The Three Wise Men
Did you hear screaming Howard Dean in Texas pulling a John Kerry by saying, “I-Deere” instead of idea, bunch of bozos
Give the North-East Blue States to Canada, those fur-trappers
Senator John Kerry, “I have an I-Deere to double the IQ of both the US and Canada. We simply give the North East Blue states to Canada. Trust me, I put the stoop in stoopidity.”
Posted by Z Woof
12/07/2005 at 09:21 AM
Sure OCM, Howard Dean and John Kerry are not stupid and you voted for them and now have become an independent, whatever that means.
I will go slow for you OCM. I have an I-Deere, you keep voting Democrat and you stick with those loosers until you are the only schmuck left.
Prediction: Bill and Hillary Clinton vote Republican before OldCatMan.
Posted by Z Woof
12/07/2005 at 11:30 AM
My Father, born in KY, always pronounced ‘fire’ & ‘wire’ like the lady in the above story.
The Bible also talks about baseball: “In the Big Inning”.
Posted by Oink
12/07/2005 at 12:45 PM
Okay you bozos, as a born and reared southern gentle(person), I represent your poking fun at my native language!
My Aunt was attending college in Louisville. Her roommate asked her how to spell ‘rat’.
“R-A-T”
“No, I don’t mean that mousey-rat, I mean like ‘rat now’.”*******************************
My Uncle Rollin was the model of the KY backwoods farmer. He was also very smart and very rich. At his daughter’s wedding, when he was asked, ”Who gives this woman in marriage” his response was to be ”I, her father”. His daughter told him that if he forgot his lines, it was OK to say, ”Me and Maw”.He said that when he walked down that aisle, he felt like he was walking thru a dark woods at night and stepped in a hole he didn’t know was there.
Posted by Oink
12/07/2005 at 01:56 PM
They’ve stopped performing Nativity plays in Alabama. Not due to the ACLU, it was just that they couldn’t find Three Wise Men and a Virgin.
Posted by Oink
12/07/2005 at 02:00 PM
Alright now damn it, I’m starting to take nanes!
1) Oink
2) SLB
3) OCM (just because I know he’s sitting there thinking up a good one!)
4) StinKerr (see #3 above)
Sorry to be late to the party. I’ll try not to disappoint. 
Sure puts the pressure on, though.
I meant to say something like “far out” when I came to the comments and make mention that that’s what a farman would say when the blaze was extinguished.
#6 reminded me of a guy I used to work with. He’d say “Ahm so T A R D, tard, I could F A R T, faint.”
Then there was Eddie J, a Joja boy. He hated being called “Easy Eddie”, I dunno why, but that’s all we needed to know. Wooo, when he got the redass after a few “easy Eddies” he’d really revert to dialect. “F*** all y’all. All y’all c***s****rs”. Damn good thing we didn’t know at the time that on his previous ship he was known as ”
ColonelCunnel Penis”.
As it happens,
somemost of my favorite places to live are below the M/D line. Beats the hell out of the blue northeast, I assure you. The people make all the difference.For some reason I’ve noticed that the further south and west you go (especially starting from Bahstin) the friendlier people seem to be.
Well, there’s a very good reason why they’re called ”MASSHOLES” and it’s not just their bad driving or their ridiculous moonbat
politics. leftwing 
liberal 
s that most of them seem to be…
Okay ...
5) RatPatrol (for picking on us poor red-staters unfortunate enough to be stuck in Messoftwoshits)See! I knew he was lurking out there just waiting for the right time to spring it!
Awright now! Y’all better stop this heer Southerner bashing shee-it afore I get riled and decide to git out my ol’ shotgun and start blastin’ away. Y’all heer me now? Bunch o’ damn yankee fucktards! Hot damn! I leave you pig-suckin’ varmints alone fer five minutes and y’all just gotta go and piss me off. Ain’t none o’ y’all good enough to move to Alabama whar I’m from. Tha’s God’s Country and we don’ allow no damn yankee dumbasses across the state line. Y’heer?
GRRRRRRRR .... (y’all)
An’ another thing! If y’all are gonna use this heer HTML format shee-it then try to use more brains than Gawd gave a billy-goat and close the damn things afore they bleed ovah to the next comment.
DAMN!
6) The Skipper (Sir)
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Kent)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Circle Flies
A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.
Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The farmer said, “Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?” The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, “Well yeah, if that’s what they are called—I never heard of circle flies.”
So the farmer says, “Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they’re called circle flies because they’re almost always found circling around the back end of a horse.”
The trooper says, “Oh,” and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, “Hey...wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse’s rear end?” The farmer says, “Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement to even think about calling you such a name.”
The trooper says, “Well, that’s a good thing,” and goes back to writing the ticket. After a long pause, the farmer says, “Hard to fool them flies though.”
Posted by Z Woof
12/07/2005 at 10:49 PM
Ah don’ wanna try te teach granny how to suck eggs, but shouldn’t that be “all y’all”, Skipper? Or is that jest Joja they tawk lahk thaaat?
[heads on down to the sail locker (yonder)]
some Springer folksOCM need(s) intereption at times!(There, that’ll wind him up)
As they say down south...Why bless your hearts.
I remember once being told by a southerner on a tug boat “You sure don’t sound like no damn Yankee!” Personally I am favourably disposed to a Southern accent. It beats the hell out of Noo Joisey!
Beats Bahstin too, Lyndon.
Yer already #4 on the list Stin! Trying for #1?
Well, if you’re reordering the list, I’m always proud of any promotion I might earn.
Proud to be number 5! I’m in NH which has unfortunately been taken over by masshole moonbats and their liberalista lackeys. Another once-good state gone bad
Now, a true red-stater can never be a masshole, only a true believer, card-carrying dummycrat, blue-stater can qualify, and extra points are given for “worshipping” Red Ted, Hanoi John, Mikey Do-caca, Billy (and Whitey) Bulger, etc. Double Bonus Extra Points for NAMBLA membership. Then and only then, one can be granted the title of Masshole.
... Wwhheeeww ... None of the above! Thanx for the explaination RP.
12/08/2005 at 06:31 AM
