Quote Of The Day

 

1. Go Ann!  Could you imagine her on the floor of Congress?????

   Posted by armadefoc       12/22/2006  at  11:57 AM  



2. Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
   hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer
   and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
   
   The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
   beer and the invention of the wheel.
   The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.
   These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the
   catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
   Liberals and Conservatives.
   
   Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
   of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
   yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be
   invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.
   That’s how villages were formed.
   
   Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night
   while they were drinking beer.
   This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
   
   Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
   off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q’s and doing
   the sewing, fetching and hair dressing.
   This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
   Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became
   known as girliemen.
   
   Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
   the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of
   Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
   conservatives provided.
   
   Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
   powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.
   Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
   
   Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
   white wine or imported bottled water.
   They eat raw fish but like their beef well done.
   Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
   
   Another interesting revolutionary side note:
   most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
   Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in
   Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.
   Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn’t fair to
   make the pitcher also bat.
   
   Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
   for their women.
   Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,
   construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers,
   corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works
   productively.
   
   Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to
   work for a living.
   
   Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers
   and decide what to do with the production.
   
   Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans.
   
   That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives
   were coming to America .
   They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of
   trying to get MORE for nothing.
   
   This ends today’s lesson in world history.

   Posted by MJS       12/24/2006  at  12:27 PM  

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