Thursday - November 04, 2010

Simply Mind Blowing

The security precautions for the trip that God Emperor of Dune Obamasiah The One POTUS Dude is taking to India are just so far over the top it defies belief. If it’s that freakin’ risky for him to be there, DON’T GO! And now we have this. Horry clap. I wonder how many million dollars it’s going to cost us????

It could give a sense of superior American organisation, or be an indicator of a deep-set persecution complex. It could also be a manifestation of Uncle Sam’s penchant for a show of strength.

The matter pertains to US president Barack Obama’s planned visit to Mani Bhavan —the Gandhi museum — on November 6, soon after he reaches Mumbai. On Monday, US secret agents visited the museum to plan Obama’s security detail.

They were accompanied by officers of Mumbai Police and civic officials of the D ward (where Mani Bhavan is located). While inspecting the route and the buildings lining up the route to the museum, the Americans detected a skyscraper near Peddar road and also found the area to be highly populated.

Since it is difficult to monitor such a congested area, they came up with a quick solution which left the Indians accompanying them amazed: A bomb-proof over-ground tunnel — to be installed by US military engineers in just an hour.

The tunnel would be a kilometer long and measure 12ft by 12ft — enough to let Obama’s cavalcade pass through. The tunnel would be centrally air-conditioned, fitted with close-circuit television cameras, and will be heavily guarded at every point, including, of course, its entry and exit.

Details about when exactly the tunnel would be made were not forthcoming. But officials said that the structure would be dismantled immediately after Obama leaves the area.

Several officials from the White House and US security agencies have been in India for the past couple of weeks with helicopters, a ship and high-end security systems, preparing for the visit. While security is a major concern, Americans aren’t convinced about the costs involved.

Delhi’s police are to build 30-feet towers in jungle surrounding President Obama’s hotel to protect him from terrorist attacks during next week’s visit, and also shield from an invasion by the city’s most persistent threat – monkeys.

The jungle opposite the president’s suite at the exclusive ITC Mauriya Hotel is part of the city’s Ridge forest which is home to many of the monkeys which terrorise the capital.

Tribes of the red-bottomed bhandar monkeys regularly overrun government office compounds, bite through expensive computer cables, attack people carrying food and cause general mayhem.

Local newspapers regularly report the latest victims of the ‘monkey menace’ but while officials are usually reluctant to take action against them – they symbolise the Hindu monkey God Hanuman – this time they are taking no chances.

Alongside heavily armed antiterrorist commandos, trained monkey-catchers will also be deployed.

“We will deploy commandos, snipers and even monkey catchers to ensure his safety,” a police officer told The Hindustan Times.

UPDATE: And coconuts. I should have mentioned that too!

Coconuts removed in India ahead of Obama visit

Officials in the Indian city of Mumbai (Bombay) have taken extraordinary measures to protect US President Barack Obama ahead of his visit. In their effort to provide maximum security in the run-up to his visit on Friday, they have removed coconuts which may fall on his head from trees.
...
All coconuts around the city’s Gandhi museum have now been cut down, an official told the BBC.
...
“We told the authorities to remove the dry coconuts from trees near the building. Why take a chance?” Mani Bhavan’s executive secretary, Meghshyam Ajgaonkar, told the BBC.

Am I the only one who is starting to feel that this clown is the laughingstock of the entire world? Heaven forbid that His Exaltedness had to be driven past actual people in his BarackMobile, so he brings a portable tunnel? With air conditioning? He needs guard towers to protect him from monkeys? He sees coconuts as a threat? WTF?? Will the sight of an out of place paper clip cause him to wet his pants? Will the Secret Service have to seek out postage stamps and wrestle them to the ground?

I bet if Putin came for a visit, he’d ask for double extra coconuts. And then go off on an elephant to hunt tigers and monkeys. With his crossbow. Bare-chested. And get 5 of each. With only 2 arrows.
Fuck.

Posted by Drew458     on 11/04/2010 at 11:05 AM   
Filed Under: • Miscellaneous •  
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