Sunday - December 05, 2004
Season’s Humor
PENDING LITIGATION
Tomorrow I shall file a lawsuit against the ill-clad, bell-ringing annoyance-causers known as the Salvation Army. I am sick to death of the loud clang of their tiny little bells and their smarmy (disingenuous) wishes for a happy holiday season.
Can’t these do-gooders keep their saccharine blather to themselves?
Whatever supposed good this militia of holier-than-thou charlatans might do is completely offset by the mockery they make of the Christmas season.
I cringe at the tinny sound of their bells as they stand with blank faces in front of every commercial establishment across America. Do I feel guilty because I refuse to provide this self-appointed “Army” with cash? No! All they will do is turn it over to the faux-needy (i.e. drug addicts, welfare slugs, alcoholic soap-opera watchers and other dregs who should freeze to death on an icy winter’s night).
End the solicitous pandering of the Storm Trooper Salvation Army throng now!
Next thing you know these Charity Nazis will be following us into bathroom stalls--ringing their bells wildly even while we try to tinkle!
SEASON GREETINGS
In some communities it is the custom to give a Christmas present of a few dollars to the trash collectors. It’s gone so far that some collectors tape an open envelope to trash cans: “Season’s Greetings from Your Trash Collectors.”
One family somehow neglected to respond to the “greetings.” Just a day or two before Christmas, there appeared another envelope: “Season’s Greetings from Your Trash Collectors.” And under that, written in large letters: “SECOND NOTICE.”
HOLIDAY SCHEDULES
At a family meeting to decide where to celebrate the holidays, my newest son-in-law turned to my daughter and said, “Well, we have to have Thanksgiving and Christmas with either your Mom or your sister.”
Touched that he loved his new family so much, I started to hug him as my eyes misted over.
Then he added, “They have satellite dishes!”
Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler
on 12/05/2004 at 06:51 AM
Filed Under: • Humor •
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