Best Wishes To All
LIQUOR WARNING
Of course this does not apply to you and me, but you may want to pass this on to
other people to warn them. Liquor manufacturers have accepted theGovernment’s suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
hell happened to your bra and panties.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing
like a retard.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your
friends over and over again that you love them.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you
are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the
time-space continuum, leaving you unable to account for large chunks of time.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have
mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in
the morning and see something really scary.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.Posted by Oink
12/31/2005 at 05:39 PM
Jen, Mike, and I are going to be enjoying spiked egg-nog tonite(and the BOY too but just a sip) so thanks for the parental warning.
Posted by Annoying Little Twerp
12/31/2005 at 06:39 PM
I’ve decided to bring in the New Year with a little Irish Mist which seems to have followed me home today. Just a little bit, I have cabbage rolls to eat and poker to play tomorrow.
Happy New Year to all the denizens of the good ship BMEWS.
I still want to know where the strawberries are....
Happy New Year, mates.
I’ve got vodka, orange juice, and Bud Light. Kids are in bed for the night.
It’s just me here waiting for the ball to drop (if I make it till then. Been up since 7:30 cause kids don’t believe in sleeping in)
Happy New Year
The stewards ate the strawberries.
Ah! but who are the stewards on this ship?
Ok I dunno if I’m drunk or just sentimental cause I’m alone this New Years eve (Kids are asleep)
But I just saw Dick Clark and burst into tears. He looks and sounds so different. His speech is quite slurred in points to where I can’t understand all his words.
Part of me is saddened to see him in this state but another part of me is like ‘God Bless Dick Clark, he’s not going to let this stroke stop him’ At 29 years of age, I really don’t know a New Years Eve celebration that didn’t have him in it.
The stewards are those people who never comment but just glide in, read, snicker and leave. I know they took the strawberries. I can prove it. Watch while I measure out this sand from the can to demonstrate our servings, Now how many servings did you have Mr. Tannenberg ....
Severa, Dick Clark needs to retire. That was sad. BTW, he turned 29 in 1957 and his body was then instantly embalmed by forces unknown. True story.
Severa:I had been up since 4:00 so I was REAL charming last night. I kept reminscing about watching Paul Anka on tv when I was 10.(I’m 35)
On top of that, about 18 min before midnight(cst) my...er...um..."cramps" kicked in-so at 12 I was curled up in a chair in utter agony.
Things like that only happen to me-right.
My son-who right after midnite stripped off his shirt and was gyrating around- thought that it was hilarious.
Welcome to the “I’ll be 12 in 3 months and can look mom in the eye so I’ll start to act like a wacked-out teenager” year.
*siiiiigh*
Posted by Annoying Little Twerp
01/01/2006 at 09:44 AM
How many strawberries did I have??? Thanx to the stewards, I got rooked, but rest assured that if they’d been cherries, I’d have got there first....
“I tried to run the ship properly, by the book, but they fought me at every turn. The crew wanted to walk around with their shirt tails hanging out, that’s all right, let them. Take the tow line, defective equipment, no more, no less. But they encouraged the crew to go around scoffing at me, and spreading wild rumors about steaming in circles, and then old yellow-stain. I was to blame for Lt. Maryk’s incompetence and poor seamanship. Lt. Maryk was the perfect officer, but not Captain Queeg. Ah, but the strawberries, that’s where I had them, they laughed at me and made jokes, but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt, with geometric logic, that a duplicate key to the ward room icebox did exist, and I’d have produced that key if they hadn’t pulled the Caine out of action...”
Stin, you took the words right out of my mouth ....
