Sunday - July 03, 2005
Sunday Morning Useless News
- Sir Elton John thinks homosexuals are being “repressed”. Wasn’t that a line in a certain Monty Python movie?
- Live8 harasses G8; complains no one listening. My solution to end poverty: print a giga-mega-bajillion dollar bills and distribute equally to everyone on the planet.
- The NY Times declares Alberto Gonzales possible nomination to SCOTUS is DOA before it arrives. Then again, who reads the NY Times anyway.
- The Iraqi government started withholding income tax on its soldiers last week. “No taxation without insurgence” becomes new Iraqi motto.
- NASA prepares ring-side seats for comet collision. Has it occurred to anyone that stoopid humans smashing big rock in space for no obvious reason might be construed as an act of war by galactic federation?
- The Redneck Olympics are underway in Georgia. Some stories just write themselves ....
- Senate Democrats block John Bolton again. Quarterback Bush may decide to go with naked bootleg around right end.
- Saddam Hussein misses Ronald Reagan. Don’t we all?
- Female Palestinian suicide bomber caught at Israeli border with explosives in her panties. New “exploding snatch” trick learned from watching Paris Hilton videos.
- Grapefruit makes women seem younger to men. In my case, all it takes is eight or ten beers and they all look like beauty queens ....
- Chile Rocked By Major Earthquake. I told them not to add those extra jalapeno peppers.
- Michael Jackson promises he will not share his bed with children again. Hey-ho, Pinnochio, my, how your nose does grow.
- Germany arrests three Al-Qaeda militants. Will wonders never cease? Regardless, in my opinion, “Old Europe” is still a bunch of pussified, ungrateful varmints.
- Terrorists in Iraq release French journalist and give her departing gifts. “Two rings and a bottle of perfume were given to the captive over tea” - hmmmmm, something squirrely about this, eh?
- Disney’s newest theme park ride kills 4-year-old boy. The kid would have been safer going to NeverLand - then again, maybe not.
- Indonesia’s first democratically-elected President gave his cell phone number to the public and told them to call him anytime. What could possibly go wrong with that idea?
- NitroMed has come out with a new drug for heart problems but it is intended only for blacks. If it were only for whites, Jesse Jackson would already be screaming his head off.
- Australia won the annual sheep-shearing contest. There’s something about how fast you can get a sheep naked that worries me.
- A Congressional panel has decided the UN sucks but Koffing Anus can stay. John Bolton about to be unleashed.
- Microsoft, Yahoo & Google cooperating with Red Chinese to supress their people. Banned words on sites include “democracy”, “human rights” and “happiness”.
- Jeff Foxworth, Geena Davis & Hillary Duff join President Bush and Laura in a tribute to the troops. Sean Penn had other plans.
- Rosie O’Donnell freaks out all over Sean Hannity. This broad ain’t right in the head, I tells ya ....
- Katherine Harris is going to run for the Senate in 2006 against Democrat incumbent Bill Nelson. This one promises to be a real knock-down, drag-out brawl.
- And here’s to you Mrs. Robinson, heaven holds a place for those who pray .... hey, hey, hey. Anne Bancroft, dead at the age of 73.
- Australian woman arrested for hiding something under her skirt that smells like fish. It also makes “flipping noises”.
- Cubans try to drive to America in “vintage blue taxicab”. What’s the worst that could happen?
- Man gets caught raping a 9-year-old girl, tries to blame it on twin brother. Police not, fooled - life in prison for perp without vaseline.
- Pakistanis working on jihad against Kentucky Colonel. For some reason, “finger-lickin’-good” chicken just enrages these idiots ....
- The Supreme Court says Federal Law trumps State Laws on marijuana. Doobie-doobie-doo ....
- The Hildabeast goes into Howard Dean Mode and ‘splodes. Nasty Republicans stole her precious.
- A federal judge in Washington state ruled yesterday that, in the recent election for governor, the Democrats cheated fair and square. It only took three recounts to finally get the result they wanted.
- Al-Jazeera and PETA are butting heads over ad. It appears Al-Jizz is offended by pictures of cruelty to animals - human beheadings still acceptable.
- John Kerry is blaming President Bush for prisoner abuses at Gitmo. Kerry’s status raised from “loser” to “whining loser” to “backstabbing whining loser” almost overnight.
- It’s raining frogs in Serbia. Cats and dogs elsewhere ....
- Certain plastic compounds cause small penises. In a related story, scientists are measuring your “taint” (anogenital index - the distance between the genitals and the anus).
- The Ten Most Harmful Books Of The Twentieth Century list is complete. “The Communist Manifesto” topped the list, along with “Mein Kampf”. Clinton’s “My Life” somehow slipped through the cracks.
- The French voted “Non” on the EU; today, it’s the Dutch people’s turn. The EU appears to be going down in flames for sure.
- The Federal Election Commission (FEC) is taking steps to crack down on blogs who take money from politicians ....
- French voters rejected the EU “constitution” on Sunday and the Dutch are up next on Wednesday. It looks like the United States Of Europe is dead on arrival.
- The Supreme Court has just overturned the conviction of the Arthur Anderson auditing firm for destroying documents in the Enron scandal. I still think Nixon should have burned the tapes too.
- Former Iraqi President Sodomy Insane will go on trial within the next two months. Talk about your trial of the century.
- Rich twit Paris Hilton engaged to Greek shipping tycoon. The happy couple made the announcement at a friendly backyard barbecue.
- Kubie, the 600-pound tiger just got a root canal. Now there was one scared dentist .... with good reason ....
- For four and a half years Democrats in the Senate have been throwing a temper tantrum because they didn’t want to eat their broccoli, instead crying for ice cream and being allowed to go outside and play rather than doing homework. Last night Republicans caved in and let them have the ice cream in exchange for one mouthful of broccoli and half-assed swipe at homework. Parents everywhere know what I’m talking about.
- Not even the Jedi can save Hollywood. Boxoffice receipts are still down, even after “Star Wars” monster opening. Do ya think it could have anything to do with Sean Penn going to Baghdad and sucking up to Saddam or Barbra Streisand making an ass out of herself or could it be .... just lousy movies?
- For forty years the French government has been trying to build a house of cards known as the European Union and it looks like in next Sunday’s vote the French people are about to tear that house down. I could tell you everything that is wrong with the new proposed EU “constitution” but this page couldn’t hold all the text. Suffice it to say that “when was the last time the French came up with anything that was worth a damn?”
- Newsweek reporter says he “dropped the ball” and that the recent episode of bad reporting had “thrown us off our game for a little bit”. Your humble editor here thinks these sports references suck worse than the Quran story and that (Newsweek reporter) Isikoff needs to be sent down to the minor leagues or traded to Iran (Dang! Now they’ve got me doing it too!).
- Bill Clinton is returning to the tsunami-hit region to cheer up the survivors again .... this time as a ”special UN envoy”, according to a report from the United Nations. Clinton? The UN? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no .... I am putting my hands over my ears now. I don’t want to know any more ....
- Keep a firm grasp of Right and Wrong
- Stay involved with government on every level and don't let those bastards get away with a thing
- Use every legal means to defend yourself in the event of real internal trouble, and, most importantly:
- Keep talking to each other, whether here or elsewhere
EAST DUBLIN, Ga. - In his garage, Melvin Davis keeps 230 trophies he’s won racing motorcycles, go-karts and pickup trucks. But he’s best known for a sport that earned him four trophies topped with crushed Bud Lite cans.
“Yeah, looking back on it I’m proud. But when I done it I felt a little silly,” said Davis, 68. “People were going, `There’s the bobbing-for-pigs-feet champion!’”
Bobbing for pig feet, the mudpit belly-flop, the armpit serenade — they’re all part of the Redneck Games, a series of good ole’ympic events for the ain’t-so-athletic celebrating their 10th year in middle Georgia.
Started as a Southern-fried spoof of the 1996 Atlanta Olympics, with a propane torch lighting a ceremonial barbecue grill, the gag games draw tourists like moths to a backyard bug-zapper.
The mudpit belly-flop judges contestants on their flabby form and sonic splat as they drop gut-first into muddy water, splattering nearby spectators.
The armpit serenade rates children on their musical skills pumping air through a damp hand beneath their underarm. The 12-year-old winner in 2000 squeezed out a recognizable rendition of “Dixie.”
There’s also hubcap hurling — think junkyard discus — and redneck horseshoes, played with toilet seats. The most competitive sport, however, is bobbing for pig feet, where contenders dunk their heads in tubs of water to see how fast they can remove raw pork shanks with their teeth.
Posted by The Skipper
on 07/03/2005 at 04:47 AM
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Permalink • Sunday - June 26, 2005
Sunday Tidbits
Somebody hold OldCatMan down. This article is going to really get him wound up. It’s his favorite subject about his favorite recreational herb .... and we ain’t talking paprika here, folks.
Read this article to see what an ultra-liberal newspaper thinks about Health Savings Accounts (HSA’s). You might be surprised at their synopsis. Then again, you might not.
Posted by Z Woof
on 06/26/2005 at 10:47 AM
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Permalink • Friday - June 24, 2005
Large Explosion In Downtown St. Louis
This is really going to screw up rush hour traffic out of the downtown area. I’m about ten miles due west of the explosion that occurred at Praxair a short time ago. I can see the smoke rising from the downtown area. Stay tuned ....
(KSDK)—Explosions estimated as high as 100 feet have been ripping through the Praxair Company site at 2210 Chouteau and south St. Louis Friday afternoon. Flames continue to burn as fire crews work to contain the explosions. Reporters in the area can hear explosions every 5-10 seconds. The company is located near Jefferson & Chouteau.
Chopper 5’s Bill Houska reports seeing tanks fly through the air as fireballs jump several hundred feet into the air. ALso, the flames and explosions have started fires across the street.
Several businesses and homes in the area are being evacuated. So far, we do not know if there are any injuries in the fire.
Witnesses who have been evacuated say they felt several booms, one saying it was “like an earthquake.” They also report burning shrapnel raining down from the fire and explosions.
The fire is also being complicated by the heat, and traffic on Highway 40 is slowing as people see the smoke.
Praxair’s primary products are atmospheric gases—oxygen, nitrogen, argon and rare gases (produced when air is compressed, cooled, distilled and condensed) and process and speciality gases - carbon dioxide, helium, hydrogen, semiconductor products and acetylene (produced as by-products of chemical production or recovered from gas.)
Posted by The Skipper
on 06/24/2005 at 04:32 PM
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Permalink • Tuesday - June 21, 2005
Tuesday News Bytes
NEW YORK - A study of smells shows that the scent of grapefruit on women make them seem about six years younger to men. However, grapefruit fragrance on men does nothing for them.
The study by the Smell and Taste Institute in Chicago was conducted by Institute director Alan Hirsch. Hirsch smeared several middle-aged woman with broccoli, banana, spearmint leaves, and lavender but none of those scents made a difference to the men.
But the scent of grapefruit changed men’s perceptions. Hirsch said that when male volunteers were asked to write down how old the woman with grapefruit odor was, the age was considerably less than reality.
Posted by The Skipper
on 06/21/2005 at 07:20 AM
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Permalink • Tuesday - June 14, 2005
Tuesday News Bytes
President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono announced the number on Saturday and said anyone could call or send text messages if they wanted to complain about government services.
By Monday, Indonesian newspapers were carrying stories of people complaining they couldn’t get through. Local media reported more than 3,000 calls had been made to the number.
“The number is now clogged and cannot be used anymore. The president said there should be five more numbers, but we need to install a new computerised system first,” said presidential spokesman Andi Mallarangeng.
It was not clear if Yudhoyono had answered any of the calls himself.
Posted by The Skipper
on 06/14/2005 at 10:07 AM
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Permalink • Monday - June 13, 2005
Monday News Bytes
Filling in Tuesday for Star Jones on ABC’s daytime show The View, Rosie O’Donnell angrily yelled and screamed at guest Sean Hannity. Amongst O’Donnell’s outlandish allegations, she claimed that “Christopher Reeve died without hope because of the religious—separation—lack of separation of church and state by this administration.
The man died without hope of a cure because of the lack of stem cell research.” She repeatedly yelled that Hannity was “delusional” in denying widespread “torture” by the U.S. of prisoners and re-affirmed her charge that George Bush is “a war criminal,” arguing that “he should be tried at the Hague.” When Hannity pointed out how “50 million people are free because George W. Bush is President today,” O’Donnell fired back: “And how many American poor children are dead, fighting a war that was never needed?” And when Hannity suggested Condoleezza Rice as a presidential candidate, O’Donnell clenched her teeth with her eyes bulging as she explained: “That’s my head almost exploding. I think she’s going to unzip herself and it’s going to be Dick Cheney’s twin brother.”
Macker has more on Rosie’s ‘splosion ....
Posted by The Skipper
on 06/13/2005 at 05:47 AM
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Permalink • Friday - June 10, 2005
World’s Smallest Record Player
The World’s Smallest Record Player is playing the “Sad Concerto” this morning ....
Accompagnato Ad Libitum: Saddam lawyers ‘left in the dark’ - Saddam Hussein’s lawyers say they have not yet been given any details of the case against him.
Ritardando Ostinato: Federal panel upholds plan for redistricting - Texas districts stay same unless Supreme Court decides to step in.
Staccato con Grave: Iraq Sunnis reject compromise on constitution - Iraq’s Sunni minority rejected a compromise offer on giving them more say in the drafting of a constitution on Friday.
Scherzo Rubato: Rift widens over EU contributions - Jacques Chirac is whining and moaning to get more money from Tony Blair and Britain, Blair tells Chirac to FOAD.
Posted by The Skipper
on 06/10/2005 at 10:02 AM
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Permalink • Wednesday - June 08, 2005
News You Can Abuse
KARACHI, Pakistan, June 3 - Four times since Pakistan allied itself with the United States campaign against terrorism, a KFC outlet here has been attacked. Each time, the owner, Rafiq Rangoonwala, dutifully cleaned up and reopened for business. This time, with six of his employees dead, he’s not so sure.
This KFC outlet in Karachi was set afire by angry Shiites after a suicide bombing at a nearby mosque. Six KFC employees were killed.
Last week, as evening prayers began at a Shiite mosque down the street, a suicide bomber believed to belong to a Sunni extremist group linked to Al Qaeda blew himself up inside the mosque compound, splattering his remains across the high courtyard wall.
Minutes later, a mob, believed to be led by outraged Shiites, stormed Mr. Rangoonwala’s KFC outlet, dousing its floors with gasoline, setting it ablaze and then blocking the entry of rescue workers. Six hours later, the six bodies were hauled out. Four had been burned. Two had frozen to death in the walk-in freezer; their bodies were found only after a mobile phone belonging to one of the men rang. The dead had all worked at the KFC, and they were all local men in their mid-20’s.
Now the restaurant is a gutted, blackened hulk, with the familiar profile of Colonel Sanders still visible and a billboard, now sooty and macabre, looming above. “Come have a chicky meal,” it reads, “cuz you are going to love this deal.”
Posted by The Skipper
on 06/08/2005 at 09:17 AM
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Permalink • Tuesday - June 07, 2005
News You Can Abuse
Traffic came to a halt and locals fled inside after thousands of frogs fell from the sky onto a Serbian village.
Residents in Odzaci told local daily Blic they thought the world was coming to an end.
Aleksandar Ciric said: “I saw all these small frogs just start raining down. There were thousands of them.”
Another villager, Caja Jovanovic, added: “This huge ‘cloud’ seemed to come out of nowhere and its shape and colour looked very strange.
“We were all wondering what it was when suddenly frogs started to fall from the sky. I thought maybe a plane carrying frogs had exploded in midair.”
But climatology expert Slavisa Ignjatovic said there was a simple scientific explanation for the incident.
He said: “A whirlwind has sucked up the frogs from a lake, the sea or some other body of water somewhere else and carried them along to Odzaci where they have fallen to the ground. It is a recognised scientific phenomenon.”
Posted by The Skipper
on 06/07/2005 at 04:50 AM
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Permalink • Wednesday - June 01, 2005
Wake Up Call
Web loggers, who pride themselves on freewheeling political activism, might face new federal rules on candidate endorsements, online fundraising and political ads, though bloggers who don’t take money from political groups would not be affected.
Draft rules from the Federal Election Commission, which enforces campaign finance laws, would require that paid political advertisements on the Internet declare who funded the ad, as television spots do.
Similar disclaimers would be placed on political Web sites, as well as on e-mails sent to people on purchased lists containing more than 500 addresses. The FEC also is considering whether to require Web loggers, called bloggers, to disclose whether they get money from a campaign committee or a candidate and to reveal whether they are being paid to write about certain candidates or solicit contributions on their behalf.
Posted by The Skipper
on 06/01/2005 at 06:05 AM
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Permalink • Tuesday - May 31, 2005
News You Can Use
Kubie has teeth as long as human fingers and generates about 10,000 pounds of jaw pressure with each bite. That power is especially daunting considering Kubie had a toothache.
So the experts relied on anesthesia and hard-earned skills Saturday to make sure the big cat got the proper care.
Posted by Ronald Reagan's Ghost
on 05/31/2005 at 10:35 AM
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Permalink • Tuesday - May 24, 2005
Tuesday Morning Coffee Break
Here’s something for you to discuss on coffee break this morning. Try to remain calm. It could be worse .... couldn’t it ....?
Now go enjoy your coffee and get back to work .... unless you work for the BBC, in which case you’re on strike today because the “Beeb” decided to make much-needed job cuts. And the world just keeps on a-turning, don’t it ....?
And the Good News is: Students at a middle school in Tallahassee, FL are bombing Iraq .... with candy ....
(AP)—Students at a middle school in Tallahassee, FL are getting generous with their candy. Students at Fairview Middle School wrapped candy in plastic bags and shipped two cartons to a Rhode Island National Guard helicopter pilot for distribution to Iraqi children.
The candies are being dropped in Baghdad and surrounding areas with messages such as “America Loves You.” Teacher Jennifer Simmons says it’s a friendly hello from Americans.
The project ties in with a school requirement that every student complete three hours of community service.
Brian Trapani, a Rhode Island National Guardsman who has been dropping “candy bombs” donated by others, has e-mailed to say the first box is already empty. His only cautionary note is “No Chocolate.” It melts too easily in transit and in the desert heat.
“Thank you for sending the candy bombs to me,” Trapani wrote. “Love the notes of support from your sixth graders—they are a wonderful tribute to cultures working together to make a better world.”
Sarah Pace liked the feeling of goodwill her class spread. “It really made me feel better because I knew I was helping a lot of people in Iraq who were needy and didn’t have a lot of stuff,” she said. “I thought it would be good to help somebody.”
Posted by The Skipper
on 05/24/2005 at 04:24 AM
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On: 07/09/17 03:07
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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:
It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.
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Oh, and here's some kind of visitor flag counter thingy. Hey, all the cool blogs have one, so I should too. The Visitors Online thingy up at the top doesn't count anything, but it looks neat. It had better, since I paid actual money for it.
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