Friday - January 06, 2006

Arbor Assassin Acquitted

I saw this story and my first thought was, “Holy crap! Now we have found the ANTI-TREEHUGGER!” On the one hand we have the envirwhackos who chain themselves to trees to protect these highly intelligent life-forms (according to them) and now, on the other hand, we have a brutal assassin who terrorizes these lovely, leafed friends (again, according to the tree-huggers). It was at this point that an old Seventies pop tune started playing in my mind. Now I can’t get it out of my head. Therefore, I will pass this curse along to all of you ....

 
Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am
Stuck in the middle with you
Yes I’m stuck in the middle with you
Stuck in the middle with you
Here I am stuck in the middle with you.

Tree Assassin Suffered Enough, Judge Rules
Thursday, January 5, 2006 7:38 PM EST
VANCOUVER (GLOBE&MAIL)

An interior designer who admitted to poisoning trees on the edge of Stanley Park to improve her view will avoid a criminal record after her lawyer argued the “coast to coast humiliation” she has suffered is punishment enough. “The public has denounced her conduct much more than the court could,” Judge Ellen Gordon said in handing June Matheson, 72, an absolute discharge after she pleaded guilty Thursday to killing the trees so she could get a better view of English Bay.

“The public outcry in this case had a remarkable denunciatory effect.” Crown attorney Ralph Keefer told the provincial court judge that Matheson’s act was “selfish in the extreme” and carefully planned, and for that she should at least be fined on the mischief charge she faced. Ms. Matheson admitted to poisoning a stand of trees in front of her expensive, third-floor condominium, which were blocking her scenic view near Stanley Park, a large and well-known piece of parkland in the city.

In the spring of 2004, staff from Vancouver’s park board found holes drilled in the base of five trees, including a maple, chestnut, oak and two London planes. Three of the trees have since died. Outside court, Ms. Matheson’s lawyer, Ian Donaldson, read from a letter of apology that his client had wrote to the court. “At the time I did this, I thought only selfishly about my view and the thousands of dollars spent on waterfront taxes to enjoy the beautiful ocean,” he read. “What I now realize is how wrong it was to take away something that wasn’t mine to take. For that I apologize.”

Mr. Keefer told Judge Gordon that Ms. Matheson went to Bellingham, Wash., to purchase a brand of poison she found on the Internet because the herbicide wasn’t available in Canada. He said she transferred the poison into a plain container to avoid any problems as she crossed back into Canada. “Not only did she plan this well in advance,” Mr. Keefer argued, “she ought to have known the outrage to follow.” Mr. Keefer said given Ms. Matheson’s age and lack of criminal record, a jail term wasn’t necessary. He instead asked for a fine of up to $5,000.

Mr. Donaldson, told the judge that Ms. Matheson has already been punished by the public and the media for her actions. Mr. Donaldson told the court Ms. Matheson had to sell her home shortly after being charged, because people were throwing rocks, eggs and even bags they used to clean up after their dogs at her apartment balcony. “My 70-something client is now the object, truly, of feces and abuse,” he said.

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/06/2006 at 06:57 AM   
Filed Under: • Odd-Strange • Stoopid-People •  
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Warm Beer For Missouri?

What would we do without stupid legislators and their asinine ideas? Well, I would have less to write about here for one thing. It is indeed a sorry state of affairs when state Senators listen to fifth graders and try to pass laws based on those rugrats’ ideas but at the same time turn a deaf ear to the grownups around the state. Indeed ...

Missouri Lawmaker Seeks
To Ban Cold Beer Sales
January 5, 2006, 10:01 PM EST
JEFFERSON CITY, Mo. (AP)

A state senator wants to force Missouri stores to sell warm beer. Under a bill by Sen. Bill Alter, grocery and convenience stores would risk losing their liquor licenses if they sold beer colder than 60 degrees. The intent is to cut down on drunken driving by making it less tempting to pop open a beer after leaving the store. “The only reason why beer would need to be cold is so that it can be consumed right away,” Alter, who has been a police offer for more than 20 years, said Thursday.

He said the idea came from a fifth-grade student in Jefferson County who was participating in a program to teach elementary students about state government. He sought their suggestions for new laws and chose the cold beer ban from a list of the top three ideas. “I thought it had the best chance at getting legislative attention,” said Alter, R-High Ridge. “Plus, I think it’s a good idea whether or not other people do.” Some lawmakers and lobbyists, however, are lukewarm about the idea.

Ron Leone, executive vice president for the Missouri Petroleum Marketers and Convenience Store Association, said the combination of Missouri’s drinking and driving laws and designated driver programs already have curbed the number of people who drink and drive. “It would be an inconvenience for law-abiding citizens who want to purchase cold beer for picnics, parties and social gatherings,” he said. “People who want to drive drunk will drive drunk anyway.” Leone said he didn’t know if there was a standard temperature at which beer is sold, but added that most refrigerators are set in the mid-to-low 40s.

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/06/2006 at 06:43 AM   
Filed Under: • Politics • Stoopid-People •  
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What’s In A Name?

- Go Read “One Man’s Whistleblower” by Cox & Forkum

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/06/2006 at 06:30 AM   
Filed Under: • Democrats-Liberals-Moonbat Leftists • Politics •  
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   Thursday - January 05, 2006

More Airline Security Shenanigans

First they start frisking and doing cavity searches on 80-year-old grannies. Then they put Ted Kennedy on the “No-Fly-List” (that was probably a good idea in light of his driving record in Chappaquiddick years ago). Now they’re putting four-year-olds on the list. I think it’s time the TSA’s screeners were given a strong dose of common sense. Failing that a healthy dose of Ex-Lax will do because they are definitely full of ....

4-Year-Old Boy on Government
‘No-Fly’ List
January 5, 2006, 2:18 PM EST
HOUSTON (AP)

Edward Allen’s reaction to being on the government’s “no-fly” list should have been the tip-off that he is no terrorist. “I don’t want to be on the list. I want to fly and see my grandma,” the 4-year-old boy said, according to his mother. Sijollie Allen and her son had trouble boarding planes last month because someone with the same name as Edward is on a government terrorist watch list.

“Is this a joke?” Allen recalled telling Continental Airlines agents Dec. 21 at Houston’s Bush Intercontinental Airport. “You can tell he’s not a terrorist.” She said it took several minutes of pleading and a phone call by the ticket agent to get on the plane to New York. Allen, a Jamaican immigrant, said workers at La Guardia Airport were even more hard-nosed before their Dec. 26 flight home. She said a ticket agent told her: “You’re lucky that we’re letting you through instead of putting you through the other process.”

The Transportation Security Administration’s “no-fly” list was established immediately after the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks to prevent people who may have terrorist ties from boarding commercial flights. “I know the government is trying to protect because of the terrorist attacks, but common sense should play a role in it,” Allen said. “I don’t think he should go through the trouble of being harassed and hindered.” TSA regional spokeswoman Carrie Harmon said the agency tells airlines not to deny boarding to children under 12 or select them for extra security checks even if their names match ones on the list.

“We do not require ID for children because there are no children on the list,” Harmon said. “If it’s a child, ticket agents have the authority to immediately de-select them.” Continental spokesman Dave Messing said Thursday that the airline would not discuss its security policies. Other people with common names who have encountered “no-fly” list problems at airports include Rep. John Lewis, D-Ga., and actor David Nelson from “The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet.” Sen. Edward M. Kennedy, D-Mass., has said he had to make several calls to federal officials before his name was separated from the one on the list.

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/05/2006 at 06:56 PM   
Filed Under: • Outrageous • Stoopid-People •  
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Singalong

(sing to the tune of: “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow")

The bear went over the mountain,
The bear went over the mountain,
The bear went over the mountain,
And got his ass tasered.

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/05/2006 at 03:15 PM   
Filed Under: • Stoopid-People •  
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Have You Lost Your Head?

Human Head Found Floating Off Fla. Island

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla.—A human head was discovered off Jupiter Island by two teenagers who were fishing, authorities said.

Michael Puscani and Rocke Greco, both 17, spotted the head about 4 p.m. Wednesday.

“We didn’t know if it was real or not, so we came around again and we were like, ‘That’s a human head,’” Puscani said. “I was just in shock, and it’s a story that’s kind of hard for people to believe.

“The teens radioed to the Coast Guard and authorities came and picked up the head, said Palm Beach County spokesman Paul Miller.

It was so deteriorated that authorities were not able to determine its sex or race, only that it belonged to an adult, Miller said.

It is being treated as a homicide investigation.

Ya think?   

Posted by Drew458     on 01/05/2006 at 12:43 PM   
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Yellow Rose Of Texas

PASADENA, Calif. (AP)—Vince Young bounced on his toes, trying to buy himself some time and searching frantically for a way to win a championship. And then he took off. With the national title down to a final play, fourth down and 5 yards to go, Young scrambled untouched for an 8-yard touchdown with 19 seconds left and the No. 2 Longhorns stunned No. 1 Southern California 41-38 in the Rose Bowl on Wednesday night.

“Do whatever it takes,” Young said. He did it all—and made sure that Texas was second no more to USC and its Heisman Trophy twins, Reggie Bush and Matt Leinart. It was the ultimate revenge for Young, the bitterly disappointed runner-up to Bush for the Heisman Trophy last month. At the Heisman presentation, Young had a blank stare and reluctantly clapped after he lost in a landslide to Bush. After winning the biggest team prize of all, he beamed with a satisfied smile, hugging anyone he could find.

On a night when he ran for 200 yards and passed for 267 more, Young capped a performance that Texas fans will remember forever by scoring his third TD and running for a 2-point conversion to end Southern Cal’s 34-game winning streak and deny the Trojans an unprecedented third straight national championship. “It’s so beautiful,” Young said as he received the MVP crystal. “Don’t you think that’s beautiful? It’s coming home all the way to Austin, Texas.”

The Longhorns were a unanimous No. 1 in the final Associated Press Top 25 and won the Bowl Championship Series title with the victory in the Rose Bowl. “This is what it’s all about, 41-38 in the final game,” said Leinart, the Trojans quarterback and Heisman winner a year ago. “You couldn’t ask for anything better. This was a great football game. We gave our hearts, they gave their hearts, and they came out on top.”

The Longhorns (13-0) won their 20th in a row. USC (12-1) lost for the first time since a triple-overtime defeat to California on Sept. 27, 2003. Its 34-game winning streak is tied for sixth all-time in Division I-A, behind Oklahoma’s 47-game run from 1953-57.

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/05/2006 at 06:45 AM   
Filed Under: • Sports •  
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Don’t Eat The Dried Bobcat Urine

There are just too many stupid people in the world today. That’s all there is to it. And we continue to protect these idjits with millions of warning labels that any average child of four doesn’t need. I say we remove all the labels and let them do as they please. It’ll thin the herd a little and that’ll leave more for the rest of us. So go ahead, stoopid people. Use your stove to dry your hair if you wish. Just stick your head in and wait a few minutes ...

Wacky Warning Labels A Sign of Litigious Times
January 04, 2006
(CNSNews.com)

Sometimes it pays to read the fine print. A Holland, Mich., man has won the $500 top-prize in a “wacky warning label” contest sponsored by a consumer watchdog group. The winning label was attached to a heat gun/paint remover that reaches temperatures of 1000 degrees: “Do not use this tool as a hair dryer,” the label said.

The first-place winner also will receive a copy of the book, “The Death of Common Sense,” by Philip K. Howard. The Wacky Warning Label Contest, now in its ninth year, is conducted by a group called Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, or M-LAW. The point is to show how concern about lawsuits has prompted some companies to state the obvious in their “warning” labels.

The second place award - and $250 - went to the Michigan woman who found a label on a kitchen knife, warning the user, “Never try to catch a falling knife.” Third place and $100 went to a Colorado woman who noticed a cocktail napkin printed with a map of the waters around Hilton Head, S.C. “Not to be used for navigation,” the label said. Honorable mention went to the Texas man who found a warning on a bottle of dried bobcat urine used to keep pests away from garden plants: “Not for human consumption,” it said.

The winning labels were selected from a list of M-LAW’s finalists by listeners of the Dick Purtan show on Detroit radio station, WOMC-FM. “Warning labels are a sign of our lawsuit-plagued times,” said Robert B. Dorigo Jones, M-LAW president. “An unpredictable legal system—in which many judges allow anyone to file a lawsuit on almost any theory—has created a need for product makers to plaster wacky warnings on everything. When judges see it as their job to dismiss cases that are rooted in frivolous theories, we’ll see fewer wacky labels and more fairness in the courts,” Dorigo Jones said in a press release.

M-LAW describes itself as a non-partisan organization that works to increase awareness of how litigation is hurting America. Dorigo Jones is now writing a book about the 101 “Stupidest, Silliest and Wackiest Warning Labels Ever.”

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/05/2006 at 06:40 AM   
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Senior Boomers

I hate to say it but this bunch of “early” baby boomers are only a few years ahead of me. The first wave of my ignorant generation turns 60 this year and I can think of quite a few who probably shouldn’t have made it. It’s quite an impressive list of “senior citizens” below and I congratulate them on reaching this milestone ... or is that “millstone”? The bad news is that this generation is about to hit the Social Security (lottery) system like a ton of bricks so you young kids out there better get to work to support us. Take three or four jobs if you have to. We’re counting on you youngsters ...

Celebrated and Reviled Turn 60 This Year
January 5, 2006, 4:24 AM EST
WASHINGTON (AP)

George W. Bush and Bill Clinton are doing it, and Laura Bush is joining them. So are Loni Anderson and Dolly Parton. From politicians and celebrities to athletes and rock stars, some of the most celebrated members of the America’s most celebrated generation are turning 60 this year. They are the oldest of the baby boomers, that group of 78.2 million Americans born from 1946 to 1964. And they are getting old.

“I see people going two ways,” said Nancy Schlossberg, a professor emerita of counseling psychology at the University of Maryland. “They can continue with the plastic surgery, and just deny they’re aging. Or there can be a group who are saying, hey, age is good, age is great, I’m proud of my wrinkles, I’m proud of my gray hair.” The Census Bureau estimates that 7,918 people will turn 60 each day in 2006. Their most popular names are Mary and James.

Among them, there are enough musicians to staff a pretty good rock band. Jimmy Buffett turns 60 on Christmas Day. He will be joined this year by Syd Barrett and David Gilmour of Pink Floyd, Robby Krieger of the Doors, John Paul Jones of Led Zeppelin, Edgar Winter of the Edgar Winter Group and irreverent folk singer Loudon Wainwright III. If you prefer something more mellow, Linda Ronstadt turns 60 this year, as well as Liza Minnelli, Barry Gibb of the Bee Gees and Donovan, perhaps best known for singing “Mellow Yellow.”

- See who else is on the list of aging boomers here ...

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/05/2006 at 06:38 AM   
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Until Prenup Do Us Part

I can think of several things I would like to have in a prenup agreement and I know what I’d put at the top of the list. I’ll let you guess what that would be. These two mental defectives aren’t even close to my list. Nagging fee? Back rubs? I would insist on a “nagging penalty” which would involve her .... never mind. And back rubs? Don’t get me started. Too late, I’ve already begun ...

Quirky Prenup Deal Doesn’t Save Marriage
January 5, 2006, 12:17 AM EST
SANFORD, Fla. (AP)

Sally Erickson and Renzie Davidson thought they had the secret to marital bliss. But the eccentric list of demands outlined in their prenuptial agreement, including mandatory backrubs and a $5 nagging fee, still couldn’t save their marriage. Now Erickson is suing Davidson for fraud, alleging he divorced her in secret more than two years ago, according to Seminole County court records.

Before exchanging vows in 2001, the couple agreed to a quirky prenuptial agreement. Erickson promised to cook breakfast at least four times a week, and, in return, “Renzie will not wake Sally up on her ‘off days,’” according to the document.

The agreement also required Davidson to rub Erickson’s back three times a week for five minutes. If Erickson used a certain expletive, she would be sentenced to one hour of yard work. And Davidson was to pay $5 each time he complained, nagged or made “a fuss about Sally’s expenditures.”

Despite their carefully laid plans, Davidson, 62, decided to call it quits 3 1/2 months into the marriage. Erickson, 61, acknowledged she was served notice of the divorce suit, but she said in court pleadings that Davidson later told her he had dropped the suit.

Erickson said Davidson secretly went to court and got a default judgment against her. Documents show Davidson was granted an uncontested divorce in February 2003 without Erickson ever appearing in court. She claims she didn’t know about the divorce until recently. Davidson has not contested Erickson’s claim.

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/05/2006 at 06:31 AM   
Filed Under: • Love-Marriage • Stoopid-People •  
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Same Crap, Different Year

_{Mike Thompson—The Detroit Free Press}

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/05/2006 at 06:30 AM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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   Wednesday - January 04, 2006

Will They Fine Him Again?

Man sets self on fire in courtroom after fine

SEOUL (Reuters) - A South Korean man was in critical condition after setting himself on fire Wednesday in a courtroom where he was sentenced to a $300 fine for disturbing the peace, a court official and an emergency room physician said.

Deputies were outside the hospital with a summons to appear again...without the heating oil.

Posted by Drew458     on 01/04/2006 at 04:02 PM   
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Headline Du Jour

Some headlines write themselves. This one is pretty obvious ... as any woman will gladly confirm. It seems someone forgot to inform these scientists that men are generally done and out of the whole process nine months before birth occurs. Except in a cheerleading role ...

Men Are Useless During Childbirth, Scientists Imply
(HAMPTON ROADS)

Here’s some good news for every men who would rather stay in the waiting room during childbirth. A group of researchers at the University of Texas Southwestern say women who are coached through delivery don’t have it much easier than woman who handle things on their own. The researchers studied 320 first-time mothers who for some unfathomable reason chose not to receive an epidural. Half were coached; the other half were told to do what comes naturally.

On average, the mothers coached by nurse-midwives, who were told to push 10 minutes for every contraction, gave birth a mere 13 minutes faster than women who were left to their own devices. “There were no other findings to show that coaching or not coaching was advantageous or harmful,” said lead author Dr. Steven Bloom, the interim head of obstetrics and gynecology at the Dallas-based university. “Oftentimes, it’s best for the patient to do what’s more comfortable for her.”

_{(-- this gem found at James Taranto’s Best Of The Web Today --)}

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/04/2006 at 07:36 AM   
Filed Under: • Satire • Science-Technology •  
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Doofus Sweepstakes Winner

What better way to celebrate Christmas than to get totally drunk, rip off your clothes and go streaking ... up the main aisle of your local Catholic church ... during mass. The Baby Jesus is confused ....

Christmas Streaker Sentenced
January 4, 2006 - 1:47PM
ALICE SPRINGS, Australia (THE AGE - AU)

A drunken 18-year-old who streaked through a Christmas Eve mass has been ordered to perform community service at a church. Shaun Edward Mackley admitted entering the Alice Springs Catholic church naked, running up the aisle and jumping onto the altar during a December 24 mass attended by about 250 worshippers.

Mackley pleaded guilty to disturbing religious worship in the Alice Springs Magistrate Court yesterday. His lawyer, Russell Goldflam, said the incident was a drunken, spontaneous prank, ABC reported. Magistrate Michael Carey sentenced Mackley to 200 hours of community service, recommending it be performed in or around the Catholic church.

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/04/2006 at 07:29 AM   
Filed Under: • Stoopid-People •  
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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:

1. Keep a firm grasp of Right and Wrong
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It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.

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