Thursday - September 30, 2004

Blue Skies .. No Kidding!

For the first time in over a month there will be no hurricanes in Florida’s forecast this weekend as the weather gods go out for beer during the seventh inning stretch. Florida residents are encouraged to come out of their spider holes and enjoy the sunlight while they can.

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/30/2004 at 01:57 AM   
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   Wednesday - September 29, 2004

Fashion Sense For Seniors

Many of us (those over 40, WAY over 40 or hovering near 40) are quite confused about how we should present ourselves.

We’re unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashions. Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:

1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4.. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedo’s and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10.Bikinis and liver spots
11.Short shorts and varicose veins
12.Inline skates and a walker

And last, but not least . . .  my personal favorite:

13. Thongs and Depends

Please keep these basic guidelines foremost in your mind when you shop.

(-- thanks to Don R.)

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/29/2004 at 08:31 AM   
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NEWSFLASH:  Vilmar Flip-Flops!! Encourages Conservatives To Do So!

Yes, ladies and gents, I am a self-admitted flip-flopper!  I used to be against abortion but want to remind you that since late June I advocated we all come out in favor of it. 

Based on new evidence I strongly urge those of you with character and who try hard to be moral and ethical in their behavior and would never engage in this practice to ENERGETICALLY and FERVENTLY encourage our liberal brethren that the right to do so is theirs.  Hell, I’ll go so far as to say we should even fund their abortions.

Why?

Because I’m a sick bastard?  Yeah, OK! But...........................there’s one more reason:  the news keeps getting better and better!

If you check out this latest poll by Washington Post, you really won’t be able to tell much.  But there’s a little box to the right where you can sort results.  See it?  Click on “age”

Now, read the numbers very carefully about what age group ranks at the top for supporting Bush.  Is it the 61+ group?  NO!  the 31-44 group?  NO!  It’s the 18-30 group.

You may be wondering how I can make that leap of logic between this group’s support of Bush and abortion.  Right?

Now go read that same age group’s support for Fuckface.  Yep!  It’s the LOWEST among ALL age groups for Dummycraps.

Conclusion:  Dummycraps are aborting themselves into oblivion.  The fewer kids they have, the fewer young minds they can corrupt with their socialist, pantyy-waisted, tree-hugging, “can’t we all love one another” bullshit.

Hey, even Ellen Goodman is concerned. 

See?  Now ain’t that good news?  And damned good reason to be proud of being called a flip-flopper?  BWAH HA HA HA!

Hell, I’ll even make it easy by posting an extract of the chart for you:

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 09/29/2004 at 07:57 AM   
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The Darwin Tales

From the “One Beer Short Of A Six-Pack” pile:

Scene:  patient can’t get signed up with a dentist on England’s WONDERFUL socialized medicine system.
Result: DIY dentistry (OUCH!!!)
Corrective Action by UK medical community:  None!  (but you expected that, right?)

While we’re on the subject of socialized medicine, read this and then we can move on to the other Darwin tale.

Iron is your friend and I guess iron-y is also relevant as it relates to this story where a critic of the system did not fare well.  (Hmmmm, I guess she did, after all bid a “farewell” to life as she knew it.)

She criticized the UK government’s medical care and was killed by a fellow doctor who administered her a lethal dose of iron.  They say accidentally---yeah, right!

Apparently the attending physician did not read label directions resulting in her skin turning brown, her liver getting an overdoes of iron, her having a heart attack, then contracted deep vein thrombosis in both legs, eventually developing a chest infection and then contracting E.coli. Seven weeks after it all began she had a second heart attack and died.

Damn!  The lesson learned here is to not fuck with socialized medicine doctors in the UK!!!  Pissing them off is like signing up for your own personal Spanish Inquisition.

We now return you to the Darwin Tales.

Again, from England!  Imagine that!  Three stories.  I am not sure why they favor so much today but maybe they are undergoing a moonbat attack?

Anyway, this kid goes surfing.  Safe enough, right?  Not if you do it on a train.

(Kids:  don’t try this at home!)

No word on how he fared dealing with the medical system.  For all I know we’ll read about him having died of some bacterial infection resulting from the surgery.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 09/29/2004 at 06:20 AM   
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Important Message For Kids

When your teacher tells you to bring things from home for “Show And Tell Day”, don’t bring mom’s marijuana. Mommy will be real upset, the police will grill you but you might get an “A” from your teacher if she gets to keep the evidence. Repeat after me, kids .... B-U-M-M-E-R. Now, go back to the playground and hope mommy calms down by the time you get home. That is all.

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/29/2004 at 03:29 AM   
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   Tuesday - September 28, 2004

Hostage Situation - Chinese Style

You’ve got to see these pictures to believe it. Chinese man takes a young boy hostage and then ....

The Chinese demonstrate how to handle a hostage crisis ....

(--thanks to Don R.)

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/28/2004 at 05:57 PM   
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France Declared Insane

OK. Get out the strait jacket. No, not that small one. The REALLY big one over there. OK, you guys grab France by the legs and feet and I’ll slap this strait jacket on it. Then it’s into the padded cell for good .... Ready 1-2-3 .... gaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

What’s this all about? Well, I once thought the surrender monkeys could stoop no lower and could exhibit no stupider behavior after all the ridiculous, back-stabbing, whining we’ve gotten from them but then again they have once again managed to prove just how worthless they are.  How, you ask? Well, it’s called “PinkTV”. Read on ....

PARIS (AP) — The transgender sportscaster wears a miniskirt, the porn is gay, lesbian and bisexual, and Wonder Woman will be on every night at seven.

France’s first gay television channel, PinkTV, is an eye-opener. And that’s the point. Pink’s founders believe there’s a ready audience for the channel, and not just among France’s estimated 3.5 million gays.

Pink’s “a giant leap for television, a small step in high heels,” said presenter Eric Gueho in a promotional clip shown at the channel’s unveiling Tuesday, which was feted with pink champagne.

“Gays are speaking to the French. But not all French speak to gays. But it will come.”

You tell me. Is this a classic example of Barking Moonbat behavior or not? There needs to be a special prize when an entire country goes insane.

How many of you saw the film “Deliverance” and remember the gross scene when the redneck hill people tried to rape Ned beatty? Remember what they told him? They said, “C’mon boy! Squeel like a pig!”. Do you know what a pig squeeling sounds like? He goes, “Oui! Oui! Oui! Oui! Oui!”. Coincidence? I think not.

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/28/2004 at 02:44 PM   
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Not Enough Explosives

A 5.9 magnitude earthquake has struck California halfway between Los Angeles and San Francisco, right along the San Andreas Fault - 10 strong 5.0 sftershocks followed the initial quake.

Damn!

I bet you folks thought I was kidding about dropping tons of C4 in the fault to get rid of the Moonbats in California.

Next time, I’ll use more explosives. 

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/28/2004 at 12:48 PM   
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Is It Any Wonder?

I feel like I am living in George Orwell’s 1984 society.

Cops in Oakland run DUI checkpoints which require drivers to produce ID and driver’s license.  Local Hispanic community leaders have their tits in a wringer because the stops are finding too many illegals.  They want the checks stopped.

And why do they want this stopped?

making life miserable for illegal immigrants who aren’t licensed to drive but otherwise obey the law.

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!  We’re making these fucktards’ lives miserable?  They otherwise obey the law?  Let’s see:  1.  ILLEGAL immigrant; no right to be here, broke major league laws smuggling selves into country; 2. Have NO LICENSE and drive illegally!!

And these foron wetbacks are “otherwise” obeying the law?!?!?

Is it any wonder we have so many illegals here?  Hell, we basically come out and tell them they can do so and then we stop the programs that serve the public good (DUI checkpoints) which help get drunks off the road because we are finding too many illegals.  OF COURSE they will operate here with impunity.  We’ve proven our laws are worthless.

We are doomed!

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 09/28/2004 at 05:30 AM   
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   Monday - September 27, 2004

A Word About Scheduling

I need to clarify a few things about scheduling. I have a full-time job and must needs go the the salt mines every day. Vilmar, on the other hand has a wad of cash stashed away and can afford to lay around all day ferreting out Barking Moonbats (just kidding, Vilmar). Seriously, here’s the way it works. Vilmar is the fighting, ranting, madman of this blog. I’m the Wizard Of Oz, the “man behind the curtain”.  I am an I.T. professional and the nuts and bolts” of this blog are my handiwork. I manage the templates, style sheets, mailing lists, memberships, HTML, site design, database organization, PHP coding and just generally all the normal housekeeping that goes along with maintaining a site like this.

I usually pile out of bed around 5:00am CDT, chugalug a pot of coffee, post the “Daily Dose” and browse the RSS newsfeeds to see if I can get a jump on Drudge with a story before I head off to work at 7:30. Vilmar, gets up and starts building a mad-on listening to NPR about the same time I do, except he is an hour ahead of me (EDT). Therefore by the time I get my two or three posts out, Vilmar is in a rage and chomping at the bit. He spends the morning slapping Moonbats around while I’m slaving away in the slave pits, chopping bits and bytes into smaller bits and bytes. Sometimes I take a break or come home for lunch and post something that really pisses me off then I have to spend the rest of the day under the overseer’s whip until 5:00. Then I watch Shep Smith and Bill O’Reilly and start trolling the RSS newsfeeds again. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with an idea and that’s why you occasionally see posts at 2:00am. I only need about five or six hours of sleep a night. Which is a good thing since I’m on 24/7 emergency call in case a server crashes or a database blows up.

So there you have it. If I don’t respond to a comment right away or reply to an e-mail immediately, please consider the above. I’ll get back to you eventually. If you have questions about the nuts and bolts of the site or are having problems accessing this blog or want to correspond regarding trackbacks or trading blogrolls, give me a holler. Vilmar (bless his little pea-picking heart) can’t help you on that stuff. However, if you want to help spread a story or you just want to talk about “things that piss you off”, Vilmar is your man. I prefer to write the longer editorial pieces and even an occasional historical parody or satire with a hidden message to make you really think. Vilmar has the chainsaw, I have the scalpel. That’s the team. Also, in case you haven’t figured it out, we are both politically active. Vilmar volunteers for voting station monitoring and occasionally slips up on a Dummycrap rally to stir up the Moonbats. I deal directly with Blogs For Bush and am a Team Leader. I work on the “Get Out The Vote” campaign in my area and write numerous letters to Congress every week. In fact, the US House Of Representatives tried to hire me to take over the House databases when I decided to leave Indianapolis earlier this year (my answer was: “Live in DC? NO FREAKING WAY!").

We think we have a great team here at BMEWS and both of us appreciate all of our readers (especially the ones that donate money - HINT, HINT). We hope you keep coming back for more. We’ll be here. Even after the election in November and for many years to come .... with your support.

Personally, I think we’ll have our work cut out for us AFTER the election. Why? George Bush will win decisively but the Dummycraps are already hiring lawyers and getting ready to file lawsuits. They hope to keep the angst and anger rolling and the foaming-at-the-mouth bullshit going on continuously until 2008 when they will run Hitlary against .... who? They know they have a losing cause on their hands this November with Kerry. They’re throwing him to the wolves so they can have something to bitch about for four more years and put Hitlary on the throne in 2008. Trust me. Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton and Terry McAuliffe have planned this all along. You have been warned.

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/27/2004 at 05:57 PM   
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Dumbass Muslim Of The Day

What is it with f**king dumbass Muslims who come to America, especially the ones from the Balkans? Here is a tip for any more dumbass Muslims out there:

1- If a police officer comes up to you and asks you to calm down and stop making a disturbance, DO IT!

2- If you somehow can’t get it through your head to obey Rule #1, DO NOT throw a chair at the policeman!

3- If you somehow survive being stupid and violating Rule #2 and the officer shocks you with a taser, LIE DOWN AND STAY THERE!

4- If your one remaining brain cell tells you to violate Rule #3 and you decide to attack the officer, remember HE STILL HAS A GUN!

5- If you made it past Rule #4, congratulations. If you didn’t, well .... say hello to Allah.

Read this story about a sad sack, dumbass Bosnian Muslim who came to America and made it all the way to Rule #4. Now, he is taking a dirt nap.

DAMN! Darwin just can’t kill these fuckers fast enough for me.   

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/27/2004 at 04:43 PM   
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John Kerry Has Drivers License Suspended For DUI

Go read this absolutely hilarious story. Mheh-heh-he ....

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/27/2004 at 03:52 PM   
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Things MUST Not Be Looking Good For F**kface

When you’ve got France and Germany coming out saying they’d not send any troops to Iraq (given that Kerry’s platform rests on getting “allied” military assistance) you just have to wonder:  “could it be the Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys and the Krautmeisters know he doesn’t stand a chance and are, by these explicit statements making an IMPLICIT assumption that Bush will win?

Makes you wonder, eh?

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 09/27/2004 at 02:53 PM   
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Back In The Saddle

Power came on a little while ago.  HOORAY!!!!

Let me tell you, it was no fun watching the trees do “extreme gymnastics” in my yard for hours on end.  Power went out yesterday at 1 PM.

As for where I was this morning: Allan was dead on.  Went to my parents’ place to clean up their yard.  Fortunately, nature pulled a Darwin on us three weeks ago and culled the weak trees and branches.  This time, although the winds were stronger, lots less detritus is lying in our yards because of it.  This morning while driving to the folks’ place it seems everyone was outside raking, picking up trash, sawing limbs, inspecting roofs, etc.

Soon as I do some catching up on the ‘net I will go clean up my yard.  Fortunately, also, no damage to the house and little debris to pick up.  I should be done with about 8 hours’ worth of labor.

I feel really sorry for the folks on the east coast.  Max winds here were only 80 MPH and sustained winds were in the 45-55 MPH range.  Those folks got nailed with almost double that.  The photos in the paper were not pretty.  Only a few people died which is almost a miracle unto itself but a few that should have died survived.  Specifically I am referring to some asshats who decided that last evening they’d go out on a lake and “just sit” in a boat tied to the dock.  The dumb fucks never checked the knots.  The boat broke free and off they went carried by the wind.  After several hours of search and rescue they were located.  I’d bill them for every minute of the rescuers’ time and effort.  Hell, I’d imprison them for gross stupidity if I could!

Signing off, this is Vilmar, the Lt. Dan, hard-bitten cynical lunatic with a mad-on at everyone.

Update from Allan: Hee-hee .... Lt. Dan is back! YAY! Now, if we can only find Bubba and boil up some shrimp ....   

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 09/27/2004 at 12:14 PM   
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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:

1. Keep a firm grasp of Right and Wrong
2. Stay involved with government on every level and don't let those bastards get away with a thing
3. Use every legal means to defend yourself in the event of real internal trouble, and, most importantly:
4. Keep talking to each other, whether here or elsewhere

It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.

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