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Sarah Palin's presence in the lower 48 means the Arctic ice cap can finally return.

calendar   Thursday - January 20, 2005

Do You Think It is Torture?

If you are one of those liberal bed-wetting types who think the treatment the captured Iraqis are getting is torture, then this is for you. Apparently it is a response from the SecDef via the White House to one of your fellow panty-waists when he complained about the treatment.

Please ID yourselves so we can begin implementation immediately.


The White House 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, D.C., 20016

Dear Concerned Citizen:

Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

Our administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington. You’ll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like you, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the “Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers” program, or LARK for short.  In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care.

Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday.  Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of admonishment.  It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers.  We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.

Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his “attitudinal problem” will help him overcome these character flaws.

Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences.  He will bite you, given the chance.  We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.  Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers.  We do not suggest that you ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group.

He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters (except sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property.  This is a particularly sensitive subject for him, and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that Ahmed will recommend as more appropriate attire.  I’m sure they will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka—over time. Just remind them that it is all part of “respecting his culture and his religious beliefs”—wasn’t that how you put it?

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you, who know so much, keep us informed of the proper way to do our job.

You take good care of Ahmed - and remember...we’ll be watching.  Good luck!

Cordially,

Don Rumsfeld

-----------------

(thanks to SandyS)


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Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler   United States  on 01/20/2005 at 06:28 AM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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Oh, and here's some kind of visitor flag counter thingy. Hey, all the cool blogs have one, so I should too. The Visitors Online thingy up at the top doesn't count anything, but it looks neat. It had better, since I paid actual money for it.
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