Sarah Palin is the reason compasses point North.
Monday - August 23, 2004
New Democratic Platform
FLASH!!! FLASH!!! FLASH!!! FLASH!!! FLASH!!! FLASH!!! FLASH!!!Our spies have infiltrated the Dummycrap camp and have just gotten their hands on the new "10 step" platform the Dems intend to use as it regards war fighting, terrorism and related subjects.
This is quite an extraordinary coup and we expect our operatives to be hunted down for this so we've given them new identities and provided them asylum.
Here it is:
1. Stop calling war as a "war." Rename it to the "Protest Against Terror." Protests always get people's attention and let them know that what you're protesting against is wrong.
2. Use softer bullets. Metal bullets hurt the terrorists, and that makes them hate us more.
3.Candidate for President Kerry will invite Osama bin Laden to the states for a "cuddling party" with him and John Edwards at Kerry's summer estate in the Rockies.As you know, nothing makes friends faster than a good cuddle.
4. Only go to war if the French and the UN say it's okay. Everyone knows how skillful the French are at dealing with other nations, and the UN has proven time and again its efficacy in dealing with terrorists.
5. Pull the troops out of Iraq within six months, but stay the course and even send more troops. If you have to ask, it means you must be a Republican and it's too nuanced for you.
6. Gently but firmly remind the terrorists that John Kerry was in Vietnam for four months thirty-five years ago. This will guarantee terrorists won't pull anything then.
7. Ensure government owned and operated health care for all Americans, paid for with higher taxes. Terrorists won't bother to attack if they know all Americans have health care; it won't do any good then.
8. Stop eating pork and cover all the women head to toe. Don't let women go to school or vote. That will show the terrorists that we understand them and appreciate their culture.
9 Don't call them "terrorists." They feel bad enough about our bullying, abusive foreign policy as it is. Call them "armed peace demonstrators." They'll feel more... peaceful.
10. Don't send soldiers; send social workers. All the terrorists really need is love and understanding.
Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler
on 08/23/2004 at 02:34 PM
Filed Under: • Humor •
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