Sunday - July 03, 2005
Sunday Morning Useless News
- Sir Elton John thinks homosexuals are being “repressed”. Wasn’t that a line in a certain Monty Python movie?
- Live8 harasses G8; complains no one listening. My solution to end poverty: print a giga-mega-bajillion dollar bills and distribute equally to everyone on the planet.
- The NY Times declares Alberto Gonzales possible nomination to SCOTUS is DOA before it arrives. Then again, who reads the NY Times anyway.
- The Iraqi government started withholding income tax on its soldiers last week. “No taxation without insurgence” becomes new Iraqi motto.
- NASA prepares ring-side seats for comet collision. Has it occurred to anyone that stoopid humans smashing big rock in space for no obvious reason might be construed as an act of war by galactic federation?
- The Redneck Olympics are underway in Georgia. Some stories just write themselves ....
- Keep a firm grasp of Right and Wrong
- Stay involved with government on every level and don't let those bastards get away with a thing
- Use every legal means to defend yourself in the event of real internal trouble, and, most importantly:
- Keep talking to each other, whether here or elsewhere
EAST DUBLIN, Ga. - In his garage, Melvin Davis keeps 230 trophies he’s won racing motorcycles, go-karts and pickup trucks. But he’s best known for a sport that earned him four trophies topped with crushed Bud Lite cans.
“Yeah, looking back on it I’m proud. But when I done it I felt a little silly,” said Davis, 68. “People were going, `There’s the bobbing-for-pigs-feet champion!’”
Bobbing for pig feet, the mudpit belly-flop, the armpit serenade — they’re all part of the Redneck Games, a series of good ole’ympic events for the ain’t-so-athletic celebrating their 10th year in middle Georgia.
Started as a Southern-fried spoof of the 1996 Atlanta Olympics, with a propane torch lighting a ceremonial barbecue grill, the gag games draw tourists like moths to a backyard bug-zapper.
The mudpit belly-flop judges contestants on their flabby form and sonic splat as they drop gut-first into muddy water, splattering nearby spectators.
The armpit serenade rates children on their musical skills pumping air through a damp hand beneath their underarm. The 12-year-old winner in 2000 squeezed out a recognizable rendition of “Dixie.”
There’s also hubcap hurling — think junkyard discus — and redneck horseshoes, played with toilet seats. The most competitive sport, however, is bobbing for pig feet, where contenders dunk their heads in tubs of water to see how fast they can remove raw pork shanks with their teeth.
Posted by The Skipper
on 07/03/2005 at 04:47 AM
Filed Under: • News-Briefs •
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It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.
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