Monday - November 24, 2008

SO HOW WAS YOUR WEEK? GLAD YOU ASKED.  IT WAS BAD BUT IT GOT WORSE

PART TWO

SO HOW WAS YOUR WEEK? GLAD YOU ASKED.  IT WAS BAD BUT IT GOT WORSE.

I’m not sure I know how to use words well enough to describe the past week, which saw me off line and feeling like a dog.
When the doctor asked me how long I’d been feeling like that, I couldn’t resist answering, “Ever since I’ve been a puppy.”

The rule is start at the beginning but that rule doesn’t apply here.
So I am starting this saga with PART TWO, first.
And to be honest, it really wasn’t funny although I suppose reading it might cause a giggle or two.  That’s because it didn’t happen to you.

On Thurs. Nov. 20th I had a Colonoscopy. No big deal really and millions of people over the age of 50 have had the experience.  Anyway, it’s the preparation for the exam that’s the pain in the butt really.  Or it’s supposed to be. But I’m way ahead of myself.  That’s part one.  Let me tell ya about Part two.

AFTER THE EXAM

My wife picked me up after an exam at the hospital and we were home by 11:am.  By noon or thereabouts, something very strange was taking place.
Sort of a Kafka like experience except it wasn’t all of me turning into something else.  It was an appendage attached to my face.
Guys will get a handle on this quicker then any lady reading same.

So picture this fellas.  Had to use the loo (bathroom) and there I am standing over the bowl and my aim true when, my nose disappeared and in it’s place was a faucet.  With one hand below the water line and the other furiously trying to wipe the water running down my face with my sleeve, this was becoming a circus.  My eyes were watery and my nose was just leaking water like a tap was stuck open on slow but steady leak.

When I managed somehow to finish there, I came downstairs thinking it was all over. I sat at the table with a magazine when suddenly there were droplets on the page.  It had started again only now in addition to watery eyes, my right eye was actually dripping water down my cheek while my faucet/nose was dripping over my lip.  Add a damn headache to all of the above.

Pretty soon I’m blowing the old nose as well and I went through three boxes of man sized Kleenex and a large roll of toilet paper.  It wasn’t too long before the area under the nose was raw from all the wiping and so after each act of trying to clear a stuffy nose, I was putting Vaseline there.  How the heck can one have a stuffy plugged up nose when it’s leaking water at the same time?

How would I know.  Am I a doctor?  So I thought I would wait out Thursday and if things didn’t get better, I’d call my doctor Friday morning. 

As if all this wasn’t bad enough, I couldn’t sneeze.  I still can’t, but thankfully that tickle that says you are about to is gone for now.
Yeah, no kidding.  There was a constant tickle way up the nose and it was nerve wracking because it was telling me to sneeze.  I’m certain if I could have, I’d have felt better.  But I just couldn’t and the tickle kept coming back again and again.

I just couldn’t stay up and so went to bed with another box of Kleenex and took some Sinex for the stuffy nose thing.  That helped. But I also discovered something.

As long as I was laying prone or propped up reading in bed, the runny nose thing eased off quite a bit.  However, each and every time I got out of bed say to use the bathroom or come downstairs for a snack, it would start to run again.  In fact, it would start before I actually stood up.  Soon as feet hit the floor and I was in a sitting position, the water would run downhill.

SO.

Friday morning and with no change in the situation I called the doctors office, (referred to as a surgery here).  My doctor was in but he wasn’t making call backs that day (?) which is ok because first of all I don’t much care for the doctor I was assigned to, and anyway I haven’t seen him for 8 months.
I was told the duty doctor would call me back, and she did within a half hour of my call.

I told her everything I have written here (except that I didn’t care for my assigned doctor. I didn’t think she’d wanna hear that especially as he’s the senior saw bones there) and she said that there were some weird colds going around “at the moment” but she’s never encountered anything like what I was describing.  She also suggested that it was possible that I’d picked up a hospital born viral infection, and there wasn’t really anything she could do for me, even if I were seen by her.  She further suggested I might want to rub some Vicks on my chest.  Well I might not actually.
Finally, she said to “call back in a few hours if things didn’t improve.”
Huh?  What did she imagine they’d be able to do then?  An autopsy?

Stay Tuned:  THE EXAM, Part One coming shortly ...

Posted by peiper     on 11/24/2008 at 08:36 AM   
Filed Under: • Medical • Nanny State • UK •  
• Comments (1) • Trackbacks(0)  Permalink •  

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It's been a long strange trip without you Skipper, but thanks for pointing us in the right direction and giving us a swift kick in the behind to get us going. Keep lookin' down on us, will ya? Thanks.

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