Thursday - August 03, 2006

Men: The Rules We Live By

I just got this from one of our readers. I expect one of the ladies here will cooperate and send me a similar list for women. C’mon! We men know you gals have such a list. Give it up ....

Laws For Men: International Guidelines

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
    (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
    (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
    (c) After wrecking your boss’s car.
    (d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.
    (e) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy’s choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a topless model and only when it’s free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.

16: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
    a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
    b) C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
    c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever.

29.We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

“GUTS” is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, “are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?”

“BALLS” is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, “You’re next!”

We hope this clears up any confusion,

The International Council of Manhood, Ltd.

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/03/2006 at 03:22 PM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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How It All Began …

Ever wonder where all this started? I did, so I had to do a little reading and research. It seems our friend, the Prophet For Profit who founded the Religion Of Pees, was good friends with the Jews ... in the beginning. He used them to prove he was a legitimate prophet. Then when they refused to abandon their religion and worship him, he decided to eliminate them. Now, nearly 1400 years later, the grand old tradition of eliminating the Jews continues. You’d think they’d have gotten over it by now ...

Medina - 627 A.D.

When Mohammed first entered Yathrib (Al-Madina Al-Munawwarah), he was counting on the support of its people. One particular ethnic group he thought would give more authority to his prophethood were the Jews because they had the Torah and all the previous Prophets were Jewish.

The Jews were many in Yathrib and its suburbs. There were the Bani Al-Nadheer Jews, the Bani Qaynuqa’ Jews, the Bani Quraytha Jews, and several more. The Jews were rich and successful in their businesses. A great asset to the young Islamic Nation.

At first, Mohammed was trying to befriend the Jews and get them on his side. He insisted that the People of the Book (Jews and Christians) worship the same God. He said that the same God sent down the Torah. He ordered the Muslims to fast Aashoora’ or the Passover. Even the Qibla (the direction the Muslims face in prayer) was towards Jerusalem - the same direction the Jews faced in prayer.

But no matter how hard Mohammed tried to convince them that he is a prophet he just couldn’t. Once he even barged into a Jewish Synagogue in Yathrib (Al-Madina Al-Munawwarah) and said that if only twelve Jews would believe in him then Allah would spare them his wrath.

When he realized that the Jews wouldn’t believe in him, and that their unbelief would turn against him, because they have the Torah which has the criteria for any prophet, he realized that they should be eliminated. So at first he switched the Qibla (the direction the Muslims face in prayer) from Jerusalem to Mecca. Then warned them; they either become Muslims and be safe, or sell their possessions and leave their land.

Mohammed marched towards the Jews in order to either exile them or make a treaty with them. The Bani Al-Nadheer Jews refused to make a treaty with Mohammed so they fought against him, lost, and subsequently were exiled. The Bani Quraytha Jews saw the fate of their Bani Al-Nadheer brethren so they had no choice but to make a peace treaty with him.

Yet Mohammed was determined that all Jews should be either exiled or killed - he was set on their elimination. He cannot simply break the treaty with Bani Quraytha though because it would be bad for his image as a Prophet who’s supposed to keep his promises and treaties. He strongly emphasized the importance of keeping treaties. So his only way out was to make it appear as though Bani Quraytha were the ones who broke the treaty.

Ghazwat Al-Khandaq (The Battle of the Trench or Ditch) came. The Pagan Arab tribes retreated and Mohammed was ready for battle. Mohammed went to the Bani Quraytha Jews and eliminated them because it was claimed that they betrayed the Muslims and renounced the treaty.

- The Bani Quraytha Jews: Traitors or Betrayed?

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/03/2006 at 12:23 PM   
Filed Under: • Middle-East • RoPMA •  
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Hurry Up And Die!

If Castro isn’t already dead, I predict he will be within the week. The decrepit old Commie has hung around long enough. Millions of Cuban-Americans are already rejoicing. Of course, Dan Rather and Jimmy Carter will lose a close friend but they’re both has-beens anyway.

Castro’s brother Raoul is just a temporary fill-in. He is 75 himself and won’t last long. Look for a coup d’etat by Cuban army officers not long after Castro kicks the bucket. I’ll wager $5 it’s already in the planning stage. The only question is who will grab the reins of power and how they will rule. Remember, you heard it here first ....

_{Larry Wright - The Detroit News}

Cuba Mum On State Of Castro’s Health
HAVANA (AP) - Thu, August 3, 2006

State television gave no news about Fidel Castro’s condition yesterday, rerunning a government statement that his health was stable after surgery, his spirits good and the defence of the island guaranteed. Despite the affirmations that all was well, there appeared to be an increase in police patrols in some working-class neighbourhoods and in coastal areas that have seen civil disturbances in the past, like during power blackouts last summer.

The committees for the defence of the revolution, the government’s neighbourhood watch group, stepped up volunteer night patrols. The pro-government rapid action brigades, used in the past to handle civil disturbances, were placed on standby. Castro’s brother and acting president, Raul Castro, remained out of sight, issuing no statements of his own.

“The important thing is that in the country everything is going perfectly well, and will continue to do so,” read a statement signed by the elder Castro, who temporarily handed over power to his brother Monday night after surgery. It was the first time in 47 years that Castro, the world’s longest-serving leader, was not in control of his country.

It was unknown when or where the surgery took place or where Castro was recovering. No images of the leader were shown. State department spokesperson Sean McCormack said the United States had no independent information about Castro’s health. “This is a pretty closed decision-making circle and it’s very opaque as to what is actually going on,” he said.

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/03/2006 at 10:39 AM   
Filed Under: • Commies •  
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   Wednesday - August 02, 2006

Target

“Qana Massacre”
-by-
Cox & Forkum

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/02/2006 at 05:11 PM   
Filed Under: • Middle-East • Terrorists •  
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A Sad Farewell

DANG! I hate it when this happens ... but I’m happy for Jay and the little Jay that’s on the way. My best wishes to him and his family. We have enjoyed Jay’s artwork and political parody for quite some time and have “borrowed” his parodies on occasion to make a point.

I am really gonna miss Jay. Perhaps one day he can come back to entertain us some more ... like after the new arrival gets his “sea legs”? If you’ve enjoyed Jay’s work over the years (and I know you have), send him a note of thanks at jdyson@sacredcowburgers.com. And visit the Sacred Cow Burgers web site if you’ve never seen one of Jay’s parodies (hardly likely).

Hello folks,

Sorry that this message isn’t a notification of a new parody, but I figure this is a necessary note to send.  The long and short of it is this: after three years as Butcher of Sacred Cow Burgers, I have decided to hang up my cleaver.  I figured I should let you all know why.

Foremost in the making of this decision is a very happy turn of events: I am going to be a father.  My wife informed me of this miraculous news just days before Father’s Day of this year.

The responsibility of becoming a parent is not one I take lightly. In short, my waking hours are now wholly dedicated to my family in every way.  Doing political parodies for Sacred Cow Burgers has a been fun hobby, but it takes up far too much of my free time and has never been intended as a source of income.  Thus, I’m hanging up my cleaver and putting away the butcher’s block.

I want to thank you all for your interest in my work and especially for the outpouring of support that so many of you gave during my bout with cancer and other health issues in the past two years.  I am happy to say that, thanks to your prayers, my health has vastly improved over the past six months.  I now work out seven times a week and feel stronger than I have in many years past.  My lungs are clear, my heart is strong, my mind is sharp, and my eyes are...well, three outta four ain’t bad.

In closing, I send my best wishes to all of you.  I’ve enjoyed making parodies for you folks, and appreciated your input and support over the years.  I’ve had a good run as your Butcher, but now it’s time for me to be a full-time family man.  Thank you all and God bless.

Sincerely,

Jay D. Dyson
August 2, 2006

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/02/2006 at 01:12 PM   
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Shock And Awe

Israel is pushing Hezbollah back. The UN is wringing its hands. The Pope is praying. The French want no part of it. Israel attacked a hospital that wasn’t a hospital with patients inside who were Hezbollah fighters hiding rockets. And finally .... read the last paragraph below for Hezbollah’s battle plan ....

Israel Sends 10,000 Troops Into Lebanon

BOURJ AL-MULOUK, Lebanon Aug 2, 2006 (AP) — Israel pressed the first full day of a massive new ground attack, sending 10,000 troops into southern Lebanon on Wednesday and seizing five people it said were Hezbollah fighters in a dramatic airborne raid on a northeastern town. Hezbollah retaliated with its deepest strikes yet into Israel, firing a record number of more than 160 rockets.

Diplomatic efforts faltered, with France saying it will not participate in a Thursday U.N. meeting that could send troops to help monitor a cease-fire between Israel and Hezbollah. France, which may join or even lead such a force, said it does not want to talk about sending peacekeepers until fighting halts and the U.N. Security Council agrees to a wider framework for lasting peace.

Pope Benedict XVI issued a new appeal for peace in the Middle East. He urged “the international community and those who are more directly involved in this tragedy to lay down conditions as soon as possible for a definitive political solution to the crisis.” Israeli commandos flew in by helicopter before dawn into the northern town of Baalbek, on the border with Syria, capturing five Hezbollah guerrillas and killing at least 10, said Israel’s army chief, Lt. Gen. Dan Halutz.

Witnesses said Israeli forces partially destroyed the Dar al-Hikma hospital in Baalbek, where chief Hezbollah spokesman Hussein Rahal said fierce fighting raged for more than one hour. Israel has not yet released the identity of those captured. When asked by The Associated Press whether any were “big fish,” Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert said: “They are tasty fishes.”

A Hezbollah official, speaking on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to give official statements to the media, said that Israeli troops captured “four or five” people, but not at the hospital. He denied they were Hezbollah fighters, saying one was a 60-year-old grocery store owner and two relatives who work in construction.

The hospital, which residents said is financed by an Iranian charity that is close to Hezbollah, was empty of patients at the time of the raid, the guerrilla group said.  Olmert said that, although the scene of the fighting is called a hospital, “there are no patients there and there is no hospital, this is a base of the Hezbollah in disguise.”

Hezbollah fought the commandos with automatic rifles and rocket-propelled grenades, while Israeli jets fired missiles at the surrounding guerrilla force, Rahal said. One of a series of air raids struck the village of Al Jamaliyeh near the hospital. A missile hit the house of the village’s mayor, Hussein Jamaleddin, instantly killing his son, brother, and five other relatives.

“Where is the press? Where is the media to see this massacre? Count our dead. Count our body parts,” Jamaleddin told The Associated Press on the telephone, minutes after the missile strike.

- More on the war from ABC NEWS ...

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/02/2006 at 11:39 AM   
Filed Under: • Middle-East •  
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Material Girls

So what do you say, ladies? A diamond ring or a 50” plasma TV? What says love and devotion to you? Hmmmm? Tell us guys what floats your boat ...

Apparently “Forever” Has Been Over-Rated
Wed Aug 2, 2006 9:55am

Diamonds are no longer a girl’s best friend, according to a new U.S. study that found three of four women would prefer a new plasma TV to a diamond necklace. The survey, commissioned by U.S. cable television’s Oxygen Network that is owned and operated by women, found the technology gender gap has virtually closed with the majority of women snapping up new technology and using it easily.

Women were found on average to own 6.6 technology devices while men own 6.9, and four out of every five women felt comfortable using technology with 46 percent doing their own computer trouble-shooting. “People make the assumption that women are not as advanced as men when it comes to technology and I was surprised at the parity men and women now have in terms of technology,” Geraldine Laybourne, chairman and chief executive of Oxygen Network, told Reuters.

The Girls Gone Wired survey of 1,400 women and 700 men aged 15 to 49, which was conducted by market researcher TRU, found that given the choice, women would opt for tech items rather than luxury items like jewelry or vacations. The study found 77 percent of women surveyed would prefer a new plasma television to a diamond solitaire necklace and 56 percent would opt for a new plasma TV over a weekend vacation in Florida.

Even shoes lost out. The study found 86 percent would prefer a new digital video camera to a pair of designer shoes. The study found over the next five years women see themselves increasing their activities in six tech areas: digital cameras, cell phones, e-mail, camera phones, text messaging and instant messaging.

Laybourne said this increasing use of technology among women was expected to continue—with advertisers needing to ensure they addressed women’s increased usage and knowledge. “Women don’t feel like they have been given credit for what they know and they are condescended to,” Laybourne said.

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/02/2006 at 10:57 AM   
Filed Under: • Odd-Strange •  
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On This Day In History

AUGUST 2, 1876 - “Wild Bill” Hickok Murdered

Wild Bill Hickok, one of the greatest gunfighters of the American West, was murdered in Deadwood, South Dakota. Born in Illinois in 1837, James Butler “Wild Bill” Hickok first gained notoriety as a gunfighter in 1861 when he coolly shot three men who were trying to kill him.

A highly sensationalized account of the gunfight appeared six years later in the popular periodical Harper’s New Monthly Magazine, sparking Hickok’s rise to national fame. Other articles and books followed, and though his prowess was often exaggerated, Hickok did earn his reputation with a string of impressive gunfights.

After accidentally killing his deputy during an 1871 shootout in Abilene, Texas, Hickok never fought another gun battle. For the next several years he lived off his famous reputation, appearing as himself in Buffalo Bill Cody’s Wild West show.

Occasionally, he worked as guide for wealthy hunters. His renowned eyesight began to fail, and for a time he was reduced to wandering the West trying to make a living as a gambler. Several times he was arrested for vagrancy.

In the spring of 1876, Hickok arrived in the Black Hills mining town of Deadwood, South Dakota. There he became a regular at the poker tables of the No. 10 Saloon, eking out a meager existence as a card player. On this day in 1876, Hickok was playing cards with his back to the saloon door. At 4:15 in the afternoon, a young gunslinger named Jack McCall walked into the saloon, approached Hickok from behind, and shot him in the back of the head. Hickok died immediately. McCall tried to shoot others in the crowd, but amazingly, all of the remaining cartridges in his pistol were duds. McCall was later tried, convicted, and hanged.

Hickok was only 39 years old when he died. The most famous gunfighter in the history of the West died with his Smith & Wesson revolver in his holster, never having seen his murderer. According to legend, Hickok held a pair of black aces and black eights when he died, a combination that has since been known as the Dead Man’s Hand.

Source: The History Channel

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/02/2006 at 09:47 AM   
Filed Under: • History •  
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Discrimination?

Is the government practicing discrimination against foreign immigrants from the Middle East and Asia, particularly Muslims? They better be. We are engaged in a war with Muslim radicals in case no one noticed. If Sven from Sweden gets his citizenship faster than Yousef from Yemen gets his that’s probably because the FBI is doing its job and trying to make sure Yousef isn’t an Al Qaeda agent. That’s a fact and if Yousef doesn’t like it, he can damn well go back to Yemen.

What’s the rush anyway? America isn’t going anywhere any time soon. These Muslims need to be patient and continue to work and get ready to become citizens. Filing a lawsuit is pure crap, in my opinion and is a bad sign. It shows they are ready to use our legal system to get what they want when they want it. We don’t need any more people like that. We already have enough of that partiuclar type of asshat. They’re called Liberals ....

Immigrants Sue Over Citizenship Delays
LOS ANGELES (AP) - August 2, 2006, 6:54 AM EDT

Ten Middle Eastern and Asian immigrants sued the government Tuesday, alleging officials let their U.S. citizenship applications linger indefinitely by delaying background checks. The lawsuit, filed in U.S. District Court in Los Angeles, asks that a federal judge review the files and administer the oath of citizenship.

It also seeks class-action status to include all immigrants who have been waiting at least six months for naturalization after filing applications at the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Service in Los Angeles.

Since the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, Muslims and immigrants from the Middle East and Asia have often complained of unexplained delays in the processing of immigration applications. The Southern California lawsuit follows a handful of others across the country.

“Whether the delays are based on discrimination or incompetence, they have to end,” said Hussam Ayloush, executive director of the Southern California chapter of the Council on American-Islamic Relations, which filed the lawsuit with the American Civil Liberties Union of Southern California.

Sharon Rummery, spokeswoman for the Citizenship and Immigration Service, said only about 1 percent of citizenship applicants wait longer than six months. “I have no idea why some take longer,” said Rummery, who added her agency can’t process an application until the FBI returns the background check.

Agent Richard Kolko said the FBI hadn’t seen the legal action and couldn’t comment. Generally, legal permanent residents, or “green card” holders, can apply for citizenship if they have lived in the country a certain number of years, speak English fluently and pass a citizenship exam.

Federal law requires the government to approve or deny a citizenship application 120 days after an immigrant passes the exam. It’s taking a lot longer than that for Yousuf Bhaghani, 35, who immigrated from Pakistan 17 years ago. Bhaghani, one of the 10 immigrants in the lawsuit, said he passed the citizenship exam in 2002, and has been waiting for an answer ever since. “In my heart, I’m already an American in every way,” said Bhaghani. “Now I want to be able to fully participate as a citizen.”

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/02/2006 at 09:19 AM   
Filed Under: • Judges-Courts-Lawyers • Stoopid-People •  
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Knock-Knock

AT 800 AM AST ... 1200Z ... THE CENTER OF TROPICAL STORM CHRIS WAS LOCATED NEAR LATITUDE 19.0 NORTH ... LONGITUDE 63.0 WEST OR ABOUT 65 MILES… 105 KM...NORTH OF ST. MARTIN.

CHRIS IS MOVING TOWARD THE WEST-NORTHWEST NEAR 10 MPH ... 17 KM/HR ... AND THIS GENERAL MOTION IS EXPECTED TO CONTINUE DURING THE NEXT 24 HOURS.  ON THIS TRACK...THE CENTER OF CHRIS WILL REMAIN NORTH OF THE VIRGIN ISLANDS AND PUERTO RICO THIS AFTERNOON AND EVENING. HOWEVER...SOME OF THE STRONG RAIN BANDS ON THE SOUTH SIDE OF CHRIS MAY AFFECT PUERTO RICO AND THE VIRGIN ISLANDS LATER TONIGHT AND EARLY THURSDAY MORNING.

MAXIMUM SUSTAINED WINDS HAVE INCREASED TO NEAR 65 MPH ... 100 KM/HR ... WITH HIGHER GUSTS.  SOME STRENGTHENING IS FORECAST DURING THE NEXT 24 HOURS...AND CHRIS COULD BECOME A HURRICANE LATER TODAY OR EARLY THURSDAY.

TROPICAL STORM FORCE WINDS EXTEND OUTWARD UP TO 75 MILES...120 KM ... MAINLY NORTHEAST OF THE CENTER.

THE ESTIMATED MINIMUM CENTRAL PRESSURE IS 1001 MB ... 29.56 INCHES.

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/02/2006 at 09:11 AM   
Filed Under: • Climate-Weather •  
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Frog Nuts

_{Mike Lester - Rome News-Tribune (GA)}

Landis Had Synthetic Testosterone
(WASHINGTON POST) - Monday, July 31, 2006 9:47 PM

NEW YORK—Tests show that some of the testosterone in Floyd Landis’ system at the Tour de France was synthetic and not naturally produced by his body as he claimed, according to a newspaper report.

The French antidoping lab testing the American cyclist’s samples determined that some of the hormone came from an external source, The New York Times reported on its Web site Monday night, citing a person at the International Cycling Union with knowledge of the result.

The finding undermines the defense that Landis has stood behind since he tested positive for an elevated ratio of testosterone to epitestosterone following the 17th stage of the Tour de France, where he staged a stirring comeback in the Alps to make up for a poor performance the day before.

Looking and sounding defiant, Landis said Friday that his body’s natural metabolism _ not doping of any kind _ caused the result, and that he would undergo tests to prove it.

“We will explain to the world why this is not a doping case but a natural occurrence,” Landis said at a news conference in Madrid, Spain.

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/02/2006 at 08:55 AM   
Filed Under: • EUro-peons • Sports •  
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   Tuesday - August 01, 2006

Through The Looking Glass

“USS Kitty Hawk Transits Iwo Jima”
_{(click image for larger 1024x680 image in popup window)}

Pacific Ocean (July 13, 2006) - USS Kitty Hawk (CV 63) Sailors prepare for the first launch cycle of the day following a transit past Iwo Jima. Iwo Jima was strategically important to the U.S. in World War II as an air base for fighter escorts supporting long-range bombing missions against mainland Japan. Currently under way in the 7th Fleet area of responsibility, Kitty Hawk demonstrates power projection and sea control as the U.S. Navy’s only permanently forward-deployed aircraft carrier.

-- U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist Seaman Stephen W. Rowe

Personal Note: I had two uncles on my mother’s side who served in the Marine Corps in the Pacific during WWII. Both managed to survive from Guadalcanal to Iwo Jima. I remember one time when I was about twelve or thirteen, we were visiting Uncle Bibb and I asked him what it was like at Iwo Jima. I had watched “Victory At Sea” and all the WWII TV shows and I thought he’d tell me a real war story. Instead, he just sat there staring off into space for a few minutes and then got up, walked out the back door to his little ham radio shack out back and didn’t come back in until hours later. I never got to hear a war story that day and it’s probably a good thing I didn’t. Some things just don’t bear telling ....

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/01/2006 at 05:24 PM   
Filed Under: • Art-Photography • Military •  
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Special Sale!

Hezbollocks Media Manipilation Kit
On Sale Now! - Only $49.95

That’s right, peeps! Now you too can be a media star on all the major news networks. Order our official Hezbollocks Media Manipulation Kit today and get out there and start staging atrocities wherever you can find evil JOOS defending themselves against the peaceful peoples of Paleswine and Lebanon!

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Also included is the Official Day-Glo Media-Proof Vest™ that signifies that you are a “non-combatant” (nudge, nudge, wink-wink) and really catches the cameramen’s eye, especially if you are holding the grisly, gray dead body of some 5-year-old you’ve had in the freezer for the last week for just this moment (grisley, mortified child sold separately - call for pricing).

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Don’t wait! Order NOW! Join the Jerkwad Jihad and manipulate the media!
You too can be a star like Omar Bin Buttface below!

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/01/2006 at 10:41 AM   
Filed Under: • Satire • Terrorists •  
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Quote Of The Day

“Iran is a great country, a great people and a great civilization which is respected and which plays a stabilizing role in the region.”

-- French Foreign Minister Philippe Douste-Blazy, August 1, 2006

The Frenchmen met with his Iranian counterpart, Manouchehr Mottaki, at the Iranian Embassy in Beirut yesterday. Tehran’s mission in the Lebanese capital has been a key channel for Iran’s support for Hizballah, and last week Iran denied reports that Hizballah leader Hassan Nasrallah had taken refuge inside the building.

The French minister’s praise for the Islamic regime came on the day Hizballah’s representative in Iran told a gathering in Tehran that his organization would put into effect the late Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini’s call for the “cancerous tumor” (Israel) to be eliminated.

Before his departure to Lebanon, the French minister told Le Figaro that there was no need to forbid contacts with the Iranian authorities, although he said President Jacques Chirac had ruled out contacts with the Syrians, Hizballah’s other major sponsor.

- More on this crap from France at CNS News ...

Posted by The Skipper     on 08/01/2006 at 09:01 AM   
Filed Under: • EUro-peons •  
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DISCLAIMER

THE SERVICES AND MATERIALS ON THIS WEBSITE ARE PROVIDED "AS IS" AND THE HOSTS OF THIS SITE EXPRESSLY DISCLAIMS ANY AND ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, TO THE EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF SATISFACTORY QUALITY, MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, WITH RESPECT TO THE SERVICE OR ANY MATERIALS.

Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:

1. Keep a firm grasp of Right and Wrong
2. Stay involved with government on every level and don't let those bastards get away with a thing
3. Use every legal means to defend yourself in the event of real internal trouble, and, most importantly:
4. Keep talking to each other, whether here or elsewhere

It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.

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