Sunday - January 09, 2005

Special Announcement

We’re sorry but we have decided to cancel the Photoshop Contest, or at least postpone it to a later date. I received photos from one person and several other people have e-mailed me saying they sent photos and wondered if they got through. I’m sorry to say they didn’t. I guess the server being down all day yesterday hosed up the e-mail service (although it shouldn’t have). We’ll try to do a Photoshop Contest again sometime in the next few weeks.

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/09/2005 at 01:10 PM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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Weekend Pinup

Forgive me but I’ve been suffering an anorexic attack since I saw Kim duToit’s “Weekly Skin” post yesterday. Kim featured Morgan Fairchild, who is probably the most famous skin-and-bones woman ever invented. Not enough meat on those bones to suit me. I prefer women with some cushion for pushin’ (so to speak). Therefore I present to you our weekend’s offering .... From Russia With love .... Zdenka Podkapova ....

[definitely not safe for viewing by children or jealous dames - Barb and Dottie, you have been warned!]

“Who’s that sultry wench blowing smoke my way ....?”

“Nice outfit, toots. Mind if I climb up those legs and go sight-seeing ....?”

“Nice .... uh .... cheeks, sweetheart.”

You can see more of Zdenka here.

GET ME OUT OF HERE ...

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/09/2005 at 12:21 PM   
Filed Under: • Eye-Candy •  
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Kerry Alert

Where is John Kerry? He wasn’t in DC to vote in the recent kerfuffle over the election certification. Where did you expect this asshat to be? You guessed it .. in talks with the enemy. Kerry was in Syria meeting with President Assad whose country has been providing safe haven for Saddam loyalists and is more than likely hiding a lot of Saddam’s “lost” weapons of mass destruction. Does this man have no shame?

More recently, President Bush has warned Syria and Iran against “meddling” in the internal affairs of Iraq. Washington and Baghdad both have said that key support for the insurgency in Iraq was coming from a half brother of Saddam Hussein and Baath Party leaders based in Syria.

....

Kerry, a member of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, will be in the West Bank for Sunday’s Palestinian election and is expected to visit a polling place.

After Kerry left the Foreign Ministry on Saturday, 13-year-old Mustafa al-Nabulsi approached him with a drawing of the senator as a soldier in his Vietnam days.

“You have made me much more important than I was, though. You made me a general,” Kerry said.

“I wish you were the president,” al-Nabulsi said.

“Thank you very much. So do I,” Kerry said.

Update: Not satisfied to sleep with the enemy, Kerry also visited the troops in Iraq and served up a demoralizing Bush-bashing session to the troops. Gee, thanks!

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/09/2005 at 08:48 AM   
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R.I.P.

Yassir Aracat (a.k.a. “Fluffy") is now reported to be in “stable condition” in a French hospital. Yeah, that’s right. I got the fucker. Right between the eyes. Just as he came sauntering across my carport, headed for his morning dirtying-up of my Jeep. PETA can kiss my ass. Never fear, I have ordered this book so I know what to do next ....

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/09/2005 at 08:32 AM   
Filed Under: • Terrorists •  
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History Exam

I got 17 right.  How’d you do?

Everyone over 40 should have a pretty easy time at this exam.  If you are under 40 you can claim a handicap.

This is a History Exam for those who don’t mind seeing how much they really remember about what went on in their life.  Get paper and pencil and number from 1 to 20.  Write the letter of each answer and score at the end.

1. In the 1940s, where were automobile headlight dimmer switches located?

a. On the floor shift knob
b. On the floor board, to the left of the clutch
c. Next to the horn

2. The bottle top of a Royal Crown Cola bottle had holes in it. For what was it used?

a. Capture lightning bugs
b. To sprinkle clothes before ironing
c. Large salt shaker

3. Why was having milk delivered a problem in northern winters?

a. Cows got cold and wouldn’t produce milk
b. Ice on highways forced delivery by dog sled
c. Milkmen left deliveries outside of front doors and milk would freeze, expanding and pushing up the cardboard bottle top.

4. What was the popular chewing gum named for a game of chance?

a. Blackjack
b. Gin
c. Craps!

5. What method did women use to look as if they were wearing stockings when none were available due to rationing during W.W.II?

a. Suntan
b. Leg painting
c. Wearing slacks

6. What postwar car turned automotive design on its ear when you couldn’t tell whether it was coming or going?

a. Studebaker
b. Nash Metro
c. Tucker

7. Which was a popular candy when you were a kid?

a. Strips of dried peanut butter
b. Chocolate licorice bars
c. Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside

8. How was Butch wax used?

a. To stiffen a flat-top haircut so it stood up
b. To make floors shiny and prevent scuffing
c. On the wheels of roller skates to prevent rust

9. Before inline skates, how did you keep your roller skates attached to your shoes?

a. With clamps, tightened by a skate key
b. Woven straps that crossed the foot
c. Long pieces of twine

10. As a kid, what was considered the best way to reach a decision?

a. Consider all the facts
b. Ask Mom
c. Eeny-meeny-miney-mo

11. What was the most dreaded disease in the 1940’s?

a. Smallpox
b. AIDS
c. Polio

12. “I’ll be down to get you in a ________,
Honey”

a. SUV
b. Taxi
c. Streetcar

13. What was the name of Caroline Kennedy’s pet pony?

a. Old Blue
b. Paint
c. Macaroni

14. What was a Duck-and-Cover Drill?

a. Part of the game of hide and seek
b. What you did when your Mom called you in to do chores
c. Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill.

15. What was the name of the Indian Princess on the Howdy Doody show?

a. Princess Summerfallwinterspring
b. Princess Sacajewea
c. Princess Moonshadow

16. What did all the really savvy students do when mimeographed tests were handed out in school?

a. Immediately sniffed the purple ink, as this was believed to get you high
b. Made paper airplanes to see who could sail theirs out the window
c. Wrote another pupil’s name on the top, to avoid their failure

17. Why did your Mom shop in stores that gave Green Stamps with purchases?

a. To keep you out of mischief by licking the backs, which tasted like bubble gum
b. They could be put in special books and redeemed for various household items
c. They were given to the kids to be used as stick-on tattoos

18. Praise the Lord, and pass the _________?

a. Meatballs
b. Dames
c. Ammunition

19. What was the name of the singing group that made the song “Cabdriver” a hit?

a. The Ink Spots
b. The Supremes
c. The Esquires

20 Who left his heart in San Francisco?

a. Tony Bennett
b. Xavier Cugat
c. George Gershwin

To see the answers click below.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 01/09/2005 at 07:48 AM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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What A Bunch Of Bulls**t Drivel!!

Of course, this has to come from California.  Where else?  An “organic restaurant” has opened there.  Only the second in the country.  Everything is organic.  The salt, the pepper, the fucking beer!!

You can guess what happens to the price, right?  You can see where I am going, right?

Restaurants like these are expensive as hell.  And frankly, I could give a rat’s ass whether my FUCKING SALT is organic!  Isn’t salt comprised of “inorganic” elements?  What moronic anal retentive asshole has to have organic salt?  And just what the hell IS organic salt?  It’s not like you fertilize salt to make it grow, is it.  What? We have some freak cultivating it in a lab out of rubber pellets or something?  Is that what they are afraid of?

This place has been open almost 5 years.  It’s not yet made a profit.  Then again, how can it when its clientele are people like this “music teacher” who crows about its organic beer.  What?  You expected a lumberjack?  or a truckdriver?  or a wrestler? or a hunter?  I can see it now: 

The scene: an organic restaurant in Vancouver, B.C.

A lumberjack and some Mounties walks in.  The mounties go to the bar.  The lumberjack coquettishly asks the “wait-person” if the vinaigrette is organic.  He then bursts into song:

Lumberjack:  I’m a lumberjack, and I’m okay.
I sleep all night. I work all day.

Mounties : He’s a lumberjack, and he’s okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

Lumberjack:  I cut down trees. I eat my lunch.
I go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays I go shoppin’
And have buttered scones for tea.

Mounties: He cuts down trees. He eats his lunch.
He goes to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays he goes shopping
And has buttered scones for tea.

Chorus : I’m (He’s) a lumberjack, and I’m (he’s) okay.
I (He) sleep(s) all night and I (he) work(s) all day.

Lumberjack:  I cut down trees. I skip and jump.
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women’s clothing
And hang around in bars.

Mounties : He cuts down trees. He skips and jumps.
He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women’s clothing
And hangs around in bars?!

Chorus : I’m (He’s) a lumberjack, and I’m (he’s) okay.
I (He) sleep(s) all night and I (he) work(s) all day.

Lumberjack:  I cut down trees. I wear high heels,
Suspendies, and a bra.
I wish I’d been a girlie,
Just like my dear Papa

OK, OK!  Back to the story.

The owner thinks she is satisfying the

“consumers’ growing interest in knowing exactly what goes into their food.”

When someone can prove to me that eating organic food will make my life last longer and keep me from contracting diseases then I might consider it.  Otherwise I have much better things to spend my money on--like a gin and tonic to help get rid of this headache I just got reading this bullshit article.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 01/09/2005 at 07:05 AM   
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •  
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Whatever Happens To Kids Like This?

Every once in a while you read about kids like this or those that graduate with honors from college at age 12 or some shit.

Whatever happens to them?  Really?  Don’t give me that subjectivist suppositional drivel about them not fitting in with society, unable to cope on a social level psycho-babble nonsense.  I’d like verifiable proof.  Follow up stories.

Anyone have any?

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 01/09/2005 at 06:57 AM   
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •  
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A Public Service Message

I posted this yesterday but after the server’s hard drive crashed we lost all of yesterday’s posts so here it is again:

I get lots of emails every day and due to the nature of the maliciousness of attacks that have occurred recently and the fact that sometimes simply opening a JPG can be dangerous, I have made it a habit to NOT open anything sent me by people whose names I do not recognize.

Yes, I have anti-virus and a firewall but I will not take any chances.

Often times I get emails with a one word name as the sender and a link as the subject.  Could that be a reader sending me something interesting?  Maybe.  But if I do not recognize the name I will hot the delete key without second guessing.  Some of you I already recognize and you know who you are because I’ve responded to you.

But for the rest the lesson here is this:  if you want to send anything to me (and I assume to Allan, too) make sure we know who you are and make sure that the subject line says something that IDs you to us.  For example, you might want to say:  “from a BMEWS reader” or “to the Benevolent Dictator”

I know that sounds goofy but no hacker or scammer or junk mail freak would ever think to address a message that way (at least not yet!)

We now conclude this BMEWS Public Service Message announcement.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 01/09/2005 at 06:44 AM   
Filed Under: • Personal •  
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Yassir Aracat Must Die !

I am being terrorized in my own home.

There is an Al-Qaeda tomcat that roams my neighborhood. He has fathered 90% of the cats in town. He is on a Jihad to destroy Western Civilization.

Starting with my brand new $42,000 Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited. Every morning I find muddy cat tracks all over the hood of my vehicle.

Not wishing to alarm the neighbors, I have ordered and just received new armament to combat this threat. I thought of using my 12-gauge or maybe even my AR-15 on this felonious feline but I figured the neighbors might get alarmed at the loud booming noises (not to mention the flying fur and cat guts).

Instead, I plan to take out this terrorist with my new Crosman C40 Pellet Gun. That oughta be just about right for Yassir Aracat. Because Yassir Aracat must die!

Addendum: Yassir Aracat doesn’t have a chance because I’m using Copperhead Wadcutter lead shot and I’ve equipped my piece with a Crosman 421TM Trigger Mount Laser Sight. Be vewwy qwiet .... I’m hunting Yassir Aracat .... mwah-hah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha ....

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/09/2005 at 05:31 AM   
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   Saturday - January 08, 2005

We Apologize !

We’re sorry to report that our server has been down most of the day on Saturday, January 8. In addition to the DDOS (Distributed Denial Of Service) attacks that hit all of Hosting Matters’ servers, the main hard drive on our server went south .... way south .... and had to be replaced.

Hosting Matters has just completed replacing the hard drive and restoring from a backup. The bad news is that all posts from Saturday are gone. Disappeared. Into the twilight zone. Fortunately, there were only a few posts made by El Supremo in the morning hours before the server went down permanently and one or two posts by yours truly. We’ll try to catch up. Bear with us ....

We are back however and all is well. Carry on ....

Update: I’ve been pretty hard on Stephanie and Annette at Hosting Matters today. I tried to be polite but I probably got on their nerves pretty badly during this mess. To them, I apologize from the bottom of my heart. They were great and did their work magnificently. I owe them a case of beer and a back-rub whenever they feel like redeeming them. Nobody does it better than Hosting Matters and nobody puts up with weener-shits like myself during times of stress better than these two ladies. I hereby grovel before their presence.

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/08/2005 at 09:41 PM   
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •  
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Good Question

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/08/2005 at 09:40 PM   
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   Friday - January 07, 2005

Photoshop Contest!

In honor of our upcoming anniversary next Wednesday, January 12, we are having the First Annual Barking Moonbat Photoshop Contest. There will be three categories and prizes for the winners. Members will vote on the best photoshopped pictures next week. The winner in each category will receive $20 US! That’s right! You can win actual cash money (not Pesos). Here are the three categories ....

1 - Liberal Politicians
2 - Hollywood Jerks
3 - Islamic Asshats

Here are the rules: (1) it must be an original work of art (do it yourself), (2) it may not be copyrighted material (don’t steal it), (3) it must be acceptable to the BMEWS Decency Board (pretty much anything goes). Other than the rules above, you’re on your own. We will put the pictures up for voting and let our members decide. The winner in each category gets a $20 prize, plus the best overall winner gets an extra $10.

So “google” up some images, cut-and-paste, add captions, merge pictures, get raunchy and win $$$$. Use your imagination, let your muse amuse you, let your creative juices flow (just don’t drool).

Update: Nag! Nag! Nag! Everybodywants details. OK! (1) You may enter as many times as you wish in any and all categories, (2) Deadline for entries is Midnight, Sunday, January 9, 2005, (3) Submit your entries by e-mail to Allan (allan@barking-moonbat.com), (4) Entries must be in JPG, BMP, PNG or GIF format. So there!

To get you started, here is an example of my latest photoshop “objet de art” ....

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/07/2005 at 12:48 PM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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Man Toy Of The Day

At CES in Las Vegas, Samsung shows a prototype of what it calls the world’s largest plasma television, with a 102-inch screen. If you have to ask “how much is it?” then you can’t afford it.

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/07/2005 at 11:19 AM   
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •  
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Have You Noticed?

It’s amazing how things occur and in the hustle and bustle of our daily grinds, we hardly even notice what is TRULY going on around us.  We miss the significance of specific events and fail to connect the dots.

Well, that’s why you have me, El Supremo, out scouring the ‘net looking for interesting tidbits and lots of ammo for you to shoot down the retarded liberal moonbats you run across daily.

The latest is something that is so huge it is hiding right out in the open, ugly as sin, offensive as hell to our patriotism:

Yesterday the Attorney General nominee, Alberto Gonzalez, a Republican, was taken out behind the woodshed by the Democrats in an attempt to pin him down and make him responsible for the ALLEGED “abuses” of Iraqi prisoners.

At the same time we have another Democrat, who used to be the Attorney General under Johnson is flying out to defend Saddam Hussein--- a murderer, a dictator, a war criminal.

Now, you tell me-----just whose side are the Democrats on?  That of America and its soldiers?  Or that of our enemies, the terrorists?

(***goes away, shaking head, to sharpen his knives and clean his guns***)

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 01/07/2005 at 07:38 AM   
Filed Under: • Democrats-Liberals-Moonbat Leftists •  
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DISCLAIMER

THE SERVICES AND MATERIALS ON THIS WEBSITE ARE PROVIDED "AS IS" AND THE HOSTS OF THIS SITE EXPRESSLY DISCLAIMS ANY AND ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, TO THE EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF SATISFACTORY QUALITY, MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, WITH RESPECT TO THE SERVICE OR ANY MATERIALS.

Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:

1. Keep a firm grasp of Right and Wrong
2. Stay involved with government on every level and don't let those bastards get away with a thing
3. Use every legal means to defend yourself in the event of real internal trouble, and, most importantly:
4. Keep talking to each other, whether here or elsewhere

It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.

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