Friday - July 14, 2006

Hell Hath no Fury …

Guy Rule #1: Never Break Up With A Dame

Never, ever break up with a female, guys. Instead you are much better off doing something downright dastardly that will make her break up with you. This may include something as benign as leaving the toilet seat up or something as evil as sleeping with her sister. Either way, you will only get peace if you let her do the dumping.

If by some mistake or error in judgement you think you can reason with her and just tell her you want to break up or that you want a divorce and expect her to act rationally, then you’re completely insane and are about to witness your dear little lady metamorphose into the harpy beeyatch from hell. Trust me.

The reason for this is that women have no internal mechanism for handling rejection and it throws their whole mental machinery out of balance. Add to that the fact that some females (but not all, by any means) have way too high an opinion of themselves and you have all the ingredients for a rain of doom down on your pointy little male heads. The big one and the little one.

Here’s what will happen: the first thing your jilted female friend will do is go find anyone who has a grudge against you and they will commence to have a pity party first which will progress eventually into a planning session for all out war. We’re talking war that makes Sherman’s March To The Sea pale by comparison. Total devastation. Scorched Earth kind of thing. Think John Wayne Bobbitt.

So take The Skipper’s advice: do whatever you have to do to make her mad enough to dump you - if you ignore this advice you will suffer a fate worse than Dante could envision in any level of The Inferno. Be bad. Be stupid. Don’t bathe for a few weeks. Do whatever it takes to allow her to think she has just gotten rid of a louse and you will endure only momentary discomfort. Taking any other path will result in decades of abuse - and most of it will be done behind the scenes in the dark ... secret whispers to ruin your reputation, your name and anything else within range of the Wrath Of The Female.

So why am I telling you this? Because I was stupid recently. About a year ago, I told one female to go away and leave this blog alone. That pot has been simmering on boil for over a year. Then about two months ago, I told another nuisance female to go away and not come back.

Like a huge dumb rock sucked into the gravity well of a black hole the two managed to get together and compare notes - in spite of the fact that the most recent broken-hearted female had earlier expressed an extreme dislike and hatred of the earlier female when she flirted with The Skipper here. They had a mutual hatred and therefore an axe to grind so a peace treaty was signed and the two started plotting.

I recently found out about a covert operation by the two to discredit me and this blog. They decided to write reviews of this blog at Amazon. You can read the tirade by following this link to Amazon’s web site reviews section. The female with the most recent heartache and hatred of yours truly wrote an epic monologue that defies description (as well as truth). The young lady is a fake and a fraud on a grand scale and has no business pretending to be a grownup.

The accusations made against me and this blog have not a smidgeon of truth in them but are full of all kind of colorful language like “mysoginistic”. WTF!?!? This young lady is living in a dream world populated by demons of unimagineable evil. Neurotic is a mild description, in my humble opinion. I’d actually prefer “psychotic” if the truth were known.

Anyway, if you want to have some fun, go read these delicious critiques from the “fairer sex” and if you want to help The Skipper and this blog then add your own review. If you know either of these females, feel free to comment as you see fit. If you want to say something bad about this blog or me, feel free to do that too. You could hardly write anything worse than has already been written. So go ahead. Let’s have some fun with this. It’s much better than getting angry and holding a grudge for a millennia.

Besides, if you write a really wild review I might just post it here ... for entertainment value, of course. Now be off with you and remember the Guy Rule #1 stated above. Ignore at your own peril, gentlemen.

Posted by The Skipper     on 07/14/2006 at 11:32 AM   
Filed Under: • Fun-Stuff • Personal •  
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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:

1. Keep a firm grasp of Right and Wrong
2. Stay involved with government on every level and don't let those bastards get away with a thing
3. Use every legal means to defend yourself in the event of real internal trouble, and, most importantly:
4. Keep talking to each other, whether here or elsewhere

It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.

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