BMEWS
 
Death once had a near-Sarah Palin experience.

calendar   Thursday - May 14, 2015

family dinner

When we were little kids, I always used to try to tell my brother jokes or snappy one liners when he had something in his mouth. Nothing beat cracking him up and watching the milk or toothpaste come shooting out his nose. It was the ultimate brother score.

So I’m up here visiting him and mom for a couple days, doing some heavy lifting tasks neither can do anymore. Today, after a 3 day heat spell, I put the air conditioners in the windows. So naturally it’s getting cold, and we’ll have to use blankets tonight. Tomorrow I get to help rearrange the bushes out in the yard, digging holes for plants and stuff. And carrying boxes of junk out to the garage from the basement. Oh fun!

But tonight we had a nice family dinner, just the three of us. Mom had a frozen kosher chicken, the nice natural kind that isn’t all fat and pumped up flesh. We thawed it out and roasted it with some onions and herbs, and it came out great. I was even Mr. Helpful and made up a nice gravy.

So I get to carve the chicken. Mom wants a drumstick, so I cut one off for her. Cut her a thigh too. Might as well trim the other one while I’m at it. Cut the wings off, one for me, one for the bro. One on each plate. She ladles a scant spoon of green beans onto the plate and takes it out to him. “Here, for your diet.” “Awwww Moooom, can’t I have any meat??” She’s just busting on him, so I get the plate back and go to carve some breast meat. Knife goes down through the skin, and hits breast bone. WTH? Try it again. Skin, bone. This funky chicken has all the breast meat on the side, and almost none up on the bone. So I hacked it off, served him up a plateful, brought it out, and he starts eating. About half a mouthful into it, I tell him that I named the chicken Miley Cyrus. I get a look. I say because it didn’t have much of anything up front, but still managed to show some side boob.

And I almost got him. Another couple of chews and it would have been gravy spew.  I was this close.

My mother comes to the table. “What’s so funny?”

“Andrew named the chicken Miley Cyrus.”

“Who is Malice Iris?” she asks.

And it was gravy time.

Family. Ain’t they great?


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Posted by Drew458   United States  on 05/14/2015 at 12:25 AM   
Filed Under: • FamilyHumor •  
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