Thursday - October 13, 2011

Miscellaneous Jokes

A few jokes I stumbled over while reading my email backlog…

This — after President Obama suggested to PM Benjamin Netanyahu that Israel return to its 1967 borders:

Dear President Obama,

I am writing today with a somewhat unusual request. First and foremost, I will be asking that you return the United States to its August 20th, 1959 borders so that Hawaii is no longer a state and you are no longer a citizen.

Sincerely,
Benjamin Netanyahu
Prime Minister of Israel

President’s Day

While out eating lunch recently, I overheard a conversation between a mother and her young son.

“What is tomorrow?” she asked him.

“It’s President’s Day,” the boy replied

“What does that mean?” she asked.

The boy paused thoughtfully for a moment, and responded, “President’s Day is when Obama steps out of the White House and if he sees his shadow, we have 2 more years of unemployment and stupidity.”

I almost snorted my iced tea.

Obama at the bank

Barack Obama walks into the bank to cash a check. “Good morning, Ma’am,” he greets the cashier, “could you please cash this check for me?”

“It would be my pleasure, sir. Could you please show me your ID?”

“Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn’t think there was any need to. I am President Barack Obama, the president of the United States of America!”

“Yes, sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations, monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers, etc, I must insist on seeing ID.”

“Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am.”

“I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them.”

“I am urging you please to cash this check.”

“Ok, this is what we can do Mr. President: One day Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check. Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot, making the tennis ball land in my cup. With that spectacular shot we cashed his check. So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the president of the United States?”

Obama stands there thinking and finally says, “Honestly, there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can’t think of a single thing I’m good at.”

“Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?”

Native wisdom

Barack Obama went camping in the desert with a Native American. After they set their tent up, both men fell asleep.

A few hours later, the Indian woke Obama and said, “Look at the sky. What do you see?”

Obama replied, “I see millions of stars.”

“What does that tell you?” asked the Indian.

Obama pondered for a minute, then said, “Astronomically, it tells me there are, uh, millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Chronologically, it appears to be approximately three in the morning. Theologically, we are small and insignificant. Uh, meteorologically, it looks like we’ll have a beautiful day tomorrow. What’s it tell you?”

“It tells me that someone stole the tent, you dummy.”

Libya wants a new Muslim leader. I say give them ours.

Posted by Christopher     on 10/13/2011 at 07:58 PM   
Filed Under: • Humor • Obama, The One •  
• Comments (1) • Trackbacks(0)  Permalink •  

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