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When Sarah Palin booked a flight to Europe, the French immediately surrendered.

calendar   Tuesday - April 03, 2007

Testicley Challenged?

MEMO
To: President George W. Bush
From: The Skipper
Subject: Growing testicles

George, by now you should have come to the realization that these Democrats in Washington have almost nothing in common with the Democrats in Texas with whom you worked so well when you were governor. Them good ol’ boys in Texas may have disagreed with you and yes, in a fit of temper, they ran away to Oklahoma and New Mexico to avoid having to vote on Republican legislation (of course that happened after you left to go to Washington), but you always managed to get along and work things out.

Now sir, these venomous varmints who call themselves “Democrats” in Washington are a breed apart. Some would say they are the spawn of Satan. I insist that would be an insult to Satan, sir. After six years of relentless attacks and obstruction, it should be as plain as the nose on your face that (1) they hate your guts, (2) they want to run you out of town with your tail tucked between your legs, (3) they think they’re winning so it’s only going to get worse, and (4) by all appearances, it looks to me and the American people that you’re letting them win.

Now, here’s what I want you to do: when you hop in the shower tonight, take a moment to pause and look down between your legs. Right there below “Mr. Happy” you should see a bag with two stones in it. These are testicles, sir. If they are missing, we’re already in deep kimchee, if you know what I mean. After 9/11 we all thought you had a big brass pair down there. We may have been wrong. Please check.

Find them? If they are not readily visible, here is what you need to do: (1) have Ted Kennedy, John Kerry, Harry Reid, John Murtha, and Nancy Pelosi clapped in irons and frog-marched off to prison, (2) tell the rest of the Democrats in Congress to go piss up a rope, (3) unleash the IRS on Cindy Sheehan, Sean Penn, Jane Fonda, Susan Sarandon, Michael Moore, Rosie O’Donnell and Code Pink, (4) give the CIA orders to “take out” George Soros, (5) nuke Teheran and Pyongyang, (6) go on national TV and tell the rest of the world “your move?”.

If you do all that you will be surprised to note that your cojones have grown to basketball size and are now made of industrial grade steel. America will once again be safe from enemies within and without. You will be remembered as the savior of American democracy. And you can retire back to Texas and have a few beers with the “good” Democrats down yonder, safe in the knowledge that your pair beat their flush in the biggest game of Texas Holdem ever played.

Respectfully,
The Skipper


Kick Me?
Bush needs to fight back
by William Kristol
(WEEKLY STANDARD) - 04/09/2007, Volume 012, Issue 29

imageimageAn experienced Republican operative of our acquaintance--normally a man of sanguine disposition--said it all last week. After denouncing the amazing irresponsibility of the Democratic Congress, after lamenting the refusal of much of the media to report progress from Iraq, after noting the apparent incompetence of the attorney general, after wondering why the secretary of state seems to be making herself irrelevant--he came as close as he ever does to exploding. “But all this doesn’t matter. It’s really about Bush. Doesn’t he understand he’s walking around with a ‘Kick Me’ sign on his back?”

Surely President Bush must realize that the Democratic Congress is not merely struggling with him over policy, or jousting for political advantage. The Democrats in Congress are trying to destroy his presidency. They are trying to cripple his ability to govern for the rest of his term. And they are not far from succeeding. Will Bush fight back?

This does not mean defending everything his administration has done indiscriminately, of course. It may be, for example, that Attorney General Gonzales and Deputy Attorney General McNulty should go. Then get rid of them now. Appoint strong conservatives to replace them. And insist on their prompt confirmation.

Senate judiciary chair Pat Leahy threatened last week to hold up any such confirmation until his committee had access to testimony from Karl Rove. Why do the Democrats want Rove to testify? The Senate Democratic whip, Dick Durbin of Illinois, gave the game away in a recent interview with the Chicago Sun-Times’s Lynn Sweet. Durbin explained that he wants Rove to testify so he can be forced to answer questions about “how much did the president know” and what did he do. Durbin wants to destroy the possibility of confidential communications between the president and his White House staff.

And that’s not all. If Rove were to be sworn in as a witness, Durbin continued, the committee would want to know, “What else was Karl Rove doing when it came to other activities, departments of the government?” In other words: Democrats want a fishing expedition. Bush needs to be unequivocal that his White House aides will not testify. And if Leahy holds up confirmation hearings for the nominee for attorney general--if there is one--Bush needs to make his man acting attorney general in the meantime, rather than allowing Democrats to impede his ability to govern.

There is much else that Bush could do to show strength and remoralize his supporters. He could pardon Scooter Libby--now. When his top communications aide, Dan Bartlett, leaves, Bush could replace him with someone aggressive and conservative. And he could order his administration to battle for its initiatives and its people.

Here’s a small but revealing example of the current situation. Last week, the White House withdrew the nomination of St. Louis businessman and philanthropist Sam Fox to be ambassador to Belgium after John Kerry threw a fit about Fox’s having given money in 2004 to the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth. Kerry tried to insist that Fox apologize for his donation. Fox, a man of stature and dignity, refused to pretend to be contrite. Kerry bludgeoned Senate Foreign Relations Committee Democrats into opposing Fox--which was not so easy, as Fox had wide and bipartisan support in Missouri and beyond. But the White House did nothing, and Democrats fell into line behind Kerry.

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Posted by The Skipper   United States  on 04/03/2007 at 10:22 AM   
Filed Under: • PoliticsSatire •  
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Not that very many people ever read this far down, but this blog was the creation of Allan Kelly and his friend Vilmar. Vilmar moved on to his own blog some time ago, and Allan ran this place alone until his sudden and unexpected death partway through 2006. We all miss him. A lot. Even though he is gone this site will always still be more than a little bit his. We who are left to carry on the BMEWS tradition owe him a great debt of gratitude, and we hope to be able to pay that back by following his last advice to us all:
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It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.

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Oh, and here's some kind of visitor flag counter thingy. Hey, all the cool blogs have one, so I should too. The Visitors Online thingy up at the top doesn't count anything, but it looks neat. It had better, since I paid actual money for it.
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