Sarah Palin's presence in the lower 48 means the Arctic ice cap can finally return.
Thursday - August 05, 2004
Treaty Of Geneva
Peace at last. We have a treaty all ready for signing. Caesar has agreed to the terms presented. All that is left is Vilmar's signature and broadcasts will resume. Operation Rolling Thunder has been called off. South Flori-duh will be spared.Caesar has spoken.
Negotiations Update
I've just been informed by my key negotiators that progress is being made. This is good news. In consultation with Jesse and Al I've decided to make one final attempt at resolving this impasse.Despite the bluff and bluster displayed by Caesar, I've decided to truly display the benevolent side of my title, Benvolent Dictator, by agreeing to a power sharing arrangement where Caesar can live in his fantasy land of power and fame and
My negotiators will be meeting again this morning. We hope to have resolution shortly.
Loyal subjects, please continue to stand down. My missle defense shield is operational and will defend you from first strikes. Do not engage Caesar's forces unless you hear from me.The time may one day come to take action but we may forestall that date (and spare many lives) with succesful negotiations.
So I have spoken. So it shall be.
Wednesday - August 04, 2004
Caesar: Final Offer
OK, Vilmar. This is the final offer.You may retain the title of "Benevolent Dictator" but you must pledge obeisance to Caesar.
Caesar will retire to Capua to write his books but holds ultimate authority over the blog .... to make sure you don't betray "the cause".
I will re-instate you into the Imperial Senate with full powers but you must pledge to honor Caesar and to never, NEVER recognize same-self marriages and disclose Kerry's bullshit wherevever you may find it.
That is my final offer. If you refuse there is a BLU-82 headed your way .....
Caesar: Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire
The "Benevolent Dictator" is lying through his teeth. As usual. I've had to keep the spammers at bay and manage the blog while he stabbed me in the back.It ain't over until it's over, fuckwad. Prepare to die or reach an accomodation.
You better talk to your negotiators, shithead.
I WILL NOT BE TRIFLED WITH!!
I am disappointed. I truly am. I expected so much more from my Minister of Propaganda.Well, I've about reached the end of my rope and can no longer allow my good name to be besmirched by individuals who, under the ruse of taking time off to lay about on beaches and do other recreational activities, goes to Boston to claim fame and glory by infiltrating enemy territory and then returns to prop himself up as something he is not---some self proclaimed Roman god.
I am, after all, the Benevolent Dictator.
Furthermore, as was so duly pointed out by one of my loyal subjects, I was left in complete control of this site, given total editing permissions, received all passwords and other privileges to all tasks related to posting on the blog. I was left with sole responsibility to keep all moonbat leftist lurkers AND junk mail artists AND site hijackers from infiltrating the site---and did so. Plus I provided excellent material to the readers and in my spare time ran the empire.
My thanks for this sacrifice? Accused of treachery. Accused of treason. Accused of attempting to steal the blog.
And now I find my Benevolent self threatened with shock and awe, aerial bombardments, invasions of my hallowed home.
I am left no choice but to summon the legions, artilleries, infantries, air support squadrons, bombing squadron, air interceptor squadrons, and amphibious assault battalions of my friends and colleagues currently still serving in the Air Force, Army, Navy AND Marines not only in the United States but in allied countries of Portugal, Israel, Germany, France, Italy, Switzerland, Belgium, Holland, South Africa, China and Brazil, (yes, Mr. Weasel Caesar, my service years were spent not just working with AF personnel but with the American sister services PLUS I did not waste my dinner parties, cocktail parties, Ambassadorial functions and arms trade lunches during my 6 years of Embassy duty in Europe just gripping and grinning.) A good Benevolent Dictator ALWAYS thinks ahead!
You want shock and awe? As they used to say, "you ain't seen nothin' yet!" so don't FUCK WITH ME!!
Now, that said, I think we might still be able to negotiate a peaceful solution to this. As such, I ask my loyal subjects to stand down for the time being.
However, faced with possible treachery, my forces WILL be on alert and can respond within minutes of my call (my comm gear is hardened against all attacks including nuclear and, OBTW, set to initiate attack and launch sequences if I do not countermand every 5 minutes so it will behoove everyone to counsel the Pretender, Caesar, from trying anything untoward until negotiations end.)
I am confident Jesse and Al will do a good job. They are street smart. I have faith in their ability to be able to convince Jimmah and Coffee Cake to have Caesar tone down his rhetoric and see the error of his ways. They will not demean the spirit and nature of these negotiations by offering anything as puerile as habitats or suntan oil. All they offer is an honest and gentlemanly solution to this matter---and as a byproduct of all this, will defacto allow Cease to keep his life and return to the fold and the warm embrace of his Benevolent Dictator.
I encourage Caesar to stand down his forces also while these negotiations are underway. A peaceful solution to this split can only benefit all concerned and I welcome an end to hostilities.
Talks will continue through the night and into the morning. Until then there will be a posting embargo in place.
I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause you, the loyal reader, but I see no other way to resolve this impasse.
Caesar Strikes
While awaiting the "Benevolent Dictator"s reply to the ongoing negotiations, Caesar has decided to revoke all privileges on the blog site to Vilmar. He will be allowed to post but that is all.If he continues to hold out, I will embargo his barking-moonbat e-mail account next.
If his negotiators don't hurry up, I will be forced to take further drastic measures.
Caesar Is Outraged
Twice now, Vilmar has told Caesar to "BITE ME". This will not do. We are on the verge of Civil War here at BMEWS. It will be a bloody, horrible conflagration unless the two opposing forces, Caesar and the "Benevolent Dictator" can come to terms. Vilmar decided that, in my absence spying on the Loons in Boston, that he would make a power grab to take over BMEWS. His traitorous acts have only been allowed to proceed because Caesar had his hands full fighting the good fight against the evil Liberals in their own backyard while Vilmar sat here safely at BMEWS running his (big) mouth and stabbing Caesar in the back.All hail Caesar! By Imperial Decree, this blog is being shut down until this matter of treason is settled. We must settle our internal differences before we can continue to keep a wary eye on the Moonbats of the barbarian world.
Caesar has summoned his Imperial negotiators: Kofi Annen and Jimmy Carter. The so-called "Benevolent Dictator" has summoned his negotiators: Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. At this moment the four are huddled in a spa in Switzerland trying to work out the terms.
In the meantime, Caesar has just finished cleaning his guns and is perusing the road map to South Flori-Duh, where the "Benevolent Dictator" resides in a slum on the southside of Miami. I have summoned four legions from the Alabama National Guard in the event negotiations fall through. I have eight full squadrons of F-117s warming up ready to show Vilmar what "shock and awe" is all about.
I will have satisfaction or I will have his head on a platter.
So let it be decreed to the Imperial Senate and to the entire Anti-Barking-Moonbat-Empire.
Give it up, Vilmar. Urge your negotiators to come to terms. I just heard that Carter proposed to build you a new habitat for humanity for you to live in and Kofi even threw in an offer to help you sell your embargoed suntan oil (for a small commission).
It's up to you, pissant ....
BMEWS EMPLOYMENT HOTLINE FLASH!
The Brits are employing again!!Yesterday I posted about how the Brits are looking for Roman Centurions, chicken sexers, etc.
Well, those crazy Brits are hiring even more people now: Court Jesters!
Anyone hear from the Annoying Little Twerp recently? (he smirks, he snickers, he ducks and runs like hell!)
Sometime in the near future
Skip ahead just a few years. Health care reform passes---and everyone is entitled to health care, free medication, lipo-suction, botox, sex changes, breast enhancements, penis enlargements, etc. All on the tax payer dime. So we end up being a nation of big dicked and/or big breasted people with no wrinkles flip-flopping between the male and female genders (just for the hell of it, of course, as WE'RE not paying for it. Government is! Plus, it's your constitutional right!)So one day you fall down and rip a big gash in your leg. A quick trip to the emergency room finds you waiting in line for 24 hours behind moms with kids who have a sniffle, women with jock itch, men with yeast infections, and the occasional "man/woman" with both. Hey, your injury is not life threatening. So you wait.
Meanwhile, you develop an infection. While near the front of the line and you are the next to be seen you find out the staff went on a 24 hour strike for more pay and fewer hours. There will be another delay so a nurse checks you out, says you'll be OK. You show her the infection. She pulls out a bottle of maggots, drops them in your wound and walks away.
NICE, EH?
Seriously, though, maggots are making a comeback.
Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler
on 08/04/2004 at 07:23 AM
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on 08/04/2004 at 07:23 AM
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Journalistic Diversity
Michelle Malkin found out the hard way that when journalists band together demanding diversity (in color, sex, religion, national origin) they may mean anyone who is non-white, female, with non-American born parentage. But anyone meeting that criteria who is Christian and conservative is SOL (shit outta luck) and need not apply.She calls them a
" herd of perpetually disgruntled minority journalists gather(ing) together to decry the lack of "diversity" in the media."
Black journalists decry lack of Blacks. Asians whine about not enough Asians. Hispanics demand more Hispanics.
But where is the room in this group of ethnicities for a conservative? Well, she tried to get herself represented. They ignored her phone calls.
Her conclusions?
The diversity they seek is, by definition, skin-deep. They call themselves "journalists of color." Not journalists of substance. Or journalists of integrity. Or journalists of independent thought
So, in abstentia, she devised a 20 question test for Media Diversity. Go read it. Then tell me how many journalists you know/are familiar with that'd get more than 20 points on this.
Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler
on 08/04/2004 at 07:09 AM
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on 08/04/2004 at 07:09 AM
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Late Night Leno Humor
Welcome to "The Tonight Show”…help is on the way. You know this weekend John Kerry was yelling "help is on the way”, no I’m sorry that was Mike Tyson’s trainer trying to get him off the matt.On Friday, it was John Edwards wedding anniversary, Edwards, Kerry and their wives all stopped at a Wendy’s to eat. That’s a tradition with the Edwards to always go to Wendy’s on their anniversary because that’s where they went on their first date so they brought the Kerry’s with them. I don’t want to say that Kerry’s wife Teresa had never been to a Wendy’s before, but she ordered the pheasant.
Good news today in Boston, the balloons fell in Boston. Did you all see the problems they had with the balloons that were supposed to cascade down onto the stage after the democratic convention? Apparently they got held up. A stagehand was supposed to pull on the lever that dropped the balloons, but he didn’t do it. Finally Teresa Heinz had to get up there and yell at him "shove it…..just shove it.”
Bush – Cheney have a new campaign theme – "heart and soul”. I think that sounds better than their first choice – oil and gas.
In Malawi, Africa, a Catholic priest and a nun have been caught having sex in a car at the airport. A priest and a nun having sex in a car - this is the best news the Catholic Church has had in ten years.
A toilet manufacturer in Illinois has now come out with a line of reclining toilet seats. The seat is adjustable to 3 different lumbar positions. See, that’s when you know you’re spending too much time in the bathroom, when you’re on a lazy boy toilet!
In a stunning announcement, the Miss America pageant announced it is canceling the talent competition. You know what you call the Miss America contest without the talent? Hooters
A Little About John Edwards
Looks like we have another bottom feeding, scum sucking weasel in the cheesepile. I wonder how long it will be before the mediaBack on Feb. 6, 2003, in an interview with John Edwards on Hardball w/Chris Matthews, the following exchange took place:
MATTHEWS: Would you go it alone in a war against Iraq if the U.N. finally decides not to back us? If the French, the Russians or the Chinese veto us, would you still go ahead and fight this war as the president seems to be heading to doing?
EDWARDS: I would go forward with the allies that we have with us, yes.
MATTHEWS: You'd go without the U.N.?
EDWARDS: Yes.
MATTHEWS: What's he doing wrong?
EDWARDS: With respect to Iraq specifically?
MATTHEWS: Yes.
EDWARDS: I think he's doing the right thing now with respect to Iraq. I think the secretary of state made the case eloquently yesterday at the United Nations. I think Saddam Hussein is a serious threat. He started a war, actually started two wars, he agreed to disarm, it's the only reason he's still in power. He's not disarmed, the evidence is overwhelming. You know this -- I spent a lot of time, as you know, in courtrooms. This is a powerful case and an easy case to make. This guy has to be disarmed. He cannot be allowed to get nuclear capability...
MATTHEWS: Right.
EDWARDS: ... and it requires military action, we should be willing to take military action.
MATTHEWS: So are you ready to go now to war? Have you got enough evidence as a senator from the United States, from this state, do you have enough evidence to support the United States going it alone right now, Iraq?
EDWARDS: Going forward with the allies who will support us, yes.
MATTHEWS: The war with Iraq?
EDWARDS: Yes, if we have -- this man has to be disarmed. If he doesn't do something to start disarming, then, yes we have to disarm him, and we should be willing to do it militarily.
MATTHEWS: OK, are you willing to take responsibility for all that entails?
EDWARDS: Yes.
Compare this to John Edwards' statement at his first joint campaign appearance with John Kerry:
"When John Kerry is president of the United States, no young American will ever go to war needlessly because America has decided to go it alone."
"The truth is, we, America - we need a president that will lead the world, not bully it."
(thanks, Ana)
Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler
on 08/04/2004 at 06:37 AM
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on 08/04/2004 at 06:37 AM
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COURAGE….Found in Missouri
Say what you want about Missouri but its citizenry just climbed a notch in my estimation.Last night they OVERWHELMINGLY passed an amendment to their constitution banning homosexual marriage.
Now let's see where states like Louisiana, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Montana, Oklahoma, Oregon and Utah stand. Their vote is later this year. In the states of Michigan, North Dakota and Ohio the initiatives are pending.
Daily Dose
Quote of the DayThe statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you. Rita Mae Brown
On This Day in History
1944 Anne Frank and her family were found hiding in Amsterdam by Nazis.
1181 Supernova seen in Cassiopia
1693 Dom Perignon invents champagne
1969 Willie Stargell is 1st to hit a HR outside of Dodger Stadium
1989 Blue Jays' perfect game broken up in 9th with 2 outs by NY Yankee Roberto Kelly (GO YANKEES!!)
1892 Lizzie Borden took an axe . . .
Andrew and Abby Borden, elderly residents of Fall River, Massachusetts, are found bludgeoned to death in their home. Lying in a pool of blood on the living room couch, Andrew's face had been nearly split in two. Abby was found upstairs with her head smashed to pieces.
The Bordens, who were considerably wealthy, lived with their two unmarried daughters, Emma and Lizzie. Since Lizzie was the only other person besides the housekeeper who was present when the bodies were found, suspicion soon fell upon her. Because of the sensational nature of the murders, the trial attracted attention from around the nation.
Despite the fact that fingerprint testing was already becoming commonplace in Europe at the time, the police were wary of its reliability, and refused to test for prints on the murder weapon-a hatchet-found in the Borden's basement. The prosecution tried to prove that Lizzie had burned a dress similar to the one she was wearing on the day of the murders and had purchased a small axe the day before. But Lizzie was a sweet-looking Christian woman and the jury took only 90 minutes to decide that she could never commit such a heinous crime.
Although she was now an orphaned heiress rather than a convicted murderess, the media continued to portray Lizzie as the perpetrator. Her story is still remembered today mostly because of the infamous rhyme:
Lizzie Borden took an axe,
And gave her mother forty whacks;
When she saw what she had done,
She gave her father forty-one.
Ignoring the taunts, Lizzie lived the high life until her death in 1927. She was buried in the family plot next to her parents..
Today's Birthdays
1901 Louis Armstrong New Orleans, Jazz musician & bandleader, "Hello Dolly" - oldest musician to have a Number 1 song
1900 Arturo Umberto Illia pres of Argentina (1963-66)
1900 Elizabeth Britain's Queen Mother
1955 Billy Bob Thornton Hot Springs, Ark. US. actor, 'Sling Blade','A Family Thing'
1962 Roger Clemens Dayton Ohio, Boston Red Sox pitcher (Cy Young, MVP)
Thanks to The Quotations Page Famous Birthdays Snopes
Tuesday - August 03, 2004
I Know Michael Moore
I know Michael Moore. I grew up with him .... or someone just like him.Remember the kid who never got chosen by any team to play baseball or basketball? The kid who sat on the sidelines and alternated between whining over not being chosen to play and yelling encouragement to both teams with words that never made sense? He wasn't smart enough to get in the Math Club or the Chess Club. He wasn't athletic enough to make any of the high school teams. Hell, he even flunked out of the Band audition because he couldn't grasp the fact that music is supposed to sound pleasant.
He had loser written all over him. Occasionally, some wise-ass pinned a "kick me" sign on his back while going down the hall .... and the stoopid f**k left it on after he found it because people seemed to be paying attention to him finally.
He was usually first to stick up his hand in answer to a question from teacher .... and he always gave the wrong answer. Then he tried to argue with the teacher to prove he was actually right. Until some cute girl sitting next to him leaned over and whispered "shut the f**k up, you useless dildo". She went on to become Homecoming Queen and he went to the Prom with his sister.
You know who I'm talking about. All of you went to school with the same creep. Or one just like him.
Well, guess what? The prick managed to survive high school and grew up and migrated to the Left Coast where he figured out how to suck up to all "the right people" and to tell people exaclty what they wanted to hear. He ate himself into a size 56 waist because of his exaggerated ego and suppressed conscience. He encountered a butt-ugly woman who was the female version of himself in high school. She flattered his ego and before you can say "OHMIGAWD" they were married. Pray that at least one of them is sterile.
His school ignorance and bruised, battered ego have grown up and made connections with pure assholes who know how to flatter him and use him to get what they want. He is happy in his own little universe. He can never be wrong and everyone who disagrees with him is just a reminder of the kids in high school who shunned him. He hates them all with a vitriolic hatred and he will only be satisfied when he has managed to cause them to feel the same pain he feels they inflicted on him in adolescence. He is a walking neurotic and dangerous only to the extent that he can make people miserable through lies and distortions. Remember, he knows he is never wrong.
Do you know this creep? I do. I remember him from high school. I never wanted him on my team either.
I challenge anyone in Flint, Michigan who went to high school with Michael Moron to tell me different. I'm waiting ....
Posted by The Skipper
on 08/03/2004 at 08:16 PM
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on 08/03/2004 at 08:16 PM
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A New Feature at BMEWS
You should all be bemused at the amusing new service we offer loyal BMEWS readers: Job Placement.Today we start with Barb, the Anonoying Little Twerp, who fashions herself an Imperial Centurion.
First: Move to England
Second: Go on the dole
Third: Apply here.
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