BMEWS
 
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calendar   Friday - November 20, 2015

why we win, sometimes

I was tagging along behind her at the Ocean State Job Lots discount store when I found it. Purely by chance, some previous customer had left this toy in the pet food section. It came in a brightly colored open box with “TRY ME” tags, batteries installed, and ready to go.

I’d never seen anything like it, but I admit, I do live under a rock. I picked the thing up, pressed the button, and was instantly 6 years old again. Horry Clap. This is the greatest, the MoFO GREATEST Christmas present you could give an active little fella with a bright imagination. 

It was a toy chainsaw.

This is what builds Americans.  Pure, concentrated AWESOME.

It came in a little kit with a cheeze-oid safety helmet that was so small it might fit a softball. Or a very small child. The toy itself was of medium detail; the brake bar neither moved nor did anything, the pull starter was cast on. The “blade” was a yellow rubber loop without teeth, instead having a row of tiny cups, like the polisher thing your dental hygienist uses, or like suckers from a really skinny octopus. There was no volume control, and there may not have been a hand grip safety. But when you pressed the start button, it made the right noises. Real ones. It sounded exactly like a little two stroke engine at idle. Exactly. And when you pulled the trigger, it let out a good loud rip, the proper sound of a chainsaw at work. And the rubber blade went around in the 9-10” bar at a pretty good clip. None of this slow motion BS. I didn’t get the brand, I didn’t get the price. But I couldn’t resist trying to saw down a couple of cat scratching posts and a wire dog cage. Women were starting to look at me funny. I didn’t care. I could have run around for an hour absolutely drooling mad with glee, cutting down everything in site. Wow. What a trip.

I spent a bit of time surfing them up, and found that toy chainsaws are actually fairly common. They range from the utter stupid blobs of plastic that don’t do anything, suitable for either very young children or very neurotic parents, through medium sized toys with varying degrees of realism and functionality, up to full sized repro movie props from the slasher flicks. The movie props “sound great but are built for adult laughs. Not kid’s toys.

I could not find the saw I saw at Ocean State, see? So I found the two best ones on the market instead. Beat Black Friday by a week, and supercharge your little tyke come Christmas. Warning ... may have to send the little snot-dripper outside to play, as the sounds will get on mommy’s one remaining nerve in no short order.



Pick Number One:

Expensive, But It’s A Real Stihl

image

future Duluth Trading customer

Made by Stihl, available at Amazon. $47.90. 15.75" long. This one is about as realistic as they get, right down to the owner’s manual and the included spare blades and wrenches. Pity the idle sounds like a toy. Comes with a blade cover, a working pull starter, a volume control, and functional grip safety. Seems a bit small by adult standards, but when you’re 5 this thing is an armful. No helmet included, but some kits come with pretend safety goggles. Imported from Germany, it seems there are two versions of this toy out there. One version is bigger and vastly superior; that’s the one you want. Check out your local chainsaw shop, because they’re sold there too.



Pick Number Two:

Poulan Wild Thing Toy With Kit

image

At 19.5” long and $27.99 at Amazon, this one is a bit more of a toy, but the sound is better. And you get the helmet and gloves. And the toy saw is pretty large, hardly any smaller than a real one with a short bar.  I couldn’t find any really detailed reviews on this model.


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Posted by Drew458   United States  on 11/20/2015 at 08:50 PM   
Filed Under: • Fun-Stuff •  
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