Friday - June 05, 2015
Live Imitates Art. Sort Of.
Back in the days when ethnic humor was both allowable and funny, I knew this Polish joke about a fish.
Sea lions have been crowding the docks in Portland OR, making it impossible for folks to get to their boats.
Various ways to annoy or frighten the federally protected aquatic mammals into leaving have failed. So some bright star figured that they could make a big fiberglass orca, a fake Killer Whale mounted over a little power boat. And they could motor it around the bay, while playing orca songs, like the ever popular Lunch Is Ready in C########. They even made a baby orca to tow behind it, to look like a whole family of the attack whales had moved in. Surely that would scare away those lazy sea lions.
It seemed that the Illinois Fish & Game Department wanted to breed a really aggressive big fish to enhance sportsmen’s deep lakes fishing experience.
The motorized fiberglass orca was brought to the seaside town of Astoria on Thursday as a sort of maritime Clint Eastwood called upon to deal with ne’er-do-wells, in this case sea lions crowding onto docks and making it difficult for locals to access their boats.
...
About 1,000 people cheered as the dummy whale — with its human operator inside — took to the water Thursday night. Jim Knight, executive director of the Port of Astoria, said sea lions that were crowded onto the docks became “deathly silent.”
So they brought in some genetic engineers, and the first attempt they made was to cross a Coho with a Walleye. This created a great big fish with huge teeth but it was very docile. They named this hybrid the Cowal.
But as a cargo ship passed by, the phony orca started to list from the vessel’s wake. And then the bogus orca capsized.
“Our crew from the port had to go rescue the operator so he didn’t drown,” Knight said.
Having had partial success, next they crossbred a Walleye with a Muskie. The result was a super aggressive fish that would attack anything in sight, but it was a tiny little thing hardly bigger than a minnow. They named this hybrid the Walskie.
So what did the sea lions thing about this spectacle?
“They probably think it’s dead now that it’s belly up,” Knight said. “You can’t make this stuff up.”
That was not the first fiasco for the dummy orca. The replica whale, loaned by a whale-watching business, was delivered overland on Thursday from Bellingham, Washington. After arrival, the orca’s outboard motor flooded and a replacement had to be found.
...
The fake orca was outfitted with recordings of real killer whale calls, especially the “call to dinner” — usually emitted in the wild after they kill a sea lion or seal.
The orca capsized before the recording could be tried out.
As of mid-Friday, the fake orca was still submerged in water at the Astoria docks, while hundreds of sea lions congregated and barked nearby.
Finally, these ace scientists crossbred the Cowal and the Walskie, and came up with the Kowalski. This gave them the best of both worlds. It’s a big mean fish that fights like hell and is wildly aggressive.
Unfortunately, the new Kowalski is so dumb that they have to teach it how to swim.
Posted by Drew458
on 06/05/2015 at 04:51 PM
Filed Under: • Animals • Fun-Stuff •
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