Friday - August 25, 2006

Barking Moonbat Of The Week

This was a tough choice this week. It was either Chirac for waffling back and forth or the Washington Post for calling 2,000 men a “Big Force”, especially when you consider the fact that those 2,000 troops are Fwench. To be precise, 2,000 Fwench troops is roughly the fighting equivalent of an American squad (10 real warrriors).

Chirac and the Fwench pressured Israel to accept this crummy cease-fire deal and promised troops to enforce it. Then Chirac decided Fwance would only send a few engineers to “asssist”. Then Chirac said he would not send troops unless the Fwench were placed in charge and clear rules of engagement were defined by the UN. This is probably because the Fwench have never really engaged in any real fighting and needed a tutorial ... sort of a “Warfare For Fwench Dummies” book was called for.

Now finally Fwance and Chirac have decided to send 2,000 of Fwance’s finest, under Fwench control, to manage the situation. Of course, Chirac also pleaded with the US and Britain to cover their back with more of our troops - possibly to lay down suppressing fire while the Fwench retreat? Fortunately, Tony Blair and George Bush decided to take a pass on this one so it is now up to the mighty Fwench forces to maintain peace between two opposing forces. I’m sure a substantial supply of white flags have already been ordered ...

France Sets Big Force for Lebanon
2,000 to Serve As Peacekeepers; ‘Clarifications’ Set
_{PARIS (WASHINGTON POST)
Friday, August 25, 2006}

French President Jacques Chirac said Thursday that France would commit 2,000 troops to a new international peacekeeping force in southern Lebanon. The decision breaks a stalemate that has held up the dispatch of soldiers seen by diplomats as crucial to maintaining the 11-day-old cease-fire between Hezbollah and Israel.

Chirac’s announcement in a nationally televised address followed days of intense negotiations with the United Nations, Lebanon and Israel over European concerns that the force would have no clear mandate and inadequate rights to open fire in defense of itself or civilians.

“We obtained the necessary clarifications from the U.N. on the chain of command, which needs to be simple, coherent and reactive,” he said, “and the rules of engagement, which must guarantee the freedom of movement of the force and its ability to operate when confronted with hostile conditions.”

France helped broker the U.N. cease-fire and initially indicated it would commit 2,000 troops to help maintain the truce. But Chirac was chastised at home and abroad when he later said he would dispatch only 200 engineers to augment the 200 French troops serving in an existing U.N. monitoring force on the Lebanon-Israel border.

Chirac said he hoped France’s decision Thursday would spur other countries to join the force, including the United States and Britain. Both have said they are too taxed in Iraq and Afghanistan to take part. In a statement issued in Kennebunkport, Maine, where he is vacationing, President Bush gave no sign of reversing that decision. But he called Chirac’s move “an important step towards finalizing preparations to deploy the United Nations Interim Force of Lebanon” and called on other countries to join in.

So far, Italy is the only other European country to make a major commitment, offering to send as many as 3,000 troops and to command the force. But the direction of the expanded force appears to be in French hands. French and U.N. officials said French Maj. Gen. Alain Pelligrini will retain command of the U.N. mission until his term ends next February. U.N. officials said an Italian general will head a new military command center at U.N. headquarters to map out strategy for the operation.

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/25/2006 at 11:50 AM   
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   Tuesday - August 15, 2006

Barking Moonbat Of The Week

This week the coveted Horse’s Ass Trophy goes to .... The Hildabeast .... again. This makes about the four thousandth time by my reckoning. Sooner or later we’re just gonna have to induct this beeyatch into the Hall of Fame if she keeps up. Fresh from her dazzling performance stabbing Joe Lieberman in the back, Slick Willie’s wife is on the warpath, claiming President Bush isn’t doing enough to make the country safe from terrorists.

Where has this pitiful excuse for a Senator been hiding lately? To the best of my recollection, there hasn’t been an attack on American soil since September 11, 2001. How do you improve on a perfect record? How do you do better than zero attacks since the administration took steps to fight the war on terror. That would be the war that her husband ignored for eight years while keeping busy staining intern’s dresses and lying to grand juries. Congratulations, Hillary. Once again you have proven you’re a complete horse’s ass. Here is your trophy. Enjoy ...

Sen. Clinton Faults Bush on Security
_{SCHENECTADY, N.Y. (AP) - Aug 15, 6:56 AM (ET)}

Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, a possible contender for the Democratic Party’s presidential nomination in 2008, on Monday criticized the Bush administration for failing to do enough to protect the country from terrorists.

Clinton’s comments came after authorities in the United Kingdom last week said they thwarted a terror plot involving airplanes bound from Britain to the United States. Conspirators allegedly planned to blow up as many as 10 planes flying from Britain to the United States using liquid explosives, which the U.S. Transportation Security Administration’s security equipment cannot detect in carry-on luggage.

“We’ve done some things right,” the New York senator said at a community event in Schenectady. “Obviously we’ve beefed up airport security in some ways, but as we’ve learned over the last week not in every way that matters. We still have not done what we need to do to protect our ports, our borders, our bridges, our transit systems, our rail lines, it’s a long list.”

“I don’t think our long-term strategy for homeland security is yet what it needs to be,” she said.

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/15/2006 at 11:33 AM   
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   Friday - June 23, 2006

Barking Moonbat Of The Week

Hell, I can’t make up my mind this week - there are just too many insane diptards in the Donk Corral. Murtha, Pelosi, Kerry, Dean, Kennedy ... the list just goes on and on and on and on and ... Raise taxes, cut-n-run in Iraq, elect Shrillary, cut military spending, more social programs, more activist judges, gay marriage, forgive pedophiles, censor free speech, eliminate Christianity, etc. - that’s the platform of lunatics. Forget it. I am hereby declaring the Party Of Asses to be forever enshrined in the Barking Moonbat Hall Of Shame. So it is written, so let it be done. Pharoah commands it.

Posted by The Skipper     on 06/23/2006 at 03:12 PM   
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   Saturday - June 17, 2006

Barking Moonbat Of The Week

See the man in the photo below. The one on the left. That’s Joe Wilson. He thinks we should negotiate with the terrorists in Iraq. Maybe get down on our knees and plead with them to stop killing people. Joe is our nominee for Barking Moonbat Of The Week this week because he obviously is suffering from brain damage to think that the terrorists just need a group hug and a few bars of “Koombayah” to get them to play nice. As for the other person in the picture, we hear she has no name but is known as “006”, has a license to kill and reports to some mysterious person named “M”.

Joe Wilson: US Should Negotiate
With Iraqi Terrorists
_{June 15, 2006}

Washington (CNSNews.com) - Former U.S. Ambassador Joseph Wilson, whose wife was at the center of a CIA leak case that led to the indictment of Vice President Cheney’s top aide, argued Wednesday that the U.S. needs to bring Iraqi insurgents and their “foreign patrons” to the conference table for negotiations.

During a panel discussion at the liberal Take Back America conference in Washington, D.C., Wilson said diplomatic efforts to establish Iraq as a democratic power in the region should also include “the Egyptians, the Jordanians, the Saudis, the Iranians ... the Turks, probably some leading powers from Europe and Russia, all of whom have interests at stake.”

Wilson, a former U.S. diplomat in Iraq and ambassador to Gabon, has been a leading critic of the Bush administration since his wife, Valerie Plame, was outed as a CIA operative in 2003. He alleges that the White House leaked her identity as payback for an op-ed he wrote in the New York Times arguing that Iraq did not have weapons of mass destruction.

Lewis “Scooter” Libby, the former chief of staff to Vice President Cheney, was indicted on charges of obstruction of justice, perjury and making false statements in the aftermath of the Plame leak case, but this week Karl Rove, President Bush’s top political adviser, learned that he will not be indicted in the case.

“Make no mistake about it, if you still support the [war] policies of this president and this administration, you don’t deserve the vote of Democrats, independents or, shall I say, even Republicans,” Wilson said, echoing a larger theme of the three-day conference.

Several organizations passed around informal pledges asking conference attendees to promise not to vote for a candidate in the 2006 election who does not support an immediate withdrawal of troops from Iraq.

- More on Wilson’s insanity at CNS NEWS ...

Posted by The Skipper     on 06/17/2006 at 10:19 AM   
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   Friday - June 09, 2006

Barking Moonbat Of The Week

This week we are proud to present the award to a “TWO-FER”. Shown here are Cindy Sheehan and Michael Berg at the March for Peace and Justice, April 29, 2006, NYC. You all know Cindy (whose son’s grave still doesn’t have a headstone two years later). Michael is the father of Nicholas Berg who was beheaded by Zarqawi a few years ago. Michael forgives Zarqawi but hates George Bush and thinks the War Against Terror is bad. He is also running for Congress on the Moonbat Green Party ticket. Congratulations to both of our winners this week. Enjoy your insanity while it lasts ...

“I will not take joy in the death of a fellow human, even the human being who killed my son,” said Berg, who blamed President Bush, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld and Attorney General Alberto Gonzales — and not al-Zarqawi — for the death of his son because of what Berg said is their role in authorizing the torture of Iraqis at Abu Ghraib prison near Baghdad.

“Revenge is what killed my son,” said Berg. “My son died in a perpetual cycle of revenge that goes on and on, forever. It’s got to stop somewhere. As far as I’m concerned, it will stop with me.”

Berg, who said he begged the United States government not to kill al-Zarqawi so that Berg could reconcile with him, worries that only more death will come out of his killing. “I wish the Iraqi people, and the U.S. soldiers who mistakenly believe they are protecting us, good fortune in weathering the upcoming violence.”

-- Michael Berg, June 8, 2006 (ABC NEWS)

Posted by The Skipper     on 06/09/2006 at 02:34 PM   
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   Thursday - May 25, 2006

Barking Moonbat Of The Week

This week’s winner takes the cake. The whole blogosphere is abuzz over this one. I would provide links to the other bloggers but it would fill the whole page here. Just pick one from BlackFive to LGF to LT Smash to Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiller to MilBlogs to etc. and you’ll read about this dipshit in disguise.

Basically, Jesse was put out front by several socialist peaceniks as a returning Iraqi war veteran who had murdered innocent Iraqis (including children) and these groups supposedly want to get the word out about the atrocities. The only problem is the whole thing was an elaborate hoax. This is how the mental midgets on the Left usually operate. Lies, more lies and the damned liars who tell them. This asshat may actually be a candidate for the prestigious Dan Rather Trophy which we award to the most outrageous “fake but innacurate” news story of the year. Stay tuned ...

Jesse Adam Macbeth (born Jesse Adam Al-Zaid)

Jesse is featured in the 2006 Pepperspray Productions video, posted at peacefilms.org, “Jessie Macbeth: Former Army Ranger and Iraq War Veteran”. The video was removed from the site 23 May, 2006 after the US Army said Macbeth had never been an Army Ranger. The original video along with an investigative report by Michelle Malkin is available at YouTube.com.

Over time, Macbeth has given several interviews and has been quoted and published in several online sources. A number of inconsistencies have appeared in reports about him, or in quotes attributed to him. Jessie Macbeth, as used in the video, may not be the correct spelling of his name; he has also been identified as Jesse Macbeth and Jesse MacBeth by various online publications.

A narrator in the video says that Macbeth “...served in Iraq for 16 months before being wounded...” The war began on 20 March 2003. The Eastern Arizona Courier reported on 3 November 2003 that Jesse MacBeth had returned 2 and a half months prior - roughly in late August of 2003, after sustaining a back injury, limiting possible time actually in Iraq to five months.

Macbeth is quoted in an April 26, 2006 SocialistAlternative.org article as saying that he was “stabbed many times,” has shrapnel in his knee, and has been shot in the back, and that he has received the Purple Heart. The Eastern Arizona Courier article reported that MacBeth had been shot in the back by an M16 rifle while in an Iraqi tunnel, but that a Canadian nurse stitched him up and he continued fighting. (Canada was not a known participant in the Multinational force in Iraq at the time of the article’s publication.) The article also says that he planned to attend a hearing that month about a medical discharge from the Army. There was no mention of the stabbings or the shrapnel in the article.

The report on SocialistAlternative.org includes the Macbeth quote “We would leave the bodies in the streets and blame it on the Shi’ites or the Sunnis. [In Fallujah] we were ordered to go into mosques and slaughter people while they were praying.” In the video, he said this was in retribution for the similar acts done to the bodies of American contractors. The mutilation and public display of American corpses in Fallujah happened March 31, 2004, after the publication of the Eastern Arizona Courier article placing Macbeth in Arizona.

—Wikipedia: Jesse MacBeth

—Of course, IowaHawk has a “fake but accurate” interview with Jesse. Mheh-heh ...

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/25/2006 at 11:57 AM   
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   Friday - May 19, 2006

Barking Moonbat(s) Of The Week

Quick! Which one is stupider? Jennifer for acting like a loon and disappearing on a bus into the night or John for taking the stupid beeyatch back when she was apprehended? My money is on John. The poor schmuck ain’t got the brains God gave a billy-goat if he ever thought things were gonna work out with this dame. Either way, we think this duo should share the award this week for making it into the news one more time. Anyone want to take bets on whether this is the last time we’ll hear from Jennifer? I didn’t think so. Stay tuned ....

Wedding Off for Runaway Bride
_{Thursday May 18, 2006 3:00pm EST}

A year ago Jennifer Wilbanks bolted into tabloid infamy as the “Runaway Bride” when she faked her own kidnapping for three days on the eve of her wedding in Duluth, Ga.

To the amazement of many, fiancé John Mason quickly took her back, with the couple even moving into a large new home in an Atlanta suburb and talking about taking a second run at marriage.

But in early May Mason’s camp let it be known that any nuptials were off – and suddenly the woman who couldn’t take “I do” for an answer seems to be having a problem with “I don’t.”

“I’m not confirming or denying the breakup,” Wilbanks, 33, told PEOPLE May 14. “John and I have some things to work out.”

But to Mason’s family and friends there is no doubt that this time the split is for good. “I think John realized there were some fundamental differences in their personalities that he wasn’t going to be able to deal with,” a friend says of Mason, 33, who runs his family’s Duluth medical-care business.

- Read the rest in the current issue of People magazine ...

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/19/2006 at 01:03 AM   
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   Friday - May 12, 2006

Barking Moonbat Of The Week

This is the first time we have given this award out for a movie (although we were extremely tempted with “Fahrenheit 911"). Rarely do we come across a motion picture like the one below that is so outrageous that it borders on the sublimely ridiculous (not to mention blasphemous to the tenth degree). Fatwah, anyone?

I have no idea where Hollyweird comes up with these “gems” but I believe it has a lot to do with certain mind-altering substances. Regardless, this movie takes the prize this week. At least ... it holds first honors until the release of “Tag-Team Smackdown: Mohammed/Allah vs. Alien/Predator” - which I’ve heard will be “an operatic deathmatch with soundtrack by Snoop Dogg, starring George Clooney as Allah”. I can hardly wait.

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001)

Director: Lee Demarbre

Winner: Best Science Fiction/Fantasy/Horror Film - Santa Cruz Film Festival (2002)

Publicity: The first testament says “an eye for an eye.” The second testament says “love thy neighbour.” The third testament KICKS ASS!

The filmmaking team that brought you Harry Knuckles and won the “Spirit of Slamdance” prize with Harry Knuckles and the Treasure of the Aztec Mummy ups the ante with this tale of the ultimate action hero: Jesus Christ.

The second coming is upon us, and Jesus has returned to earth. But before he can get down to the serious business of judging the living and the dead, he has to contend with an army of vampires that can walk in the daylight.

Combining kung-fu action with biblical prophecy and a liberal dose of humour, the film teams the Savior with Mexican wrestling hero El Santos against mythological horrors and science gone mad, and also manages to address contemporary sexual politics. And did we mention that it’s a musical? This sure ain’t Sunday School.

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/12/2006 at 02:41 PM   
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   Saturday - March 25, 2006

Barking MoonBat Of The Week

We’ve only given this award to Gadaffi Duck about a gazillion times and he just never stops competing for the award. I’m beginning to think he is trying to take a major lead in Moonbat Points™ over the rest of the Middle East and he may succeed now that Yassir Arafish is defunct. Perhaps we should just give him permanent membership in the Barking Moonbat Hall Of Fame™ and be done with it. His latest attempt at an insanity defense has him lecturing the US on democracy and how much better the Libyan military dictatorship is. Kinda like Jacques Chirac lecturing the US on military strategy, eh ... ?

_{(Fashion Police Memo: Where in hell did he find that damned awful purple dress?)}

Gaddafi Lectures U.S. On Democracy
_{Friday, March 24, 9:35 AM ET}

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi lectured a U.S. audience on democracy on Thursday and said Libya is the only real democracy in the world. Via a video link, Gaddafi addressed an unprecedented gathering of U.S. and Libyan academics prompted by a thaw in relations since the former pariah state decided in 2003 to abandon nuclear weapons and took responsibility for the 1988 Lockerbie bombing.

He touted Libya’s political system as superior to “farcical” and “fake” parliamentary and representative democracies in the West. There is no state with a democracy except Libya on the whole planet,” Gaddafi said to the conference at Columbia University in New York. Libya’s Jamahiriyah system, under which Libyans can air their views at “people’s congresses,” is genuine democracy, said Gaddafi, who spoke through a translator and was dressed in purple robes and seated at a desk in front of a map of Africa.

The U.S. Central Intelligence Agency’s World Factbook describes Libya’s government as: “Jamahiriyah (a state of the masses) in theory, governed by the populace through local councils; in fact, a military dictatorship.” Gaddafi said Libya’s new openness would not lead Libyans to covet what they do not have—on the contrary, he said, the rest of the world would soon be emulating Libya. “Countries like the United States, India, China, the Russian Federation, are in bad need of this Jamahiriyah system,” he said. “This is a savior to them.”

- Read More Insanity From Gadaffi Duck here ...

Posted by The Skipper     on 03/25/2006 at 06:24 AM   
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   Saturday - January 14, 2006

Barking Moonbat Of The Week

Back at the start of the week, I figured Harry Belafonte was a shoo-in for this week’s Barking Moonbat Award™ I was wrong. Harry is no match for this idjit. In fact, this doofus probably deserves a place in the Hall Of Fame. We are also considering giving him the coveted Squeeling Porker Award™ for blatant male chauvinist remarks. Especially the quote below about “Condoleezza Rice needs a company of soldiers. She needs to be taken to barracks where she would be satisfied”.

This week’s winner is the leader of the Liberal and Democratic Party of Russia (LDPR), Vladimir Zhirinovsky. The fact that he is a “liberal” and a “democrat” sure explains a lot. However, his statements about US Secretary Of State Condaleeza Rice are inexplicable. This is one award that was well earned ....

P.S. If this doofus is right however, I’d be more than glad to help Condie solve her frustrations. 

Condoleezza Rice’s Anti-Russian Stance Based On Sexual Problems
MOSCOW (PRAVDA)

The US Secretary of State released a coarse anti-Russian statement. This is because she is a single woman who has no children. Condoleezza Rice, the US Secretary of State, openly criticized the Russian government in connection with the gas conflict with Ukraine. Ms. Rice used quite a trivial technique of psychological pressure, which is mostly practiced in the field of education.

According to Condoleezza Rice, Russia’s actions towards Ukraine did not characterize it as a respectable member of the Group of Eight. The statement from the high-ranking US official sounded like a reprimand from a strict babysitter that was teaching its baby to behave.

It goes without saying that the largest Eurasian power is not a baby. In addition, the geopolitical system in the world has undergone dramatic changes since the 1990s. The US Secretary of State, however, has seemingly lost the sense of time and reality. Ms. Rice’s wish to exercise her political power became a surprise for both the Russian Ministry for Foreign Affairs and proponents of traditional liberal values.

Ms. Rice’s criticism can be explained with the politician’s personal peculiarities. Why is Condoleezza Rice so fond of her “strict teacher” role? Is it her technique that she follows to stay in the center of political attention? The leader of the Liberal and Democratic Party of Russia (LDPR), Vladimir Zhirinovsky, expressed his opinion on the matter in an exclusive interview with Pravda.Ru.

“Condoleezza Rice released a coarse anti-Russian statement. This is because she is a single woman who has no children. She loses her reason because of her late single status. Nature takes it all. “Such women are very rough. They are all workaholics, public workaholics. They can be happy only when they are talked and written about everywhere: “Oh, Condoleezza, what a remarkable woman, what a charming Afro-American lady! How well she can play the piano and speak Russian! What a courageous, tough and strong female she is!

“This is the only way to satisfy her needs of a female. She derives pleasure from it. If she has no man by her side at her age, he will never appear. Even if she had a whole selection of men to choose from she would stay single because her soul and heart have hardened. Like Napoleon, Genghis Khan, Tamerlane, or Alexander the Great of Macedon Ms. Rice needs to fight and release tough public statements in global scale. She needs to be on top of the world.

“Ms. Rice was always interested in Russia. Now she needs to prove that she does have a certain amount of knowledge about Russia. Her goal number one is to observe USA’s interest. If Russia rises, it means that the USA falls down. Europe has united, China is growing speedily and Russia possesses immense power in terms of fuel resources. The US administration cannot do anything about it.

“The USA experiences the crisis of ideological and moral values. Americans try to talk about positive family values, although the actual state of things is disastrous. That is why they need to protect themselves with such public personas as Condoleezza Rice who gains pleasure from political commotions.

“The civilized world needs to think about a decision when single politicians are not allowed to stay in power. This was a common practice in the Soviet political system. The matter of international relations is very subtle and exquisite. One single word or phrase may play an extremely important role in politics. This is not the place, where one can sublimate their personal sexual problems.

“Complex-prone women are especially dangerous. They are like malicious mothers-in-law, women that evoke hatred and irritation with everyone. Everybody tries to part with such women as soon as possible. A mother-in-law is better than a single and childless political persona, though. “This is really scary. Ms. Rice’s personal complexes affect the entire field of international politics. This is an irritating factor for everyone, especially for the East and the Islamic world. When they look at her, they go mad.

“Condoleezza Rice needs a company of soldiers. She needs to be taken to barracks where she would be satisfied. On the other hand, she can hardly be satisfied because of her age. This is a complex. She needs to return to her university and teach students there. She could also deal with psychological analysis.

“The true reason of Ms. Rice’s attack against Russia is very simple. Condoleezza Rice is a very cruel, offended woman who lacks men’s attention. Releasing such stupid remarks gives her the feeling of being fulfilled. This is the only way for her to attract men’s attention,” Vladimir Zhirinovsky said.

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/14/2006 at 03:36 AM   
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   Saturday - December 10, 2005

Barking Moonbat Award

The current recipient of this prestigious award was a unanimous decision. The winner is Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad who in recent weeks has managed to:

• … declare Israel should be “wiped off the map”.


• … promised that Iran would continue to build nuclear plants to make nuclear bombs.


• … stated publicly that George W. Bush is guilty of “war crimes”.


• … denied the Holocaust ever happened.


• … but if it did, then Europeans are to blame and should move the state of Israel to Bavaria.

Posted by The Skipper     on 12/10/2005 at 01:19 PM   
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   Saturday - November 19, 2005

Barking Moonbat Of The Week Award

Our readers have chosen a former rock star to receive the award this week. For good reason ....

Gary Glitter Arrested In Vietnam
VIETNAM (BBC)

Former glam rock star Gary Glitter has been arrested in Vietnam where police want to question him about alleged child sex offences. The 61-year-old was detained at Ho Chi Minh airport as he tried to board a plane to Bangkok. An immigration official recognised his name from a newspaper article, state-controlled media reported. A newspaper reported that police were investigating Glitter over allegations of “obscene acts with a child”.

Police said Glitter was allegedly involved with two girls under the age of 18, but declined to elaborate. Glitter was held on Saturday and taken back to the Ba-Ria Vung Tau province where he had been living. Reports suggest the singer, real name Paul Francis Gadd, fled his rented home there a week ago. The seventies rock star, best known for hit single Rock and Roll (Part 2), has been living in Vung Tau since March 2005.

Ministry spokesman Le Dung said authorities had interviewed a 15-year-old girl whom they found in Glitter’s home, and a police manhunt for the rock star had reportedly been extended to the Vietnamese city Ho Chi Minh City. “If evidence of a (legal) violation is found against Mr. Paul Francis, and especially evidence of sexual child abuse, I believe that very strict legal measures will apply to him,” said Mr Le Dung.

Under Vietnamese law, the charge of obscene acts with a minor carries a penalty of one to five years in jail. Earlier this week, the Foreign Ministry said officials had confirmed that Glitter had applied for permanent resident status in Vietnam. Glitter was expelled from Cambodia in 2002, although no specific reason was given for his deportation. He was convicted in the UK in 1999 of possessing child pornography and served two months in jail.

Posted by The Skipper     on 11/19/2005 at 08:55 PM   
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   Thursday - July 28, 2005

It Was A Dark And Stormy Night

Every aspiring writer writes crap now and then. For my first witness, I call myself ....

“Yes, your honor - I wrote that crap and I’m proud of it, ya hear! Proud of it! Bwah-hah-hah-hah-hah-ha-ha ....”

Little did I know there’s an annual contest to judge bad writers ....

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) - A man who compared a woman’s anatomy to a carburetor won an annual contest that celebrates the worst writing in the English language. Dan McKay, a computer analyst at Microsoft Great Plains in Fargo, N.D., bested thousands of entrants from the North Pole to Manchester, England to triumph Wednesday in San Jose State University’s annual Fiction Contest.

“As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire,” he wrote, comparing a woman’s breasts to “small knurled caps of the oil dampeners.”

The competition highlights literary achievements of the most dubious sort - terrifyingly bad sentences that take their inspiration from minor writer Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton, whose 1830 novel “Paul Clifford” began, “It was a dark and stormy night.”

“We want writers with a little talent, but no taste,” San Jose State English Professor Scott Rice said. “And Dan’s entry was just ludicrous.” McKay was is in China and could not be reached to comment about his status as a world-renowned wretched writer. He will receive $250. Rice said the challenge began as a worst paragraph contest, but judges soon realized no one should have to wade through so much putrid prose - such as this zinger, which took a dishonorable mention.

“The rising sun crawled over the ridge and slithered across the hot barren terrain into every nook and cranny like grease on a Denny’s grill in the morning rush, but only until eleven o’clock when they switch to the lunch menu,” wrote Lester Guyse, a retired fraud investigator in Portland, Ore. “That was the least favorite of the five I entered, but you win any way you can,” Guyse said.

Ken Aclin, of Shreveport, La., won the Grand Panjandrum’s Award for his shocking similes and abusive use of adjectives. He wrote that India “hangs like a wet washcloth from the towel rack of Asia.”

“I just saw that washcloth hanging in the shower and it looked like India,” he said. “I’ll be doggone.”

Posted by The Skipper     on 07/28/2005 at 11:50 AM   
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   Saturday - June 11, 2005

Barking Moonbat Of The Week

his week we honor not an individual but an entire company (at least the idiots in charge). Disney corporation (aka, “The House Of Mouse") has done it again, in their quest to be politically correct and make lots of money at the same time. Their problem is that customers at their Hong Kong resort insist on eating shark-fin soup but environmental activists are on their case about serving the endangered fish at supper. So what do they do? They hand out leaflets saying what a bad thing shark fishing is and people should not eat these noble creatures .... while they serve the aforementioned fish as soup.

HONG KONG (AFP) - Disney, under fire from green groups for planning to offer shark’s fin soup at its Hong Kong resort, announced a novel plan to ease activists’ fears—it will hand out leaflets explaining the cruelty of shark fishing with every bowl of the controversial dish.

The leaflet scheme is the latest salvo in a global row with environmentalists over its decision to serve the delicacy, blamed for a sharp decline in shark numbers worldwide, at wedding banquets when the Hong Kong theme park opens in September.

Disney has resisted calls to drop the luxury item and instead seeks to educate customers against buying it.

“If customers insist on shark’s fin soup we will agree to serve it to them but with a leaflet carrying information on how shark fins are harvested,” Disney spokeswoman Irene Chan told AFP.

“It will be written in a suitable manner for a wedding, but it will explain the environmental impact of shark fin fishing,” Chan said.

Memo: Everyone get your hard hats on and head for the storm cellars ‘cause when Barb (AnnoyingLittleTwerp) reads this all hell is gonna break loose around here. Duck and cover, everyone!

Posted by The Skipper     on 06/11/2005 at 07:36 AM   
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