Thursday - May 19, 2005
Geneva Convention fails to save grapefruit tree
There are a bunch of herbicidal maniacs loose in Florida. No citrus is safe.
A squadron of law enforcement agents and chainsaw-wielding contractors descended on a suburban Boca Raton home Friday, destroying a healthy ruby red grapefruit tree whose owners had attempted to save it from Florida’s citrus canker eradication program by citing the Geneva Convention.
Posted by Yellow Dog
on 05/19/2005 at 12:36 PM
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Permalink • Bart Simpson Elected Mayor
Well eat my shorts! Northridge, California has a new mayor.
Nancy Cartwright provides the unmistakeable voice of Bart in the iconic The Simpsons animated series and admits her day job could help her as mayor.
“Everyone finds it funny that Bart is the new mayor. I can influence people because I’m Bart Simpson,” she said.
“I live in a nice neighbourhood. But down the road there’s drugs and gangs, stealing and illiteracy.”
I am sure that Chief Wiggam can clean up those mean streets, in no time at all.
Posted by Yellow Dog
on 05/19/2005 at 11:57 AM
Filed Under: • Politics •
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Permalink • Ancient ROMAN SHOPPING CHARIOT
Ancient man was more resourceful then we thought. I also didn’t know that Piggly Wiggly invented the shopping cart. I have been to the British Museum. That is where they keep the Rosetta Stone. I hope that doesn’t turn out to be a hoax too.
A self-styled art terrorist has caused embarrassment at the British Museum in London by installing his own ‘primative’ painting of a caveman pushing a supermarket trolley.
Posted by Yellow Dog
on 05/19/2005 at 11:30 AM
Filed Under: • History • Humor •
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Permalink • Toilet News from Down Under
Those crazy Aussies have developed toilet technology which can destroy the Quran. We have a toilet gap developing here.
Householders in the city of Sale in Victoria’s south-east area are being warned to batten down their toilet lids next week.
Update: The American plumbing industry is fighting back. The toilet gap is narrowing.
An American toilet manufacturer is currently designing a new model that will “flush the bulkiest of Korans,” sources said yesterday.
A spokesman for Krap King, Inc. said the company would have the new “Islamoflusher” model in stores for the spring, when Americans do their most flushing – sacred religious texts included. The new toilet would “help prevent and possibly eliminate” situations like the recent Newsweek story, which reported that American interrogators at Guantanamo Bay flushed a Koran down the toilet to “intimidate” suspected terrorists.
Posted by Yellow Dog
on 05/19/2005 at 10:41 AM
Filed Under: • Humor • Insanity •
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Permalink • Coppin’ A Feel?
All of our female readers here may be in deep trouble real soon. According to Wired News, a team of horny geeks in Singapore have perfected the techniques neccessary to implement the “Touchy Internet”, which allows you to “reach out and touch someone” over the internet.
Fortunately, these geeks are a little confused and are testing the device on .... chickens. Don’t go off thinking you’re safe yet, ladies. Sooner or later these nerds will finally go through puberty and then .... watch out!
Researchers have developed a cybernetic system to allow physical interaction over the internet. The system allows touching and feeling of animals or other humans in real time, but it’s first being tried out on—chickens.
Built by a wacky group of researchers at the Mixed Reality Lab at the National University of Singapore, the Touchy Internet works as follows:
You walk into your office, where a hollow, chicken-shaped doll sits on a mechanical positioning table close to your computer.
The doll whirs to life as soon as you switch on the system, duplicating the motion of a real chicken in the backyard whose movements are being captured by a webcam.
Fondling the doll translates into touching the real fowl.
Touch sensors attached to the doll convey tactile information to a nearby PC through radio signals. The data is sent over the internet to a remote computer near the chicken; the remote computer triggers tiny vibration motors in a lightweight haptic jacket worn by the fowl.
The chicken feels your touch in the exact same place where the replica was stroked.
Posted by The Skipper
on 05/19/2005 at 08:14 AM
Filed Under: • Science-Technology •
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Permalink • British Declare War on US
Well, it’s not really a declaration of war exactly but you couldn’t be faulted for thinking the Redcoats are a-coming again .... with good reason this time, it seems. Malcolm Glazer, owner of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers is trying to buy Manchester United, the pride of British “football” (that’s soccer for you Yanks out there). Quite understandably, the Brits are up in arms (at least they would be if their liberal government hadn’t banned all ownership of guns by citizens) ....
As far as anyone can tell, Mr. Glazer, 76, has never been to a Manchester United game, or possibly even to any soccer game. Which might not be so surprising, according to his sister Maria. “He has never liked sports,” she told The Daily Mail.
And then, of course, Mr. Glazer, who made his fortune in real estate and investing and has owned the Tampa Bay Buccaneers of the National Football League since 1995, is an American.
So the news that Mr. Glazer - a man said to know so little about any kind of football that he once cheered for the wrong side during a Buccaneers game - was buying their beloved team was bound to upset Manchester United fans. It is as if a Japanese tycoon had suddenly swooped in and bought up the Yankees, using millions of dollars of borrowed money.
“No offense, but it just smacks of imperialism,” said John Marchant, a 28-year-old advertising executive and Manchester United fan, walking past the team’s Old Trafford stadium the other day. His indignation accelerated from 0 to 60 in the space of a single sentence. “He stands for everything that’s bad about globalization.”
Posted by The Skipper
on 05/19/2005 at 06:06 AM
Filed Under: • International •
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Permalink • Thursday News Bytes
Ah, Thursday again. The day of the week named after the Norse god Thor. You know, the dude with the mighty hammer. Well, it’s time to let the hammer down ....
- Athletes who wear red are more likely to win. Fans of Alabama’s Crimson Tide already knew that.
- Alfred Hitchcock’s birds on the loose in Houston. The description of a lawyer being attacked is worth the read.
- Dan Rather’s next gig has been cancelled by CBS. Not a minute too soon, I say.
- Ann Coulter tackles Newsweek. Newsweek carried off the field on a stretcher. Go, Girl!
- If you live in Aspen,CO you can have your boobies and eat them too (sorta) ....
- Los Angeles elects it first Hispanic mayor since the early 1800’s. New mayor vows to change all telephone menus in city to: “Dial Uno por Espanol, Dos por Englais”.
- Terrorists in Georgia try to blow up President Bush with grenade. Reportedly still angry over 1864 burning fo Atlanta. Oops, wrong Georgia on my mind.
- Budweiser employer in Denver fired for drinking Coors at a local bar. This pink slip’s fer you.
- The finger that a woman found in her chili at Wendys, then was not found, then the woman was arrested, then the finger was found to be from a friend of her husband .... now, aforementioned finger was supposedly sold to woman’s (referenced above) husband for $50 to score some cash for undisclosed reasons. Got all that? Me neither.
- In Columbia you can now go to jail for four years or pay a £50,000 fine for .... gossiping. In a related story, Newsweek announced today it is closing all of its offices in Columbia ....
- Keep a firm grasp of Right and Wrong
- Stay involved with government on every level and don't let those bastards get away with a thing
- Use every legal means to defend yourself in the event of real internal trouble, and, most importantly:
- Keep talking to each other, whether here or elsewhere
ASPEN, Colo. - A new business called Toasty Chicks Delivery hopes to profit from an invasion of construction workers this summer by having women in snug T-shirts drop off lunches from area restaurants.
Toasty Chicks will take food orders, relay them to the restaurant of choice, pick up the food and deliver it to the work site, founder and owner Rodney Millspaugh said.
Millspaugh said about 600 workers are expected this summer for the first phase of a massive, six-year development at the Snowmass ski resort.
The project, called Base Village, will include 610 residential units, 600 hotel rooms, 11 restaurants and bars and 65,000 square feet of retail space.
Posted by The Skipper
on 05/19/2005 at 05:49 AM
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •
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Permalink • The Party Of “NO”
Robert Ariail, The State, South Carolina
Posted by The Skipper
on 05/19/2005 at 05:41 AM
Filed Under: • Democrats-Liberals-Moonbat Leftists •
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Permalink • He Writes, We Read
Bill is back!
Sanctuary, Part 1
Sanctuary, Part 2
Posted by Drew458
on 05/19/2005 at 04:05 AM
Filed Under: • Patriotism •
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Permalink • Remember Ward Churchill?
.
Posted by The Skipper
on 05/19/2005 at 02:09 AM
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •
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Permalink • Wednesday - May 18, 2005
Deep Thoughts
Thanks to my buddy Robert…
I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
I had amnesia once—or twice.
I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart. Now what?
Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.
What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible .. and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he’ll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
What was the greatest thing before sliced bread? Hmmmm?
My weight is perfect for my height—which varies.
I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help “groups?”
Is there another word for synonym?
Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”
The speed of time is one-second per second.
Is it possible to be totally partial?
What’s another word for thesaurus?
Is Marx’s tomb a communist plot?
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.
It’s not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
Posted by Yellow Dog
on 05/18/2005 at 04:37 PM
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Permalink • Riddle Me This
The original “Batman” TV series was pure camp but there was one villain who made the show really worth watching and a whole lot of fun. The original Riddler passed away today. I for one, will miss his famous, trademark fiendish laugh ....
1933-2005
Posted by The Skipper
on 05/18/2005 at 02:06 PM
Filed Under: • Hollywood •
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Permalink • Hump Day News Bytes
Ahhhhhh, hump day again. Once more we’re halfway to the weekend. Will this endless, dreary cycle never end? Maybe it will one day when I collect my millions saved in Social Security and retire to Flori-DUH, with my dangling chads along for the ride ....
A Colombian city has introduced a new law under which people can be jailed for gossiping.
Under the law in Icononzo, malicious gossiping is punished with up to a £50,000 fine or four years in prison.
A city spokesman told Terra Noticias Populares: “People should be aware that using their tongues to speak evil is the same as having dynamite in your mouth.”
Mayor Jesus Ignacio Jimenez defended the new law against critics who say it is over the top.
“It worries me the amount of people going to prison or being killed because of a gossip,” he said.
Posted by The Skipper
on 05/18/2005 at 12:16 PM
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •
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Permalink • Crossroads
Where are the conservatives in D.C., I ask you? John B. Roberts served in the Reagan Whitehouse and he is saying we are headed for a socialist state. American corporations shedding their future contract liabilities for, union employees’ retirement benefits, onto the backs’ of American tax payers is one of the biggest scam of all time. Not only do tax payers have to pay for the Federal Government’s unfunded liabilities in Social Security and Medicare, but also union employees’ pensions so they can retire at 58 years of age and play golf in Sarasota, it’s pathetic. Make sure you read the last 4 paragraphs of what John has to say.
The Skipper should promise us all pensions and retirement health care benefits and then transfer that future liability onto the backs’ of US tax payers. We can let OLDCATMAN draw up our contract, who’s with me?
America is at a crossroads, thanks to the combinationof UnitedAirlines’ record $10 billion pension default and the Pension Benefit Guaranty Corp.’s operating deficit. A major challenge to conservative thinking is taking shape before our eyes. Capitalists are urging socialist measures to address the looming pension crisis. Unless clear thinking prevails in Congress, American corporations will succeed in shifting their employee obligations from the private sector onto the taxpayers.
This goes far beyond corporate welfare. The new deal corporations are seeking in a global economy is to offload their costs onto government, while preserving transnational access to markets, consumers and labor. We saw the glimmerings of this nascent era of capitalist-socialism in the 2004 presidential campaign. CEOs from smokestack and high-tech industries supported the concept of universal health-care as a way to shed the burden of employer-provided health insurance. And no wonder. With the annual price of premiums rising at double-digit rates, health insurance now ranks alongside pension benefits as costs that sink troubled companies into bankruptcy.
Posted by Z Woof
on 05/18/2005 at 11:46 AM
Filed Under: • Social-Security •
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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:
It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.
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Oh, and here's some kind of visitor flag counter thingy. Hey, all the cool blogs have one, so I should too. The Visitors Online thingy up at the top doesn't count anything, but it looks neat. It had better, since I paid actual money for it.
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