BMEWS
 
Sarah Palin will pry your Klondike bar from your cold dead fingers.

calendar   Friday - November 20, 2015

why we win, sometimes

I was tagging along behind her at the Ocean State Job Lots discount store when I found it. Purely by chance, some previous customer had left this toy in the pet food section. It came in a brightly colored open box with “TRY ME” tags, batteries installed, and ready to go.

I’d never seen anything like it, but I admit, I do live under a rock. I picked the thing up, pressed the button, and was instantly 6 years old again. Horry Clap. This is the greatest, the MoFO GREATEST Christmas present you could give an active little fella with a bright imagination. 

It was a toy chainsaw.

This is what builds Americans.  Pure, concentrated AWESOME.

It came in a little kit with a cheeze-oid safety helmet that was so small it might fit a softball. Or a very small child. The toy itself was of medium detail; the brake bar neither moved nor did anything, the pull starter was cast on. The “blade” was a yellow rubber loop without teeth, instead having a row of tiny cups, like the polisher thing your dental hygienist uses, or like suckers from a really skinny octopus. There was no volume control, and there may not have been a hand grip safety. But when you pressed the start button, it made the right noises. Real ones. It sounded exactly like a little two stroke engine at idle. Exactly. And when you pulled the trigger, it let out a good loud rip, the proper sound of a chainsaw at work. And the rubber blade went around in the 9-10” bar at a pretty good clip. None of this slow motion BS. I didn’t get the brand, I didn’t get the price. But I couldn’t resist trying to saw down a couple of cat scratching posts and a wire dog cage. Women were starting to look at me funny. I didn’t care. I could have run around for an hour absolutely drooling mad with glee, cutting down everything in site. Wow. What a trip.

I spent a bit of time surfing them up, and found that toy chainsaws are actually fairly common. They range from the utter stupid blobs of plastic that don’t do anything, suitable for either very young children or very neurotic parents, through medium sized toys with varying degrees of realism and functionality, up to full sized repro movie props from the slasher flicks. The movie props “sound great but are built for adult laughs. Not kid’s toys.

I could not find the saw I saw at Ocean State, see? So I found the two best ones on the market instead. Beat Black Friday by a week, and supercharge your little tyke come Christmas. Warning ... may have to send the little snot-dripper outside to play, as the sounds will get on mommy’s one remaining nerve in no short order.



Pick Number One:

Expensive, But It’s A Real Stihl

image

future Duluth Trading customer

Made by Stihl, available at Amazon. $47.90. 15.75" long. This one is about as realistic as they get, right down to the owner’s manual and the included spare blades and wrenches. Pity the idle sounds like a toy. Comes with a blade cover, a working pull starter, a volume control, and functional grip safety. Seems a bit small by adult standards, but when you’re 5 this thing is an armful. No helmet included, but some kits come with pretend safety goggles. Imported from Germany, it seems there are two versions of this toy out there. One version is bigger and vastly superior; that’s the one you want. Check out your local chainsaw shop, because they’re sold there too.



Pick Number Two:

Poulan Wild Thing Toy With Kit

image

At 19.5” long and $27.99 at Amazon, this one is a bit more of a toy, but the sound is better. And you get the helmet and gloves. And the toy saw is pretty large, hardly any smaller than a real one with a short bar.  I couldn’t find any really detailed reviews on this model.


avatar

Posted by Drew458   United States  on 11/20/2015 at 03:50 PM   
Filed Under: • Fun-Stuff •  
Comments (4) Trackbacks(0)  Permalink •  
Page 1 of 1 pages

Five Most Recent Trackbacks:

Once Again, The One And Only Post
(4 total trackbacks)
Tracked at iHaan.org
The advantage to having a guide with you is thɑt an expert will haѵe very first hand experience dealing and navigating the river with гegional wildlife. Tһomas, there are great…
On: 07/28/23 10:37

The Brownshirts: Partie Deux; These aare the Muscle We've Been Waiting For
(3 total trackbacks)
Tracked at head to the Momarms site
The Brownshirts: Partie Deux; These aare the Muscle We’ve Been Waiting For
On: 03/14/23 11:20

Vietnam Homecoming
(1 total trackbacks)
Tracked at 广告专题配音 专业从事中文配音跟外文配音制造,北京名传天下配音公司
  专业从事中文配音和外文配音制作,北京名传天下配音公司   北京名传天下专业配音公司成破于2006年12月,是专业从事中 中文配音 文配音跟外文配音的音频制造公司,幻想飞腾配音网领 配音制作 有海内外优良专业配音职员已达500多位,可供给一流的外语配音,长年服务于国内中心级各大媒体、各省市电台电视台,能满意不同客户的各种需要。电话:010-83265555   北京名传天下专业配音公司…
On: 03/20/21 07:00

meaningless marching orders for a thousand travellers ... strife ahead ..
(1 total trackbacks)
Tracked at Casual Blog
[...] RTS. IF ANYTHING ON THIS WEBSITE IS CONSTRUED AS BEING CONTRARY TO THE LAWS APPL [...]
On: 07/17/17 04:28

a small explanation
(1 total trackbacks)
Tracked at yerba mate gourd
Find here top quality how to prepare yerba mate without a gourd that's available in addition at the best price. Get it now!
On: 07/09/17 03:07



DISCLAIMER
Allanspacer

THE SERVICES AND MATERIALS ON THIS WEBSITE ARE PROVIDED "AS IS" AND THE HOSTS OF THIS SITE EXPRESSLY DISCLAIMS ANY AND ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, TO THE EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF SATISFACTORY QUALITY, MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, WITH RESPECT TO THE SERVICE OR ANY MATERIALS.

Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:
  1. Keep a firm grasp of Right and Wrong
  2. Stay involved with government on every level and don't let those bastards get away with a thing
  3. Use every legal means to defend yourself in the event of real internal trouble, and, most importantly:
  4. Keep talking to each other, whether here or elsewhere
It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.

THE INFORMATION AND OTHER CONTENTS OF THIS WEBSITE ARE DESIGNED TO COMPLY WITH THE LAWS OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. THIS WEBSITE SHALL BE GOVERNED BY AND CONSTRUED IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE LAWS OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA AND ALL PARTIES IRREVOCABLY SUBMIT TO THE JURISDICTION OF THE AMERICAN COURTS. IF ANYTHING ON THIS WEBSITE IS CONSTRUED AS BEING CONTRARY TO THE LAWS APPLICABLE IN ANY OTHER COUNTRY, THEN THIS WEBSITE IS NOT INTENDED TO BE ACCESSED BY PERSONS FROM THAT COUNTRY AND ANY PERSONS WHO ARE SUBJECT TO SUCH LAWS SHALL NOT BE ENTITLED TO USE OUR SERVICES UNLESS THEY CAN SATISFY US THAT SUCH USE WOULD BE LAWFUL.


Copyright © 2004-2015 Domain Owner



GNU Terry Pratchett


Oh, and here's some kind of visitor flag counter thingy. Hey, all the cool blogs have one, so I should too. The Visitors Online thingy up at the top doesn't count anything, but it looks neat. It had better, since I paid actual money for it.
free counters