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calendar   Sunday - January 30, 2011

Pun For Everyone

Obama: Caught Between Mubarak and a hard place





Hey, I was busy shoveling snow all afternoon, and I haven’t had a chance to catch the news. Perhaps a miracle has happened in either Cairo or Washington DC and the whole almost-revolution has settled down and it’s status quo as usual. But if not ...

Obama has a really tough decision to make about Egypt and the nascent revolutions all across northern Africa. But in Egypt, what makes it the “wurst” is that this really is a “chickens coming home to roost” situation. Because Obama is Carter II. But this time it’s like he’s possessed. And what was Carter I most famous for? Why, golly gosh and y’all, for brokering the Camp David Accords, which developed some kind of peace and mutual recognition between Egypt and Israel, and lead directly to the Eqypt - Israel Peace Treaty shortly thereafter. It was a pretty monumental bit of diplomacy, getting former freedom fighter Menachim Begin to make an agreement with former freedom fighter Anwar El Sadat, when just a few years before their two countries had been at war with each other. For a few memorable days at any rate. I seem to recall that a whole boxful of Nobel Peace Prizes got handed out over that agreement. But all was not roses. When Sadat signed the Accord and the Treaty, Egypt got kicked out of the Arab League. Your average fellah in Egypt was not too happy either; just two years later Sadat was dead, gunned down on live international television by “radical fundamentalists”. ie, the Muslim Brotherhood. And then Hosni Mubarak stepped in and took over as Rais; President for life of Egypt.

How did Carter get these two to the table? How did he make Egypt our nominal ally forevermore? Mad skills I suppose. Or you could consider that Egypt has pretty much nothing in the way of resources. Seriously. What they have is mud, which is what they’ve had since the days of Nemer, who was Pharoah 1. Mud grows food much better than sand, but at best they can do little more than feed themselves. While Israel does have some resources, and I count the ingenuity of her people as a viable resource, they aren’t exactly Finland, which has a nickel mine under every other reindeer. So, how? Well, hmm ... could it be that Israel is the country that receives the largest amount of foreign aid from the USA, and Egypt is the second largest country? When did that start, or when did it really ramp up? Could it be that ol Jimmah just bought them both off? I hear that Egypt gets $1.5 Billion a year from us. So that’s the chicken.

The roosting part is that Mubarak is pretty much a dictator. Stifling dissent, jailing the opposition, gagging the press, those jackboots kicking in doors in the middle of the night. Somewhere there are electrodes making sparks in the darkest nights. I wouldn’t call him Mr. Popular. But he’s been our dictator, always. Bought and paid for, and we’ll just turn a blind eye as long as he keeps the islamaloonies under his thumb, keeps the Suez Canal open, and manages to not shoot any missiles into Israel. But the typical Egyptian in his galabeya and rope sandals does not see us as any kind of buddy. Not much of the 1.5 Bil seems to filter down to his level.

image Weevil #1: If Obama throws his hat in the ring and comes out swinging for old Hosni, then the USA is once again a total hypocrite. The land of freedom supporting a harsh dictator? Not cool. What’s next, hiring their government torturers to restaff Abu Graib and bring it back to it’s “glory days”? Huge win for radical pisslam.

image Weevil #2: If Obama turns his back on Mubarak, he’s abandoning a key ally due to his rough treatment of his own citizens. Which is EXACTLY the same reason why Carter twisted the jambiya in the Shah of Iran’s back, and will have exactly the same consequnce: the only real opposition in Egypt is the Muslim Brotherhood. Oh sure, they’re not an Official Terrorist Group. Shades of difference. Can you say “intifada” boys and girls? How about “hamas”? I knew that you could. At the very best, the Muslim Brotherhood are enablers of violent fundamentalists. Jihad Joe with Kung Fu grip and his turbo camel of doom. Suicide belt sold separately. Sure, Obama could try and bend the world press to making it look like he was backing freedom, but that backing would give the people the freedom to become another rabid national mullah run mob like Iran. Bad scene. It’s taken 30 years for the regular folks in Iran to figure out that we aren’t the Great Satan after all; we’re not the real enemy, their own government is. And that crazy squad is nowhere even close to stepping down from power. They’re too busy stoning women and hanging homosexuals and making laws about men getting whipped for having too tidy a beard. Huge win for radical pisslam.

Yes, I could do a Princess Bride segue here, because the whole situation reminds me of Vizzini’s battle of wits with the Man In Black to figure out which wine goblet has the iocaine powder in it. And the truth is the same: they both do. There is no win in this for us.

Instead, I’ll take the obvious path: As you can see in the above images, both weevils are the same size, so Obama can’t even choose the lesser of two weevils. And to push that metaphor further along, it really bolls me over that Obama is probably going to do what he’s best at, which is to Vote Present and let the chips fall where they may. And that really galls me.

Alas, the upside will be that, no matter which way he does turn, the media will be 1000.37% sympathetic and supportive. Had Bush been in this no-win position, the press would be building crosses and heating the branding irons white hot even before he made a single statement.

Stay tuned.

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Posted by Drew458   United States  on 01/30/2011 at 09:55 PM   
Filed Under: • InternationalMiddle-EastObama, The OnePolitics •  
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