Barking Moonbat Early Warning System

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Wednesday - November 26, 2008

Everyone just relax please

Busy day here. Instead of several posts I answered a lot of BMEWS emails. It does accumulate. So that took a few hours, now I have to run errands for the afternoon, and do the baking tonight.

I was on the edge of an altercation in the grocery store, and that’s why I’m writing this post. The day or two before major holidays are Crazy Dayz in the stores. Don’t let the stress get to you!

So I hit the grocery store to pick up some ingredients. As you know, the day before Thanksgiving is the best day NOT to go to the grocers, but most of us wind up doing it anyway. The place is a zoo. Your local store is a zoo. They’re all zoos today. You can’t get a parking spot. You can’t find a cart. The place is solid people inside, and everyone there goes out of their way to get into yours. It’s time to Whiten Up and just smile and say please and excuse me and I’m sorry and be extra polite to everyone.

I grew up working in grocery stores. In the 14 years I spent there I thought I had seen it all. And I mean that. Armed robberies, a bomb scare, the Phantom Crapper, butchers injuring themselves, cranky customers, accidents in the parking lot, the shop windows getting blown out during hurricanes, fires, you name it. Shoplifters of every age, even an old lady who bent over the ice cream case and died ... and nobody noticed for over 2 hours. (she was a very slow shopper anyway). But I saw a new one today ...

I’m on line with my stuff at the semi-express checkout. The lines are long even though the store has every single register open and a small army of clerks bagging. 4 customers ahead of me on the line, some guy’s stuff gets to the cashier and he realizes he forgot the cat food. “I have to get cat food. I’ll be right back.” WRONG. Dude, this is the busiest day of the year. Buy your stuff, park your cart, and then go back and get the crap for the cat. No, he shoves his way back through the line and disappears. So the cashier puts his stuff aside. She’s got 20 people on line; she can’t stand there waiting for him. So she rings up the next little order. And the next. And the next. And just as she’s about to start ringing my stuff up, the guy comes back. 7 minutes later. Back through the line. And he’s pissed.

“Where’s my stuff? Why didn’t you wait? I was only a second. What the FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!!” He’s losing it. The guy is freaking out. Over a couple of oranges, some shampoo, and a few cans of cat food.

“Sir, I have a big line. I can’t wait for...”

“FUCK YOU! FUCK ALL OF YOU! FUCK THIS WHOLE THING!!”

And he proceeds to slam his items down on the floor, kick the shopping cart out of the checkout aisle, push the bagging lady right off of her feet, knock aside the sturdy clerk who came over to help (it’s always amazing how fast you move in one of these situations) and storm out of the store by kicking the exit door so hard it popped off it’s track. At the start of his outburst the whole front end went quiet. I had time for just two quick thoughts - “Oh great” followed by “aw shit, I’m not carrying” - and it was over. The clerks weren’t injured or really even roughed up. The door can be reset easily; they’re designed to pop away. The cashier and the bagger lady were quite upset; I told them that they had done the right thing and that some people just can’t handle the holiday stress. But come on. This was totally out of control and completely out of bounds.

As I’m driving away a few minutes later the local cops come zooming up the driveway, lights flashing.

Let’s all try to let the little stuff go. Life is full of aggravations enough. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Ok, I ate lunch while writing this. So now it’s back out again. Haircut. Bank. Gas station. Need beer too. I’m a bit let down that I can’t bring my famous Kitchen Sink stuffing to Thanksgiving tomorrow at my father in law’s. But I’ll cook it any way, even though my wife will hardly touch it. So I’ll be eating stuffing for the next 10 days all by myself. Fine by me.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody! Hope you remembered the cranberry sauce.

See More Below The Fold

Kitchen Sink Stuffing

hey, it’s a guy recipe, so it’s simple, uses off the shelf stuff, and still comes out really good. It’s a meal almost all by itself, and makes a great layer for Friday’s Leftover Sandwiches.

1 large (14-16oz) bag flavored stuffing cubes. I use the Pepperridge Farm Herb flavor
part of another bag of stuffing, or some stale bread, or some plain bread crumbs, just in case of emergencies
1 big yellow onion
1 bunch fresh celery
1 can College Inn turkey broth
3 tbs olive oil
1 cup of Craisins or raisins
1 cooking apple, aka Granny Smith
3 sticks of unsalted butter
2 14oz packages Jones Original Sausage, thawed
1 cup of chopped walnuts or pecans
1 double handful of small white mushrooms
1-2 tsp fresh poultry seasoning (aka Bell’s Seasoning, the little yellow box you use once a year. A new box is $1.50, so splurge a little.)

Slice the onion into 1/4” slices and quarter them. Clean and slice 3 or 4 stalks of celery. Cut each mushroom into 4 slices. Melt a thumb’s worth of butter in a frying pan, and add a splash of olive oil. Toss in the celery and the onions and saute them until the onions soften somewhat. Saute the mushrooms in another pan, with a bit of butter, until their juice starts to run. Drain off the juice, let cool.

Slice the sausage and fry it up. Almost cook it; you want it browned some but not cooked dry. Set the slices aside to cool, and then quarter or rough chop them.

In a pot, pour in the can of turkey stock, a quarter cup or so of water, and 2 sticks of the unsalted butter, plus half of what’s left from the 3rd stick. Melt the butter and bring the liquid to a boil. Take the pot off the burner and mix in a spoon or 2 of the Bell’s Seasoning. Let it cool. This is probably a good time to have a beer. Maybe two.

In a really large pot, pour in half the stuffing cubes. Add a handful of the onions and celery, a handful of the nuts, a handful of the sausage, a handful of the Craisins, and a good splash of the buttery stock. Mix it around. Core and chop the apple and toss that in too. Add some more of each, keep stirring. Keep adding until you’ve got it all in the pot, all stirred up. You do it a little at a time so the stuffing isn’t soggy in one part and dry in another. If it comes out soupy or runny or just too damn wet, then add some of those emergency bread items until it’s merely quite damp.

Get out a big covered roasting pan. Give the inside a heavy rub with the remaining butter. Spoon in the stuffing. Cover and bake for about an hour at 350. Take the lid off the last 10 minutes of baking if you want to crisp up the top. If you’re taking stuffing to someone’s house, let it cool and put it in a covered plastic container. It’s better if that stuffing is a little soggy because you’ll have to reheat it again anyway.

This recipe will serve at least 12 people.

GET ME OUT OF HERE ...

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Posted by Drew458

on 11/26/2008 at 01:17 PM
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •
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