Thursday - June 22, 2006

Women: Arm Yourself!

This little device was announced last September with very little fanfare but has managed to create quite a controversy in the ensuing nine months since. Personally, I’d be all for this little “clamp” for rapists. It is fitting punishment for violating a woman against her will. I think every gal should have one for those trips to the ATM at midnight.

The only problem I might see is the ditzy blonde I’m out on a date with who got a little tipsy and forgot she was wearing it when she invited me back to her apartment and dropped her clothes. Even worse would be the angry wife or girlfriend who ... never mind. Gals aren’t really that sadistic are they? I better quit now. Following that last train of thought caused me to start shaking all over - especially when I recall what a sadistic, spiteful beeyatch my last wife turned into during the divorce. YIKES!

New Anti-Rape Female Condom
_{September 5, 2005}

So what is this device, for which design South African inventor Sonette Ehlers was inspired after meeting a traumatised rape victim who told her, “If only I had teeth down there”, all about?

A medieval device built on hatred of men? Or a cheap, easy-to-use invention that could free millions of South African women from fear of rape, in a country with the world’s worst sexual assault record?

“Rapex”, the condom-like device bristling with internal hooks designed to snare rapists has re-ignited controversy over South Africa’s alarming rape rate, even before plans for its production were announced in Western Cape this week. The device, concealed inside a woman’s body, hooks onto a rapist during penetration and must be surgically removed.

Ms Ehlers said the rape trap would be so painful for a rapist that it would disable him immediately, enabling his victim to escape; but would cause no long-term physical damage and could not injure the woman.

“I don’t hate men. I love men. I have not got revenge in mind. All I am doing is giving women their power back,” Ms Ehlers said. “I don’t even hate rapists. But I hate the deed with a passion.”

- The original announcement at MedGadget last Fall

Anti-rape Device Postponed
_{June 21, 2006, 06:45}

The controversial anti-rape device, Rapex, which was scheduled to make its debut on store shelves this month, is likely only to be available towards the end of the year. The invention which was launched in August last year, is the brainchild of Sonette Ehlers, a retired South African blood technician. The mechanism will clamp itself to a rapist’s penis forcing him to seek medical treatment and face arrest.

According to Ehlers, stock of the device is being manufactured overseas and will be imported back from the East into South Africa before the end of the year. Ehlers says she spends a lot of time in prisons and townships educating people about the device. The project has been greeted with enthusiasm as well as scepticism. One of those critical of the device is Charlene Smith, a rape survivor, journalist and activist on women’s issues. She says she believes the device will increase the risk of victims being killed.

“I would be appalled and every rape survivor I know would be appalled and be incredibly concerned, if the Rapex device does actually make it to stores. We believe that women who use it, will be killed by the rapist. If this device clamps onto a man, that man is right next to the woman, he’s not going to jump out and say ‘oh gosh this is hurting me’. He’s going to kill that woman. So we increase the risk of the women raped, being killed,” Smith said.

Ehlers says she is not perturbed by criticism of her invention. She replied and said, “I love criticism, but only when people know what they’re talking about, then I love it. But you know, number one, is they say its medieval, I say its a mediaeval device for a mediaeval deed. And another thing is the very same people that criticise it they should go out and educate the burglars too so we that we can all remove the burglar bars from our windows. We don’t even need to have the locks on our cars. So I mean this is a security device.”

Smith adds that in the case of gang rape, the victim is in even greater danger, but Ehlers says after being caught in the device, the perpetrator is likely to identify his accomplices to police. Lindsay Smith of Africa Contingency Consultants who specialises in Crisis and Threat Management believes the device will not work in an already violent society.

“I support any endeavour to prevent rape, but one must be realistic in a violent society where one must be careful of violence breeding violence or violence breeds violence. If you’re in a violent situation with a violent person, the average violent person is not necessarily just going to get up and run away once he’s been injured, especially if its in a gang situation. And that is my problem I have with Rapex. Is it not gonna effectively take an already violent person and make him more excessively violent?” While the controversy rages on, the true test will be when it finally hits the shelves - hopefully later this year.

- More on the postponement at SABC ...

Posted by The Skipper     on 06/22/2006 at 10:40 AM   
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   Monday - June 19, 2006

Sleepless In Jericho

There are so many things wrong with this incident that I have been unable to comment on it for the last week.  How could this little girl dupe her parents into getting her a passport? Whatever possessed her to take money from a stranger in a war zone, purchase a plane ticket and go to meet him? She is only 16, which is the age of consent in Michigan and he is either 20 or 25, depending on which news source you read. Nobody is sure.

Fortunately, the girl was tracked down by US authorities in Jordan and shipped home. Now, poor Abdullah is crying himself to sleep because his “soulmate” didn’t appear. This AP report paints him as a jilted lover, not a sexual predator. Maybe. Regardless, he had no business enticing Katherine to run away and come help him raise goats for the rest of her life.

If I were Katherine’s father, I’m afraid there would be some stern punishment in store for her and I ain’t talking about taking her iPod away. By the time I got through with her, I’d probably have worn out three or four belts and the young girl wouldn’t be able to sit down for a month. Cruel? No, sometimes when a child acts like their brains are up their butt you need to communicate directly with the problem.

As for this MySpace.com crap, shut ‘em down. These chat rooms and meeting web sites have caused more trouble than they are worth. They have become nothing less than on-line crackhouses. Until we can figure out a way to protect minors completely on-line somebody needs to provide strict monitoring of these web sites. And somebody needs to give a stern lecture to Katherine’s parents about actually being parents instead of witless jerks. Period.

Palestinian Anguishes Over MySpace Romance
_{June 19, 2006, 11:22 AM EDT}

JERICHO, West Bank (AP)—The Palestinian man who befriended a 16-year-old Michigan girl through the MySpace.com Web site and invited her to join him in Jericho said he is heartbroken by U.S. authorities’ decision to send her back home.

Abdullah Jimzawi, 20, told The Associated Press that his love for Katherine Lester, of Gilford, Mich., was pure and they planned to marry. The music buff, who spends at least 10 hours a day on the Internet, decried attempts to portray him as an Internet predator.

“We love the same things, the same songs and we have similar dreams. I fell in love with her because she is innocent and goodhearted. We found ourselves as soul mates,” he told the AP on Sunday at his family’s comfortable house.

Jericho, a town of 17,000, is largely immune from the violence and mayhem plaguing the rest of the West Bank. Jimzawi, a high school dropout with close-cropped hair, a two-day beard and large, dark eyes, said Katherine was willing to convert to Islam and that the pair remain in close contact, speaking to each other at least five hours a day via Internet phone calls.

MySpace.com is a social networking Web site whose enormous popularity with teenagers has raised concerns among U.S. authorities, with scattered accounts of sexual predators targeting minors they meet on the site. Jimzawi works in his father’s business delivering goods to minimarkets and has never gotten into trouble.

Earlier this month, Katherine boarded a flight to Israel after slipping out of her mother’s house. At a stopover in Amman, Jordan, U.S. authorities seized her passport and sent her back home.

Had Katherine made it to Jericho, Jimzawi said, she would have slept in his sister’s bedroom, not his. He said he would have walked with her through the tree-lined streets of Jericho, and his family would have celebrated her 17th birthday together on June 21. “When I realized she wasn’t coming I felt my whole world collapse,” he said. “My tears didn’t stop and I couldn’t sleep for three days.”

Posted by The Skipper     on 06/19/2006 at 12:33 PM   
Filed Under: • Love-Marriage • Odd-Strange • Paleswine •  
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   Saturday - June 17, 2006

Mexican Election Nonsense

HA! You just thought politics and elections in America were weird. Wait until you see what’s going on “South Of The Border”. National elections are coming up in a few weeks and Mexican candidates are trying to raise the bar in the prestigious Howard Dean Political Insanity Contest.

Voodoo dolls, wild turkeys, peeing in their pants ....? All the more reason why we need to keep the MESS-cans out of America. We’ve already got our quota of political weirdos on the Left and in the Liberal madhouses in Kalifornicatia and Taxatwoshits.

Key quote in the story below: “he told supporters his rivals came to eat pigeon, but what they got was a fighting cock.” Aye, Caramba!

Hot Air, Wet Pants Spice Up Election Race
_{Fri Jun 16, 10:25 AM ET}

MEXICO CITY (Reuters) - A squawking wild turkey as president, voodoo, a dancing grandpa pharmacist and a nervous criminal urinating in his pants on television—welcome to Mexico’s election race, as wacky as it is vitriolic. Full of colorful insults, blaring pop songs and nonsensical sparring, the campaign for the July 2 election has been based as much on personalities and petty point-scoring as policies.

Sick of weeks of mudslinging and silliness, voters have been sticking pins in voodoo dolls of the candidates, and the Federal Election Institute has axed some political ads as too slanderous to be aired. “It’s a very basic, very crude, very coarse, very clumsy election campaign,” commentator Guadalupe Loaeza told Reuters.

The battle for the presidency is the first since 71 years of one-party rule ended in 2000 and fierce competition between the three main parties has sparked flaming tensions. Probably the oddest campaign moment yet is a TV ad by third-place candidate Roberto Madrazo showing a criminal wetting his pants out of fear for Madrazo’s tough stance on crime.

“For me, it’s lacking in creativity. Vulgar. It’s resorting to something very childish,” said Loaeza. Among outlawed ads are spots by conservative Felipe Calderon calling his leftist arch-rival Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador a danger and linking him to Venezuela’s fiery leader Hugo Chavez. Calderon, a balding lawyer whose hairline is inked in on his campaign posters, is in a neck-and-neck race with Lopez Obrador, a crusader for the poor who dons floral garlands and tropical-style guayabera shirts.

In their latest spat, Lopez Obrador sent Calderon’s campaign office huge cardboard boxes he said contained documents proving Calderon awarded his brother-in-law lucrative contracts when energy minister. But Calderon said the boxes were a farce, empty but for a few meaningless papers. He said his rival was a liar, called him “Lopez Hablador” (Lopez Talker) and his aides “clowns.” Rhetoric has been harsh, reflecting a nation split between left and right that is still learning some of the rules of democracy.

“If the players persist in just insulting each other, they may win the contest but could not lead the country,” wrote columnist Javier Oliva in daily La Jornada. Lopez Obrador has laid into President Vicente Fox, who he says is illegally helping Calderon, dubbing him a “chachalaca”—a wild turkey known for its piercing squawk. “He acts like a chachalaca, he screeches like a chachalaca,” the leftist said, also accusing Fox of “verbal incontinence.”

Keeping with the bird theme, he told supporters after a heated election debate last week that his rivals “came to eat pigeon, but what they got was a fighting cock.” Amid all the madness, frustrated voters have lobbed plastic bottles, paper airplanes and inflated condoms at candidates and even offered one, Patricia Mercado, a puff of marijuana. Some of the most colorful campaigners cannot legally run because no political party will back them.

They include oddball magnate Victor Gonzalez, who has adopted the persona of his pharmacy chain’s rotund and grandfatherly mascot, “Dr Simi,” with fluffy white hair and mustache. Claiming more Mexican fans than Mickey Mouse, and fond of models in mini-skirts, Gonzalez hires people to wear spongy Dr Simi costumes and dance outside his pharmacies.

“I have money but I earned it honestly. I have women but I am single. The people love these things,” he said recently. Also seeking support is Zapatista rebel leader Subcomandante Marcos, who gave his first live TV interview in years in his trademark ski mask and smoking his pipe to call for the overthrow of the government, whoever wins.

Posted by The Skipper     on 06/17/2006 at 12:49 PM   
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   Friday - June 16, 2006

How To Get A Head

Police investigate crash scene. Three people dead. Two of them have heads and bodies. One has only a head. No body. How many forensics experts will it take to figure this one out? You may feel free to leave your “head” jokes in the comments but I hereby disavow any connection to anyone who refers to “giving head”. Carry on ...

Two Killed in Severed Head Crash in Idaho
_{June 16, 2006, 2:26 AM EDT}

BOISE, Idaho (AP) - The severed head of a man’s wife flew from his pickup truck Thursday when he crashed into an oncoming car, killing the driver and her child, police said. The investigation of the deadly wreck and the head, which was tossed onto the roadway by the impact, led police to the decapitated body of 47-year-old Theresa N. Time in the garage of the home she shared with her husband, Alofa Time, said Nampa police Lt. LeRoy Forsman.

A Boise police officer was driving behind Alofa Time’s truck on a busy road when he noticed the man’s erratic driving and then watched him slam into the car, said police spokeswoman Lynn Hightower. Time, who was not injured in the crash, told officers that he also was involved his wife’s death, officials said. An autopsy was scheduled next week to determine Theresa Time’s cause of death, Canyon County Coroner Vicki DeGeus-Morris said.

Time was being held on two counts of second-degree murder in the deaths of Samantha Nina Murphy, 36, and her 4-year-old daughter Jae Lynne Grimes, both of Boise. Murphy’s other daughter was injured and was in stable condition at a Boise hospital. “It was one of the more horrific and complex crime scenes on memory,” Hightower said. “A woman and her child killed in a crash, and a severed head from an earlier homicide: It’s nothing short of bizarre and tragic.”

Posted by The Skipper     on 06/16/2006 at 09:20 AM   
Filed Under: • Crime • Odd-Strange •  
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   Monday - June 12, 2006

Most Ridiculous Item Of The Day (so far)

OK, I don’t want to hear another bloody word from Peiper, Bulldog, or LyndonB (or any of our other thousands of Brit readers who lurk) that Americans are quite looney. It seems the Brits have quite a few loons of their own and, just like us, they seem to have more than their share in the civil service bureaucracy.

These old boys (and gals?) in the report below have to be given credit for creativity though. This is almost as good as some of the pranks American office workers pull such as filling cubicles with packing peanuts, tinfoiling an entire cubicle or voting for Democrats. Wait a minute! That last isn’t a prank - it’s a crime!

Depraved Civil Servants Play Naked Office Pranks
_{Monday June 12, 2006 3:45PM GMT}

(THE GUARDIAN - UK) - Civil servants who were supposed to be administering the government’s much-criticised farm subsidies system have been taking part in ‘depraved’ office pranks such as leaping naked from filing cabinets. The beleaguered Rural Payment Agency has begun an investigation into the behaviour of its staff at its Newcastle office, which allegedly included leaving cups of vomit in cupboards, taking drugs, having sex in toilets and holding breakdancing competitions during office hours.

The agency, which delayed the payment of £1.5bn worth of European subsidies to thousands of farmers, said it has so far sacked one junior member of staff over the allegations. It is also disciplining others over what staff have describe as a real life Ricky Gervais office, only worse. Some of the pranks were caught on CCTV in the office where more than 900 people are employed.

They were exposed by a whistle-blower who wrote to the Newcastle Chronicle: “I’m appalled at the level of depravity that is being tolerated at my work place.” The letter also quotes from an internal memo: “Although the staff obviously feels it is a great laugh, by anyone’s standards in the workplace setting, this represents misconduct and may not be allowed to go unchallenged.”

A spokesman for Rural Payments Agency confirmed that “allegations of serious misconduct” have been made and have been under investigation for “some weeks.” A statement added: “RPA expects high standards of its staff, who have very important and responsible jobs to do for the farming industry, and will not tolerate breaches such as those described.”

Michael Jack, chairman of the Commons rural affairs committee, condemned the pranks. He said: “These reports are extremely disappointing as they come at a time when farmers would have expected that everyone at the agency would have got the message that completing the 2007 payments was a number one priority.”

“These other activities are clearly a complete distraction from focusing on the real job, which is putting things right for British farmers.” Earlier this year the government was forced to seek an extension from Brussels to a deadline that was due to expire this month for handing back unpaid subsidies. The agency has gone through three chief executives this year over mounting concerns about late payments.

Posted by The Skipper     on 06/12/2006 at 12:24 PM   
Filed Under: • Odd-Strange • Stoopid-People •  
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   Sunday - June 11, 2006

Nuts!

Some stories need no introduction or commentary. Others need an entire book written about them. Still others make do with just the headline alone. This report is none of those. It is in a class by itself.

When The Skipper was a young lad of .. oh .. about six or seven years of age he was unfortunate to attend a family reunion wherein some of the clan’s more “strange” relatives joined in a river cookout somewhere in South Alabama and a good time was had by all (including the water mocassins who chased Skip out of the river that morning).

During the course of the barbecue a strange, snaggle-toothed “cousin” named Leroy insisted The Skipster taste some “mountain oysters” that had just been cooked up. I might mention here that at that time The Skipper was somewhat naive - something which he outgrew immediately after this incident. Wishing to join in the food fun, Little Skip took a plateful of the steaming hot snacks.

The fork started flying and hot sauce flew everywhere as Skip dug in. Yum! Yum! Suddenly Skip noticed everyone was quietly watching him and, with his mouth full asked, “Mmmph-mhwat?” Skip’s Uncle Shelby (a huge bear of a man and a dead-ringer for John Wayne) quietly grabbed him by the shoulders and whispered in his ear, “those are hawg nuts, little feller.”

Skip then proceeded, after a two-second delay, to learn what “projectile vomiting” was. The rest of Skipper’s day was spent trying to catch some water mocassins to put in cousin Leroy’s pants. Some lessons are best learned while still young ...

Idaho Testicle Festival Goes On
After TV, Radio Ads Withdrawn
_{June 9, 2006}

EAGLE, Idaho (SEATTLE TIMES) – Now that the Fire Department has agreed to drop those racy ads from back East, the mayor has agreed to let the Rocky Mountain Oyster Feed — a tradition here since the 1950s — proceed Saturday as scheduled.

At issue are fried bull testicles, cowboy caviar. Male cattle are neutered to make them more manageable and larger, presumably because asexual steers have little interest in chasing cows.

The results don’t turn up on steakhouse menus, but thousands of people turn out each year for the all-you-can-eat event in this city about 10 miles west of Boise. The tradition was news to employees at Foot, Cone and Belding, a New York advertising agency. They were so tickled by the notion of paying $22 to savor sliced “Idaho tendergroin” that they offered to develop the ads for free, said Scott Pruett, treasurer of the Eagle Volunteer Firefighters Association.

But while the event has a 50-year history, the New York approach shocked some locals. “All the controversy was directing attention away from the fire department and the Rocky Mountain Oyster Feed,” Pruett said Thursday. “It was better to step back a little bit and have a meeting of the minds.” Phone calls late Thursday to Tony Hess at the agency weren’t immediately returned.

The Foot, Cone and Belding crew came up with three ads for television, plus radio spots. The TV ads never made the airwaves. Carried on the fire station’s Web site, they included some profanity from a cartoon bull lamenting the loss of his barnyard jewels at a poetry slam. Local radio stations did play some of the ads, including one with the line, “Hey, you with the testicles? Gimme your testicles.”

That was enough to shock some members of this growing community of 12,000 people. Mayor Nancy Merrell put her foot down. She told reporters with the Boise NBC affiliate KTVB-TV she was considering barring the Fire Department from using the city park for the event. But she relented when the department dropped the ads.

“They have agreed to comply,” Merrell said in a statement. “The Rocky Mountain Oyster Feed event will still take place.” Pruett, bemused by the attention the ads generated, says firefighters thought they were funny. And while they’ve agreed to clip the promotion spots, the feed is otherwise unaltered. “The people who go, they know what they’re going for,” Pruett said. “They know what they’re eating.”

Many East Coast folks are unaware of the cattle-country canape, also celebrated at the beer-soaked “Testicle Festival” in Rock Creek, Mont., and the annual “World Championship Rocky Mountain Oyster Festival” at Throckmorton, Texas, where contestants in a swinging-beef fryoff are judged on the tenderness and appearance of their cowboy caviar.

Rocky Mountain Oysters
(Montana Tendergroin)

Ingredients:

2 pounds bull testicles
   (lamb or calf testicles can be used if you’re a wuss)
1 cup flour
1/4 cup cornmeal
1 cup red wine
Salt, pepper, garlic powder to taste
Louisiana Hot Sauce (hotter the better)
Hog lard (cooking oil can be substituted if you’re a real wuss)

Instructions:

Split the tough skin-like muscle that surrounds each “oyster.” (use a sharp knife) You can also remove the skin easily if the “oysters” are frozen and then peeled while thawing. Set into a pan with enough salt water to cover them for one hour to remove some of the blood and drain.
Transfer to large pot. Add enough water to float “oysters” and a generous tablespoon of vinegar. Parboil, drain and rinse. Let cool and slice each “oyster” into 1/4 inch thick ovals. Sprinkle salt and pepper on both sides of sliced “oyster” to taste.

Mix flour, cornmeal and some garlic powder to taste in a bowl. Roll each slice into this dry mixture. Dip into milk. Dip into dry mixture. Dip into wine quickly (repeat the procedure for a thicker crust). Place into hot cooking oil.

Add Louisiana Hot Sauce to cooking oil (it’ll sizzle some, so be careful!). Cook until golden brown or tender, and remove with a strainer (the longer they cook, the tougher they get).

Posted by The Skipper     on 06/11/2006 at 02:06 PM   
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Most Ridiculous Item Of The Week

All the world over, people just want to be free ... of clothes that is. Today, is “Nekkid Cyclist Day” around the world so if you get nervous seeing lots of nekkid people’s bums on bicycle seats you better stay home. They’re out there and they’re pedaling around your city today.

I’m reminded of an old Queen song where Freddy Mercury sang “Get on your bikes and RIDE!” Nuh-unh. I don’t think so. The world just ain’t ready to see The Skipper’s manly buttocks pedaling down Main Street on a Sunday morning. Too much of a good thang, dont’cha know ... ?

Nude Cyclists Want Respect From Motorists
_{June 11, 2006, 2:50 AM EDT}

MEXICO CITY (AP)—Dozens of cyclists rode nude through downtown Mexico City on Saturday, demanding respect from motorists and protesting against the car-oriented culture in this megalopolis.

With slogans like “Respect Bike Riders” painted on their bodies, about two dozen naked cyclists turned heads in a city where it’s rare to see even clothed riders braving the chaotic traffic on bikes.

“Drivers don’t respect us, which is why we’ve had to take this kind of action,” said Felipe Fulop, a protest organizer. Agustin Mendez, 48, arrived at the protest wearing only a pair of sneakers and a bike helmet.

“This is what we have to do to get drivers to see us and respect us,” said Mendez, adding he was recently hit by what he believes was a bottle thrown by a youth leaning out of a passing vehicle on a Mexico City street.

While the city has constructed a few bike paths and lanes in recent years, it has built far more expressways. The city’s bicycle routes consist of lane markers painted on streets and sidewalks, which few drivers respect. Saturday’s demonstrators also stressed that they were helping the city’s severe smog problem. “We don’t pollute,” Fulop said.

- They were cycling nekkid in Madrid, Spain also ...

- And in Chicago, Ill-Annoys ...

- In fact, the whole world’s nekkid on a bike today ...

Posted by The Skipper     on 06/11/2006 at 11:20 AM   
Filed Under: • Odd-Strange • Stoopid-People •  
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   Tuesday - June 06, 2006

Cheeky Brits & The Skippers Maid

I’ve been wondering where some of our Brit readers have disappeared to lately. Bulldog, Peiper? What have you guys been up to over there? You’re not working part-time as butlers, are you? That kind of work can be a little “drafty” dont’cha know? Key quote in the story below: “We want them to be cheeky but clean.” I say ol’ chap! Keep a stiff upper ... whatever ...

Half-Naked Butlers Are A Hit In London
_{June 6, 2006 12:07:37 PM}

LONDON, England (REUTERS) - Forget the quintessential image of the British butler as the epitome of discreet decorum “Butlers in the Buff” has proved such a business success as half-naked waiters in Britain that the firm is now off round the world to market the ultimate “male order” service.

The company, whose waiters wear only a bow tie, collar, cuffs and a bottom-revealing apron, is the brainchild of former Royal Marine Jason Didcott who turned entrepreneur after serving in the Gulf and Bosnia.

Determined to find a tasteful alternative to strippers and pole dancers, he lays down strict rules — each waiter undergoes a scrupulous police check and drink-fuelled clients are firmly told to keep their hands to themselves.

“What we are looking for is James Bond in a butler outfit. We want them to be cheeky but clean,” he told Reuters. “At the end of the party they can have their photo taken with the butler but that is as far as it goes. If they have too much wine and try to undo the apron, he says No Touching.”

The waiters readily admit to first night nerves — but they soon conquer them. Butler Dan Atkins said: “I love the job. I couldn’t think of a better way to earn money. At first you’re nervous but you soon forget your bum is on display and you get on with serving drinks and mingling.”

Didcott, and his company partners Will Jones and Stacey Lynn, has 75 part-time butlers on his books to staff hen parties, corporate functions and the fast growing market of gay wedding receptions. The butlers range from actors, dancers and students to personal trainers and even a hypnotherapist. “We are desperate to find more. We never have enough,” he said.

- Web Site: Butlers In The Buff

Personally, The Skipper has no use for a butler, either nekkid or fully clothed, eh wot? However, I have noticed a large accumulation of dust around the Captain’s cabin here lately. Perhaps I need to hire a maid, eh? Something along the lines of this hard-working lass on the right. I am now accepting applications for Skipper’s Maid. You must supply your own uniform which must be similar to what the lovely lady here is wearing. Of course, if yours has less material that’s not a problem. I’m sure we can work out the details later. Apply by e-mail today. Be sure to include in the “Subject:” line the words “Lusty Nympho Maid For Hire”. Only seriously deranged females need apply. The kinkier the better. I will be interviewing later this week.

Posted by The Skipper     on 06/06/2006 at 02:10 PM   
Filed Under: • Fun-Stuff • Odd-Strange •  
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   Sunday - June 04, 2006

Go To Hell

Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m a man of wealth and taste. Ive been around for a long, long year, stole many a man’s soul and faith. Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name. In the meantime, you may visit me any time you wish (especially you lawyers) and you’re invited to a special party this Tuesday in my little town just outside Detroit. We will be opening the first seal promptly at 9:00am. Don’t be late because ... what’s puzzling you is the nature of my game, oh yeah ...

Hell, Michigan Heats Up
For 6-6-6 Party
_{June 4, 2006, 7:04 AM EDT}

HELL, Mich. (AP)—They’re planning a hot time in Hell on Tuesday. The day bears the date of 6-6-06, or abbreviated as 666—a number that carries hellish significance.

And there’s not a snowball’s chance in Hell that the day will go unnoticed in the unincorporated hamlet 60 miles west of Detroit.

Nobody is more fired up than John Colone, the town’s self-styled mayor and owner of a souvenir shop. “I’ve got `666’ T-shirts and mugs. I’m only ordering 666 (of the items) so once they’re gone, that’s it,” said Colone, also known as Odum Plenty. “Everyone who comes will get a letter of authenticity saying you’ve celebrated June 6, 2006, in Hell.”

Most of Colone’s wares will sell for $6.66, including deeds to one square inch of Hell. Live entertainment and a costume contest are planned. The Gates of Hell should be installed at a children’s play area in time for the festivities. “They’re 8 feet tall and 5 foot wide and each gate looks like flames, and when they’re closed, it’s a devil’s head,” Colone told The Detroit News for a Saturday story.

Mike “Smitty” Hickey, owner of the Dam Site Inn, wasn’t sure what kind of clientele would show up Tuesday. “We’re all about having fun here. I don’t think we’re going to get the cult crowd, the devil worshippers or anything like that,” said Hickey, whose bar’s signature concoction is the Bloody Devil, a variant of the Bloody Mary.

Colone, meanwhile, has been in touch with radio stations as far away as San Diego and Seattle that are raffling off trips to Hell in honor of 6-6-6. The 666 revelry is just the latest chapter in the town’s storied history of publicity stunts, said Jason LeTeff, one of its 72 year-round residents—or, as the mayor calls them, Hellions or Hell-billies. But LeTeff wasn’t particularly enthused.

“Now, here I am living in Hell, taking my kids to church and trying to teach them the right things and the town where we live is having a 6-6-6 party,” he said. According to the town’s semiofficial Web site, there are two leading theories about how Hell got its name.

The first holds that a pair of German travelers stepped out of a stagecoach one sunny afternoon in the 1830s, and one said to the other, “So schoene hell”—roughly translated as, “So bright and beautiful.” Their comments were overheard by some locals and the name stuck.

The second holds that George Reeves was asked after Michigan gained statehood what he thought the town he helped settle should be called, and reportedly replied, “I don’t care, you can name it Hell if you want to.” The name became official on Oct. 13, 1841.

_{Memo: My sincere apologies to Mick Jagger and Keith Richards for stealing their lyrics.}

Posted by The Skipper     on 06/04/2006 at 12:30 PM   
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   Thursday - June 01, 2006

Deliberance

"Say, boy! Can you play the banjo? How’s about gittin’ down to Flori-DUH and bumping off ma grandkids, OK?” Scarey, really scarey. Reading this made me wonder if theres’ any hope for the hooman race. Especially the branch down in Flori-DUH. Folks in the North Georgia mountain country or the West Virginia back hills can rest easy. There’s a new state vying for the title of “Backwoods Hick Capitol”. The picture of the perps alone is enough to scare me off lunch.

Police: Couple Offered Hit Man $100 To Kill Grandkids
_{12:05 am EDT June 1, 2006}

LAKE COUNTY, Fla. (WKMG-TV) - Two grandparents in Lake County, Fla., were arrested for allegedly offering a hit man $100 to kill their three grandchildren, daughter-in-law and the family’s pet dog, according to Local 6 News.

Lake County deputies said Robert Jackson, 60, and his wife, Versie, 59, traveled to a Best Western hotel Tuesday to meet a hit man—who was an undercover law enforcement officer.

“(The couple) met with the so-called hit man, where they paid the hit man $100 in cash as a down payment for the murder of the wife and her three children,” Lake County Sheriff’s Office spokeswoman Christie Mysinger said. “According to an arrest affidavit, Versie Jackson made contact with the undercover agent while her husband stayed in the car because he was reportedly too afraid the meet the person who would kill his grandchildren and daughter-in-law,” Local 6 reporter Louis Bolden said.

The couple was taken into custody after the money was exchanged. “According to an arrest affidavit, Versie Jackson made contact with the undercover agent while her husband stayed in the car because he was reportedly too afraid the meet the person who would kill his grandchildren and daughter-in-law,” Local 6 reporter Louis Bolden said.

After an investigation, authorities said the couple’s son, Jason Jackson, 31, concocted the alleged murder-for-hire plan from jail and asked his parents to seal the deal, Bolden said. The 31-year-old is awaiting trial in a sexual molestation case, and his wife and children were scheduled to testify against him.

Investigators said the rest of the money was to be paid to the hit man after the family members were killed Tuesday night. The daughter-in-law, Karen Jackson, was shocked to hear about the plan to kill her, her children and pet dog, according to Local 6 News.

“I never saw this coming,” Jackson said. “I loved (him) with all my heart. (He) was good to me and good to the kids. (He) was a nice guy, everybody’s friend. (He was) like a Ted Bundy charmer. He has to be a psychopath.”

Jackson said after her husband’s arrest last year, her in-laws stopped speaking with her. She said she plans to testify against her husband and both in-laws. Both grandparents remain in the Lake County Jail without bond.

Posted by The Skipper     on 06/01/2006 at 11:28 AM   
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   Sunday - May 28, 2006

Stupid Human Tricks #29,035

For the record, the temperature at the summit of Everest ranges from -60° C (-76° F) in January to -19° C (-2° F) in July. The wind at the peak ranges between 50 mph and 175 mph (Source: Microsoft Encarta). That equates to a wind chill factor of about ... oh ... 2 degrees above absolute zero. Those are not the normal conditions that your average brass monkey loves. However, it seems that one Nepali sherpa has fewer brains than your average brass monkey ...

Naked On Everest:
A Peek On The Peak?
_{Sat May 27, 9:17 AM ET}

KATHMANDU (Reuters) - The head of the Nepal Mountaineering Association urged the government Saturday to take action against a sherpa who reportedly stripped on top of Mount Everest.

The Himalayan Times had reported Friday that the Nepali climbing guide, whose name it gave as Lakpa Tharke, stood naked for three minutes in freezing conditions on the 29,035-foot summit of the world’s highest peak.

If confirmed, he would be the first person known to have stripped atop Everest, considered by Nepali Buddhists as a god. Ang Tshering Sherpa, head of Nepal’s top mountaineering body, said he could not confirm that the incident had happened.

“But if he did it, it is very shocking because Sagarmatha is the goddess mother,” he said, using the mountain’s Nepali name. “The government must enforce strict ethics for climbing.”

Authorities have yet to comment. But the climb’s organizers seemed happy enough with Lakpa Thaeke’s strip. “We are planning to file his extraordinary feat for the Guinness Book of World Records,” the paper quoted an official of the hiking group that employs Tharke as saying. At least 1,345 people have climbed Everest since 1953 from either the Nepali or Tibetan side.

Highest vs. Lowest Trivia: If you cut Mount Everest off at sea level and dropped it down into the Challenger Deep in the Mariannas Trench (-35,838 feet), it would still have more than a mile of water over it! Can you locate the Challenger Deep on a map? It’s about 306 miles Southeast of Guam.

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/28/2006 at 01:55 PM   
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   Friday - May 26, 2006

Weird Science, Episode #6

Go ahead. Make up your own punchline for this story. The one who comes up with the silliest summation of this story wins a brand new ... erh ... uh ... whatever. And while we’re on the subject, what exactly is the plural of “penis”? And why would anyone care? More importantly, what were the rabbits thinking about this whole deal? Someone alert PETA immediately!

Scientists Grow Artificial Penis in Lab
_{Tuesday, May 23, 2006}

ATLANTA (FOX NEWS)—It’s now possible to replace a defective, damaged, or diseased penis with a penis grown in a laboratory—in rabbits. But the finding promises an amazing new treatment for infants, boys, and men who suffer penis disfigurement. The replacement organ would be grown on a penis-shaped matrix seeded with cells from the patient’s own body.

Researcher Anthony Atala, MD, director of the Institute for Regenerative Medicine at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center, reported the findings at this week’s annual meeting of the American Urological Association in Atlanta.

“Our goal is eventually to treat infants and adults with birth defects, penis trauma, or penis cancer,” Atala tells WebMD. “But this is a future goal. We are now deciding which animal model to explore next.”

While human trials are still far off, the Atala team’s recent accomplishments make their goal highly credible. Atala and colleagues recently reported successfully using much the same technique to replace defective bladders in human children with spina bifida.

In the rabbit study, Atala’s team removed the penises from rabbits and entirely replaced the organs with penises grown from the animal’s own cells.

Atala says the new penises have blood vessels and nerves that allow them to become fully functional. Indeed, the replacement penises worked like a charm. The rabbits were able to get erections, mate with females, and get females pregnant with normal, healthy pups.

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/26/2006 at 07:53 AM   
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   Wednesday - May 10, 2006

Most Hilarious Headline Of The Day

What I want to know is who decided to spend a lot of time looking for it ... and why. Regardless, you will have to make do without a picture for this story. Aren’t you glad ... ?

Found! King Tut’s Penis
_{Thursday, 4 May 2006}

King Tutenkhamen’s penis was there all along, scientists say. It wasn’t stolen and sold, as rumours suggested. King Tutankhamen’s rediscovered penis could make the pharaoh stand out in the shrunken world of male mummies, scientists say. They’ve taken a close look at old pictures of the 3300-year-old mummified king.

His sexual organ has been just another puzzle in the story of the best-known pharaoh of ancient Egypt. Harry Burton (1879-1940) photographed the royal penis intact during Howard Carter’s excavation of King Tut’s tomb in 1922.

But it was reported missing in 1968, when UK scientist Professor Ronald Harrison took a series of x-rays of the mummy. There was speculation that the penis had been stolen and sold.

“Instead, it has always been there. I found it during the CT scan last year, when the mummy was lifted. It lay loose in the sand around the king’s body. It was mummified,” says Professor Zahi Hawass, chief of Egypt’s Supreme Council of Antiquities.

At first look, Burton’s pictures may seem to indicate that King Tut could have been a little better endowed. But according to mummy expert Dr Eduard Egarter Vigl, the pharaoh was built normally.

- More about mummified “johnsons” here ...

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/10/2006 at 02:23 PM   
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   Monday - May 08, 2006

Catfish News: May 8

It’s time to check in with our intrepid Catfish News reporter and find out what the bottom-feeder has found for us in the crap that filtered down to the bottom of the tank. It looks like we’ve got a real winner in this story from Flori-DUH. Cops gone bad, sex and a shooting. Jerry Springer just wishes he could find stories like this. I’ll turn it over to “Catty” Couric to give you the details ...

Sergeant Arrested, Accused Of Shooting Man Over Sex
_{Saturday, May 06, 2006}

WEST PALM BEACH (PALM BEACH POST) — An off-duty Palm Beach County sheriff’s sergeant initially told police he shot a 21-year-old man for stealing his badge and nearly running him over. On April 21, Stuckey, 6-foot-2, 230 pounds and wearing a wig, ended up with a bullet wound in his left arm.

On Friday, Sgt. James Seigfreid, 48, ended up in jail. He was booked into Palm Beach County Jail on charges of aggravated battery, shooting into an occupied vehicle, use of a firearm while under the influence of alcohol and filing a false report. Seigfreid was called to the internal affairs division of the sheriff’s office at 3:30 p.m. Friday, where West Palm Beach detectives were waiting for him.

Seigfreid had told police that he was in his unmarked sheriff’s office vehicle at 23rd Street and North Dixie Highway in the early morning hours of April 21 to meet a friend. Seigfreid said a man solicited sex, then grabbed his badge, ran to a 1999 Nissan Altima and drove toward him. But West Palm Beach police found evidence to support Stuckey’s version of events.

Stuckey said he was hired to perform a sex act and decided to go back to his own car before it was finished. “Seigfreid exited his vehicle and began to yell at Stuckey for him to give back the $40.00 or finish the act,” the arrest report says. Seigfreid went after Stuckey. Stuckey saw him drop what looked like a wallet, discovered it was a badge, and asked for money to return it, the report says.

As Stuckey tried to drive away, Seigfreid fired from his.357 revolver. One bullet hit the Altima’s back door and the other went through the driver’s side window into Stuckey’s left arm. Detectives concluded the car was moving away from Seigfreid and found Stuckey’s fingerprints inside Seigfreid’s car. Seigfreid remains on administrative leave with pay from the sheriff’s office while the investigation is ongoing, spokesman Paul Miller said.

Stuckey was treated at Good Samaritan Medical Center and released. A woman who identified herself as Stuckey’s mother answered the phone at his Riviera Beach home Friday night. When told that the sergeant was arrested, she said, “One good thing happens, praise the Lord.” She said her son is out of the hospital, but not available for comment. “He’s having a difficult time,” she said.

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/08/2006 at 09:17 AM   
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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:

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