Saturday - December 25, 2004

Christmas Weekend Pinup

This weekend’s Christmas pin-up gal is from Bill Medcalf and dates from1949 .... the year I was born. Merry Christmas!

Posted by The Skipper     on 12/25/2004 at 12:51 PM   
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So…..Were You Naughty Or Nice?

Come on and come clean with all of us.

Were you naughty or were you nice?

Was all you got a lump of coal? (offer does not apply nor is valid to those living in the frigid hell of the midwest and north) Or did you get some good booty?  Tell us.  We want to know.

Better yet, what non-commercially available thing did you get for Christmas (not necessarily today) that you are most thankful for?

We’re waiting and listening.

Merry Christmas to everyone.  Have fun today and don’t forget to let the kids play with the boxes.  If there’s snow on the ground, kick their little asses outside and get ‘em away from th video games.

Meanwhile, I will be making Christmas dinner for the family.

See you tomorrow.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/25/2004 at 06:53 AM   
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   Friday - December 24, 2004

On Earth Peace, Good Will Toward Men ….

1 And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed.

2 (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)

3 And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.

4 And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; because he was of the house and lineage of David:

5 To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.

6 And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.

7 And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

8 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

9 And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

12 And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

And thus, The Prince Of Peace was born in Bethlehem. He preached tolerance and love. He only asked that we love God and that we love each other. No call to jihad. No commands to murder infidels. No hatred of non-believers. Just love and peace.

I say to the radical Muslims who would murder me and mine that ”this is my religion and I would practice it in peace if you would only forsake violence and leave us alone”. If not, well I think we’ve turned the other cheek long enough ....

Posted by The Skipper     on 12/24/2004 at 04:50 PM   
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Merry Christmas!!

To all our BMEWS readers, I’d like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas.

This is my last post until sometime tomorrow.

For the last couple of weeks you’ve had to slog through some pretty lame versions of it but today I give you the original.......................

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS by Clement Clarke Moore

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that ST. NICHOLAS soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter’s nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

“Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN!
On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONDER and BLITZEN!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
“HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT.”

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/24/2004 at 07:55 AM   
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So….Which Is It?

Do you call it “pop” or “soda?” Or do you call any soft drink “coke?”

Click here to see where your state/county ranks.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/24/2004 at 07:30 AM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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Don’t Do It!!!

Don’t go see “Meet The Fokkers”

For one, it is so stupid (or so everyone I’ve heard talk about it says.)

Two other reasons:

Ben Stiller

Barbra Streisand

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/24/2004 at 07:16 AM   
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Worthless UN

See, they ARE worthless fucks.  The United Nations is one piece of shit organization.  They are the first to criticize the US for bering warmongers but when these fucktards go in to stop fighting, they do not go in with that intention nor to preserve “peace” but to “get a piece.”

What disgusting pieces of shit!

And who should be involved?  Some cheese-eating-surrender-monkey French asshat.  And with a 12 year old girl.  Also involved were Moroccons, Uruguayans, and various assorted other vermin.

Funny, I am not hearing anything about it on NPR but every day I hear about our soldiers abusing Iraqis on NPR.

Oh, and the above link?  YEP!  The student editor of the Harvard Crimson!!!

And from the “Things That Make You Go, HMMMMM?” Department, we have news that Kofi Annan’s Chief of Staff abruptly resigns.

He says:

“It is with very mixed emotions that I have accepted the long-standing request”

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/24/2004 at 07:13 AM   
Filed Under: • United-Nations •  
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A Rest Home Christmas

From Dan, the Canuckistani, I give you this.  It is SO Florida!

ROCK AWAY REST CHRISTMAS

‘Twas the night before Christmas at Rock-Away Rest,
And all of us seniors were looking our best.
Our glasses, how sparkly, our wrinkles, how merry;
Our punch bowl held prune juice plus three drops of sherry.

A bedsock was taped to each walker, in hope
That Santa would bring us soft candy and soap.
We surely were lucky to be there with friends,
Secure in this residence and in our Depends.

Our grandkids had sent us some Christmassy crafts,
Like angels in snowsuits and penguins on rafts.
The dental assistant had borrowed our teeth,
And from them she’d crafted a holiday wreath.

The bed pans, so shiny, all stood in a row,
Reflecting our candle’s magnificent glow.
Our supper so festive—the joy wouldn’t stop --
Was creamy warm oatmeal with sprinkles on top.

Our salad was Jell-O, so jiggly and great,
Then puree of fruitcake was spooned on each plate.
The social director then had us play games,
Like “Where Are You Living?”
And “What Are Your Names?”

Old Grandfather Looper was feeling his oats,
Proclaiming that reindeer were nothing but goats.
Our resident wanderer was tied to her chair,
In hopes that at bedtime she still would be there.

Security lights on the new fallen snow
Made outdoors seem noon to the old folks below.
Then out on the porch there arose quite a clatter
(But we are so deaf that it just didn’t matter).

A strange little fellow flew in through the door,
Then tripped on the sill and fell flat on the floor.
‘Twas just our director, all togged out in red.
He jiggled and chuckled and patted each head.

We knew from the way that he strutted and jived
Our social- security checks had arrived.
We sang—how we sang—! in our monotone croak,
Till the clock tinkled out its soft eight-p.m. stroke.

And soon we were snuggling deep in our beds.
While nurses distributed nocturnal meds.
And so ends our Christmas at Rock-Away Rest.
Before long you’ll be with us, We wish you the best.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/24/2004 at 06:34 AM   
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Christmas Gifts

Is it just me or are the airwaves saturated with commercials from jewlery stores telling men to buy expensive jewelry for the women in their lives?  Why not commercials extolling the virtues of women giving their husbands plasma TVs, large power tools and second hand trucks for hauling “stuff?” Hey, women work now so why not?  Aren’t us guys (we guys?) worth it?

Anyway, I find these offensive.  It’s like them saying that women will not love us as much unless we buy necklaces, rings, diamonds, sapphires, etc.  For example, the whole engagement ring concept is way too fucked up.  The symbol of a simple ring to promise love and signify a commitment has been so distorted that it now takes a man’s “6 month salary committmenth” to symbolize that “promise and love.” The brainwashing is so deep that many women actually “expect” and “demand” a huge rock!  Hell, I know a couple who have actually told me that!

Speaking of engagement rings, do you know that it was the first remote control device invented by man?

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/24/2004 at 06:30 AM   
Filed Under: • Humor •  
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Are You A Christmas Grinch?

Read this article from MSN Money to figure out how you rank in Christmas spending.

Interesting stats.

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/24/2004 at 06:28 AM   
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News From Mexico

They’re Leaving!

Illegal immigrants are fleeing in massive numbers from the US in order to get back to their homes in Mexico for Christmas.

What better time than now to arm a bunch of vigilantes and shoot the bastards when they try to return!

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/24/2004 at 06:27 AM   
Filed Under: • Illegal-Aliens and Immigration •  
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This Makes Me Want to Puke

Jimmy “Peanuthead” Carter will now go supervise the Palestinian elections.

I hope a “freedom fighter” mistakes him for a Jew.

Speaking of Jimmy, Ben Shapiro has nominated a bunch of people for the “Jimmy Carter Honorary Golden Peanut of Gall”

Makes a fine list for our Moonbat Of the Year contest, too!

Posted by Ranting Right Wing Howler     on 12/24/2004 at 06:25 AM   
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Caption This !

Posted by The Skipper     on 12/24/2004 at 02:40 AM   
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Christmas Bats

Today’s “brick shithouse” story brought to you by Melbourne, Australia. Sorry, no boobies involved.

There is life on mars. It wants to clean your windshield and change your oil.

In Kansas City you are not allowed to be naked on the radio and in Villahermosa, Mexico it is now illegal to be naked indoors in your own home. Hugh Hefner breaks down in tears.

The only thing worse than a movie with a title like “The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou” is that said movie features Bill Murray in a Speedo. Argh! My eyes!

2000 years later there is still no room at the inn. Three wise men can’t find North Carolina.

Today’s “why didn’t I think of that” product: Earbags. I wonder if there’s a market for the “PenisPouch”?

Finally, the Romanian Prime Minister is offering to sleep with journalists’ wives and girlfriends to prove he is not gay. Dan Rather’s wife was unavailable for comment.

Posted by The Skipper     on 12/24/2004 at 02:04 AM   
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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:

1. Keep a firm grasp of Right and Wrong
2. Stay involved with government on every level and don't let those bastards get away with a thing
3. Use every legal means to defend yourself in the event of real internal trouble, and, most importantly:
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It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.

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