Sunday - September 19, 2004

Pirate Attack in Boston

Lads, we’ve got a new ship joinin’ our fleet t’day! A round o’ grog fer all to celebrate the arrival o’ the mighty pirate ship Pirate Force One. Cap’n “Hook ‘Em Horns” Bush mans the helm after turning o’er the reins o’ his country to “Mad Dog” Cheney for the day. We tried to ask Cap’n Bush where he be bound but he jes’ laughed a hearty laugh, downed a tankard o’ rum and sailed away to the North. At last report, the dreaded Pirate Force One was seen entering Boston harbor aiming its broadsides at the ships o’ the fancy French merchantman Jacques Kerry. Cap’n Bush was heard yelling, “Avast, Kerry! Ye be goin’ to Davey Jones locker fer daring to attack me ships. Alright, lads .. let ‘im have it!”

Jacques Kerry’s flagship Le Vietnam was sunk almost immediately. First mate o’ the Frenchie’s ship, “Peg-Leg” Rather, was last seen swimming fer shore crying fer his mam. Cap’n Bush grabbed a pistol and fired one shot at Rather, knocking the parrot off his shoulder. “Har-har-har”, yelled Cap’n Bush, “take that ye bunch o’ spineless girlie men!”

Gods bodkins, now there be a REAL pirate, lads! Me hats off to him ....

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/19/2004 at 12:26 PM   
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Weigh Anchor and Sail For Booty!!

Don’t ye be forgettin’ our contest to pick what time BMEWS clicks over 102,000 visitors!  ARRRRRRR!

Ye landlubbers be given til midnight tonite to post yer best guess.

Contest winner will get 10 guest posts on our blog plus be considered a buccaneer.  Now THAT would be serious booty no number of pieces of eight could buy! (unless ye bilge rats be tryin’ to curry some special favor with th’ crew of this blog (nudge, nudge, wink! wink!  Our treasure chest tis never too full!)

So avast ye seadogs!  Grab yer grog and sharpen yer pencils!

(For more info, see this post.)

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 09/19/2004 at 07:47 AM   
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AHOY THERE!!!!!

ARRRRRR!!  Shiver me timbers and play with me mainmast!! 

Guess what today is, lads and lasses?

It’s TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY!!!

OK, ye will need t’ play along today as BMEWS will be devoted strictly t’ pirate talk. Nothin’ else will be accepted. So put on yer pirate hat, grab yer parrot, run up t’ skull and crossbones, grab yer cutlasses and come out swingin’.

T’ rules be simple: if ye want t’ comment on anythin’ we write ye MUST do so while talkin’ like a pirate.

Blimey, mates, if ye be refusin’ t’ play by me rules, then a bilge rat ye be and a floggin’ll be too good for ye! Maybe a keelhaulin’d be the right fix for ye!

If ye be wantin’ to find yer post walkin’ th’ plank towards electronic electronic deletion, do so by not talkin’ like the pirate ye be seekin’ t’ be.  Simple enough, eh?

Ye landlubbers’d be advised t’ visit th’ site t’ git tips or ye old salts can wing it on yer own (if ye dare!)

While there, check out th’ pirate test. and see how ye rate.  A cap’n is what I be:

Some men are born great, some achieve greatness and some slit the throats of any man that stands between them and the mantle of power. You never met a man you couldn’t eviscerate. Not that mindless violence is the only avenue open to you - but why take an avenue when you have complete freeway access? You are the definitive Man of Action. You are James Bond in a blousy shirt and drawstring-fly pants. Your swash was buckled long ago and you have never been so sure of anything in your life as in your ability to bend everyone to your will. You will call anyone out and cut off their head if they show any sign of taking you on or backing down. You cannot be saddled with tedious underlings, but if one of your lieutenants shows an overly developed sense of ambition he may find more suitable accommodations in Davy Jones’ locker. That is, of course, IF you notice him. You tend to be self absorbed - a weakness that may keep you from seeing enemies where they are and imagining them where they are not.

So, avast, me hearties.  Grab yer grub, hoist yer flaggon o’ grog, hoist the mainbrace, and begin talkin’ like t’ scurvy dog pirates ye bein yer hearts!

BONUS FOR LADS SEEKIN’ WENCHES

Bring yer pieces of eight to a local grog shop and say the followin’ to the lasses ye be findin’

-- Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?
-- Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?
-- Come on up and see me urchins.
-- Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.
-- I’d love to drop anchor in your lagoon.
-- Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole?
-- How’d you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?
-- Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.
-- Well blow me down?

If all else fails, knock down a bit more grog and try this:

-- Prepare to be boarded.

Not all pirates can be old salts when it comes to lasses so if the above fails ye, try these:
-- They don’t call me Long John because my head is so big.
-- You’re drinking a Salty Dog? How’d you like to try the real thing?
-- Wanna shiver me timbers?
-- I’ve sailed the seven seas, and you’re the sleekest schooner I’ve ever sighted.
-- Brwaack! Polly want a cracker? … Oh, wait. That’s for Talk Like a PARROT Day.
-- That’s the finest pirate booty I’ve ever laid eyes on.
-- Let’s get together and haul some keel.
-- That’s some treasure chest you’ve got there.

Now fer ye lasses out there knowin’ the difference between a main mast and a jib, ye be tryin’ to find yerselves a fine buccaneer, try these fine approaches. 

10. What are YOU doing here?
9. Is that a belayin’ pin in yer britches, or are ye ... (this one is never completed)
8. Come show me how ye bury yer treasure, lad!
7. So, tell me, why do they call ye, “Cap’n Feathersword?”
6. That’s quite a cutlass ye got thar, what ye need is a good scabbard!
5. Aye, I guarantee ye, I’ve had a twenty percent decrease in me “lice ratio!”
4. I’ve crushed seventeen men’s skulls between me thighs!
3. C’mon, lad, shiver me timbers!
2. RAMMING SPEED!
...and the number one Female Pirate Pick-up Line:
1. You. Pants Off. Now!

ARRRRRRRR!!

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 09/19/2004 at 06:31 AM   
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Avast, me hearties!

Do any o’ ye scurvy landlubbers know what this day be? Cap’n Vilmar will have a word wi’ ye later on the rules aboard this ship ....

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/19/2004 at 01:59 AM   
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Weekend Pinup

We have a new Miss America. Naturally, she is from Alabama. Miss Alabama, Deidre Downs, was chosen last night as the new Miss America 2005 in Atlantic City, NJ. Deidre is no dummy either. She is an an aspiring doctor who put off medical school to compete for the Miss America crown.  Downs, who wants to be a pediatrician, will take up the cause of childhood cancer prevention during her reign as Miss America. In fact, she already has: She helped persuade the state of Alabama to offer a “Curing Childhood Cancer” car tag, the purchase of which will help fund cancer research.

Pardon me Doc while I drool all over my keyboard ....

As we say down here ... HOT DAMN, Y’ALL!

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/19/2004 at 01:08 AM   
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Daily Dose

Quote Of The Day

“Such a day, rum all out: — Our company somewhat sober: — A damned confusion amongst us! — Rogues a-plotting: — Great talk of separation — so I looked sharp for a prize: — Such a day found one with a great deal of liquor on board, so kept the company hot, damned hot; then all things went well again.”
-- Blackbeard The Pirate (1689-1718)

1900 - Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid Pull Off Their First Robbery Together
Robert Parker and Harry Longbaugh, better known as Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, rob the First National Bank in Winnemucca, Nevada, marking the first time that the duo worked as a team. Up until this point, both men had been loosely affiliated with the Hole-in-the-Wall gang, named after a secret Colorado mountain hideout. While growing up in Utah, Robert Parker fell under the guidance of his neighbor, Mike Cassidy, who became Parker’s criminal mentor and taught him how to shoot. In the 1890s, after borrowing his neighbor’s name, Butch Cassidy robbed banks and trains throughout the West and, for a while, managed to stay one step ahead of the posses that were constantly on his tail. However, he was nabbed by a sheriff in Wyoming in 1894 and spent two years in jail for cattle rustling. Cassidy had actually come up with a more efficient way of rustling by simply extorting money from ranchers so that their steers weren’t stolen. After getting out of jail, Cassidy hooked up with the Hole-in-the-Wall crew. By all reports, he was the most levelheaded of the group. Harry Longbaugh took his name from Wyoming’s Sundance jail, where he had spent some time for horse theft. His reputation as an exceptionally fast and accurate shooter quickly spread. When the Sundance Kid and Butch Cassidy met in 1900, they immediately became friends and partners. Seeking respite from the Pinkerton detectives who were hot on their trail, Sundance, Cassidy, and Etta Place, a schoolteacher with whom Sundance had become involved while hiding out in Texas, made their way to South America. Place scouted out banks in Argentina for Cassidy and Sundance, who then robbed the poorly guarded depositories. When they became too well known in Argentina, Cassidy and Sundance moved to Bolivia, where they worked honest jobs for a few years before their identities were discovered. According to most reports, the pair was ambushed by Bolivian soldiers and killed in San Vicente. Yet, rumors still persisted that Cassidy survived and lived a quiet life on a Nevada ranch until the 1920s.

1881 - President James Garfield died of a gunshot wound inflicted by a disappointed office seeker the previous July 2.

1955 - President Juan Peron of Argentina was deposed and exiled after a military coup.

1957 - The United States conducted its first underground nuclear test in the Nevada desert.

1959 - Khrushchev barred from visiting Disneyland.

1985 - The Mexico City area was struck by the first of two devastating earthquakes that claimed thousands of lives. The second earthquake hit 36 hours later.

1994 - U.S. troops entered Haiti to enforce the return of exiled president Jean-Bertrand Aristide.

2001 - The Pentagon ordered combat aircraft to the Persian Gulf following the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks.

Sir William Golding, (1911–1993), English novelist
William Hesketh Lever, (1851-1925), English soap-maker (Lever Bros.), philanthropist

_{Thanks to The Quotations Page - The History Channel - The Biography Channel.}

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/19/2004 at 12:53 AM   
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Play Ball!

Earlier this week, HBO premiered a new documentary entitled Nine Innings from Ground Zero.  The documentary tells the story of the 2001 Yankees and the hope and optimism their run in the World Series brought back to the people of America following September 11th.  Through interviews with players, fans, families, and even the President, the film recalls a difficult time that we came through together. 

One segment of that documentary shows President George W. Bush throwing out the first pitch in Game Three.  We would like to share a clip with you:

Nine Innings From Ground Zero.

My favorite part was when Derek Jeter came up to President Bush just before he went out to throw the opening pitch and told the President, “don’t bounce it or they’ll boo ya”. Bush didn’t bounce it and his pitch went straight across the plate. The crowd went wild. I remember. Do you?

If you would like to see the rest of this powerful film, it will air again on the following dates, times, and channels:

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/19/2004 at 12:20 AM   
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   Saturday - September 18, 2004

Dan Rather: Insurance Salesman?

Time for Dan Rather to start selling insurance? In his 1994 book, The Camera Never Blinks Twice, Rather maintained that “a serious journalist can’t run with a story without confirmation” from at least two sources. Writing that was how he “made it through Watergate,” Rather predicted that “if I’d gone off half-cocked, if I’d gotten my facts scrambled, if I’d run with unconfirmed leads, I’d be selling insurance right now.” But maybe it depends on how he defines a story as honest. In defending Bill Clinton as an “honest man,” in 2001 Rather insisted: “I think you can be an honest person and lie about any number of things.”

Just like the memos! They are simultaneously fake and accurate.

Hmmmmm .... which one of the three below would YOU trust? Personally, I go with the gecko. He has an honest face, eh? The duck is kinda strange and the fellow on the end .... fuggedaboutit!

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/18/2004 at 12:26 PM   
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Your Mission: Behind Enemy Lines

Below is an excellent mission for all of you to tackle this weekend (and you don’t even have to go to Cambodia unless you want to). Your task is to follow all of the instructions below and send John Kerry a message that we want him to clear up all doubts about his service in the Navy in Vietnam. If he has nothing to hide, that is. If you really feel inclined to help Senator Fuckface clear the air we have a copy of Form 180 right here (in Adobe PDF format) that you can forward to the Senator. OK, troops! You have your mission and your weapons. Go get ‘em. OOH-RAH!

Earlier today (Saturday) I gave a talk at a meeting of Chapter 75 (San Diego)Special Forces Association. (I will send a copy of my remarks tomorrow).

One of my major points is that the Internet has proven to be, is, and can be, a powerful tool for spreading truth and making an impact on public policy.

I have an idea to propose.

We begin with the Kerry campaign’s website. On the left (!) column under “resources” there is a button at the bottom for “contact us.” Clicking on that takes you to a screen where, on the upper right corner, is the heading “send us email,” under which is a button for “getting involved.” Clicking on that opens a page entitled “getting involved.”

On that page, there are 9 required entries: email address, confirm email address, first name, last name, state, zip code, country, select your topic (of which, as you’ll see in a moment should be “other"). Yes, for those of you who are counting, that’s only eight, not nine.

I deliberately left the ninth required entry off the above list because it is the most important: “Message.”

“What if” thousands--no, hundreds of thousands--of veterans with Internet access followed the above instructions and sent candidate Kerry a simple message?: “I demand that you sign multiple copies of Form 180, deliver them to The New York Post, The Washington Times, The Los Angeles Times, The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, The Weekly Standard, Time Magazine, Newsweek, and Fox News.”

Oh yes, the last item on Kerry’s request for people to “get involved” is a box that can be checked: “I am a veteran.”

“What if” recipients of this email simply cuts and pastes the above quotation into Kerry’s message box?

“What if” every recipient of this email forwarded it to everyone on his or her list, with the request that they pass it on?

There are millions of veterans out there, many of whom served in Vietnam or during the Vietnam Era. If even a fraction of them send Kerry the message that he has asked for, but doubtless does not expect, we may be able to force his hand on the matter of his records.

To that end, I will inform the press about this initiative. I urge all of you with press contacts to do the same. Perhaps in a couple of weeks, some enterprising journalist will get onto the Kerry people and inquire about how many emails they have received demanding that their man sign the Form 180.

HENRY MARK HOLZER
Professor Emeritus, Brookly Law School

(-- Thanks to Renee)

Update: I just did my part. I managed to infiltrate the enemy camp, strike hard and withdraw without any casualties .... except for a scratch on my hand I received when my mouse slipped while scrolling. Where’s my freakin’ Purple Heart, dammit?

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/18/2004 at 10:14 AM   
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It Finally Dawned On Me

Yep, in a sudden flash of brilliance I have come to the conclusion that if C-BS, Dan Rather, and all the media types that defend them for their abominable behavior in attempting to smear President Bush were toilet paper they would be unworthy and not fit to wipe my ass!

I’d rather use poison ivy leaves than have those scumbags get so close to me.

There......I’ve gotten it off my chest.  I feel better now.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 09/18/2004 at 08:42 AM   
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Go Ralphie, Baby!!

I don’t think we Republicans will need a “Nader advantage” this year as it appears the Clintons and their minions have effectively harpooned Kerry’s chances by advising him to focus on Vietnam but................Florida’s Supreme Court has ruled that Ralph Nader should be allowed to be on the ballot. HOORAY!!!

Dems and other moonbats have fought through the legal system (probably Edwards’ attorneys) to stop this but their cause is now lost.

Go RALPH!!!!

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 09/18/2004 at 07:38 AM   
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Saturday Humor

Thanks to Alan S. for these!

Akmed the Arab

Akmed the Arab came to the United States from the Middle East, and he was only here a few months when he became very ill.

He went to doctor after doctor, but none of them could help him.

Finally, he went to an Arab doctor who said, “Take dees bocket, go into de odder room, poop in de bocket, pee on de poop, and den put your head downover de bocket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes.”

Akmed took the bucket, went into the other room, pooped in the bucket, peed on the poop, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.

Coming back to the doctor he said, “It worked. I feel terrific! “What was wrong with me?”

The doctor said, “You were homesick”

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

I went to the store the other day.  I was only in there for about 5 minutes.

When I came out there was a city cop writing out a parking ticket.

I went up to him and said, “come on, buddy, how about giving a senior a break?” He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

I called him a name. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.

So I called him a worse name.  He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket.

This went on for about 20 minutes.  The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote.

I didn’t care.  My car was parked around the corner and this one had a “Elect John Kerry” bumper sticker on it.

I try to have a little fun each day now that I’m retired.  It’s important at our age.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 09/18/2004 at 07:28 AM   
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Barking Moonbat Of The Week

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Secretary Of State Colin Powell today accepted the resignation of Prince Rather Of See-BS. In a tearful farewell speech from the Square Office, Prince Rather said only, “I am not a crook”. Prince Rather is shown here waving farewell to well-wishers as Marine One prepares to take the deposed Prince to an undisclosed location in Cuba where Fidel Castro has offered him asylum. The Prince has been under fire since he became involved in the notorious “MemoGate” conspiracy which was covered extensively by Bob Woodward, based on an anonymous source known only as “Deep Blogger”.

In a related story, See-BS executives announced today that they are currently in talks with Mickey Mouse to replace Prince Rather. The Duke Of Mouse was not returning phone calls.

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/18/2004 at 05:57 AM   
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Daily Dose

Quote Of The Day

“I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
-- Sir Winston Churchill

1970 - Jimi Hendrix Dies
Guitarist Jimi Hendrix dies at the age of 28, following a drug overdose in London.

After the band dissolved in 1969 over creative tensions, Hendrix made his famous appearance at Woodstock, playing a masterful, intricate version of “The Star Spangled Banner.” Later that year, he put together a new group called the Band of Gypsies, which debuted on New Year’s Eve, 1969. The band released only one album, Band of Gypsies (1969). (A second album, Band of Gypsies II, was released in 1986.) Hendrix then recorded another album, without the band, called The Cry of Love, which was released in 1971. Jimi Hendrix played his last concert in August 1970, at the Isle of Wight Festival in Britain.

Samuel Johnson, (1709–84), English author
Greta Garbo, (1905–1990), American film actress
Frankie Avalon (Francis Thomas Avallone), (1939- ), Singer, actor
Lance Armstrong, (1971- ), Cyclist

_{Thanks to The Quotations Page - The History Channel - The Biography Channel.}

Posted by The Skipper     on 09/18/2004 at 05:36 AM   
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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:

1. Keep a firm grasp of Right and Wrong
2. Stay involved with government on every level and don't let those bastards get away with a thing
3. Use every legal means to defend yourself in the event of real internal trouble, and, most importantly:
4. Keep talking to each other, whether here or elsewhere

It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.

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