Friday - June 03, 2005

Most Outrageous Item Of The Day

Man works at methane plant. Methane is highly flammable. Man goes into porta-potty. Fumes in porta-potty are highly flammable. Man lights cigarette while “meditating”. Man explodes. Man sues porta-potty manufacturer. “S**t happens” is no longer a valid defense. Stupidity rules.

MORGANTOWN, W.Va. - A Pennsylvania man injured when a portable toilet exploded is suing a general contractor and a coal company for negligence.

John Jenkins, 53, and his wife Ramona Jenkins, 35, of Brave, Pa., filed the lawsuit in Monongalia County Circuit Court on Tuesday. They are suing Chisler Inc., a general contractor from Fairview, and Eastern Associated Coal Corp. for $10 million in damages.

The explosion occurred July 13, 2004, at Parrish Shaft in Blacksville. Jenkins, a North West Fuels Development Inc. methane power plant operator, entered a portable toilet, sat down and tried to light a cigarette.

“When I struck the lighter, the whole thing just detonated — the whole top blew off,” John Jenkins said. “I can’t tell you if it blew me out the door or if I jumped out.”

Posted by The Skipper     on 06/03/2005 at 06:25 AM   
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   Tuesday - May 31, 2005

SCOTUS Promotes Religion

The Supreme Court this week decided that prisoners must be provided with religious materials or states risk losing federal funding for their prisons ....

WASHINGTON—The Supreme Court on Tuesday upheld the constitutionality of a federal law requiring state prisons to accommodate inmate religions.

Justices unanimously sided with Ohio inmates, including a witch and a Satanist, who had claimed they were denied access to religious literature, ceremonial items and time to worship.

“It confers no privileged status on any particular religious sect, and singles out no bona fide faith for disadvantageous treatment,” Ginsburg wrote.

The law requires states that receive federal money to accommodate prisoners’ religious beliefs unless wardens can show that the accommodation would be disruptive.

Opponents of the law had argued that inmate requests for particular diets, special haircuts or religious symbols could make it harder to manage prisons.

“We do not read (the law) to elevate accommodation of religious observances over an institution’s need to maintain order and safety,” wrote Ginsburg. “We have no cause to believe that (the law) would not be applied in an appropriately balanced way, without sensitivity to security concerns.”

Posted by Ronald Reagan's Ghost     on 05/31/2005 at 11:06 AM   
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   Saturday - May 28, 2005

Damned Lawyers

Thanks to Robert…

The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city’s most successful lawyer.

So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, “Our research shows that even though your annual income is over a two million dollars, you don’t give a penny to charity.  Wouldn’t you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?”

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, “First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?”

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, “Uh… no, I didn’t know that.”

“Secondly,” says the lawyer, “my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children.”

The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.

“Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister’s husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children one of whom is disabled and another has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?”

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, “I’m sorry, I had no idea”

And the lawyer says, “So… if I didn’t give any money to them, what in the hell makes you think I’d ever give any to you?”

A man walks into a bar. He sees a good looking, smartly dressed woman perched on a bar stool. He walks up behind her and says, “Hi there, good looking, how’s it going? “

Having already had a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says, Listen! I’ll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, front door, back door, it doesn’t matter. I’ve been doing it ever since I got out of college. I just flat ass love it.

Eyes now wide with interest he says, No kidding, I’m a lawyer too! What firm are you with?

Posted by Yellow Dog     on 05/28/2005 at 11:25 AM   
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   Thursday - May 26, 2005

Grab The Money And Run

Michael Schiavo evidently wasted no time in grabbing the money. Just a few hours after Terry Schiavo died, his attorney was in court to grab the estate of the deceased woman.

Clearwater, FL (LifeNews.com)—Terri Schiavo’s estranged husband Michael wasted no time in pursuing what was left of Terri’s estate after she passed away on March 31. The disabled woman died after suffering from a painful 13 day starvation and dehydration.

Terri died just after 9:00 a.m. on the morning of the 31st and court papers filed with Circuit Court Judge George Greer show Michael’s attorneys filed the estate request just hours later.

By 1:35 p.m., Greer had ruled in Michael’s favor to receive Terri’s estate.

(-- thanks to “sleepyrae” for the tip)

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/26/2005 at 06:31 AM   
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   Friday - May 20, 2005

Lawsuit!

Saddam Hussein, speaking through his “mouthpiece”, says he is going to sue The Sun for publishing pictures of him in his skivvies. In a related story, I plan to sue The Sun for exposing my naked, unprotected eyes to Saddam’s shit-stained BVD’s. I’m also going to sue Steel for posting it here earlier today .... and I’m going to sue Kodak for making the cheap-ass camera used to take the pictures. Get me my lawyer on the phone right now .... there’s a finger in my blog ....

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/20/2005 at 11:14 PM   
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   Thursday - May 05, 2005

Florida Legislators Get One Right

Yes, you read that headline right. Florida has decided to get rid of the old state motto “Florida: Dumber Than A Rock” and start acting intelligent. A few weeks ago the state passed legislation changing the gun laws to something that made more sense and now the Florida legislators in Tallahassee have come up with another “common sense gem” .... for men paying alimony ....

Fla. to Allow Judges to Cut Off Alimony

By DAVID ROYSE
Associated Press Writer

TALLAHASSEE, Fla. (AP)—After debating the heartache of divorce, shacking up for convenience and romantics who “still believe in love,” lawmakers voted Wednesday to let judges reduce or eliminate alimony when the person receiving it moves in with someone else.

“This bill is more like a country-western song than good legislation,” complained Republican state Rep. Nancy Detert after the 68-44 House vote.

Judges generally end alimony when the recipient remarries, but courts in Florida have disagreed about what to do about people who - in the words of one lawmaker - “take themselves right up to the line of remarrying” by moving in with someone else.

Some lawmakers argued it doesn’t make sense that the money might even go to support the person who replaced the old spouse.

“It’s a bad enough heartache when someone you love leaves, many times for another person,” said Republican Rep. Dennis Baxley. “To be asked to support this ex-mate’s new girlfriend or boyfriend, that is really adding insult to injury.”

Amen! For the record, I have four ex-wives out there in the world somewhere so this story strikes close to my heart (and my wallet). Three of my “ex’s” have remarried and I have no idea where the fourth wingnut is hiding out these days, hopefully in an insane asylum somewhere. I’m glad to see Florida is taking the lead on remedying this abysmal abuse of former male spouses. By maritime law, the Skipper has hereby removed Florida from the “Looney States List” and replaced it with Texas, where lawmakers recently decided that cheerleaders are lewd and lascivious.

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/05/2005 at 07:55 AM   
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   Wednesday - May 04, 2005

Mistrial For Lynndie England

Well, it looks like the Abu Ghraib crap will continue on and on and on and .... The judge just threw out England’s guilty plea and declared a mistrial, sending the jury packing ....

FORT HOOD, Texas - A military judge on Wednesday threw out Pfc. Lynndie England’s guilty plea to prisoner abuse at Abu Ghraib, saying he was not convinced that she knew her actions were wrong at the time.

Col. James Pohl entered a plea of not guilty for England to a charge of conspiring with Pvt. Charles Graner Jr. to maltreat detainees at the Baghdad-area prison.

The mistrial for the 22-year-old reservist, who appeared in some of the most notorious photographs from the 2003 abuse scandal, kicks the case back to the military equivalent of a grand jury proceeding.

The action came after Graner, the reputed ringleader of the abuse, testified as a defense witness at England’s sentencing hearing that pictures he took of England holding a naked prisoner on a leash at Abu Ghraib were meant to be used as a legitimate training aid for other guards.

Other photos showed England standing next to nude prisoners stacked in a pyramid and pointing at a prisoner’s genitals.

When England pleaded guilty Monday, she told the judge she knew that the pictures were being taken purely for the amusement of the guards.

Pohl said the two statements could not be reconciled.

“You can’t have a one-person conspiracy,” the judge said before he declared the mistrial and dismissed the sentencing jury.

Correction, judge. You can have a one-person conspiracy - it’s called Hillary Clinton. But I digress. This young lady deserves punishment for acting like an idiot, possibly an Article 15 at most. The whole reason for this trial is to satisfy the Liberals who latched onto the Abu Ghraib issue to attack the war in Iraq. England is just a pawn. A stupid pawn but a pawn, nevertheless.

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/04/2005 at 03:02 PM   
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Mea Culpa

^{Mike Lester, Rome News-Tribune, Rome, GA}

Posted by The Skipper     on 05/04/2005 at 06:30 AM   
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   Thursday - April 21, 2005

Well I love it too babe, Let me give it a kiss

“I my vagina” buttons and t-shirts are catching on with female high school students in Winona, MN. The male students are wearing buttons and t-shirts that say “I Support Your Vagina.” I was a teenage boy once, and support is not what I had in mind as far as vaginas were concerned. What would happen if someone wore a t-shirt to school that said, “I my pecker”, I wonder?

The ACLU is sending in lawyers.

Posted by Yellow Dog     on 04/21/2005 at 03:52 PM   
Filed Under: • Democrats-Liberals-Moonbat Leftists • Insanity • Judges-Courts-Lawyers • Outrageous •  
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   Saturday - April 16, 2005

Life in Prison Without Parole… IN TEXAS???

This blogging experience is getting off to a bad start.

I pick up Friday’s copy of the Austin American Statesman, and there on the front page, is a headline informing me that the Texas Senate has approved Life Without Parole as a sentencing option. WTF! We were doing so well with the Death Penalty. Why should the taxpayers of Texas have to pay to support the sorry bastards until they die of their own accord? Our representatives should be trying to figure out a way to put in a lethal injection express lane.

The Texas Legislature meets once every two years. That is way too damned often.

Posted by Yellow Dog     on 04/16/2005 at 09:55 AM   
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   Saturday - April 09, 2005

Saturday News Brief

■ General Motors pulls all of its ads from the Los Angeles Times. The Times is in denial, claiming GM is over-reacting.

GM’s move came a day after the L.A. Times published a column by its Pulitzer Prize-winning auto critic, Dan Neil, about the automaker’s brand strategy.

The column’s headline called the Pontiac G6 “a sales flop.” It also said the automaker should “dump” Chairman and Chief Executive Rick Wagoner and “let the impeachment proceedings begin.”

GM spokeswoman Ryndee Carney said the move to withdraw advertising was not spurred by any specific story but by “concerns over accuracy and misrepresentations with the paper’s editorial coverage over a period of some time.”

The woman who claims she bit into a human finger while eating chili at a Wendy’s restaurant has a history of filing lawsuits - including a claim against another fast-food restaurant.

Anna Ayala, 39, who hired a San Jose, Calif., attorney to represent her in the Wendy’s case, has been involved in at least half a dozen legal battles in the San Francisco Bay area, according to court records.

She brought a suit against an ex-boss in 1998 for sexual harassment and sued an auto dealership in 2000, alleging the wheel fell off her car. That suit was dismissed after Ayala fired her lawyer, who said she had threatened him.

The Postal Service said the price of a first-class stamp would rise to 39 cents from 37 cents early next year if the increase is approved by the Postal Rate Commission, an independent body that oversees the post office.

The increase comes as part of a broader 5.4 percent rate rise that the Postal Service will apply to most packages.

The stamp price increase is needed to cover a $3.1 billion payment that Congress requires the Postal Service to make to its employee pension fund. The agency has sought congressional action to eliminate that requirement. If that happens, postal officials said, the rate increase request will be withdrawn.

But defense attorney David Oblon argued nine years was far too long given Jaynes was charged as an out-of-state resident with violating a Virginia law that had taken effect just weeks before. He planned to challenge both the constitutionality of the law and its applicability to Jaynes.

Posted by The Skipper     on 04/09/2005 at 03:46 AM   
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   Wednesday - April 06, 2005

Taking Bets

The will of the people was made known yesterdsay in Kansas.  71 percent voted on a constitutional amendment banning homosexual marriage or civil unions.

SEVENTY ONE PERCENT!

What do you want to bet some judge will say it is unconstitutional?

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 04/06/2005 at 06:08 AM   
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   Tuesday - April 05, 2005

Weird Bits and Snippets

Weird Bits and Snippets

Greedy bitch.  That’s all there is to it.  A man and woman decide to divorce.  She gets half in a settlement but just short of the court finalizing the divorce he croaks.

She goes to court trying to nullify the divorce in order to keep everything,

Greedy bitch.  Piece of crap vermin.  And to think she’s old enough to be a grandmother to some of our readers.  What a disgrace.

She lost. He divorced her ass......from the grave.

Some time ago there was a story about Mark Thatcher (son of Margaret) getting involved in rather nefarious activities in Africa.  Something about a coup in New Guinea.  Well, Marky boy wanted a visa to come to the US.

No way.

Colorado is doing what Florida should be doing....getting the retards out of the left hand lane.

If there’s one thing I can’t stand is some dumb son of a bitch blocking the left lane.  If he or she is doing under the speed limit it really drives me bat-shit.  That’s when I start laying on the horn and using “sign language.”

Stupid fucks act like they own the road.  When I took my driving lessons the book specifically mentioned that left hand lanes must stay clear and be used only for passing.

Apparently it’s not the same book used down here.

Then again, it could be like lots of the laws in the books---there only for decoration.  No one enforces them.

Maybe a few drivers some sub-machine guns strafing the roadways would get the attention of law enforcement.

Hell, it seems to be working with the INS!

The Swedish government recently reduced work-out sessions for prisoners.  I guess they were getting too bulked up.

How do they respond?  They go on a hunger strike.

Good!  Let them starve to death.  I hope no one will put feeding tubes in them.  They did, after all, decide to die this way.

Surely the leftists can agree to that, right?  It’s the prisoner’s right to choose his manner of death and deny extraordinary measures to keep them alive.

But I will bet you $10 to a donut the left will scream they need to be put on life support since prisoners have more rights than Terri Schiavo.  Any takers?

It took me a while to find it and the title does not lend itself to this topic but go here first and find comment #8.  Start there and go through to the end.

Now, go here and read this.

Could BobF be right?

Stand up and take a bow, Bob!

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 04/05/2005 at 06:14 AM   
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   Monday - April 04, 2005

Did Scrappleface Write This?

This defies all logic and common sense.

When I read it I thought it was a spoof done by Scrappleface. 

The subject?  Sandy “Burglar” Berger.

Here are some snippets.

Former national security advisor Sandy Berger wasn’t trying to conceal information when he stuffed five copies of a top secret terrorism report in his pants and socks during two trips to the National Archives in 2003

“(he) did not have an intent to hide any of the content of the documents”

Berger took the documents merely for personal convenience - to prepare for his and President Clinton’s testimony before the Sept. 11 Commission

All this comes from ................. (are you ready?)

(are you sure?)

(please put down any cups of coffee or other liquid refreshment.  Empty your mouths of food so as not to spew on your keyboard or monitor.  Take all loaded weapons and put them in the “safe” position.  Better yet, take all the bullets out and put them in another room.)

OK, is everyone back?

This DRIVEL, this SHIT, this NONSENSE came from the

chief of the Justice Department’s public integrity section

And we are expecting our government to keep illegals out?  And we want our judges to not be activists?

How can we expect anything of any consequence from a government that has prosecutors who did not even:

“ask...(Berger) to explain why he destroyed three out of the five copies he had stolen.”

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 04/04/2005 at 07:33 AM   
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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:

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