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calendar   Monday - June 19, 2006

THE REVOLUTION BEGINS!

Oxymoron: “Russian Intelligence” ... and you thought the CIA was totally f**ked up? Guess again, comrade! According to the KGB and Pravda, there is a military coup taking place right here in America even as I speak. There are running gun battles in the halls of Congress. Special forces are gunning down Senators left and right. George Bush has assumed dictatorial powers. American democracy is dead. Long live Emperor Bush!

At least that’s the way Pravda sees it.

These Russkis crack me up at times. I have to go browse their pages every now and then to find some comic relief in the daily news. Sadly, our comics here in the US are just falling down on the job lately and our media are too busy taking themselves seriously. Pravda however, seems to still be stuck in the old Commie propaganda mode and their “reports” make the National Enquirer and Britains’s SUN look like pikers in comparison. I mean nobody but nobody can come up with this level of fiction like the comrades in the glorious revolution.

Go ahead! Read this marvelous work of journalism. I’ve only copied half of the full report here. You absolutely have to follow the links and go read the whole thing. I promise you’ll crack a rib and maybe even die laughing at the “bias” in the story. Dan Rather needs to go join Pravda. He would fit right in. I promise! Now start reading and don’t blame me if you end up on the floor laughing your ass off. Treasure this story in its entirety. Our media can only dream of this kind of biased reportage. Enjoy ... !

P.S. Don’t tell anyone at DailyKOS or Democratic Underground or MoveOn.org about this story. They will take it as solid truth and then we’ll have to have a real coup just to shut them up and/or get rid of them.

imageimageRussian Intelligence Says Constitutional
Crisis In The USA Takes Deadly Turn

June 6, 2006

(PRAVDA)—Russian Intelligence Analysts are reporting that the ongoing constitutional crisis that has erupted in the United States has taken a decidedly deadly turn as counter-coup forces attempting to block access to the American capitol engaged in a brief gun battle with US Army Special Forces leaving at least 3 dead.

Of this currently unfolding event we can read as reported by England’s Times Online News Service in their article titled “US Capitol Sealed Off After Gunshots Heard,” and which says:

“Police sealed off part of Capitol Hill today after reports that gunshots had been heard in the garage of a House of Representatives office building. The shots were heard in the garage level of the Rayburn Building, which houses offices of members of the US House of Representatives. Bill Pickle, the Senate Sergeant at Arms, told Reuters: “We have been told by staff of shots fired and the smell of smoke in the lobby of the Rayburn House building .”

Russian Intelligence reports further state that the United States Army has activated for this event their 4th Psychological Operations Group / Task Organization and which was the US military unit that coordinated the mis/disinformation campaign during the events of September 11, 2001 to such great effect.

The causes behind this latest escalation between the coup and counter-coup forces in the United States stem from the American President’s attempt to wrest total control of his country from both its elected representatives and its judiciary, and as we can read as reported by Italy’s Bellaciao News Service in their article titled “Bush Asserting Powers Accrued By Hitler,” and which says:

“President Bush has used ‘signing statements’ hundreds of times to vitiate the meaning of statutes passed by Congress. In effect, Bush is vetoing the bills he signs into law by asserting unilateral authority as Commander In Chief to bypass or set aside the laws he signs. For example, Bush has asserted that he has the power to ignore the McCain Amendment Against Torture, to ignore the law that requires a warrant to spy on Americans, to ignore the prohibition against indefinite detention without charges or trial, and to ignore the Geneva Conventions to which the U. S. is signatory.”

In effect, Bush is asserting the same powers seized by Adolf Hitler in 1933. His Federalist Society apologists and Department of Justice appointees claim that President Bush has the same power to interpret the Constitution as the Supreme Court. An Alito Court is likely to agree with this false claim. Bush Justice Department official and Berkeley law professor John Yoo argues that no law can restrict the President in his role as Commander In Chief. Thus, once the president is at war - even a vague, open-ended “war on terror” - Bush’s Justice Department says the president is free to undertake any action in pursuit of war, including the torture of children and the indefinite detention of American citizens.

In a further bid this week to tighten their grip upon the United States, military leaders have announced that their nation’s judges no longer have oversight over their actions, and as we can read as reported by the Reuters News Service in their article titled “US Says Gov’t, Not Courts, Should Judge Spy Secrets,” and which says:

“The United States government, not any court, is the best judge of whether to keep programs such as its controversial effort to eavesdrop on citizens a secret, an assistant attorney general said on Wednesday. Peter Keisler, an assistant attorney general, and other U. S. officials made the claim in the latest filing to a lawsuit alleging that telecommunications firm AT&T illegally allowed the government to monitor phone conversations and e-mail communications.

“In cases such as this one, where the national security of the United States is implicated, it is well established that the executive branch is best positioned to judge the potential effects of disclosure of sensitive information on the nation’s security, they wrote in a filing on Wednesday evening.”


But perhaps the greatest threat to the American people surrounding these events was the military leaders of the United States launching an unprecedented raid upon their nation’s Capitol Building, and as we can read as reported by the Chicago Sun Times News Service in their article titled “Bush Woos Fiery Hastert With 45-Day Cooldown”, and which says:

“President Bush ordered a 45-day cooling off period Thursday between Congress and the Justice Department in a battle over a lawmaker’s seized documents, a bid to patch frayed relations between the White House and House Speaker J. Dennis Hastert.

Hastert, usually a Bush loyalist, on Thursday accused the Justice Department of trying to intimidate’him by leaking information to ABC News. The leak was prompted, he said, by his complaints about a weekend FBI raid of Rep. William Jefferson’s Capitol Hill office. The Louisiana Democrat is the target of an FBI corruption probe. The Sun-Times learned that Hastert confronted Bush with his concerns over the FBI raid during the president’s trip to Chicago on Monday to address the National Restaurant Association.”


- Believe it or not, there’s even more of this silliness at PRAVDA! Da, comrade ...


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Posted by The Skipper   United States  on 06/19/2006 at 08:34 PM   
Filed Under: • HumorSatire •  
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