Friday - August 12, 2005
Friday News Bytes
- Radical cleric Abu Qatada will be deported from Britain to Jordan, where he was convicted of inciting and sponsoring terrorism, next week. Read the CNN interview with him from November, 2001 for an insight into this madman’s mind.
- Heathrow airport is shutdown and 70,000 passengers are stranded because of an unofficial strike by ground staff in support of sacked catering workers.
- Bill Clinton defends his wife and says Hillary hasn’t decided to run for President. It seems the former President decided to “stand by his woman”.
- NARAL has withdrawn their bullshit, pit-bull attack ad that tried to smear Judge John Roberts. They claim the ad was “misconstrued”. Once again, the Leftists find their insane venom unwelcome by most Americans.
- Tropical Storm Irene is building in strength and gradually turning to target New York sometime next week. If this storm stirs up the East River, there’s no telling what (or who) might float to the surface.
- Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology are developing software for cell phones that would analyze speech patterns and voice tones to rate people - it’s called the Jerk-O-Meter. Guess why?
- Today’s Fwance-bashing story is about a Fwench fireman who started fires so he could report them and be interviewed by journalists. It seems his fifteen minutes of fame are almost over.
- Total Weirdness Of The Day Award goes to Australian Shane Wilmott and his surfer-mice .... KOWABUNGA!
CANBERRA (Reuters) - Australia—land of sun, sand and ... surfing mice? Australian Shane Willmott is training three mice, named Harry, Chopsticks and Bunsen, to surf small waves on tiny mouse-size surf boards at beaches on the country’s Gold Coast. The mice are put through rigorous bathtub training and then some have their fur dyed when it is time to hit the beach.
“Usually if he is surfing big waves, I usually color his hair up. Because he’s white, when he gets in the whitewash it’s hard to find him,” Willmott told Australian television. Despite Willmott’s training, Harry, Chopsticks and Bunsen—who live in miniature custom-made villas and own specially made jet skis—are proving no threat to world champion Kelly Slater just yet.
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Monday - August 08, 2005
Monday Morning New Bytes
- Peter Jennings Is Dead. I have no comment at this time.
- The Price Of Oil Is At A New High. My wallet is at a new low.
- Bill Clinton Is In England Campaigning For Cherie Blair. What is it with Slick Willy and the gals?
- The Space Shuttle’s Landing Is Delayed One More Day. Astronauts won’t explode until Tuesday.
- Iran Is Re-Starting Its Nuclear Plants. Nuke ‘em now before they get too far along.
- The UN Head Of Oil For Food Program Resigns. Wow, now that’s a shocker!
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Thursday - August 04, 2005
Early Morning News Bytes
- Another military coup in Africa, this time in Mauritania. Where the f**k is Mauritania and does anyone care?
- Another corrupt Democratic Congress-critter under FBI investigation. Where is the media?
- The media is wringing its collective hands over Dubya’s vacation days. It appears Bush-bashing is too much work in the Texas heat.
- CNN is right on top of the body count in Iraq. They seem to relish counting US troops deaths.
- London is on high alert for another Thursday Surprise. Prediction: one more bombing and the mosques will start burning.
- Martha Stewart was naughty and now must endure an extra four weeks of house arrest. Bad domestic diva! Go to your room!
- South Korean scientists have cloned a dog. New cookbook also available next week.
- Atheists are being oppressed in Birmingham, Alabama. Break out the fire hoses and attack dogs.
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Tuesday - August 02, 2005
The Fudge Report

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Thursday - July 28, 2005
The Fudge Report

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Wednesday - July 20, 2005
Star Fleet Bulletin: Cmdr. Montgomery Scott
1920-2005
LOS ANGELES, California (AP)—James Doohan, the burly chief engineer of the Starship Enterprise in the original “Star Trek” TV series and motion pictures who responded to the command “Beam me up, Scotty,” died early Wednesday. He was 85.
Doohan died at 5:30 a.m. (1330 GMT) at his Redmond, Washington, home with his wife of 28 years, Wende, at his side, Los Angeles agent and longtime friend Steve Stevens said. The cause of death was pneumonia and Alzheimer’s disease, he said.
The Canadian-born Doohan was enjoying a busy career as a character actor when he auditioned for a role as an engineer in a new space adventure on NBC in 1966. A master of dialects from his early years in radio, he tried seven different accents.
“The producers asked me which one I preferred,” Doohan recalled 30 years later. “I believed the Scot voice was the most commanding. So I told them, ‘If this character is going to be an engineer, you’d better make him a Scotsman.’ “
The series, which starred William Shatner as Capt. James T. Kirk and Leonard Nimoy as the enigmatic Mr. Spock, attracted an enthusiastic following of science fiction fans, especially among teenagers and children, but not enough ratings power. NBC canceled it after three seasons.
When the series ended in 1969, Doohan found himself typecast as Montgomery Scott, the canny engineer with a burr in his voice. In 1973, he complained to his dentist, who advised him: “Jimmy, you’re going to be Scotty long after you’re dead. If I were you, I’d go with the flow.”
“I took his advice,” said Doohan, “and since then everything’s been just lovely.”
From Doohan’s Biography: You may have never noticed, watching the Original Series and the movies, that Mr. Scott has a physical handicap — he’s missing the middle finger of his right hand. That’s because the actor kept it very well hidden. (Watch the shows again carefully — Scotty is almost always clenching his right hand, or hiding it behind a console — but if you know to look, the missing digit is occasionally apparent.) That injury occurred on D-Day. Lt. Doohan successfully led his Canadian troop onto the beach and pushed inland to establish the best possible gun position (along the way Doohan shot two German snipers, never knowing whether he killed them). A field was secured and command posts were established, but not all Germans between the beach and their position had been captured. That night about 11:30, Doohan and another officer were walking between command posts when machine gun fire broke out. Doohan was hit; he fell into a shell hole, looked at his hand and saw blood. Three bullets struck the one finger. Never losing consciousness, he actually walked to the regimental aid post, unaware he also took four bullets in the leg.
There was an eighth bullet, and it was nothing less than a miracle that he’s still with us today. It hit his chest, four inches from his heart. But it ricocheted off the sterling silver cigarette case in his pocket, the one his brother had given him for being best man at his wedding. It’s like a trite plot twist, he acknowledges — his brother saved his life from thousands of miles away. Jimmy pushed the dent out of the cigarette case and continued using it until he quit smoking years later. He stayed in the military, learned to fly and came to be known as the “craziest pilot in the Canadian Air Forces.”
Well, back in Canada after the war, Jimmy never gave thought to a career in acting until one night around Christmas of 1945, he took a break from his VA school studies and turned on the radio. “And I heard the worst radio drama I had ever heard. Couldn’t believe how terrible it was,” he said. With no training whatsoever, he was sure he could do better. So he found some Shakespeare and other reading material and marched into the local radio station to say, “I want to make a recording.”
That “tryout” eventually led to a scholarship at the Neighborhood Playhouse in New York City, where he trained under famed acting coach Sanford Meisner. “He turned out to be one of the greatest drama teachers in the world,” Jimmy would say years later. He then knew he had a career, and he was soon working in the fledgling medium of television.
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Thursday - July 14, 2005
News Bytes
- The ACLU of North Carolina has called on the state Administrative Office of the Courts to adopt a policy allowing the Quran and other religious texts for oath-taking in North Carolina courtrooms. What next, swearing on a book of witchcraft?
- Saddam Hussein was harboring and training 4,000 terrorists in Iraq prior to being overthrown. It appears Ol’ “BVD” Hussein was neck deep in terrorism.
- Suing gun manufacturers if their product was used in the commission of a crime may no longer be an option if the Senate has its way. Just one more piece of crap from the Clinton era done away with .. and about time ....
Pro-Gun Industry Measure Poised to Pass Senate
After Danny Guzman was shot to death outside a Worcester, Mass., nightclub six years ago, his family did what few grieving families do: They sued the gun maker.
The Guzmans’ attorney, Hector Pineiro, contends that internal security measures at gun maker Kahr Arms were so lax that one of its employees was able to systematically steal the 9 mm guns’ component parts and assemble them outside the factory before their serial numbers were affixed. One of those guns, police have determined, was used to kill Guzman.
The Guzman lawsuit, as well as larger, pending lawsuits against the industry by several municipalities, including the District of Columbia and New York City, would come to an abrupt halt if legislation Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, R-Tenn., wants to bring to the Senate floor as early as this week passes.
The bill would effectively ban lawsuits against gun manufacturers when the guns they make are not used for legitimate self-defense, recreational or sporting purposes.
Gun control advocates and gun supporters alike say the legislation, known as the Protection of Lawful Commerce in Arms Act, is one of a handful of bills where the GOP’s net gain of four—the party now holds 55 Senate seats—could spell the difference between last Congress’ defeat of gun legislation and a victory this year. And this version may be the most sweeping.
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Sunday - July 03, 2005
Sunday Morning Useless News
- Sir Elton John thinks homosexuals are being “repressed”. Wasn’t that a line in a certain Monty Python movie?
- Live8 harasses G8; complains no one listening. My solution to end poverty: print a giga-mega-bajillion dollar bills and distribute equally to everyone on the planet.
- The NY Times declares Alberto Gonzales possible nomination to SCOTUS is DOA before it arrives. Then again, who reads the NY Times anyway.
- The Iraqi government started withholding income tax on its soldiers last week. “No taxation without insurgence” becomes new Iraqi motto.
- NASA prepares ring-side seats for comet collision. Has it occurred to anyone that stoopid humans smashing big rock in space for no obvious reason might be construed as an act of war by galactic federation?
- The Redneck Olympics are underway in Georgia. Some stories just write themselves ....
- Senate Democrats block John Bolton again. Quarterback Bush may decide to go with naked bootleg around right end.
- Saddam Hussein misses Ronald Reagan. Don’t we all?
- Female Palestinian suicide bomber caught at Israeli border with explosives in her panties. New “exploding snatch” trick learned from watching Paris Hilton videos.
- Grapefruit makes women seem younger to men. In my case, all it takes is eight or ten beers and they all look like beauty queens ....
- Chile Rocked By Major Earthquake. I told them not to add those extra jalapeno peppers.
- Michael Jackson promises he will not share his bed with children again. Hey-ho, Pinnochio, my, how your nose does grow.
- Germany arrests three Al-Qaeda militants. Will wonders never cease? Regardless, in my opinion, “Old Europe” is still a bunch of pussified, ungrateful varmints.
- Terrorists in Iraq release French journalist and give her departing gifts. “Two rings and a bottle of perfume were given to the captive over tea” - hmmmmm, something squirrely about this, eh?
- Disney’s newest theme park ride kills 4-year-old boy. The kid would have been safer going to NeverLand - then again, maybe not.
- Indonesia’s first democratically-elected President gave his cell phone number to the public and told them to call him anytime. What could possibly go wrong with that idea?
- NitroMed has come out with a new drug for heart problems but it is intended only for blacks. If it were only for whites, Jesse Jackson would already be screaming his head off.
- Australia won the annual sheep-shearing contest. There’s something about how fast you can get a sheep naked that worries me.
- A Congressional panel has decided the UN sucks but Koffing Anus can stay. John Bolton about to be unleashed.
- Microsoft, Yahoo & Google cooperating with Red Chinese to supress their people. Banned words on sites include “democracy”, “human rights” and “happiness”.
- Jeff Foxworth, Geena Davis & Hillary Duff join President Bush and Laura in a tribute to the troops. Sean Penn had other plans.
- Rosie O’Donnell freaks out all over Sean Hannity. This broad ain’t right in the head, I tells ya ....
- Keep a firm grasp of Right and Wrong
- Stay involved with government on every level and don't let those bastards get away with a thing
- Use every legal means to defend yourself in the event of real internal trouble, and, most importantly:
- Keep talking to each other, whether here or elsewhere
EAST DUBLIN, Ga. - In his garage, Melvin Davis keeps 230 trophies he’s won racing motorcycles, go-karts and pickup trucks. But he’s best known for a sport that earned him four trophies topped with crushed Bud Lite cans.
“Yeah, looking back on it I’m proud. But when I done it I felt a little silly,” said Davis, 68. “People were going, `There’s the bobbing-for-pigs-feet champion!’”
Bobbing for pig feet, the mudpit belly-flop, the armpit serenade — they’re all part of the Redneck Games, a series of good ole’ympic events for the ain’t-so-athletic celebrating their 10th year in middle Georgia.
Started as a Southern-fried spoof of the 1996 Atlanta Olympics, with a propane torch lighting a ceremonial barbecue grill, the gag games draw tourists like moths to a backyard bug-zapper.
The mudpit belly-flop judges contestants on their flabby form and sonic splat as they drop gut-first into muddy water, splattering nearby spectators.
The armpit serenade rates children on their musical skills pumping air through a damp hand beneath their underarm. The 12-year-old winner in 2000 squeezed out a recognizable rendition of “Dixie.”
There’s also hubcap hurling — think junkyard discus — and redneck horseshoes, played with toilet seats. The most competitive sport, however, is bobbing for pig feet, where contenders dunk their heads in tubs of water to see how fast they can remove raw pork shanks with their teeth.
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Sunday - June 26, 2005
Sunday Tidbits
Somebody hold OldCatMan down. This article is going to really get him wound up. It’s his favorite subject about his favorite recreational herb .... and we ain’t talking paprika here, folks.
Read this article to see what an ultra-liberal newspaper thinks about Health Savings Accounts (HSA’s). You might be surprised at their synopsis. Then again, you might not.
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Friday - June 24, 2005
Large Explosion In Downtown St. Louis
This is really going to screw up rush hour traffic out of the downtown area. I’m about ten miles due west of the explosion that occurred at Praxair a short time ago. I can see the smoke rising from the downtown area. Stay tuned ....
(KSDK)—Explosions estimated as high as 100 feet have been ripping through the Praxair Company site at 2210 Chouteau and south St. Louis Friday afternoon. Flames continue to burn as fire crews work to contain the explosions. Reporters in the area can hear explosions every 5-10 seconds. The company is located near Jefferson & Chouteau.
Chopper 5’s Bill Houska reports seeing tanks fly through the air as fireballs jump several hundred feet into the air. ALso, the flames and explosions have started fires across the street.
Several businesses and homes in the area are being evacuated. So far, we do not know if there are any injuries in the fire.
Witnesses who have been evacuated say they felt several booms, one saying it was “like an earthquake.” They also report burning shrapnel raining down from the fire and explosions.
The fire is also being complicated by the heat, and traffic on Highway 40 is slowing as people see the smoke.
Praxair’s primary products are atmospheric gases—oxygen, nitrogen, argon and rare gases (produced when air is compressed, cooled, distilled and condensed) and process and speciality gases - carbon dioxide, helium, hydrogen, semiconductor products and acetylene (produced as by-products of chemical production or recovered from gas.)

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Tuesday - June 21, 2005
Tuesday News Bytes
NEW YORK - A study of smells shows that the scent of grapefruit on women make them seem about six years younger to men. However, grapefruit fragrance on men does nothing for them.
The study by the Smell and Taste Institute in Chicago was conducted by Institute director Alan Hirsch. Hirsch smeared several middle-aged woman with broccoli, banana, spearmint leaves, and lavender but none of those scents made a difference to the men.
But the scent of grapefruit changed men’s perceptions. Hirsch said that when male volunteers were asked to write down how old the woman with grapefruit odor was, the age was considerably less than reality.
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Tuesday - June 14, 2005
Tuesday News Bytes
President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono announced the number on Saturday and said anyone could call or send text messages if they wanted to complain about government services.
By Monday, Indonesian newspapers were carrying stories of people complaining they couldn’t get through. Local media reported more than 3,000 calls had been made to the number.
“The number is now clogged and cannot be used anymore. The president said there should be five more numbers, but we need to install a new computerised system first,” said presidential spokesman Andi Mallarangeng.
It was not clear if Yudhoyono had answered any of the calls himself.
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Monday - June 13, 2005
Monday News Bytes
Filling in Tuesday for Star Jones on ABC’s daytime show The View, Rosie O’Donnell angrily yelled and screamed at guest Sean Hannity. Amongst O’Donnell’s outlandish allegations, she claimed that “Christopher Reeve died without hope because of the religious—separation—lack of separation of church and state by this administration.
The man died without hope of a cure because of the lack of stem cell research.” She repeatedly yelled that Hannity was “delusional” in denying widespread “torture” by the U.S. of prisoners and re-affirmed her charge that George Bush is “a war criminal,” arguing that “he should be tried at the Hague.” When Hannity pointed out how “50 million people are free because George W. Bush is President today,” O’Donnell fired back: “And how many American poor children are dead, fighting a war that was never needed?” And when Hannity suggested Condoleezza Rice as a presidential candidate, O’Donnell clenched her teeth with her eyes bulging as she explained: “That’s my head almost exploding. I think she’s going to unzip herself and it’s going to be Dick Cheney’s twin brother.”
Macker has more on Rosie’s ‘splosion ....
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Friday - June 10, 2005
World’s Smallest Record Player
The World’s Smallest Record Player is playing the “Sad Concerto” this morning ....
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Accompagnato Ad Libitum: Saddam lawyers ‘left in the dark’ - Saddam Hussein’s lawyers say they have not yet been given any details of the case against him.
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Ritardando Ostinato: Federal panel upholds plan for redistricting - Texas districts stay same unless Supreme Court decides to step in.
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Staccato con Grave: Iraq Sunnis reject compromise on constitution - Iraq’s Sunni minority rejected a compromise offer on giving them more say in the drafting of a constitution on Friday.
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Scherzo Rubato: Rift widens over EU contributions - Jacques Chirac is whining and moaning to get more money from Tony Blair and Britain, Blair tells Chirac to FOAD.
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LAAR She Blows! Part One
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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:
It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.
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Oh, and here's some kind of visitor flag counter thingy. Hey, all the cool blogs have one, so I should too. The Visitors Online thingy up at the top doesn't count anything, but it looks neat. It had better, since I paid actual money for it.








