Thursday - September 16, 2004
Late Night Humor
Leno:
“A lot of new shows premiering this week. CBS has a new news magazine coming out .. it’s called “Dan Rather’s Believe It or Not.”
“You all know CBS, which stands for ‘Can’t Believe Story.’”
“You know what’s interesting - while President Bush was speaking to the National Guard about Iraq, I think he got a little confused. Like at one point he ordered the carpet bombing of the Aladdin Hotel.”
“You know who’s in Vegas tomorrow to talk to the National Guard, John Kerry. Imagine Bush and Kerry in Vegas at the same time. Imagine Bush and Kerry at the black jack table? One can’t decide if he wants another card, the other can’t count to 21.”
“John Kerry campaigned in Wisconsin today. It was reported he had a huge cheese head on. Turns out that was his actual head.”
“As you know, we’ve been having some wild weather, and that could affect the vote on Election Day. For example: if there’s a hurricane in Texas, Kerry could win. If there’s a rainstorm in Massachusetts, Bush could win. And if it “snows in hell”, Ralph Nader will win.”
“Governor Schwarzenegger has passed a new law - it is now illegal in California to have sex with a corpse. There goes Tipper Gore’s weekend.”
Letterman:
Top Ten Things Dan Rather Would Never Say On The CBS Evening News ....
10. I’m Dan Rather, your love anchor.
9. Connie, mind if I borrow your mascara?
8. Wanna buy a fake Rolex?
7. And now a report from our White House correspondent, Howie Mandel.
6. Maybe Letterman ought to spend some of that big-time TV money on better wigs.
5. That’s the news, I’m Oprah Winfrey.
4. Hey, let’s bomb Alaska!
3. Honey, I’ll be home soon--have the tequila ready.
2. Good evening. I’m Dan Rather and I’m not wearing pants.
1. I made that last story up.
Posted by The Skipper
on 09/16/2004 at 09:35 PM
Filed Under: • Media-Bias •
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