Friday - July 14, 2006

Hell Hath no Fury …

Guy Rule #1: Never Break Up With A Dame

Never, ever break up with a female, guys. Instead you are much better off doing something downright dastardly that will make her break up with you. This may include something as benign as leaving the toilet seat up or something as evil as sleeping with her sister. Either way, you will only get peace if you let her do the dumping.

If by some mistake or error in judgement you think you can reason with her and just tell her you want to break up or that you want a divorce and expect her to act rationally, then you’re completely insane and are about to witness your dear little lady metamorphose into the harpy beeyatch from hell. Trust me.

The reason for this is that women have no internal mechanism for handling rejection and it throws their whole mental machinery out of balance. Add to that the fact that some females (but not all, by any means) have way too high an opinion of themselves and you have all the ingredients for a rain of doom down on your pointy little male heads. The big one and the little one.

Here’s what will happen: the first thing your jilted female friend will do is go find anyone who has a grudge against you and they will commence to have a pity party first which will progress eventually into a planning session for all out war. We’re talking war that makes Sherman’s March To The Sea pale by comparison. Total devastation. Scorched Earth kind of thing. Think John Wayne Bobbitt.

So take The Skipper’s advice: do whatever you have to do to make her mad enough to dump you - if you ignore this advice you will suffer a fate worse than Dante could envision in any level of The Inferno. Be bad. Be stupid. Don’t bathe for a few weeks. Do whatever it takes to allow her to think she has just gotten rid of a louse and you will endure only momentary discomfort. Taking any other path will result in decades of abuse - and most of it will be done behind the scenes in the dark ... secret whispers to ruin your reputation, your name and anything else within range of the Wrath Of The Female.

So why am I telling you this? Because I was stupid recently. About a year ago, I told one female to go away and leave this blog alone. That pot has been simmering on boil for over a year. Then about two months ago, I told another nuisance female to go away and not come back.

Like a huge dumb rock sucked into the gravity well of a black hole the two managed to get together and compare notes - in spite of the fact that the most recent broken-hearted female had earlier expressed an extreme dislike and hatred of the earlier female when she flirted with The Skipper here. They had a mutual hatred and therefore an axe to grind so a peace treaty was signed and the two started plotting.

I recently found out about a covert operation by the two to discredit me and this blog. They decided to write reviews of this blog at Amazon. You can read the tirade by following this link to Amazon’s web site reviews section. The female with the most recent heartache and hatred of yours truly wrote an epic monologue that defies description (as well as truth). The young lady is a fake and a fraud on a grand scale and has no business pretending to be a grownup.

The accusations made against me and this blog have not a smidgeon of truth in them but are full of all kind of colorful language like “mysoginistic”. WTF!?!? This young lady is living in a dream world populated by demons of unimagineable evil. Neurotic is a mild description, in my humble opinion. I’d actually prefer “psychotic” if the truth were known.

Anyway, if you want to have some fun, go read these delicious critiques from the “fairer sex” and if you want to help The Skipper and this blog then add your own review. If you know either of these females, feel free to comment as you see fit. If you want to say something bad about this blog or me, feel free to do that too. You could hardly write anything worse than has already been written. So go ahead. Let’s have some fun with this. It’s much better than getting angry and holding a grudge for a millennia.

Besides, if you write a really wild review I might just post it here ... for entertainment value, of course. Now be off with you and remember the Guy Rule #1 stated above. Ignore at your own peril, gentlemen.

Posted by The Skipper     on 07/14/2006 at 11:32 AM   
Filed Under: • Fun-Stuff • Personal •  
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Caption Contest

YAY! Another caption contest! Some days it just doesn’t pay to be George W. Bush ... and some days it really sucks to be George W. Bush. Yesterday may have been one of those days. Whining, crying Democrats, looney Kim Jung Mentally Ill, President Ahmawackjob of Iran, Hamas and Hizbollah behaving badly, bombs going off in India ... Dubya shoulda just stayed in bed. This little German goober only made it worse. I can’t decide which one is more frightened. Anyway, give it your best shot. What is Dubya saying ... ?

Get Me Out Of Here!
—_{(DAILY MAIL) - 23:03pm 13th July 2006}

It was supposed to be a light-hearted photo opportunity showing the gentle side of the world’s most powerful man. Unfortunately, nobody told the baby.

Despite being closely vetted by both the U.S. secret service and German intelligence agents, the startled infant voiced a noisy protest as it was handed to George Bush.

Unable to placate the wailing child - despite all his skills of diplomacy - President Bush was forced to hand it back to its waiting mother.

And the baby, whose parents are German, was not the only one unhappy with Mr Bush’s presence in the village of Trinwillershagen, in the former East Germany.

Around 5,000 protesters did their best to interrupt the outdoor meeting and meal between the president and Germany’s chancellor Angela Merkel.

Eventually shielded from the noise by 40 tons of barbed wire and 12,000 policemen, the pair sat down to dine on a roasted wild boar slaughtered earlier that day, uninterrupted by protesters. Or babies.

Posted by The Skipper     on 07/14/2006 at 10:17 AM   
Filed Under: • Fun-Stuff •  
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Out Of Order

Question: we have “contempt of court” to charge people with when they act badly in court and we have “contempt of Congress” when people behave badly toward Congress - so why don’t we have “contempt of the President” to charge people with when they make genuine jerks out of themselves, harass the Executive Branch mercilessly and make all kind of false accusations against the President out of spite or partisan political reasons?

If we had such a law Plame and Wilson would be hit with heavy fines by now. Unfortunately, we don’t have such protection for the President and so the man or woman who occupies the nation’s highest office continues to remain the target of every miserable miscreant with an axe to grind. Plame and Wilson are prime examples. I’ve read the 23-page suit they filed and it strikes me as not having a leg to stand on. The arguments are weak and the so-called damages are really stretching the First and Fifth Amendment. I’m not a lawyer but if I were on the jury I’d throw the thing out of court as having no merit.

Just for grins, I asked my attorney what he thought about it and after reading the complaint he also said their arguments are too vague and very weak. He also made note of the fact that the process of discovery that the WAPO refers to in the article below as “possibly compelling the administration to reveal information they would rather not” as a two-way street. The government will also have the opportunity to ask for discovery and take depositions from associates and acquaintenances of Wilson/Plame - including media contacts and political party affiliates. This could backfire on the pair. We shall see.

If you want to read the entire complaint, click here (23-page PDF document). Here are the key claims by Plame/Wilson: (1) “The Defendants’ action described herein violate the Freedom Of Speech Clause of the First Amendment to the United States Constitution, which prohibits government officials from subjecting any individual to retaliatory action in reprisal for the exercise of the right to speech”; (2) “The Defendants’ actions described herein violate the Equal Protection Clause of the Fifth Amendment to the United States Constitution, which prohibits government officials from intentionally subjecting any individual to treatment that is different from that accorded to others similarly situated and is without legitimate basis.”

I really hate stupid people - especially ones who take a simple document like the US Constitution and read all manner of weird “rights” into it. This is simply twisting the words of the Constitution to fit an agenda, no more, no less and I am sick and tired of people offending my sensibilities and defying common sense. It may be time for us to pass a new law whereby offensive idiots like Plame/Wilson can be fined for “contempt of The People.”

Vice President Sued by Plame And Husband
Ex-CIA Officer Alleges Leak Of Her Name Was Retaliatory
—_{(WASHINGTON POST) - Friday, July 14, 2006}

Former CIA officer Valerie Plame and her husband, former ambassador Joseph C. Wilson IV, filed a lawsuit yesterday against Vice President Cheney, presidential adviser Karl Rove and former vice presidential aide I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby, accusing the three of violating their constitutional rights in retaliation for Wilson’s criticism of President Bush.

Plame and Wilson say that, after Wilson accused Bush of twisting intelligence about Iraq’s pursuit of weapons of mass destruction, Cheney, Rove and Libby conspired to “discredit, punish and seek revenge against the plaintiffs that included, among other things, disclosing to members of the press Plaintiff Valerie Plame Wilson’s classified CIA employment.”

Plame and Wilson ask for unspecified monetary compensation for what they described as a “gross invasion of privacy” that could jeopardize the safety of their children and target Plame for retribution by enemies of the United States. They also allege that the incident has impaired their professional opportunities. Plame has since retired from the agency.

The White House declined to comment on the suit, as did the vice president’s office. Plame, Wilson and their attorneys declined to comment yesterday, saying they will answer questions at a news conference scheduled for 10 a.m. today.

- More on the story at the WAPO ...

Posted by The Skipper     on 07/14/2006 at 09:26 AM   
Filed Under: • Democrats-Liberals-Moonbat Leftists • Judges-Courts-Lawyers •  
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On A Pale Horse

_{Michael Ramirez - Investors Business Daily}

And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth.

-- Revelation 6:8

Posted by The Skipper     on 07/14/2006 at 09:06 AM   
Filed Under: • RoPMA • Terrorists •  
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   Thursday - July 13, 2006

Controversial Immigration Sign Surfaces in PA

NORTH VERSAILLES, Pa. (AP) —Bill Balsamico is like the opinionated guy at the end of the bar with a take on everything.

Difference is, Balsamico owns the bar and posts his musings on a 6-by-8-foot sign along a busy road.

He called Michael Jackson a freak. He jokingly suggested the Mafia run the government because they wouldn’t charge people as much to do it. He advised the U.S. to ``bomb the hell out of Iraq’’ and ``make it a giant litter box.’’

So far so good. What could possibly be controversial about him? He posted an anti-illegal message on his sign…

``Push 1 to proceed in English / Push 2 for deportation.’’

Yep, that got him in trouble.

UPDATE: The missing link is here.

Posted by Christopher     on 07/13/2006 at 08:47 PM   
Filed Under: • Humor • Illegal-Aliens and Immigration •  
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Thursday fun

Cowpokes for the ladies
Shark?NSFW
Yet another ‘Ultimate Geek’
Ninjas wear Keds?
But is it art?

Posted by Christopher     on 07/13/2006 at 08:12 PM   
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •  
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The Drudge Report: YIKES!

A nice, relaxing, uneventful day at work. I was one with Nature, thanks to Nature deciding to hit me with cloudbursts about once an hour. Ho Hum. Then I went to read the Drudge Report as I do every evening after work and find that the world is falling apart. Here are the top headlines:

Hezbollah Wants To ‘Transfer Captured Israeli Soldiers To Iran’…
US vetoes UN resolution urging end to Israeli attacks in Gaza…
Now Jewish Extremist Group Declares: We Kidnapped 2 Palestinians!
Rockets Hit Israel Port City; No Injuries…
Israel Blasts Lebanon Airport, Air Bases…
Sea and air blockade…
Hizbollah fires 70+ rockets onto Israel…
Bush Backs Israel’s Right to Self Defense ...
Russia and France condemned Israel’s strikes…
Israel intends to ‘break’ Hezbollah…
Greece says Israel using ‘excessive’ and ‘pointless’ force…

The Arab-Israeli War has gotten very hot indeed. And again, Israel is fighting on two fronts. The good thing is GWB is backing the Israelis and vetoed the Security Council resolution against Israel. Guess the Oslo Accords are dead. If that isn’t enough, Japan is thinking pre-emptive strike on North Korea. China is up in arms about this. Probably a bad idea for Japan. Hope they remember the results of their last pre-emptive strike. I think we are looking at a real World War III. A hot one with theaters in the Mid-East and the Pacific rim. And just maybe Hugo Chavez will step into it somehow.

With all the instability, oil prices hit a new high of $77/barrel. I need to dig out my bicycle to ride to work. 

Posted by Christopher     on 07/13/2006 at 06:35 PM   
Filed Under: • Military • News-Briefs •  
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Help Wanted

Guest Blogger Wanted

I am looking for someone to come on board as guest blogger. Christopher has just joined the crew here and is having great fun with you lot. I like his posts. However, I am a little shorthanded at the present time.

Mr. Christian has run away to Peru on a secret mission and will be away for several months. I could tell you what he is up to but then I’d have to shoot you. I’m sure when he gets back he’ll bring you up to date on activities in the Andes.

Ronald Reagan’s Ghost is also out of the country for the next six months on a contract in Saudi Arabia, of all places. The young man is nuts, I tell you. I just hope he makes it back in one piece.

Which brings me to the current topic. For some time I have wanted to add a new feature to the blog: a daily “Barking Moonbat Scouting Report”. Every day I get links from other conservative bloggers about interesting things they have written about and my e-mail box is already flooded. I want someone to take that burden off of me and post a daily “carnival of conservative bloggers” every morning. If you want an example of what I’m talking about, look here. That will give you an idea of what I’m looking for.

You need to know a little about HTML (web formatting) but not much. I’ll make sure you get all the info you need and help you get started posting. In addition to the “Scouting Report” the guest poster will be allowed to post editorials occasionally if you so please. So send me an e-mail if you’re interested to: allan(at)barking-moonbat.com and I’ll give you more details.

Posted by The Skipper     on 07/13/2006 at 12:42 PM   
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White Man’s Burden

Welcome to Politically Correct England, old boy! If you’re black or from the Middle East, that is. Britain welcomes with open arms every minority from all over the world, gives them free medical care and state subsidized welfare. Want a free house to live in? Sure. Help yourself.

However, if you are a member of that hated, disgusting Caucasian race, you are out of luck. You can’t even apply for certain jobs - even though you are overqualified. So take your lily white butt elsewhere, chum. The Socialist People’s Republic of England expects every man to do his duty. Unless you’re white ... in which case, you can trot your butt to the back of the bus.

Man Barred From British Royal Palace Job For Being White
—(AFP) - July 13 2:46 AM US/Eastern

A history graduate had been banned from applying for a post in a royal palace because he is white, British newspapers reported. Kieron Keenan, 23, said he was told he could not put his name forward to work as a trainee museum assistant at the Royal Pavilion in Brighton on the southern English coast because he is not of African, Afro-Caribbean, South Asian or Chinese descent.

Brighton and Hove Council used the Race Relations Act to block whites from applying for the 9,000 pounds (16,500 dollars, 13,000 euros) a year job to help fill quotas for ethnic minority employees, The Daily Telegraph reported. “It’s astonishing,” Keenan said. “In order to be seen to be less discriminatory towards ethnic groups the council has used a law which is blatently discriminatory against another ethnic group. “Apparently it is perfectly legal. I feel very annoyed.”

“To get a graduate job in the history field is very hard and I have been automatically barred because of my skin. I am perfectly qualified to do the job. I didn’t even get the chance to apply because the advert made it clear you could not apply unless you were non-white.”

A spokesman for Brighton and Hove Council said: “It is lawful to offer training only for people from a certain racial group or to encourage people from that racial group to apply.”

But Bert Williams, who runs the Brighton and Hove Black History Project, countered: “Yes, the council must have a more representative work force but this is not the way it should be doing it because it’s another form of discrimination.”

The 2001 census found that of the 247,817 people in the Brighton area, 94 percent classed themselves as white, two percent as mixed race, two percent as Asian, one percent as black and one percent as Chinese or another ethnic group.

Posted by The Skipper     on 07/13/2006 at 11:50 AM   
Filed Under: • Racism and race relations •  
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The Crocodile Samaritan

Oh dear! What shall we do? Issue a fatwah against the Aussies or just throw another shrimp on the barbie and hope God understands? Either way, you can order a copy of the Aussie Bible ($6.95) today and read about Ramses telling Moses to shove off before the Jews did a walkabout in the desert. Good onya, mate!

And God Said: Let’s Have Some Light, Mate
_{—(SYDNEY MORNING HERALD) - July 13, 2006}

“There was this sheila who came across a snake-in-the-grass with all the cunning of a con man. The snake asked her why she didn’t just grab lunch off the tree in her garden.

God, she said, had told her she’d be dead meat if her fruit salad came from that tree, but the snake told her she wouldn’t die.

So she took a good squiz and then a bite and passed the fruit on to her bloke. Right then and there, they’d realised what they’d done and felt starkers.”

So begins the Biblical account of the fall of mankind retold using “strine”, or Australian vernacular.

The first instalment of Kel Richards’s Aussie Bible was a runaway bestseller, selling 100,000 copies since its August 2003 release.The second instalment gives the “Aussie” treatment to the Book of Genesis, Proverbs, the Gospel of John and John’s first letter, translating the stories of Adam and Eve and the beginning of time using well-worn, laconic Australian vernacular.

As Richards, wordsmith, journalist and committed Christian, puts it, God was tinkering around in his workshop when “out of the blue, God knocked up the whole bang lot”.

Then there was Joseph, the stockman, who got from his dad this “lairy coat - lots of colour and no taste” - that made his brothers “dead jealous”. Richards said the Bible was written in the language of the marketplace and it was appropriate to use “conversational barbecue English”.

He takes fewer liberties with the retelling of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, because the “jokes are not there”. But “strine” does enable him to tell the serious story at the heart of Christian faith in an informal and accessible way. “The Aussie language is a rich dialect; it’s not just an informal language, it’s a language of the heart,” he said.

Daniel Willis, chief executive officer of the Bible Society of NSW, said the Australian version had introduced the Bible to a wider audience and had proven popular with hospital and prison chaplains who offered it as an introduction to the original text.

Richards believes the book has been useful in introducing Christianity to the unchurched. “Conversion is a process and probably [the Aussie Bible] plays a raising-awareness role rather than a closing-the-deal role.”

Posted by The Skipper     on 07/13/2006 at 10:00 AM   
Filed Under: • Odd-Strange • Religion •  
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The Check Is In The Mail

Now she’s gone and done it again, or as Ronald Reagan said, “There you go again.” Nancy Pelosi has broken my BS meter for the thousandth time. Using “Democrats” and"Fiscal Responsibility” in the same sentence should be a crime against the English language. The only saving grace is that Nancy is obviously talking to her base - the loyal, brainless Democrat voters who can’t wait to put Pelosi back into power so we can all enjoy (1) higher taxes, (2) more money thrown at failed socialist programs, (3) a stripped-down defense budget, and (4) more pork than Oscar Meyer ever dreamed of. Pardon me while I readjust my meter. Now re-calibrating ... 1 - 2 - 3 ....

Pelosi Promises Fiscal Restraint
If Democrats Win
_{—WASHINGTON (WALL STREET JOURNAL) - July 13, 2000}

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi pledged that if Democrats succeed next year in rolling back President Bush’s tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans, the money would be used to reduce the federal deficit—not for new spending.

Breaking with many Democrats, Ms. Pelosi also spoke out against earmarking billions of dollars for home-state projects, a practice she calls a “monster” that hurts Congress.

If she becomes speaker in the next Congress, she says, she would press to severely reduce earmarks. “Personally, myself, I’d get rid of all of them,” she says. “None of them is worth the skepticism, the cynicism the public has… and the fiscal irresponsibility of it.”

The California Democrat anticipates some resistance from within her party, but returned to the theme of fiscal prudence in an interview with The Wall Street Journal. When asked to outline the Democrats’ agenda, she listed initiatives that she said wouldn’t strain the government’s coffers: cutting interest rates on student loans, raising the minimum wage and demanding higher royalties from oil companies.

“Not every single dollar” would go to the Treasury, she said, “but I hope that...we would use the rollback of the tax cuts” to address the deficit since “it is the biggest drain...on the next generation.”

By contrast, Democrats on the House Appropriations Committee this year have proposed financing more domestic spending by scaling back tax cuts for high-income households. In a series of amendments—all defeated by Republicans—Wisconsin Rep. David Obey and other senior Democrats have proposed a partial rollback of the top-end tax cuts and then a 50-50 split of the resulting revenue, yielding about $13 billion for deficit reduction and $13 billion for domestic spending.

But Ms. Pelosi sees no contradiction, saying her party is boxed in now as the minority and will have more choices as the majority. “He’s dealing with the hand he’s been dealt,” she says of Mr. Obey. “We’re dealing the hand the next time.”

But House Majority Leader John Boehner said the Democratic record this year shows the party has proposed to add billions of dollars in spending “over and above what is called for” in the administration’s budget. “It is Republicans who have held the line on spending,” Mr. Boehner said, and if Democrats were to find tax savings, “it wouldn’t go into banks, they’d spend it.”

Ms. Pelosi’s comments come as the White House is celebrating a surge in federal tax receipts that has narrowed deficit projections and offered proof, Republicans say, of the value of the Bush tax cuts. But Democrats argue that given widening income disparities in the U.S., voters would oppose continued tax breaks for high-income Americans if the money will go to slow the government’s red ink.

Posted by The Skipper     on 07/13/2006 at 09:31 AM   
Filed Under: • Democrats-Liberals-Moonbat Leftists •  
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Mommy Dearest

Posted by The Skipper     on 07/13/2006 at 02:17 AM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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Deja View

_{Scott Stantis - The Birmingham News (AL)}

China Slams Japan Over North Korea
_{—(THE AGE - AUSTRALIA) - July 13, 2006 - 6:29AM}

China has criticised Japan for “pouring oil on fire” for raising the issue of a pre-emptive strike on North Korea after its missile tests, warning it could seriously disrupt international efforts to defuse the crisis.

“This practice is extremely irresponsible and incomprehensible and it will only seriously disrupt international diplomatic efforts and accelerate tensions in Northeast Asia,” Chinese Foreign Ministry spokeswoman Jiang Yu said in a statement.

Last week’s launch has rekindled debate in Japan over whether it should develop the capability to make pre-emptive strikes and whether these would violate its post-World War Two pacifist constitution.

Chief Cabinet Secretary Shinzo Abe did not say Tokyo was considering a pre-emptive strike nor did he use the words “pre-emptive strike”. But he said: “I believe it is necessary to conduct study and research (on the matter).

Posted by The Skipper     on 07/13/2006 at 01:54 AM   
Filed Under: • North-Korea •  
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Greased Lightning

Posted by The Skipper     on 07/13/2006 at 01:24 AM   
Filed Under: • Military •  
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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:

1. Keep a firm grasp of Right and Wrong
2. Stay involved with government on every level and don't let those bastards get away with a thing
3. Use every legal means to defend yourself in the event of real internal trouble, and, most importantly:
4. Keep talking to each other, whether here or elsewhere

It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.

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