Monday - November 24, 2008

THE MEDICAL EXAM …. THIS WON’T HURT AND YOU’RE DOING FINE.  YEAH? LIKE HELL I AM

Part One:  THE EXAM.

Colonoscopy:
Something recommended for everyone over age 50, especially if there’s a family history of colon cancer.
I just wouldn’t want it done here in the UK again, if I have any choice. And I might not.  Nothing humorous about this subject but before I get into my experience with the procedure done here, I must say the following.

The Brit nursing staff and support people are top notch and more caring then are my fellow Americans. Hey, I am in a position to compare based on personal experience with the two.  So no offense is intended toward American nursing, where my experience after back surgery was dismal.  Now to be fair, my experience was in Riverside, Ca.  That was in ’91 and perhaps things have improved since then although the odds are against that.  And maybe while I had a bad time in Ca. things were the opposite say in Tulsa ,Ok. or San Diego. My experience at Baptist Hosp. in Nashville wasn’t exactly too affectionate either come to think about it.  But I have to tell you the Brit nurses are gold star performers and in spite of the scare stories about doctors mistakes and hospital infections, I tend to doubt that any nurses anywhere can match the care and concern and the training of the nurses here.  But there is a problem and it’s this.

Their guidelines regarding pain management, are as screwed up as a soup sandwich.  The very same people who write their asinine ONE SIZE FITS ALL MEDICAL REGS., also invented the famous submarine with a screen door.  This is the result of politicians getting into the micro-management of the health service.  Of course, this is all for your own good.  (Nanny knows best)

My exam was scheduled for 9am and by golly they don’t keep you waiting long.  In fact, unlike the hospitals and clinics back home, you don’t have to disrobe entirely and you can keep your shoes on.  In Ca. where last I had this procedure in ’04, they had me remove everything except socks.  I can tell you it was warmer doing it their way here.  A nurse even tied that silly hosp. gown that ties in back and is always too small or too open.  Mine wasn’t. They have you wrap a small sheet around your waist which makes you look like you’re wearing as dress.  Not that there was ever any doubt, but I would never have made a sexy looking female and my legs aren’t hot either.
So in I went to the torture dungeon.

I had a device stuck in my hand through which they administer the drugs for sedation and pain control.  Ouch.
You lay on your left side and they insert the camera and having had this done three times in the past, I had never experienced anything more then some discomfort.  Well, you’d expect at least that.  But I’d never had any pain.
Till this time.

I was told that the sedation wasn’t enough to put me to sleep (unlike USA), because the person doing the procedure might need to talk to me.  What? Was he gonna ask me for my opinion on the American election?  Oh, btw. The fellow doing the exam wasn’t the same doc who initially interviewed and examined me the month before this. But no matter.

For whatever reason, I sure felt the damn probe and I didn’t like it one bit let me tell ya.  Hmmmm.  I guess that proves I’m straight.  Whatever. The damn thing hurt like mad and I said so.  Unfortunately, their “guidelines” didn’t allow for any more pain killer or sedation.
Meanwhile he’s telling me stuff like, “you’re doing fine, you’re doing fine.”
Like bloody hell I replied.  Don’t you just hate it when you’re the one going through something and someone not feeling what you are tells you how well you’re doing.

So, I told him to stop the procedure, we were through, that’s it.
And he again told me that I was doing fine.

That’s when I lost it and said, “Get that fucking thing out of there. We’re done.”

I didn’t make any friends that day and the coffee and two dry and tasteless biscuits they give you after a long fast were pretty bad.  So much so that I didn’t drink the coffee or eat the biscuits. 

Some people just need more pain medication then others.  We are not all the same which the guidelines just do not allow for.

So then, how was your week?

Posted by peiper     on 11/24/2008 at 08:56 AM   
Filed Under: • Medical • Nanny State • UK •  
• Comments (5) • Trackbacks(0)  Permalink •  

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