Saturday - February 19, 2005

Saturday Chuckles

It was visitor’s day at the lunatic asylum.  All the inmates were standing in the courtyard and singing “Ave Maria.” And singing it beautifully.

Oddly, each of them was holding a red apple in one hand and tapping it rhythmically with a pencil.  A visitor listened in wonderment to the performance and then approached the conductor.

“I am a retired choir director,” he said.  “This is one of the best choirs I have ever heard.”

“Yes, I’m very proud of them,” said the conductor.

“You should take them on tour,” said the visitor, “what are they called?”

“In the beginning this was a big problem.  One inmate wanted to call themselves the Big Apple with Little Brown Seeds Singing Sons of Siam, but I said it was too long and, anyway, no one was from Siam.

Then, another thought The Pencil Leads was a good name but the others disagreed because they had no one to write to.

“Well,” the visitor asked, “what name did they finally agree on?”


“Surely that’s obvious,” replied the conductor. “They all agreed to call themselves ......
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“The Moron Tapanapple Choir”

Hat tip: Joanny

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 02/19/2005 at 12:41 PM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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We Live In The Theater Of The Absurd

What was it Shakespeare said about life and theater?

“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women, merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts…”

Or how about this?

Life’s but a walking shadow,
a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
and then is heard no more;
it is a tale told by an idiot,
full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

Well, here’s a post full of idiots, players, fools and ultimately, nothing of merit.

Guess who’s being nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize?

Bono!

Give me a fucking major league break!  Bono?!?!?!  Of U2??!?!

That pissant who can do nothing on his own unless he’s attached to some group or other important person?

And you wonder why I look upon the Nobel Committee with such disdain?

Only in San Francisco, I guess.

A guy is driving his car (only it’s identified as an SUV because that’s what the left likes to do now.  SUV are MEAN, GAS GUZZLING, ENVIRONMENT WRECKERS.  If it’s a pick-up or a station wagon or a hatchback they’re just called cars) and decides to throw his cigarette out the window.  It blows back in and “immediately" ignites burning the vehicle to the frame.

I’ve got a problem with this.  For one, a cigarette just CAN NOT do this unless there were highly flammable objects in the back seat to allow this seemingly spontaneous combustion.

What was in the back seat?  Is this guy making up a story to cover something else up?  Could there have been other cigarettes smoldering back there?

And why is he being charged for littering?  The cigarette never hit the street.  Unless now in California you can get arrested for “intent to litter?” If I were this guy I’d get a lawyer on the littering charge to find out if anyone else whose car burned up also got charged with littering.

Where is the investigative reporting for this?  Why weren’t these questions asked?  Fucking moonbats!

And the MSM wonders why we despise it.

I can just imagine how the leftist moonbats in the press in San Francisco would have titled this story. 

Go on, give us some ideas.  Show us your creativity in journalistic skills.

I Want My Property Rights

That’s what this guy must be thinking.  He is now in jail after unsuccessfully attempting to force out bad tenants.

Give him credit for creativity.

Show Us Your Tits!!!

At least that’s what these women are alleging their employers made them do-----to gorillas.

Yes, it’s in San Francisco again.  What the fuck is wrong with that city?  It’s worse than Sodom and Gomorrah. 

Go ahead and read this.

Homo Penguins In The News

First I posted this about queer penguins in Antarctica.

Then Allan posted this. (see the 9th link)

As a follow-up, I have this story about how homosexual groups around the world (no pun intended) are upset that the German Zoo mentioned in Allan’s post is trying to make the queer penguins “straight.” They have been:

“protesting at the zoo’s attempts to “cure” the penguins of their homosexuality. The zoo has been bombarded with threatening letters and phone calls saying that gay penguins have a “right to a free choice of partner”.

I could never have dreamed up the association between this woman’s name and her comments.  Life imitates art, I guess. Pronounce her name phonetically, with a “ooooo” sound.

“What we don’t know is whether our three male couples are, in fact, homosexual or whether they’ve only got together because of a dearth of females,” Mrs Kuuck said.

Wonder no more why I do not watch television.

From Germany we have researchers saying that TV causes 20,000 German deaths a year.

Hell, send them more Baywatch, Sex in the City, 24, Sopranos, Square Bob Sponge Pants (hehe) etc. and with any luck they’ll all be dead soon.  Then we can give the whole country to the homosexual penguins.

The scene:

Man:  “Honey, let’s go out to eat tonight.”

Woman: (unless you are in San Francisco and then it’s be another man) “OK, just let me change clothes.”

Man:  “No need.  Go as you are.”

Woman:  “Silly, I’ve already started changing and I’m naked.”

Man:  “That’s my point.”

Let this be a lesson to smart-asses at airports.

Mouth off at the ticket agent and your luggage gets blown to smithereens.

When you are overrun with Muslim wackoes it’s one thing.  But when you also have people like this, then maybe it is time for this country to be hit by a tsunami so it can be “cleansed.”

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 02/19/2005 at 07:58 AM   
Filed Under: • Insanity • Outrageous • Stoopid-People •  
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Sadness In The Blogosphere

If you are a reader of Kim duToit’s site on a regular basis you know that on occasion he mentions a couple of snipers in Iraq, Walter and Adam, for whom he’s had some fund raisers to buy sniper scopes, mounts, gun cleaning supplies, food, etc.

Thanks to Dan I just found out that Adam is dead.  Killed by a roadside bomb.

Please go to Kim’s site to read about this tragic event and leave your comments. (you will need to register)

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 02/19/2005 at 07:15 AM   
Filed Under: • Terrorists •  
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   Friday - February 18, 2005

Liberal Asshats In Hollywood

One of our readers notified me of this yesterday and I also saw it on Fox News last night but couldn’t find any news organization that covered it online or anywhere else (go figure!).

Anyway, to make a long story short, it took the asshat liberal turds in Hollywood less than a day to vandalize the signs put up by Citizens United thanking Hollywood for helping re-elect George W. Bush. I guess the Hollyweirdos just couldn’t appreciate the kind thought extended to them .... ya think?

I’d like to find the little pea-brained forons who did this and .... never mind, I’m just having a really bad vision of boiling oil, splinters, racks, whips, baseball bats, knives and other assorted implements of torture - and I’m not talking Abu Ghraib - I’m talking the REAL DEAL, sweetheart!

Posted by The Skipper     on 02/18/2005 at 05:21 PM   
Filed Under: • Hollywood •  
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Blog’s Got A New Toy

Our buddy Steel Turman contacted me today and asked me to help him add a new toy to his blog site. Much to my surprise, the servers and code for the new toy turned out to be from a Euro-Peon consortium and everything (including instructions) were in [spit] French. I had to really give my rusty knowledge of [spit] French a workout. The Google translate pages didn’t help one whole helluva lot so I had to go by forgotten memories of that sad language from High School and College.

Amyway, after I got Brother Steel fixed up, I decided I wanted a reward for my efforts so I bashed my way through the sign-up process again and grabbed code to include it on the blog here. With a few code tweaks, some PHP and HTML to add a popup window to display the full map, I was satisfied.

On the right sidebar, you will now see a new item below the “Member Bulletins”. This map shows where our current visitors are located around the world and how many people are on-line. This includes anonymous readers, not just members. The flashing green dots indicate where current visitors are located and the red dots indicate where recent visitors were who have now surfed on to other places. Clicking on the “View Large Map” below the small map display opens a popup window with a larger view of the globe and the same information.

While I’ve been writing this post, I’ve watched visitors stop by from Canada, New Zealand, Ireland, Finland, Switzerland, Germany, Taiwan and yes, even Iraq. All just within the last five minutes. Somebody out there loves us! Here’s hoping they’re getting a good education in good old American Common Sense. If not .... fuck ‘em!

Memo: I really would like to thank the [spit] French for coming up with this but ........ MERDE! Je dédaigne vraiment ces fils des chiennes!

Posted by The Skipper     on 02/18/2005 at 03:52 PM   
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Quote Of The Day

Another professor at the University Of Colorado has his say on Ward Churchill ....

“According to the News, Churchill has been claiming to be a Native American since his high school days in Illinois. It may well be that by this point he has genuinely convinced himself that he actually is an Indian.”

“Of course some people believe they’re Napoleon. But that’s not a good reason for giving them professorships in French history.”

-- Paul Campos is a professor of law at the University of Colorado. He can be reached at paul.campos@colorado.edu.

Posted by The Skipper     on 02/18/2005 at 01:08 PM   
Filed Under: • Colleges-Professors •  
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Greenpeace Gets A Ass-Whuppin’

Thirty-five Greenpeace protesters stormed the floor of the International Petroleum Exchange in London yesterday to protest the Kyoto Accord, believing it does not go far enough. What they got was what they deserved ....

What they were not prepared for was the post-prandial aggression of oil traders who kicked and punched them back on to the pavement.

“We bit off more than we could chew. They were just Cockney barrow boy spivs. Total thugs,” one protester said, rubbing his bruised skull. “I’ve never seen anyone less amenable to listening to our point of view.”

Another said: “I took on a Texan Swat team at Esso last year and they were angels compared with this lot.” Behind him, on the balcony of the pub opposite the IPE, a bleary-eyed trader, pint in hand, yelled: “Sod off, Swampy.”

They made their way to the trading floor, blowing whistles and sounding fog horns, encountering little resistance from security guards. Rape alarms were tied to helium balloons to float to the ceiling and create noise out of reach. The IPE conducts “open outcry” trading where deals are shouted across the pit. By making so much noise, the protesters hoped to paralyse trading.

But they were set upon by traders, most of whom were under the age of 25. “They were kicking and punching men and women indiscriminately,” a photographer said. “It was really ugly, but Greenpeace did not fight back.”

Mr Beresford said: “They followed the guys into the lobby and kept kicking and punching them there. They literally kicked them on to the pavement.”

Last night Greenpeace said two protesters were in hospital, one with a suspected broken jaw, the other with concussion.

Posted by The Skipper     on 02/18/2005 at 12:28 PM   
Filed Under: • Environment •  
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Innocent!

All charges against Bill Cosby have been dropped.

Authorities found insufficient evidence to support the woman’s claims, Montgomery County District Attorney Bruce L. Castor Jr. said in a statement.

Posted by The Skipper     on 02/18/2005 at 12:07 PM   
Filed Under: • Celebrities •  
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Memorando A Buttheads

Recentemente, diversos de nossos leitores fizeram exame d em cima dse para fazer burros completos fora dse e para escolhê-los em mim. Você sabe quem você é.

Por Imperial Decree, serão permitidos a estes povos viver esta vez mas a ofensa seguinte de encontro a mim resultará no annihilation, na destruição e na morte totais.

Estes fod-enfrentaram asshats: Twerp pequeno irritante, Tannenberg e Bush-Balanç-Kerry-Não suga é não mais do que um pimple em meu burro e deve ser grato eles é reservado para vir aqui e jogo com os adultos. Entretanto, minha paciência está desgastando finamente.

Você foi advertido, pissants! Offend me outra vez e morrer!

Secretária de BMEWS De Guerra

Da Imperial Decree, a questa gente sarà permessa vivere questo volta ma l’offesa seguente contro di me provocherà l’annientamento, la distruzione e la morte totali.

Questi scop-hanno affrontato i asshats: Twerp piccolo annoying, Tannenberg e Bush-Oscill-Kerry-Succhia è nient’altro di un pimple sul mio asino e dovrebbe essere riconoscente si concede venire qui e gioco con gli adulti. Tuttavia, la mia pazienza sta portando sottilmente.

Siete stati avvertiti, pissants! Offenderlo ancora e morire!

Segretaria di BMEWS Della Guerra

Posted by The Skipper     on 02/18/2005 at 11:45 AM   
Filed Under: • Personal •  
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Support Our Troops, Especially This Marine

Lt. Pantano, the Marine accused by the politically correct crowd of cold-blooded murder in the death of two raghead terrorists, is back in the news.

Read an account from an embedded journalist who covered the Lt and his platoon for several days.

The Corps is also asking people who are furious that this is taking place to be patient. I suspect he will be cleared completely and the Corps is going through the motions to keep the hypocritical America-hating MSM from getting its collective panties in a wad and go running to the UN Human Rights Commission with their own complaint.

More disturbing, though, are the assholes who put up a website whose name very closely resembles that of the Lt.’s family which shows images of the Lt. with his head chopped off.

Retired Marines are providing security.  What would be sweet would be to find out the name of these assholes’ website, have someone trace it back to a bricks and mortar address and then beat the living shit out of all the fuckatrds living in there.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 02/18/2005 at 08:14 AM   
Filed Under: • Military •  
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Things That Make You Go, “HUH?? WTF??”

In a classic example of the law of unintended consequences, read this.

Frikkin’ enviro-weenie tree huggers should be sued for causing these tumors and cancers.  If it weren’t for them we’d still have lead bullets.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 02/18/2005 at 07:53 AM   
Filed Under: • Environment •  
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Clear Channel Going Lefty?

I could have ignored this and just let it slide but I am trying to show I have some ability to be “non-partisan” (aaaack----have.....to....fight....to.....keep.... fingers.....from......deleting.......this.......post......)

Clear Channel is now launching a bunch of “liberal” radio stations.

I just hope none are in your area.

Then again, given the amount of advertising and commercials I have to sit through every hour in order to listen to Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh, I wonder if it’s worth continuing to listen.

I’ve been toying with the idea of taking a standard hour’s worth of broadcasting for either of these shows and then measuring the actual amount of broadcasting that takes place.  Of course that would mean subtracting all the news, the ads, the time the host himself spends in gratuitous self-promotion of his program or some product, and the time he spends talking shit leading into the segment or out of the segment.  I’ll bet it’s somewhere around 30 minutes total.

Anyone feel like doing that?

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 02/18/2005 at 07:50 AM   
Filed Under: • Democrats-Liberals-Moonbat Leftists • Media-Bias •  
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Justice, At Last!!

Back in December I posted about a story where some Christians were arrested for protesting at a homosexual “out-fest.”

Eleven Christian protesters were arrested in October 2004 for peacefully preaching at the event. Four men and 17-year-old Lauren Murch were held for trial on criminal charges, which included “riot” and “ethnic intimidation.” All five faced as many as 47 years in prison if convicted on all charges.

Videos show they did nothing wrong but still a judge said they could be prosecuted for “hate crimes.” People of Philadelphia should have been outraged but it’s easy to see the .liberalism and political correctness that’s run amuck in the City Of Brotherly Love.

But, 3 months later, we find out a different judge has thrown the whole thing out.

If I were this Christian group I’d sue the fuck out of the city and all the homo groups in Philadelphia.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 02/18/2005 at 06:33 AM   
Filed Under: • Judges-Courts-Lawyers • Religion •  
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Weird News, Bizarre News

Maybe this guy should have brushed and flossed first. But I am glad he didn’t.  Bastard.

Everyone’s gotta like something.  This guy likes those rats with wings critters.  So he paints them different colors to keep predators from attacking them.  And it works.  Just what we need, Technicolor rainbow colored birds who coo and shit on you.

You all read the post a couple of weeks ago about how the unions in Canada forced the Wal-Mart to close down?

Well, apparently the unions are still pissed off and trying to get the courts to make them re-open the store.  Considering how so many people protest against Wal-Mart saying they force the Mom and Pop stores to shut down don’t you think the unions ought to try to help locals re-open those Mom and Pop stores?  Or is it because they know they’d have little control over the small business man yet to have a Wal-Mart nearby means they can rape, pillage, steal, sue, rob and otherwise make life miserable?

What Wal-Mart should have done is what the German execs of a Hungarians supermarket did---hire a clairvoyant to tell them who’s been stealing and then fire all those people.  Turns out the number fired were exactly the same number as what the execs thought caused an overstaffing problem.

Klever Krauts!!

Another example of asshats in government.

A woman submits a passport application for his baby.  She gets a rejection slip from the passport office because in the picture her baby’s bare-chested.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 02/18/2005 at 06:28 AM   
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •  
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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:

1. Keep a firm grasp of Right and Wrong
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It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.

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