Wednesday - April 20, 2011

Pathos

What an embarrassment.

No, not my lack of recent bowling blogging about Team Loser. We continue to lose. We haven’t won more than one game in the past 4 weeks. Last night we got creamed again, 0-7. I threw in the 580s, keeping my above average streak going. It didn’t matter. Most of the rest of my team bowled pretty well too. That didn’t matter either. All the guys on all the other teams have selective excellence, which means they can pull a 240 game or better out of their ... pocket ... whenever they want. While our team works on improving our averages, those guys have perfected the art of keeping their averages artificially low. And no matter how well we bowl, we get beaten every single game.

But that wasn’t the point of this post. This league is one of those Miller Lite sponsored groups. I think that means that the beer company donates some cash to our prize fund, and once a season they come by the alley and hang up all sorts of advertising banners and have their exciting Miller Lite Night with the fabulous Miller Lite Girls, give aways, and drawings for awesome prizes.

This league is on the verge of death. A few years ago it was 26 full teams, which took over the entire 26 lane alley for the evening. The annual Miller Lite Night was a real blow out, with a dozen happy and adorable Miller Lite Girls attending, loads of shirts, hats, can coolers, and blinking LED beer cap pins to give away, and some pretty decent prizes raffled off. Bowling balls and bags, NASCAR jackets, hunting coats with their beer logo on them, etc. There were games with prizes, etc. A regular little carnival. There wasn’t free beer, but I think it was discounted. It was a decent party all around.

Due to mismanagement or some pretty stupid practices, the league has shrunk. It was 12 teams last year, but the insanely top heavy prize money allocation at the end of the year caused the lower half of the league to simply quit. Every guy pays $20/week during the 35 week season. That’s $700. Each. First prize was over $1000 per man, and 12th place paid $25. No wonder they left. This year the league is 8 teams, which is the last phlegmatic death rattle cough point. Actually it’s worse than that: to make 8 teams the alley had to sponsor at least 2 bowlers (I’m one) and 2 teams have a vacancy. Which means they could only get 7 full teams this year. Any league of 8 teams or less is going to die, because it’s boring. The competition quickly stratifies, and the season may as well be over by the 10th week. Our league was no different. Team Loser was locked in dead last 8th place by the 7th week, and the next better team was locked in 7th place by the 9th week. 1st and 2nd place has gone back and forth a couple of times, but it’s been between the same 3 teams the entire season, leaving the remaining 3 teams to wobble around in the middle. I don’t care. I get to bowl for free, my average is up 13 points, and I’ve learned not to get frustrated with my team losing or mad at myself for bowling poorly. But I digress.

So last night was Miller Lite Night. Hooray! Party! Party! Party!!  The alley has had a great huge banner hanging up for a month advertising this stupendous annual event. Come one, come all!

“Come one” was too bloody accurate.

Miller sent one beer rep who handed out 1 T-shirt to each bowler. They had 1 Miller Lite Girl. I felt sorry for her. Ok, she was somewhat nice looking under all the make up and giant false eyelashes, a young Asian woman with a model’s figure, fairly tall and slender, with really nice legs and hair down to her waist, ("bitch has extensions” sniped ‘becca) absolutely poured into a very tight shiny bright blue mini-dress. And sent out in her 4” heels amongst the animals to push their beer. She had her little digital camera with her, so we all got our pictures taken. I have no idea where those pictures are going, but I doubt if I’ll ever see mine. They had one little wheeled plastic cooler to raffle off. That was all. Miss beer girl did her thing and then got the hell out of Dodge ASAP. Actually, she went around to the other two micro-leagues that are there the same time we are, and gave out the rest of the goodies (bottle opener key rings and stickers) in her bag. They signed those folks up for the raffle too, and then delayed and delayed and delayed the drawing until well after our league was finished. I have no idea who won the cooler: we all went home. I was one of the last to leave, and still no drawing. Screw this.

I bought a bottle of Miller Lite beer to show willing. And drank it. Effin’ swill. Bottled dog piss. It’s sour water with a slight bit of foam and a hint of alcohol. It’s an insult to poor beer.

Pathetic.

Posted by Drew458     on 04/20/2011 at 08:50 AM   
Filed Under: • Bowling Blogging •  
• Comments (3) • Trackbacks(0)  Permalink •  

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