Monday - January 02, 2006
What Privacy?
David Horsey—The Seattle Post-Intelligencer
Posted by The Skipper on 01/02/2006 at 04:23 AM
Filed Under: • Humor •
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Sunday - January 01, 2006
Photo Du Jour
“The Majestic Sombrero Galaxy”
-by-
Hubble
Posted by The Skipper on 01/01/2006 at 06:33 PM
Filed Under: • Art-Photography •
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Predictions For 2006
Here are my predictions for the New Year. Let me know how I did next year this time. Add your own predictions in the comments and we’ll keep track of each other. Deal?
- Republicans will hold on to a slim majority in the House and Senate after the 2006 mid-term elections. Democrats will continue whining.
- Hillary Clinton will win re-election as Senator from New York. The campaign for 2008 will begin immediately.
- The US will invade Iran. Osama bin Laden will be captured in Teheran. Wearing a burkha. And stiletto high-heels. And lacey underwear.
- Hollywood will make 458 more really, really bad movies. Half of them will be sequels and the other half will be remakes of old TV shows.
- Jesse Jackson will fly to Sweden for a sex change operation. He will immediately start blackmailing several companies for women’s rights.
- Howard Dean will make an ass out of himself no less than 14 times on national TV. Karl Rove will be blamed.
- John Kerry and Sean Penn will continue to compete for Stupidest Quote Of The Year. Ted Turner will beat both of them for the prize.
- The European Union (EU) will declare bankruptcy. The value of the Euro will fall to one-tenth of a peso, its actual value now.
- Red China will buy Wal-Mart. The US economy will collapse after the ChiComs hike the price of nearly everything.
- Bill Gates will become so rich the banks will be unable to count his money. Gates will then buy India and move Microsoft to New Delhi.
- Everything will cost more. We will all be earning less. The oil companies and banks will be pleased. Your job will still suck.
- Muslims in Britain will riot and burn several major cities to the ground. The riots will start when Muslims finally find out what is in Blood Pudding.
- A major hurricane will hit a major US city. If the city or the state it is in is run by Democrats, expect complete chaos and finger-pointing.
- Iraq will finally start to settle down as attrition takes its toll on insurgents. US troop levels will be cut in half by year’s end.
- There will be 4,295,650,337 acts of incredible stupidity recorded here by the Skipper next year. Glenn Reynolds will still suck.
- The Skipper will finally finish his book. It will be published to rave reviews everywhere (except the NY Times).
- This blog will see its 1,000,000th visitor sometime in March. The entire blogosphere will be in awe of the Skipper.
Posted by The Skipper on 01/01/2006 at 11:00 AM
Filed Under: • Fun-Stuff •
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Public Service Message
Just waking up? Got a pounding headache? Dry mouth? Ache all over? Knees a little wobbly? If so, you have what we scientists call a hangover. That’s a scientific term for what happens when you make an alcoholic ass out of yourself on December 31 without practicing a great deal during the rest of the year. Never fear though. The Skipper is here to help. Here are my personal remedies for the affliction that currently ... afflicts you.
- New Orleans Fizz: Mix together in a tall glass two shots of gin, two egg whites, 4 oz. cream, 4 oz. orange flower water, sugar, half-and-half and a splash of soda. Swallow quickly and chase with three shots of Fernet vodka. Go lie down and wait a few minutes for medication to make its way down to your stomach. Close your eyes and do not move for one hour. You may then proceed to inspect the rest of the night’s damage.
- Skipper’s Bloody Mary: Take a tall glass, wet the rim and coat rim with Old Bay Seasoning. Then mix together in glass four shots Absolut vodka, 12 oz. V8 juice (the Spicy Hot version), pinch of pepper, one egg white, juice of one lemon and a splash of Worcestershire sauce. Garnish with sliced lemon and celery stalk. Drink slowly, savor the spicy seasoning and the warmth as it spreads slowly down your throat to your stomach. Lie down, close your eyes and stay perfectly still for ten minutes. If the drink hasn’t signalled that it doesn’t like its new environment in your stomach and insists on exiting forthwith, again you may proceed to inspect the rest of the night’s damage.
If, after you have medicated yourself with one (or both) of the remedies above, you realize you’re in a strange house or apartment, I suggest you get dressed quickly and duck out the back door. Do not investigate the premises. Some things are better left unknown.
If you insist on looking around, don’t be surprised at what you find in the bed next to you. If it’s human, consider yourself lucky. If not, we don’t want to know about it, OK? If the creature snoring away there has all its teeth, most of its hair and does not resemble a biker gang member, you may congratulate yourself and quickly (and silently) duck out the back door.
If, however, you are in your own home or apartment and the creature mentioned above is there, you are in what I refer to as “Deep Kimchi”. Try to remain calm while you scheme away and dream up a devious plan to remove the evidence. Hopefully, in a legal manner. If there is no legal way to rid yourself of the night’s detritus, we don’t want to know about it, OK?
I sincerely hope this public service message has been helpful in getting your New Year off to a good start. Now get moving before the creature wakes up ...
Posted by The Skipper on 01/01/2006 at 05:01 AM
Filed Under: • Fun-Stuff • Humor •
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Ageless?
Just to set the record straight, Dick Clark was born on November 30, 1929. You do the math. Amazing. Simply amazing ...
Dick Clark Returns to TV to Mark New Year
NEW YORK (AP)
There was more to celebrate than the ball dropping in Times Square for Dick Clark — the personality who’s been ringing in the New Year for decades made his first television appearance since a stroke in late 2004. Clark, sitting behind a desk with the street scene in the background, sounded hoarse and occasionally was hard to understand, but he said, “I wouldn’t have missed this for the world.”
“Last year I had a stroke,” he explained. “It left me in bad shape. I had to teach myself how to walk and talk again. It’s been a long, hard fight. My speech is not perfect but I’m getting there.” After his Dec. 6, 2004, stroke, Clark had to sit out “New Year’s Rockin’ Eve” last year for the first time since starting it in 1972. Regis Philbin was his emergency sub.
Posted by The Skipper on 01/01/2006 at 04:01 AM
Filed Under: • Celebrities •
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Sunday Funnies
Posted by The Skipper on 01/01/2006 at 03:01 AM
Filed Under: • Humor •
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Best Wishes To All
Posted by The Skipper on 01/01/2006 at 01:01 AM
Filed Under: • Personal •
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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:
It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.
- Keep a firm grasp of Right and Wrong
- Stay involved with government on every level and don't let those bastards get away with a thing
- Use every legal means to defend yourself in the event of real internal trouble, and, most importantly:
- Keep talking to each other, whether here or elsewhere
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Oh, and here's some kind of visitor flag counter thingy. Hey, all the cool blogs have one, so I should too. The Visitors Online thingy up at the top doesn't count anything, but it looks neat. It had better, since I paid actual money for it.