Sunday - January 08, 2006

Nostradamus Predicts

Columnist William Kaliher has released his Top 101 Predictions for 2006 and I must say that almost all of them seem highly likely to happen. The only one I have doubts about is #45. Anyway, here is a small taste of what is to come this year ....

1. Herr Doktor Howard Dean will add to his political reputation for zaniness by announcing he’s the illegitimate son of Dean Martin.

2. Osama bin Laden will enter Massachusetts’ politics as Democrat fund raiser.

3. Senator Hillary Clinton will develop a more severe case of penis envy after seeing Janet Reno naked.

4. With typical hypocrisy, liberals will stop hating Christianity long enough to attack Rush Limbaugh for not being religious enough.

5. The Exlax Company will purchase CNBC to remove Keith “One-Enema-Too-Many” Olbermann from the air when it discovers declining sales are the results of constipated viewers tuning him in to get their bowels to move.

6. As with starving children in the oil-for-food scandal, liberals will ignore film of Kofi Annan stealing change from a blind man’s tin cup.

7. Maine Senator Olympia Snow will have her breasts enhanced and then demand colleagues refer to her as Mount Olympia Snow.

8. The Texas legislature will raise a posse to search for the Dixie Chicks but be unable to fund a reward.

9. Christopher Dodd will resign his Senate seat to work as a mime in San Francisco’s Castro district.

10. Tawana Brawley will kidnap Al “Alley Cat” Sharpton and rub dog-doo all over his head.

11. The bankrupt Baltimore Sun, in denial of the fact they didn’t meet the need of lucid readers, will headline their last issue: Karl Rove Responsible for our Failure.

12. Sanctimonious Chucky Schumer, Democrat, N.Y., will continue to make Christians wearing their religion on their sleeve appear temperate.

13. Afro-American Teresa Hines Kerry will divorce Senator Kerry over his refusal to celebrate Kwanza by decorating a Palm tree with his military records.

14. Phil Donahue will portray a pregnant lesbian nun fleeing a den of Wyoming Neo-Nazis in his 2006 attempt at another television series.

15. Florida Representative Robert “Mr. I’m Swell” Wexler, will undergo psychoanalysis in an effort to recover from being shunned by even left-wing television during 2005.

16. Upstate New York will secede from downstate New York and join the union as the fifty-first state calling itself North Georgia.

17. Leading leftist scientist, Meryl Streep—the George Washington Carver of apples – will update Democrats in Congress concerning her latest research on the stem cells of embryonic apples. Some smart-ass Republican will point out that’s normally called a seed but the Democrats will still be too enthralled with Professor Streep’s presentation to catch it.

18. Feeling totally isolated, little Joe Lieberman will be adopted by two compassionate Neocon Senators.

19. Bob Barker will be constrained by mental health officials after ingesting a prodigious amount of soy beans during a vegetable orgy.

20. Elizabeth “Pork Chop” Taylor will play the blimp in a remake of Around the World in 80 Days.

21. Peter Jennings’ world importance will finally be recognized when someone realizes he’s no longer propagandizing.

22. Al Franken will find God, dance with snakes in an East Tennessee church and begin ministering to flea-infested socialists.

23. Father of the Internet, Al Gore, will remember he also designed the Edsel while failing a religion course at Yale.

24. Senate Democrat leader and all-around conman Harry Reid will articulate the Democrat party’s desire to keep first grade reader, “Mommy’s Got a Hairy Dick and Plastic Boobs,” in public schools.

25. Nancy Pelosi will be accused of sexually harassing a Senate Page when she offers to do more than wash his BVDs.

- The other 76 predictions are here ...

Posted by The Skipper     on 01/08/2006 at 09:03 AM   
Filed Under: • Democrats-Liberals-Moonbat Leftists • Satire •  
• Comments (7) • Trackbacks(0)  Permalink •  

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