Monday - May 11, 2009

Absolute Vindication

This is an update on that post I made several weeks ago, about what seemed to me to be an illegal rule in the bylaws of that rinky dink league I belong to. Since I was the league’s secretary this year, the guy in charge of actually applying the rules, I fought against the league’s bylaw of “Legal lineup: A legal lineup shall consist of 2 regular bowlers. A vacancy counts as a regular bowler.” as hard as I could, because I knew it was wrong. And I lost. Even when the illogical conclusion occurred: if a vacancy is a regular bowler, then another vacancy is another regular bowler; thus a team that has 2 or 3 vacancies can never forfeit, because the vacant “bowlers” are never absent. This is blatantly wrong, since a team full of actual people can forfeit - and equal treatment under the law is about an American as a concept can get. But that didn’t matter. They wanted me to do it their way, because “that’s how we’ve always done it” and “a past president several years ago said he called the USBC and that’s what they said to do”. [ Welcome to life in New Jersey. “We know it’s wrong, but it’s our rule, and it’s there because somebody we never liked or trusted said it should be there, so follow it.” Um, yeah, right.

So of course I ignored them and their stupid illegal rule. And I got away with it for almost the entire season. Then they found out, got all uppity, had their revenge and voted me out. Plus they screwed me out of $120-170. That’ll teach me alright. And they did it with the bowling alley owner’s unspoken consent too. As he put it to me afterwords, “Lessons learned, huh?”

Well, all is not lost. The money loss isn’t going to kill me, and the secretary job sucks eggs anyway, so let somebody else have it. But what they don’t know ... yet ... is that I’ve been having these emails going back and forth with the rules people at USBC. When last I blogged on this subject, I’d just had a fight with the VP. So I wrote my first epistle, got my response, and showed it to him. All the while making nice-nice and saying how it wasn’t him I was mad it, it was my frustration with the rule, and look here, USBC says it’s wrong, and if you extend their thought just a little you’ll see the rule is illegal and should be ignored. Well, that mollified him, but “extending a thought a little” isn’t a capability that too many people seem to have. Especially on this league. So I had a big meeting with the guy who runs the alley. Took my rulebook and the email, and sat and talked and asked questions for the better part of 2 hours. I very gently and innocently painted him into a corner, then nailed both his feet to the floor. And then got out the matches. But he managed to untie his shoes and escape, giving me a big weasel-ly speech about how such a rule was Ok after all, and it wasn’t really ever applied except in my oddball league, so leave well enough alone.

Uh huh. Ok, that league is over now. All done. Bad evil arrogant Drew has been spanked and sent packing. Humbled. Crow eaten.

AS IF.

So I wrote right back to the nice lady at the USBC, and asked the same question again, looking for a stronger response ....

****************************************************************************

Well, that was better. But still not what I was looking for. So I tried again ...

Thank you. Black and White. Straight up as it’s going to get, so even the most feeble minded can understand. A vacancy is not a regular bowler. A vacancy is not a member of your team. A vacancy is only a score you are given because you don’t have enough people. And you only get that score once your team has put forth a legal lineup (in other words, the minimum number of people on your team has shown up to bowl that night, or at least pre-bowled.) And since you can’t adopt a rule that conflicts with USBC rules, “A vacancy counts as a regular bowler” is an invalid rule. “Illegal” if you will. Unenforceable, even if “that’s how we’ve always done things”.

In your face!

Gosh, sometimes it’s so satisfying to be petty. Nyah nyah, na nyah nyah!  

Posted by Drew458     on 05/11/2009 at 07:15 PM   
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   Thursday - April 23, 2009

YES !!!

Looks like we FINALLY caught a break on Monday league ... our team finished in 6th place out of 18. I wasn’t expecting that to happen but I knew it could. It means Hampton Pizza beat The Barber Shop 7-0, which opened the door for us to rise up 2 positions. So not bad, not bad at all. Maybe next year we’ll be a touch more competitive and try for 5th. Maybe do some of that Tactical Bowling stuff. Or maybe I’ll learn to get my thumb out of my ass ball, and keep a better zen state on my emotions.

Posted by Drew458     on 04/23/2009 at 11:38 AM   
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   Wednesday - April 22, 2009

I was right of course

Ah, the sweet sweet taste of validation. I knew my brain wasn’t completely fried yet, but it’s nice to have some proof.

From: Drew Pearce
To: rules “at” bowl.com
Date: 04/20/2009 03:25 PM
Subject: Rule 110c questions

Dear USBC

Is it impossible for teams with vacancies to forfeit by not showing up?

Our league allows for forfeits. We use the Earn The Points method when a forfeit occurs. As league secretary, I consider a team to have forfeited when a) none of the people on that team show up to bowl and b) nobody on that team has prebowled for the night and c) nobody called either the alley or any of our officers to say they wouldn’t be coming in and asked for a postponement.

We are a struggling league, and I’m trying to be flexible: if even one person shows up or prebowls, that’s good enough for me for a starting lineup.

Our league allows teams to have vacancies. We have only one team with vacancies, but that team has two of them. Our bylaw for vacancies appears to consider them part of the team, at least for “legal lineup”: “A legal lineup shall consist of two regular bowlers. A vacancy is considered a regular bowler.” Since we actually have 4 members per team, I guess this bylaw is talking about a starting lineup? It seems a bit vague.

There is an opinion, held by our president and vice-president, that a team with one or more vacant members can never forfeit by absence, because the vacant “people” are “always there”. But if a team has a full roster of human members, they can forfeit by not showing up. This seems very wrong to me, because the rules are not equally applied.

I guess their reasoning is that with multiple vacancies, both are “regular bowlers” and thus this team never has a no-show, even when the human members are absent?

please help!

sincerely,
Andrew Pearce
Secretary, league #845145

Nyaa nyaa, nyaa nyaa nyaa!!!! Pffbbttt!!!! Neener, neener neener!!! 

Posted by Drew458     on 04/22/2009 at 11:53 AM   
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   Monday - April 20, 2009

7th, maybe 6th

Phew. That one was too close.

We finished off Monday League tonight, bowling the 7th place team again. And we beat them 5-2, again. That means we fought our way up out of 8th place, into at least 7th. But if the 5th place team laid a 7-0 smackdown on the 6th place team, our 5 points will be enough to float us up to 6th. Either place is fine with us. This is only our first year together as a team, and we’ve really hit it off. Next year maybe we’ll be more competitive. Too bad that league’s Secretary had to go away for a wedding, so it will be several weeks until we get together again to pass out the awards and money.

I screwed the pooch in game one. We lost that one by 115, and at least 50 pins of that was my fault. I just couldn’t focus, because just being in the alley made me think about Saturday league, and I’m really pissed off about that. No, not my teammates. I’m pretty much used to their level of major suckage. One beer after getting home and I’m over their weekly fiascos. What’s got me cranked is that the way the rules in that league are written, an imbalanced situation exists, and that such a thing might be entirely legal. And that raises my Porcupine Quills Of Injustice into Slash Position. Seriously. I got into a very short and loud argument with the league VP last week, and was within a step of clobbering him. Real RCOB moment for me. Tables were knocked over, chairs kicked. That’s bad. I have an explosive temper. I’m usually the most easy going guy, but tell me something asinine and insist it’s the truth and interrupt me every two words without even listening when I try to give my opinion, “none of us like it but that’s the way it is” ... that’s pushing several of my big red buttons all at the same time.

I have contacted the USBC looking for clarification. See, this is the issue. This league’s rules consider a vacant position to be a regular team member. Because of that, they feel that a team that has one or more vacancies can never forfeit by absence. I think that’s a lot of hooie. If you don’t show up, screw you. You don’t win anything. The other team doesn’t automatically win, they have to earn their points by bowling against their own averages. That part at least is standard USBC policy. But under this league’s current rules, a team that has no vacancies can forfeit by not showing up. So one team can forfeit, but another team can’t? That ain’t right. But the rule is written “A legal lineup shall consist of two regular bowlers. A vacancy is considered a regular bowler.” “Aha!” I hear you saying, “that means that one person still has to show up anyway!” Ordinarily yes. But our team, the notoriously unreliable Team 5, has TWO vacancies. Actually at this point they have THREE, since the one guy hasn’t been seen or heard from in 5 weeks. So if vacancies are considered regular bowlers, then the first vacancy is one regular bowler, the next vacancy is another regular bowler ... and, ta da!, you have a nearly empty team that can never forfeit by not showing up, since the vacancy bowlers are “always there”. It’s total crap. And I debated against it back in August at our start up meeting. And it was the vice president who insisted that’s the way it had to be, or else he and his wife were quitting right then and there. So he got his way. And now 35 weeks later he’s telling me “none of us like it but that’s the way it is”? You ... you Democrat. You’re the one who absolutely insisted that the rule be written that way. Just you. And you wouldn’t listen to reason then either.

Since I’m the Secretary for this group, the keeper of all the scores AND the keeper of the rules, I realized the error early on, and I’ve run the whole season my way. I didn’t ignore their stupid rule, I just interpreted differently. Which is: no wins for no-shows. But I’ve been very flexible: if even one actual humanoid person on the team shows up, or pre-bowls, or even calls and says “I can’t make it, can I bowl later?"[nobody has ever done that one] then I don’t treat it as a forfeit. Many, if not most, leagues have rules about what they call a “starting lineup”: 2 out of 4, or 3 out of 5 of your team members had better either show up or pre-bowl, or else your team forfeits. Period. I set the bar as low to the ground as possible: one person. But I guess that wasn’t low enough. And I guess I’m a bit touchy at this point, having fronted this league $300 worth of software and supplies over the course of the season, having asked at least 10 times for some reimbursement and gotten none, having been called a “lyin cheatin mothafucka” to my face by one team because I was decent enough to point out their math errors because they couldn’t add 3 single digit numbers properly ... etc. It’s been a lot of work, since August, without any thanks at all. And now I’ve got some ornery drunk telling me I’m doing it all wrong, he who hasn’t done one single thing the entire year [tits on a shovel are more useful, and better looking, than a vice president of a bowling league. It’s not a paying job, and there is no work at all]. Bad move.

Even more aggravating is that he might be right. Well, too late now. I made the decision, that’s how I ran things, and they can do it their way next year. Even if I go back and change the rules in the software, I doubt if it will make a big enough difference to change who is in what place. But I don’t care. Even if I did the wrong thing. I’m the one doing every last bit of work here, above and beyond any expectation. So shut up and stay the hell out of my way. Now pay me my money, pay me my prize winnings, and I’m out of there. Find some other sucker next year, if you losers even have a next year.

So that’s what I had to get past tonight, and when I did I bowled Ok. Not great, but not awful. And that was good enough.

Woo hoo, summer league starts soon. And no Air Doug this year, because he’s too poor to spare the $13 per week. Good. And good riddance.

Posted by Drew458     on 04/20/2009 at 09:15 PM   
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   Saturday - April 18, 2009

I hate my teammates

I hate my teammates. I’ve tried very hard not to, but I keep coming back to the same conclusion. I hate them. Not because they’re unintelligent low class physically repulsive poor people with behavior and substance abuse problems, because they are, but because I can only negatively rely on them when the competitive pressure is on. And by that I mean that when I need them to excel they will fall down. Every time. Without fail. Guaranteed.

We’ve got 1 more week of league after tonight before the playoffs. Tonight was really important. We really really needed to win to get back into the lead. My wife and I spent a bit of time this afternoon cleaning all the balls we might use, making sure our shoes were good, etc. We got there early so that we were ready the moment practice began. The other two didn’t show up until the last possible second, and got in only 3 throws total before the warm-up period was over. Then one proceeded to have pissy pouty fits whenever he’d miss a strike, and the other one got out her puzzle book and spent the evening doing crossword fill-ins when she wasn’t bowling. Such a team.

I bowled my butt off. I threw my best game of the year, a 220, in the first game. About 60 over my average. My wife thew 1 over her average. Those two together were 30 under. So we lost, by 3 pins. I was 17 over in the second game, which isn’t great but it sure doesn’t hurt, and we lost that one too. Finally, although I was flat in the last game, the two of them got their act together in the third game and bowled a bit over average, while our opponents were tired and threw 60 under. So we won that one, and won it enough to take wood for the night.

Team 5 seems to have disappeared again. With only 2 members, the more reliable one hasn’t been around in 2 weeks, while the unreliable one we haven’t seen in 5 weeks. If you want to quit, fine. Quit. But tell us. Because if we think you’re part of the league then we have to pay for your bowling, even when you aren’t there. It’s been a very rough ride for me, the league’s Secretary, with Team 5. This is the 3rd or 4th group of people we’ve had on that team this season. They just don’t last. We should have just said to heck with them back in September, and left them as the BYE team all year. Because it hasn’t been fair to the rest of us. One week they show up and bowl. And, of course, if they’re bowling well it means they’re bowling against us that week. The next week, they don’t show, and their opponents get the bye. The week after, who knows?

The former first place team - the folks with the fancy $110 bowling shirts - prebowled for tonight. Their scores were their worst effort this entire season. Did my team get to play them? Hell no. The up-and-coming Team 2 did, and bowled them into the ground, giving Team 1 their first 0-7 loss of the year, and pushing them out of first.

My team never seems to catch a break. Ever. And if we ever do catch one, I can rely on my teammates to screw it up. “Well, overall for the night, I bowled my average.” says the one, her with the 116 average. Gee, I’m really happy for you. The best contribution you could make was “well, I didn’t hurt anything.” Um, thanks. You suck, your attitude sucks, and your bowling is so pathetic that Obama can beat you, even if he gives you points. I’m sure you’re just bursting with pride that you won yet another 111 “shithouse score” award tonight, giving you the record breaking total of 6 of these so far this season. You get an entire pack of Charmin, not just a single roll of Scott. Oh, and nobody else has even come close to your “low ball” score of a whopping great 65 that you rolled back in the fall either. Thanks for nothing.

Pfhah, I’ll be over the grumpies by tomorrow. There have been nights when I haven’t done well either. But generally, as the season progresses, people get better. If they don’t get higher scores they at least get more consistent. It’s not like we’re all beginners. We’ve all been doing this at least 3 years now. Sometimes decades longer. As the end of the season gets here, people get competitive. That’s what it’s all about. And that’s what won’t happen for my team, and we’ll sink down to finish in 4th, out of 5 teams, after being in the lead or almost in the lead the whole rest of the season. I hate them.

Posted by Drew458     on 04/18/2009 at 10:39 PM   
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   Wednesday - April 08, 2009

Haha! Just Fuckin With Ya!

NEWARK - The $3,000 penalty levied against each of 59 bowling alleys cited for conducting 50/50 raffles in violation of the Raffles Licensing Law and its enacting regulations has been suspended and will not be collected.

The Legalized Games of Chance Control Commission (LGCCC), which regulates raffles and bowling alleys, today voted at its monthly meeting to suspend the fines and instead issue warning letters to each bowling alley. The $3,000 fine, which is less than half the maximum $7,500 fine that the LGCCC could have imposed, will be returned to those who have already paid and not be collected from the other facilities.

The LGCCC also will conduct outreach to ensure bowling alley operators understand the raffles law.

Under state law (N.J.S.A. 5:8-51), veterans organizations, religious congregations, charities, and civic and service clubs may hold raffles in addition to educational and fraternal organizations, senior citizen associations and clubs, volunteer fire companies and volunteer first aid rescue squads.

LGCCC investigators went to all 73 bowling alleys in New Jersey between September, 2008 and January, 2009. Each bowling alley was inspected at least twice. The bowling alleys cited sold or allowed the selling of 50/50 raffle tickets to both league players and the general public.

Bullshit, all of it. Somebody must have hired a lawyer that could beat them in court, or had absolute evidence of entrapment. NO WAY the government is going to forgo $177,000 in fines. And the last line in the press release above is a crock too. I am 100% positive that my alley did not sell a single “raffle ticket” to any non-league member of the “general public”. Non of the leagues even let the substitute bowlers play. These games are entirely inside the league. 

Posted by Drew458     on 04/08/2009 at 06:42 PM   
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   Tuesday - April 07, 2009

Busted

The Legalized Games of Chance Control Commission, which regulates raffles and bingo, last week cited 59 bowling alleys statewide for conducting 50/50 raffles in violation of the Raffles Licensing Law.

Sparta Lanes, Rockaway Lanes, Circle Lanes in Ledgewood, Boonton Lanes, Oakwood Lanes in Washington, Warren Lanes in Phillipsburg, Plaza Lanes in Madison and Bel-Pike Lanes in Belvidere were among the alleys cited.

Each bowling alley has the option of acknowledging the violation, paying a $3,000 penalty and coming into compliance with the law. The owner also could request a hearing to contest the violations, according to a letter sent by the state dated April 2. Penalties could be higher than $3,000 if the unlawful activity is upheld after the hearing. The maximum fine for each incident is $7,500.

The bowling alleys have 15 days to respond.

Under state law, veterans organizations, religious congregations, charities, and civic and service clubs may hold raffles in addition to educational and fraternal organizations, senior citizen associations and clubs, volunteer fire companies and volunteer first aid rescue squads.

Special Rules for Special Folks. Welcome to the “Sopranos State”.

“The bowling alleys cited do not meet the requirements for holding raffles,” said David Szuchman, consumer affairs director.

Commission investigators went to all 73 bowling alleys in New Jersey between September and January. The bowling alleys cited sold or allowed the selling of unauthorized 50/50 raffle tickets to both league players and the general public, according to the commission. Jeff Lamm, spokesman for the state Department of Community Affairs, said every alley was visited at least twice.

The crackdown by the state stops a tradition for many bowling leagues, where weekly 50/50 raffles offset bowling fees or other league expenses.

“I have been in this industry for 30 years. It (raffles) is a common way to raise money,” said Stacy Karten, executive director for both the Bowling Proprietors Association of North Jersey and the Bowling Proprietors Association of Southern New Jersey.

However, he said, “We do understand and respect the law.”

Karten said the state is willing to work with the bowling alleys to possibly reduce the fines or develop a payment plan.

The associations are advising the alleys to have leagues sign a document stating the league would be liable for future fines should they decide to have a raffle.

The commission only oversees games of chance. Games of skill, such as high-game pots and card games, should not be affected by the raffle penalty because they are not based on chance, Karten said.

Bowling alleys do not sell 50/50 raffle tickets — bowling leagues do, said Ralph Ayles, owner of Shore Lanes in Neptune, which was among the bowling alleys cited.

Leagues use 50/50s to raise money for their own use, such as an end-of-the-year party, Ayles said.

“It is for the league to have a little bit of fun at the end of the year,” Ayles said. Some leagues donate the money to charity, he added.

“They just fined all the bowling centers,” he said. “What are they going to do? Go after the bowling league? I am sure it’s just about making money.”

Ok, Ayles is being a little weasely. While he is technically correct, he can’t pretend that he doesn’t know the leagues are selling the tickets. It’s hard not to notice some guy walking up and down with a bucket and an armload of tickets. And they always, ALWAYS, pick the ticket at the front desk and read the winning number over the PA system.

Yeah, my alley got busted too. I do not know if they are going to ask each league to pay their slice of the fine. But we’ve all been doing it. Forever. Hell, Strike Ball (which is the 50/50 game in question) is practically what bowling league is about. That, and Strike Poker, and Kegler’s Cash, and Super Jackpot, and Cash Brackets, ... a good bowler with a bit of luck can go home with $50-$100 every week.

I’ve got an idea. Instead of Strike Ball, (where all the players put in cash for some tickets, and if your ticket is picked and you then roll a strike, you win half the pot), we can do $2 High Game, per game. Subtract your current average from 230, and that’s your handicap. Then add your handicap to whatever you bowl for that game. Whoever has the highest total wins half the pot, and the other half goes in the prize fund. It might actually earn us more money, because not everyone was playing the Strike Ball, and some who played just put in $1 for one ticket, or $2 for $3, instead of the $5 for 13 tickets like the rest of us big gamblers did. My tickets never got picked anyway.

Posted by Drew458     on 04/07/2009 at 10:56 AM   
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   Saturday - March 28, 2009

Bowling Blogging: Back to 2nd

Our team in the Saturday Night league managed to win our way back to 2nd place in the standings. With just 4 weeks left before the finals rounds, we’re still 5 points down. We really should have taken all 7 points tonight, but we only got 5. Sometimes it just can’t be done: I bowled well but everyone else on my team was having a poor night. And the team we played, the notorious Team 5, is tough to beat. They only have 2 members, so they have 2 vacant positions. Rock solid and dependable, those damn vacants throw the same score every time. Plus the human members on Team 5 aren’t very good, so they get loads of handicap points. Even with one of them out tonight, all the other had to do was roll a ball and at least 50 more pins would magically appear on the scoreboard (14 pins per frame for each vacant, plus 10 for the absent guy, plus 8 for the handicap = 46, plus whatever pins she could knock down). That made it a psychological challenge. Whatever. So the season is winding down, and now I have to find out what to do about the various awards. Our one bowler who managed to roll a 300 game this season changed his mind about getting the upgraded ring award when he found out the prices, so I have to see what I can do about that too, since I’ve already submitted the paperwork.

But the reason I’m even writing this post is because of a bowling shirt. Ours is a low budget league. Uniforms are not required. But one team has them. Heck, they have several. I guess they’re rich. Hell, I know they’re rich. They show up in several white Lincoln Continentals, then they bowl us all into the weeds. Hey, good for them. Anyway, tonight they all had on the coolest, most awesome bowling shirts I’ve ever seen. Full custom.

They took this design - which is killer all by itself -

Un be fucking lievably cool. We are hopelessly outclassed. The basic grey shirt is $40. How much more for custom colors, then for all that embroidery and the transfer? My guess is the shirts set them back $120 each. Oh, and they have matching slacks and bowling shoes too. Top of the line shoes, of course.

Sucks to have bucks, don’t it?

Posted by Drew458     on 03/28/2009 at 11:15 PM   
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   Wednesday - February 25, 2009

Starting Over, Again

I just about gave up on bowling the other night. All season long I’ve been trying to bowl the way some people have told me to, and it just wasn’t working. It was getting rather depressing.

Bowling is an odd sport. You don’t really throw the ball, you roll it. And you don’t want the thing to go straight. You want the ball to curve to the inside, because you knock down more pins that way. That’s called getting the ball to hook, and it can be very frustrating.

Monday night the other team had a sub. I know him; he’s a very good bowler. He doesn’t throw the ball very fast, but he puts a huge amount of rev (rotational spin at an angle other than that the ball is rolling) on the ball. He throws it out, it slides smoothly out almost to the edge of the lane, then the ball gets traction and it takes off like a shot in the direction of the rev. He threw in the 240s and up without hardly trying. I think he made a 760 series for the night.  I was watching really carefully, and what he was doing was just a more intense version of what I was doing at the end of last season.

So I took all my balls to the alley this afternoon. I figured I’d give that kind of throw another try, and mid-afternoon is the best time to try something that might not work. I was the only bowler there. And away I went. Slow approach, small natural swing, slightly bent-in wrist held firm. Straight push away, get that elbow locked. Stay under the ball as it drops. Walk across the approach, not down the approach. See the invisible line between the 7 pin on the next lane over and the 2nd arrow on my lane. That’s the swing line, so walk parallel to that. Stay behind the ball. Stay behind the ball! Big slow lunge on the last step, get down close to the ground. As the ball swings past my hip, lift and relax the thumb. Feel with the hand. Feel! Yes, the ball is falling forward in my palm. Turn the wrist, not the arm. Turn the wrist so that the palm faces my 7 pin. Now SNAP the fingers closed and snap the arm up from the elbow. Snap it! And follow through with the arm, so that my hand stops next to my ear.

And the ball revved right up like it had a motor attached. Ok, not the insane amount of rev like that other guy gets. But plenty enough, and far far more than the 8 or so spins I’ve been getting with the other throwing style. And it slid down the line to about the 45 foot mark, at which point it got traction and dove to the pocket. It wasn’t a huge hit. It didn’t echo like a gun shot. Pins didn’t go flying every which way; they just got knocked over and slid around knocking other pins down. Try it again. Again, only use the 3rd arrow this time. Again, but move a board to the right. Ah, this is better. Throw it just right and it strikes in the pocket. Through it a little inside and it strikes Brooklyn. Throw it a little too fast and it breaks harder and leaves the 7. Throw it too slow and it breaks high and leaves the 10.

Ah, sweetness and light. This is what is supposed to be happening. I threw 5 quick games - I was done in 40 minutes. My hand and wrist started to tire early in the 3rd game. By the 5th game I was getting exhausted. But I threw 948 for the 5 games, which is nearly a 190 average. And I didn’t have the slightest problem getting my thumb out of any of the balls. And all my balls hooked. Not just the one (a Track Uprising) I decided was dead on Monday. The one I gave up on last season (an Ebonite Total NV) because it was “drilled wrong”. Even the one I bought last summer and didn’t like (an Ebonite NVD). They all worked pretty well. At the end I started leaving 10s and 6-10s, but my USBT makes those spares more than 9 out of 10 times. [USTB: Ultimate SpazBall Throw. A throw where I do everything wrong - limp wrist, pointing, too fast an approach, lofting, horsing the ball around with my thumb, etc., with the result being a high speed throw where the ball revs backwards on the 2 o’clock - 7 o’clock axis at high speed. Not matter how “hooky” a ball is, this throw makes it go dead straight and slows it down once it hits the dry. It’s killer on the 10 pin, 6-10, 9-10, and 3-10 leaves.]

It was me, being a doofus and listening to bad advice, the entire time. And while I know I was playing on worn out mid-afternoon conditions, I think I should still be able to get most of the hook to happen on the heavy league oil patterns. What I need to really do is some wrist and finger exercises. And get some more practice in tomorrow and Friday. I’m gluing new fingertip insets in tonight as I noticed that they were worn out on 2 balls. Inserts only last about 60 games, but at least they’re cheap. Properly tight inserts get you more snap off the fingers. Do the “schnap” properly and you can hear them pop when your fingers come out of the ball.

Assuming my arm is rested, I want to try for a 200 average tomorrow. Yes, I know ... I’m manic / depressive about this whole thing. Welcome to bowling!

My apologies if this is all so much mumbo jumbo to you non-bowlers. This is a video of what I am trying to do and it is not something I am finding intuitive. Notice how fast the guy’s arm moves, yet how slow the ball travels. But it’s spinning like mad. See the ball sliding to the right while it’s spinning counter-clockwise to the left? That’s the “rev” I’m talking about. See how the ball’s slide seems to slow down, and then it shoots off to the left, yet the ball doesn’t actually turn? That’s the “hooking up and taking off” I’m writing about. And the pin reaction? That’s close to perfection. Pure perfection is when you hit the pins just a bit harder, so that the 2 pin and the 3 pin shoot off to the sides, hit the walls, and bounce back hard as they cross the pin deck, helping to clear out any remaining pins. That’s called Double Messengers, and it’s a thing of beauty that happens in an eyeblink. But the hit in this video is a strike, a good reliable one, and that’s all that really matters.

Posted by Drew458     on 02/25/2009 at 04:29 PM   
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   Monday - February 23, 2009

another bad night at bowling league

Getting tired of losing. We lost 0-7 tonight. We lost 0-7 on Saturday. We lost 2-5 last Monday. We lost 3-4 last Saturday.

Worse, at about 26 weeks into the season, I’ve reached the point where the ball is essentially dead. This happens every year. You pay a LOT of money for one of today’s super balls, but they do not hold up. You can clean them with the proper factory approved Wonder Goo every single time you bowl, and it doesn’t do much at all. I bought an entire quart of the stuff. You can use denatured alcohol. You can use various grit Abralon wet sanding pads. You can soak the ball in hot soapy water. You can scrub it with dish detergent. But it isn’t going to do much at all. The modern porous ball surface absorbs oil, and no matter what you do you can only get the very top layer off. But when you roll the ball, centrifugal forces will make the old oil rise up; a perfectly cleaned ball will only work for 15 or so throws, and then it goes downhill quickly.

So unless you can rev the ball up like a machine, it ain’t gonna do much. Plus I still can’t throw the damn thing properly. 5 years I’ve been at this. I’m getting tired of not getting it. I just might walk away after this season. I never get any better, and I usually only get worse. I think it’s time to go.





graphics courtesy of Rancino

Posted by Drew458     on 02/23/2009 at 09:33 PM   
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   Tuesday - February 03, 2009

We Lost By Winning

Another bowling post.

Hey look, I’m still alive. Sorry I haven’t posted over the past couple of days. I even missed out on Groundhog Day, and Rancino sent me a decent recipe for woodchuck stew.

Anyway, we got skunked last week in both leagues.

In the Monday league we were up against our least favorite team, and they beat us like a rented mule. For the first two games at any rate. They have one guy on that team who is just too damned good; he grew up in that alley and works there. So far this season, just past the halfway mark, and he’s up to 9 perfect 300 games. He usually throws about 13-15 per season. Thank goodness he didn’t throw one against us this time, merely tossing in the 270s. (for non-bowlers, a 300 is a perfect game; 12 strikes in a row. A 279 is nearly perfect at 11 strikes and a spare. But that spare takes down 9 pins on the first ball, so a 279 can be thought of as 1 pin shy of perfect). But we managed to eke out a little win in the last game, haha. That took us from our seasonal high of 5th place down to 6th.

In the Saturday league we were up against another hard core team. They won the league last year and the year before, but they’ve been dragging a bit so far this season. Not last week. They trampled us but good in all 3 games. We lost the series by something like 400 pins. Ouch. That brought them up in the standings. Meanwhile the 2nd place team took all 7 in their own match up, so now we’ve lost 1st place by 2 in that league. We aren’t that cohesive a team, and I think that hurts us. One member is always off getting some food, or stewing in his own juices over his failures. Another member sits there and does her puzzle books, or plays her GameBoy. Ok, I accept that people need to relax and unwind, and that this is a fun league. But I think they should be a bit more actively involved in the event. Be part of the team and all that. And actually try. It does irk me a bit when all they do is talk about their physical shortcomings, and it irks me more when they seem to give up after rolling a score equal to their (really low) average and acting like that’s enough. Strive a little folks. It won’t kill you.

This Monday we did the stomping. Mostly. We took the first game by well over 150 pins. Maybe 200. I was rolling really well, 9/ XXXX 9/ for the first 6, but I couldn’t keep that throw going, so I wound up with a 178. The second game we also won, by a large amount, but not quite as much as the first. I didn’t have any hot streak, but kept the little marks coming and managed a 180. Oooh, Mr. Consistent! Game 3 we lost. We were down a lot throughout the whole game, and the other team was really lit up. We closed the gap a bit by the 8th frame, but my scores were in the trash at that point, though I somehow tossed a strike in that frame. My timing was way off, I don’t know why. I was bringing the ball in so late I nearly knocked myself off my feet several times. Grrr. And when my timing is off I have trouble with my release too. Focus focus focus ... and I threw another strike in the 9th. The 10th frame wasn’t good for the rest of my team. Ok, but not “marky” enough to matter, and the other team finished on a high note with at least 6 marks in the 10th. It was over, and we couldn’t win anyhow. I’m the anchor on that team. Don’t ask me why. So after chatting for another couple minutes I just got up and threw my spaz-ball. And made all 3 strikes. So I pulled a 162 out of that game by finishing the last frames off with 5 X in a row. Which shows you just how awful the earlier frames were for me. Yeah we lost that one, but I closed the gap to about 12 pins. We wound up taking 5 points for the match, out of 7. You would think that was a pretty good take for the night, but we actually went down another place in the standings. So now we’re in 7th again, go figure. But we bowl the last place team next week, and if we don’t totally screw the pooch we should beat them handily, even after giving them 108 pins worth of handicap. That probably won’t help out our position either, since 4 out of the top 6 teams above us are playing lesser teams. But you never know.

Posted by Drew458     on 02/03/2009 at 08:53 AM   
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   Thursday - January 22, 2009

Bowling: Know the Rules and the Nuances

Rule 4a
“A delivery is made when the ball leaves the player’s possession and crosses the foul line into playing territory.”

A delivery takes place when a ball is released into fair territory, according to Rule 4a. Crossing the indefinite line including walls, flooring, posts and ball returns before a bowler is in position for the next delivery constitutes a foul. Conversely, a bowler who never releases the ball does not commit a foul. For example, if during the delivery, the bowler loses balance and steps into the lane but does not release the ball, no foul has been committed.

The important thing to realize is that the foul line is more than just that little electric eye down at the surface of the lane. It extends beyond your lane. It extends left to right beyond all the lanes. The foul line runs the entire length of the bowling center.

Anytime a player’s body encroaches on or goes beyond the foul line and touches any part of the lane, equipment or building during or after a delivery, it is considered a foul.

A ball is in play after a delivery until the same or another player is on the approach in position to make a succeeding delivery.

“Touches” is the key. You can deliver the ball in such a way that your hand passes through the air above the foul line. This is not a foul. But if you slide your foot across the foul line onto the surface of the lane it is a foul. If you stomp your foot in anger on the ball return channel cover between the lanes that is also a foul. If you make your throw, and you mess up the shot, and then run down the walkway beside the lanes and kick the wall, it is a foul. You can’t touch anything beyond the foul line.

“In play” is the second key. It’s your turn. You pick up your ball and make your approach. You let go of the ball and it rolls down the alley. You absolutely need to make a strike or else your team will lose the championship ... and you roll a 3. The gate comes down, the pin deck is cleared, the next half of the frame is set, your ball has come back in the ball return to the ball corral but you haven’t picked it up yet. It’s then that you realize that you’ve just lost the championship for your team, so you run off and give the side wall a kick. Ahead of the foul line but past the end of the last lane. You still have fouled. Because your first ball is still in play because you have not yet initiated the “succeeding delivery” by picking up your ball.

Rule 108a - leaving the game due to illness or injury

“When a player is unable to complete a game because of disability,injury or emergency, and another eligible player is not available, the team shall count the actual score for the frames bowled plus one-tenth of the league’s absentee score for each frame missed. (See Rule 118b for average information.)”

Regardless of how many frames were bowled, the bowlers actual score must be used and 1/10th of the bowlers absentee score for the remaining frames. So if the bowler did not bowl at all for the game they withdrew from, then the whole absentee score is used for that game. If they bowled 5 frames, then the actual scores bowled for those 5 frames are used, plus 1/10th of the bowler’s absentee score for each of the remaining 5 frames.

NOTE:  For computing score: Take actual score for frames bowled; credit 10 pins for a strike or spare in last frame bowled. Add 1/10 of league’s absentee score for each of the remaining frames. For example, if absentee score is bowler’s average less 10: Absentee score, 145; 1/10 of 145 = 14.5 X 3 frames = 43.5. Drop fraction and add 43 to actual score for 7 frames bowled. The fraction is dropped after the total amount is figured, and not from each frame.

Well, fine, great, but what if the bowler made marks? What if their last frame was a strike, which scores 10 plus the next two balls rolled? What if they only bowled 3 frames and earned a turkey (thress strikes in a row) and then pulled out because of injury?

The key is that strikes and spares are given extra scoring ability based only on the score of the next balls rolled by the bowler. If the bowler withdraws they get a fraction of their absentee score for each remaining frame specifically because they have NOT rolled any “next” balls. Thus a strike or a spare rolled in the last frame bowled will only count as 10. If the bowler bowls 2 consecutive strikes and leaves, they would receive 20 for the first strike frame and 10 for the second strike frame for a total of 30. For 3 consecutive strikes they would receive 30-20-10 for total of 60.

I had both of these situation occur at league this past Saturday.

A bowler - from that same team that has had all the other shenanigans this season of course - was injured and had to withdraw. Of course it was the one week I didn’t bring the rulebook with me. Since I wasn’t sure what to do, we asked the guy running the alley (nice guy, great bowler, not the sharpest knife in the drawer) what to do, and she convince him to used the “3 frames or less ‘rule’” that replaced her actual score with her absentee score, to which he agreed. Ok, fine, it’s over and done with ... but that was a crock. I checked things out with the USBC and what you see above is their response. There is no “3 frames or less” rule. What you bowl is what you bowl, and those scores never are replaced by anything.

The foul situation was similar, but for a different team. I did not know the “in play” part lasted as long as it does, so we let that one go as well. I figured “in play” ended when you ball hit the pins and the bar came down. My best advice: don’t take it so seriously. Unless you’re getting a paycheck out of it bowling is a game. And be a decent sport, or at least grow the hell up and control yourself. Don’t go kicking the walls and chairs like a baby.

Posted by Drew458     on 01/22/2009 at 05:42 PM   
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   Saturday - January 17, 2009

Better Bowling

We won all 7 against team 5 tonight. So my team is still in first place by a small amount, but it’s a long way to go until the end of the season. Anything could happen.

More fun and games with Team 5. The two new kids didn’t show up tonight, and they didn’t pre-bowl. But the alley found us a new person for that team, and she was there. So in theory team 5 now has 3 members out of 4 positions. I like that, but I secretly fear that once again this team only has 1 member, and that we’ll never see those 2 new kids again. Which would be the 3rd time this season that Team 5 has gone belly up. Must be a curse on them or something.

I bowled pretty well tonight, making a 561 series. And I was actually getting the ball to hook. I did something radical ... I got my thumb out of the ball and let the ball do the work. And it did, just fine. All this time - for 4 years now - I’ve just been relaxing my thumb in the hole. And not getting much ball reaction at all. So I’d try to force some reaction by twisting my wrist, flicking my fingers, whatever. None of which really did much. Tonight I finally allowed my hand to do the obvious: to get your thumb out of the ball you pull your thumb out of the ball. Duh! Short bus, seat reserved for Drew, here’s your sign and your duct tape. And it was just about that easy. 

[assumes you roll a fingertip grip ball] Before the push away, with your fingers in the ball and your hand under the ball, spread your index finger out about 2/3 as wide as it can go, and keep the other fingers together. Laterally turn your hand a little so you point the index finger forward, which means the other fingers are at the 10 o’clock position (as if you are looking down on the ball from above). Stiff wrist held straight. Push away forward until your arm is straight, let go of the ball with your offside hand and let your arm swing back. Don’t change your hand position or soften the wrist. Elbow locked. As the ball swings forward past your knees relax your thumb and pull it out. You feel the weight of the ball on your fingertips as it starts to roll off your hand. Fingers stay stiff and you try to lift up with them as the ball comes off. With the elbow still locked the arm swings up, and your hand goes “through the ball” as bowlers say. You don’t stop your arm when the ball comes off. That’s all it takes to impart enough “rev” (side roll) on the ball so that it slides through the oil to the outside boards, catches on the dry at about 45 feet, turns, and rolls right into the 1-3 pocket. Nice big late hook; goes out 8 boards and comes back 16. Duh. It’s EASY. Now let’s see if I can keep on doing it. Maybe a little practice tomorrow, so I can do it well at Monday league. I want a 600 series this season. I want a 700 series this season!

Posted by Drew458     on 01/17/2009 at 09:48 PM   
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   Monday - January 12, 2009

Movin’ On Up

Not to the east side, but in the standings. Another great night at bowling league. We took all 7. Again. For the 3rd week in a row. We’ve gone from 13th to 11th to 8th, and tonight’s win might put us up into 7th place. Which is pretty cool, since we aren’t that great and we’re only somewhat serious. We like to have fun. Those super serious guys are no fun. Especially the ones who get all upset when they don’t make a strike, boo hoo, and have to stamp and scowl and kick things. Screw that.

So we gave the other team 61 pins, but managed to win the 1st game by 15. Then we rolled better, and won the 2nd game by 50 and some. They did pretty well in the 3rd, and it was very close for most of the frames, with our friend Melissa throwing a 200 game, or nearly one (she only started bowling last summer), but in the end we squeaked past them and won by about 25. I’ll know later tonight if we advanced, since Dutch does such a nice job of Secretary and gets the scores posted really quick. [update: we earned 7th place! And M didn’t make her 200. I thought she did because she had 5 X in a row followed by /, but I guess her other frames were opens]

But conditions were terrible tonight. No, not the lanes. They were great. The air. Apparently there’s this drain in the restaurant kitchen right behind the lanes we were on, and it gets backed up or something. P. U. We were acting like 12 year olds, making poopy jokes and checking the old guys for brown stains all night. It was VILE. So I sure hope they get that pipe cleaned out. I suggest a few hundred gallons of Clorox™ to kill whatever is rotting away in there.

We had a little ceremony before league. It was nice. I thought Rob owned the place; after all he’s the boss. It turns out that the alley is still owned by his dad, and has been in business for 50 years as of this week. Good for them.

Ok, that’s about it. I bowled Ok tonight. Not great, but not bad; I threw a 503 series, which is just a hair above my average. And that was good enough. But I did most of it using my old “spaz ball” throw, because I just can’t get my hand to work right. I threw 1 perfect late breaking big hook ball tonight, and it just blew the pins right off the rack. It drove right out to the 3 board at about 45 feet, turned, and raced right into the pocket. Amazing. And I don’t have a clue how it happened. But it felt so right coming off my hand, like I wasn’t doing anything at all. They always tell me “let the ball do the work” and I just can’t seem to let that happen.



So, anything exciting happen while I was out? What, peanut butter causes salmonella poisoning? Not my brand I hope. China cracks down on the internet, and shuts down nearly 100 web sites? Oh sure, it was all porn. Except they probably define “porn” as not agreeing with the chicom government. Obama is going to close Gitmo during his first week in office? Better start shooting them bastards right away then. So, in other words, same old same old.

Ah, here we go, Israel is sweeping into the Gaza suburbs, and has practically eliminated “the military wing of Hamas”. Threatening the little rats with “an iron fist”. Awesome. Um, except all of Hamas is it’s “military wing” as far as I’m concerned. Hurry up, IDF, you’ve got another week, two at the most. Then back off, and keep the ground you’ve taken. Forever. OTOH, the great and might Ozama won’t be able to do much against them for at least a month. So never mind: keep the fight moving forward.

Posted by Drew458     on 01/12/2009 at 10:10 PM   
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