Sunday - June 11, 2006

Nuts!

Some stories need no introduction or commentary. Others need an entire book written about them. Still others make do with just the headline alone. This report is none of those. It is in a class by itself.

When The Skipper was a young lad of .. oh .. about six or seven years of age he was unfortunate to attend a family reunion wherein some of the clan’s more “strange” relatives joined in a river cookout somewhere in South Alabama and a good time was had by all (including the water mocassins who chased Skip out of the river that morning).

During the course of the barbecue a strange, snaggle-toothed “cousin” named Leroy insisted The Skipster taste some “mountain oysters” that had just been cooked up. I might mention here that at that time The Skipper was somewhat naive - something which he outgrew immediately after this incident. Wishing to join in the food fun, Little Skip took a plateful of the steaming hot snacks.

The fork started flying and hot sauce flew everywhere as Skip dug in. Yum! Yum! Suddenly Skip noticed everyone was quietly watching him and, with his mouth full asked, “Mmmph-mhwat?” Skip’s Uncle Shelby (a huge bear of a man and a dead-ringer for John Wayne) quietly grabbed him by the shoulders and whispered in his ear, “those are hawg nuts, little feller.”

Skip then proceeded, after a two-second delay, to learn what “projectile vomiting” was. The rest of Skipper’s day was spent trying to catch some water mocassins to put in cousin Leroy’s pants. Some lessons are best learned while still young ...

Idaho Testicle Festival Goes On
After TV, Radio Ads Withdrawn
_{June 9, 2006}

EAGLE, Idaho (SEATTLE TIMES) – Now that the Fire Department has agreed to drop those racy ads from back East, the mayor has agreed to let the Rocky Mountain Oyster Feed — a tradition here since the 1950s — proceed Saturday as scheduled.

At issue are fried bull testicles, cowboy caviar. Male cattle are neutered to make them more manageable and larger, presumably because asexual steers have little interest in chasing cows.

The results don’t turn up on steakhouse menus, but thousands of people turn out each year for the all-you-can-eat event in this city about 10 miles west of Boise. The tradition was news to employees at Foot, Cone and Belding, a New York advertising agency. They were so tickled by the notion of paying $22 to savor sliced “Idaho tendergroin” that they offered to develop the ads for free, said Scott Pruett, treasurer of the Eagle Volunteer Firefighters Association.

But while the event has a 50-year history, the New York approach shocked some locals. “All the controversy was directing attention away from the fire department and the Rocky Mountain Oyster Feed,” Pruett said Thursday. “It was better to step back a little bit and have a meeting of the minds.” Phone calls late Thursday to Tony Hess at the agency weren’t immediately returned.

The Foot, Cone and Belding crew came up with three ads for television, plus radio spots. The TV ads never made the airwaves. Carried on the fire station’s Web site, they included some profanity from a cartoon bull lamenting the loss of his barnyard jewels at a poetry slam. Local radio stations did play some of the ads, including one with the line, “Hey, you with the testicles? Gimme your testicles.”

That was enough to shock some members of this growing community of 12,000 people. Mayor Nancy Merrell put her foot down. She told reporters with the Boise NBC affiliate KTVB-TV she was considering barring the Fire Department from using the city park for the event. But she relented when the department dropped the ads.

“They have agreed to comply,” Merrell said in a statement. “The Rocky Mountain Oyster Feed event will still take place.” Pruett, bemused by the attention the ads generated, says firefighters thought they were funny. And while they’ve agreed to clip the promotion spots, the feed is otherwise unaltered. “The people who go, they know what they’re going for,” Pruett said. “They know what they’re eating.”

Many East Coast folks are unaware of the cattle-country canape, also celebrated at the beer-soaked “Testicle Festival” in Rock Creek, Mont., and the annual “World Championship Rocky Mountain Oyster Festival” at Throckmorton, Texas, where contestants in a swinging-beef fryoff are judged on the tenderness and appearance of their cowboy caviar.

Rocky Mountain Oysters
(Montana Tendergroin)

Ingredients:

2 pounds bull testicles
   (lamb or calf testicles can be used if you’re a wuss)
1 cup flour
1/4 cup cornmeal
1 cup red wine
Salt, pepper, garlic powder to taste
Louisiana Hot Sauce (hotter the better)
Hog lard (cooking oil can be substituted if you’re a real wuss)

Instructions:

Split the tough skin-like muscle that surrounds each “oyster.” (use a sharp knife) You can also remove the skin easily if the “oysters” are frozen and then peeled while thawing. Set into a pan with enough salt water to cover them for one hour to remove some of the blood and drain.
Transfer to large pot. Add enough water to float “oysters” and a generous tablespoon of vinegar. Parboil, drain and rinse. Let cool and slice each “oyster” into 1/4 inch thick ovals. Sprinkle salt and pepper on both sides of sliced “oyster” to taste.

Mix flour, cornmeal and some garlic powder to taste in a bowl. Roll each slice into this dry mixture. Dip into milk. Dip into dry mixture. Dip into wine quickly (repeat the procedure for a thicker crust). Place into hot cooking oil.

Add Louisiana Hot Sauce to cooking oil (it’ll sizzle some, so be careful!). Cook until golden brown or tender, and remove with a strainer (the longer they cook, the tougher they get).

Posted by The Skipper     on 06/11/2006 at 02:06 PM   
Filed Under: • Odd-Strange •  
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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:

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It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.

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