Wednesday - July 15, 2009

And it’s not even illegal

You’ve committed your life to Jesus. You know you’re saved.  But when the Rapture comes what’s to become of your loving pets who are left behind?  Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward.  Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

We are currently active in 20 states and growing.  Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral / ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet’s natural life. 

We currently cover the following states: Maine,New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Michigan, Arkansas, Mississippi, Tennessee, Kentucky, Colorado, Oklahoma, Kansas, Washington, Oregon, Idaho and Montana ... and growing.

Our service is plain and simple; our fee structure is reasonable.  For $110.00 we will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten (10) years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved.  Each additional pet at your residence will be saved for an additional $15.00 fee.  A small price to pay for your peace of mind and the health and safety of your four legged friends.

Unfortunately at this time we are not equipped to accommodate all species and must limit our services to dogs, cats, birds, rabbits, and small caged mammals.

Outwardly, this sounds like a nice idea. After all, people love their pets, and they worry. And it’s not at all hard to watch the news or even look out the window sometimes and start thinking that the End Times are coming soon. And even if you believe that pets have souls, it’s pretty hard to know if they’ve seen the light. So a service like this seems ideal.

But when you think it through, you’ll realize it’s a con. And if you look into it, and read the “fine print” it all becomes clear.

* Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, USA (EE-BP) is not liable, and no refunds will be made, in the event of the loss, death, sale, or transfer of a subscriber’s pet(s) prior to the Rapture and during the coverage period of the contract.
* Service period commences with receipt of payment. Service contract expires ten (10) years from date of receipt of payment.
* Change in address of the original owner/subscriber residence will be honored upon notification via email to EE-BP as long as the new address is within EE-BP’s existing service area.  No refunds will be made for address changes outside of EE-BP’s service area during the contract period.  Our service covers only one (1) rescue address per contract and fee.
* In the event of the death of the subscribing pet owner prior to the Rapture the contract will remain in effect. EE-BP will continue to honor the contract for the remainder of the contract period.  We do not adopt / rescue animals except as a result of the Rapture occurance.
* If subscriber loses his/her faith and/or the Rapture occurs and subscriber is not Raptured (aka is “left behind") EE-BP disclaims any liability; no refund will be tendered. 
* Should a relative residing within the rescue location not be Raptured and opts to retain the pet(s), EE-BP will not take posession of the pet(s).  No refund will be tendered.
* EE-BP neither makes or implies any other warranties or claims of any other services or products except as described in this website. EE-BP is not associated with any other animal/pet rescue service, foundation or entity.
* All sales are final. 

... et cetera ...

So don’t be conned. Even if this is entirely legal, it’s still a con, as you have absolutely no way of verifying that the pets will be taken care of.

This is kind of funny in a “dayum, y’all got some nerve!” kind of way. And it reminds me of the graphic joke about the dueling billboards, one at the Catholic Church, one at the Protestant Church, on whether pets have souls. And, of course, the one about the Lutheran German Shepard that turned out to not be a Lutheran.

another submission by the excellent Rancino. Where does he find this stuff?

Posted by Drew458     on 07/15/2009 at 09:22 PM   
Filed Under: • Crime • Humor •  
• Comments (1) • Trackbacks(0)  Permalink •  

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