’t muckrakers at the DNC it’s Cambodian bloodsuckers.

Based on this news story, it seems somebody took those old Dracula movies way too seriously.

Key quote: “We, the police, just have no idea what offense to charge them with” ...

Cambodian Couple Suck Daughter’s Blood
PHNOM PENH, Cambodia (AP)

Black magic may have driven a Cambodian couple to bite off their daughter’s thumb nails and suck her blood, officials said Sunday. Chheng Chhorn, 46, and Srun Yoeung, 37, attacked their 12-year-old child before dawn on Thursday while she was still asleep, biting off her thumb nails and a small part of her nose to drink her blood, said Keo Norea Phy, a police official in Kampong Cham province where the incident occurred.

Neighbors rushed to the couple’s house and rescued the girl after hearing her screams, he said. After treatment at a hospital in Kampong Cham, about 50 miles east of Phom Penh, the girl was placed in the custody of other villagers. Relatives had taken her parents to a black magic healer to chase away the evil spirit that was believed to have possessed them, the police official said.

“We, the police, just have no idea what offense to charge them with,” Keo Norea Phy said. Preap Nhim, a local official, said the couple sold noodles in their village and had never before acted in a strange manner. He said they may have been driven by the spirit guarding the altar they kept inside their house.

Cambodia is a Buddhist country, but many people in the countryside are deeply superstitious. Some claim the ability to communicate with the dead and cure the sick by exorcising evil spirits from their bodies.

Posted by The Skipper     on 10/09/2005 at 07:34 AM   
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   Friday - October 07, 2005

Balls!

I’m ordering a pair of these for every Republican in Washington. The way they keep caving in to every rabid Democrat request, they obviously need a pair ...

Pooch Neuticles Top Ig Nobels
BOSTON (AP)

Gregg Miller mortgaged his home and maxed out his credit cards to mass produce his invention—prosthetic testicles for neutered dogs. What started 10 years ago with an experiment on an unwitting Rottweiler named Max has turned into a thriving mail-order business. And on Thursday night Miller’s efforts earned him a dubious yet strangely coveted honor: the Ig Nobel Prize for medicine.

“Considering my parents thought I was an idiot when I was a kid, this is a great honor,” he said. “I wish they were alive to see it.” The Ig Nobels, given at Harvard University by Annals of Improbable Research magazine, celebrate the humorous, creative and odd side of science.

Miller has sold more than 150,000 of his Neuticles, more than doubling his $500,000 investment. The silicone implants come in different sizes, shapes, weights and degrees of firmness.

Posted by The Skipper     on 10/07/2005 at 01:33 AM   
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   Wednesday - October 05, 2005

Kamikaze!

Who says hunting is a one-sided sport? Sometimes the animals fight back. In this case, the hunter’s son got the bird which then turned into a suicide dive-bomber, taking out the hunter. I bet next time he goes hunting, he’ll call AFLAC first. BON-ZAI!

He Should Have Taken a Gander Upwards STOCKHOLM (Reuters) A Swedish hunter was knocked unconscious after his son shot a flying Canadian goose which then fell onto his head, news agency TT reported Wednesday. “I guess it wanted revenge,” hunter Ulf Ilback told local newspaper Extra Ostergotland, according to TT. Ilback said he had to stay in bed for two days after being knocked out by the goose, which fell from around 60 feet. The birds can weigh up 13 pounds.

Posted by The Skipper     on 10/05/2005 at 12:48 PM   
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Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex

Is Sex Necessary?
(FORBES)

Fans of abstinence had better be sitting down. “Saving yourself” before the big game, the big business deal, the big hoedown or the big bakeoff may indeed confer some moral benefit. But corporeally it does absolutely zip. There’s no evidence it sharpens your competitive edge. The best that modern science can say for sexual abstinence is that it’s harmless when practiced in moderation. Having regular and enthusiastic sex, by contrast, confers a host of measurable physiological advantages, be you male or female. (This assumes that you are engaging in sex without contracting a sexually transmitted disease.)

In one of the most credible studies correlating overall health with sexual frequency, Queens University in Belfast tracked the mortality of about 1,000 middle-aged men over the course of a decade. The study was designed to compare persons of comparable circumstances, age and health. Its findings, published in 1997 in the British Medical Journal, were that men who reported the highest frequency of orgasm enjoyed a death rate half that of the laggards. Other studies (some rigorous, some less so) purport to show that having sex even a few times a week has an associative or causal relationship with the following:

• Improved sense of smell
• Reduced risk of heart disease
• Weight loss, overall fitness
• Reduced depression
• Pain-relief
• Less-frequent colds and flu
• Better bladder control
• Better teeth
• A happier prostate

But is there such a thing as too much sex?

Dr. George Winch Jr., an obstetrician/gynecologist in Elko, Nev., concurs. If a woman is pre-menopausal and otherwise healthy, says Dr. Winch, her having an extraordinary amount of intercourse ought not to pose a problem. “I don’t think women can have too much intercourse.”

Women who abstain from sex run some risks. In postmenopausal women, these include vaginal atrophy. Dr. Winch has a middle-aged patient of whom he says: “She hasn’t had intercourse in three years. Just isn’t interested. The opening of her vagina is narrowing from disuse.

As for men, urologist Eid says it’s definitely possible to get too much of a good thing, now that drugs such as Viagra and Levitra have given men far more staying power than may actually be good for them.

The penis, says Eid, is wonderfully resilient. But everything has its limits. Penile tissues, if given too roistering or prolonged a pummeling, can sustain damage. In cases you’d just as soon not hear about, permanent damage.

“Yes,” says Dr. Eid, “It is possible for a young man who is very forceful and who likes rough sex, to damage his erectile tissue.” The drugs increase rigidity; moreover, they make it possible for a man to have second and third orgasms without having to wait out intermission.

Posted by The Skipper     on 10/05/2005 at 01:42 AM   
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   Sunday - October 02, 2005

Something Else To Worry About

Terrorists, SARS, AIDS, anthrax, mad cows, rabbit disease .... we have enough to worry about in today’s disease-riddled world (not to mention the brain damage which is spreading like wildfire among Democrats, Leftists and France). Now we have to be concerned about hairy crabs ...

Hairy Crabs Seen As Posing Health Risk
TAIWAN (TNO)

In the latest expression of concern over the importation of hairy crabs from China, an opposition legislator said yesterday that the sale of local red crabs had been severely affected and that the imported hairy crabs present a health risk. Speaking at a press conference yesterday, Taiwan Solidarity Union Legislator Lai Shin-yuan (賴幸媛) said that compared to three years ago, red crab sales have decreased by 58 percent.

Moreover, since China is considered at risk for cholera cases, the importation of hairy crabs presents an imminent health threat, Lai added. “Each day, about 50,000 hairy crabs are smuggled into Taiwan via Hong Kong,” said Lai. “These contraband crabs all end up in the stomachs of Taiwanese consumers.”

The hairy crab from China is an extremely popular food choice among Taiwanese consumers during the autumn season. Lai noted that even though 116 cases of cholera were reported in China in August, the Taiwan Department of Health has made little effort to thoroughly inspect seafood products from China. For example, only 15 of the 110 shipments of hairy crabs last year were randomly inspected, she said. She stressed that cholera infection cannot be prevented just by cooking the crabs, since people can be easily become infected during the preparation process.

“This lack of inspection is putting our people’s lives in great jeopardy,” Lai claimed. Quarantine section chief of the Center for Disease Control, Lin Wei-Fei, indicated that between 1993-2004 the Taiwanese government enforced stricter cholera inspection standards than any other country concerning perishable items, resulting in only two cholera cases being found in 1997 and 1998, he said.

Lin went on to say, however, that with the rise of many other infectious diseases and the increased workload in the area of disease prevention, cholera inspection was suspended this year. He further noted that the inspections were suspended also because the World Health Organization had not reported any cases of cholera directly linked to food consumption. Lai also said that the number of recorded cases of cholera in China begged greater action on the part of the Taiwan government.

“It is clear to us that the Ministry of Health in China reports over 100 cases of cholera per year,” Lai said. “Why did we stop the inspection last year and why do we continue with the suspension of the process this year?” she asked, adding that “this is extremely irresponsible behavior.” She demanded the Department of Health employ stricter customs controls on imported seafood. If not, the government will be held responsible for its lack of action, she said. Lia’s colleague, TSU legislator Huang Wei-Cher, who was also at the press conference, contended that the Taiwan government “is always a step behind.” “Do we have to wait for problems to occur before we do something?” Huang asked.

Posted by The Skipper     on 10/02/2005 at 11:19 PM   
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   Saturday - October 01, 2005

WTF-Mobile

No More Backing Up With Nissan’s New Egg Shaped Car
TOKYO (AP)

Nissan has come up with a way to help drivers back out of tight parking spots.

The Japanese automaker has developed an egg-shaped car whose body pivots 360 degrees so that its rear end becomes the front.

The Pivo was shown Friday at a Tokyo Nissan showroom and is an experimental model that probably won’t go on sale for several years.

It’s a three-seater electric car that looks like a big egg on wheels. Its body revolves in a complete circle while its wheels stay put.

Such moves are possible because Pivo’s steering, wheels and other parts are controlled electronically by wireless signals, not mechanical links.

Frank adds: And if this thing ever makes it to market, some punks will start learning how to drive it while the cab spins.  There will be entries in the X-Games for “Extreme Egging”.  Someone will put a .50 cal gun mount on top and the cab will become a turret.

Posted by The Skipper     on 10/01/2005 at 12:01 AM   
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   Friday - September 30, 2005

Sad Story

To me, the really sad thing about this is the poor critter isn’t smart enough to know just how f**ked up he (or she) really is. Then again, maybe it’s better not to know. In a related story, Michael Moore was last seen ....

A woman holds a baby tortoise with two heads in Havana September 27, 2005. The tortoise was found some days ago on a river bank at the city forest. According to scientists of the local aquarium who inspected the animal, it seems to be perfectly healthy. REUTERS/Claudia Daut

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/30/2005 at 09:03 AM   
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Meet George Jetson

My best guess is Arnold Schwarzenegger has already ordered one of these babies. Better keep an eye on the skies above California. The Governator will be dive-bombing the Democrat-controlled California legislature any day now ....

Gas Prices High? Try an Eco-friendly, $3.5 million Skycar
CHICAGO (Reuters)

If that Hummer is draining your cash at the gas pump, Neiman Marcus Group Inc. has the perfect holiday gift: A fuel-efficient, $3.5 million (2 million pound) “Skycar” that flies 350 miles per hour and burns environmentally friendly alcohol. The luxury retailer’s annual Christmas Book of gifts for the rich and richer shows no signs of scaling back in times of economic strain—although there are a few stocking stuffers such as a $15 paperweight for those on a tighter budget.

The M400 Skycar prototype is a vertical takeoff and landing aircraft that gets 21 miles per gallon and is designed to be “as safe, affordable and easy to use as an automobile. “A limited number of M400s is expected to be available within the next three years, but you can purchase the actual prototype for yourself or your favourite commuter now,” Neiman Marcus said in the catalogue. Delivery is not included. Buyers must clear regulatory requirements, including International Traffic in Arms Regulations and Federal Aviation Administration authorization.

For those who can’t get clearance, there is always the private Elton John concert. For $1.5 million, you and 500 close friends can enjoy an intimate piano concert while helping a good cause—the money goes to John’s AIDS foundation. Sports fans can opt for the $65,000 IndyCar race simulator. For an extra $10,000, they will throw in a “race hospitality package” for the famed Indianapolis 500, including pit access, four nights’ hotel and autographed merchandise. Act fast—only five hospitality packages are available.

There is also a jewellery collection for $1.2 million, and a “levitating sculpture” that uses an invisible magnetic wave to suspend an oval-shaped aluminium sculpture with no visible means of support. The sculpture comes in a 6-foot limited edition for $90,000, or a 16-inch version for just $18,000. For the environmentalist who can’t afford a Skycar, Neiman Marcus offers a special-edition 2007 Lexus GS 450h luxury hybrid sedan for $65,000. Only 75 will be made, with exclusive Crystalline Ice exterior paint.

Don’t procrastinate. The retailer said the limited-edition cars—as well as many other items featured in its Christmas catalogue—have sold out every year since 1995. Cars tend to sell quickly, often in the first 24 hours. The Christmas Book, first published in 1926, will be mailed to some 2 million households worldwide this week.

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/30/2005 at 08:44 AM   
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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:

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It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.

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