Friday - December 26, 2008

PEIPER’S DECEMBER RANT and SHAMLESS BID FOR SYMPATHY which he’d get at a more liberal blog.

Snappy headline, what? Yeah well it’s the best I could do on short notice.

POOR BRAIN DEAD COUSIN JO
Peiper’s Dec. Rant.  12-26-08

Dear Bmews Diary,

A very tiring day and I mean eyes closing as I write.  Not so much due anything we did today.  Fairly lazy day overall except for lunatic news stories which are posted. No.

What has me ready to fall asleep was an overlong visit from a cousin of the wife. Two hours and twenty minutes of non stop talk by Cousin Jo.

She is a kindly and charitable person but alas, brain dead.  I haven’t a clue how she has survived the 19th century. Oh sorry. I meant the 20th. century.

She always has to be asked finally, and somewhat kindly, please leave now.  And it still takes her somewhere between ten and twenty minutes to do that.

She has been taking a senior citizen computer class and sad to say her problem is mostly that she is NOT a listener.  She manages to get everything screwed up.  And she can NEVER tell a tale from A to Z without serious detours.

Example:
She is telling us about a class she has been in for months now in the village of Weeke.  A village not far from here.

“The class is made up of and I don’t know what I’d have done if I hadn’t caught the #18 bus in London oh but wait, no, no before that I went to Peters Street where I got the #32 , oh lets see, yes that’s right, which went as far as ????? where I got the #20 bus which runs and then when I finally got the #18 bus but the #32 was late anyway.”
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH !!!!!

How the F&%! did we manage to be on all those fracken London buses in the village of Weeke next door???????  They’re over a hundred miles apart anyway.

She doesn’t come over often but every time she does I make it clear what our routine is here due to the old lady’s care and the wife is quite tired yadda,yadda.  And every single time she says sorry she didn’t know and we dance the same dance.

At 5:10pm I said Jo, ya know Jean is usually in bed by this time. She’s up late, she’s tired and I need a break too.

Oh dear says she. I’m sorry. I must be getting off now oh Jean.  I won’t keep you.  But my wife (the one who’s civilized here) makes the mistake of saying “Oh that’s ok Jo.” So Jo drags out her leave taking and asks, oh where’s my coat, while turning in a complete circle as though she is looking for her coat, which is on a chair in the entrance hall right through the door to her right. Just inside the front door.
I mean, this isn’t Windsor Castle after all.  One does not get lost in this tiny three rooms downstairs bungalow.

But she does finally exit the front door at 5:20pm. What happened between 5:10 and 5:20 then?  Oh boy, oh boy I’m glad you asked.

She was getting instructions from my sainted wife on, “ HOW TO READ IN BED.”

What?  You think I have the imagination to make that up?
No kidding.  She says her problem is that every time she tries to read in bed, the book falls on her head.

No, that is not the problem. The problem is that you are BRAIN DEAD!

Posted by peiper     on 12/26/2008 at 04:05 PM   
Filed Under: • Blog Stuff •  
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